Eating Disorder? Or just stubbornness?

[ilovetolive]

I have a 7 1/2 year old girl coming to my dayhome. This is her second year and I was hoping to see an improvement in her eating, but not so far. This girl refuses to taste or try anything new. For example, the only cereal she will eat is fruit loops. She has never tried any other kind, so i tried to get her to taste one plain cheerio. She finally put the cheerio on her tongue (after 30 min at the table) then just started crying and spit it out before she could even taste it. She absolutely refuses to try even a tiny little taste. She won't eat any milk products (milk, yogurt, ice cream, pudding) but she also admits that she has never tasted them either. She won't eat any kind of soup, and has never tasted it. She seems to live on white bread, peanut butter, and cookies. The only vegetable she will eat is carrots, and the only fruit is apples.
She decides that she doesn't like something based on the way it looks. I can understand that in a three year old, but not almost eight years old! Is this just stubbornness? or some sort of disorder?
I keep thinking of suggesting to her mom that maybe she needs some help, but haven't decided if it is my place to say something.

[torontokids]

It sounds behavioural not a disorder. If the parents are supporting her eating habits at home then you can only do so much at d.c. I would ask the parents about her eating habits at home and what their approach is to nutrition. Is she body conscious or make comments about what others are eating?

[JennJubie]

It sounds behavioural to me as well. My son has issues, one of which being Aspergers, and there are times when getting him to try something new is about as pleasant as pulling teeth. The only way I get him to try new things is to offer new foods over and over. Also I assure him that if he tries it and truly does not like it, I will not force him to eat it. Over time he's discovered more foods that he likes, and it becomes easier to have him try new foods because he realizes that he won't hate everything he tries.

Sometimes kids with behavior issues are very intimidated by trying new foods. It's possible she has texture issues, too. But as torontokids said if her parents are not working on this at home, you are fighting a losing battle. Problems like this are tackled through consistency and her parents have got to be on the same page.

I also would sit down and talk with her parents. What are her eating habits like at home?

[ilovetolive]

No, she doesn't appear to be body conscious. She is very thin, but tall for her size, so she must be getting enough calcium (her parents give her orange juice with calcium) Her older sister will try anything and doesn't have any eating issues. Her parents admit that she won't try new foods. I think her parents have given up on getting her to try foods. Her mom told me that the only thing she will eat at xmas/thanksgiving/easter dinners is a plain bun and nothing else. They rarely eat out because their daughter won't eat anything at the restaurants except bread.

[sunnydays]

This is crazy! If I were them I would leave her at home with a babysitter and go out to eat without her. Why should the entire family suffer because of her pickyness? This child is running the entire family! The parents need to take charge and stop catering to this kind of ridiculous behaviour! Stop serving her the things she likes and allowing her to fill up on juice and bread. Serve healthy foods only and if she eats she eats, if not she goes to bed hungry. Guaranteed she will not starve to death. Once she realizes she isn't going to be offered an alternative, she will start eating what is offered. No coaxing, threatening, rewarding, punishing for eating. Simply do not offer alternatives. This child is going to end up with a serious illness like diabetes or nutiritional deficiencies and it will be her parents' fault for letting her decide what she eats.



No, she doesn't appear to be body conscious. She is very thin, but tall for her size, so she must be getting enough calcium (her parents give her orange juice with calcium) Her older sister will try anything and doesn't have any eating issues. Her parents admit that she won't try new foods. I think her parents have given up on getting her to try foods. Her mom told me that the only thing she will eat at xmas/thanksgiving/easter dinners is a plain bun and nothing else. They rarely eat out because their daughter won't eat anything at the restaurants except bread.

[momofnerds]

yes its the parents. Its called laziness. I have a dcg like this too. she's younger. I guess its easier to feed junk then to make a child eat. I have no idea what to do either.

[MonkeyMamma]

I have to say reading some of these replies, I am so happy for those of you who have never had a child of your own with issues around eating. As daycare providers we do spend a lot of time with our dc children, however, we still have not walked a mile in our dc parents' shoes.

I am a dc provider, but I am also a parent who has a child for whom eating has been a struggle since day ONE of his life. Luckily, he enjoys lots of foods now at 2 1/2, but there were DAYS where he would barely eat. Were we lazy, NO? A vast part of our life revolved around trying to get our son to eat. During that journey we learned of several issues that were adding to his feeding struggles...physical issues that you could not see, and could have easiliy be contributed to behaviour.

It would have broken my heart to have been called lazy. I love this board for being able to seek and give advice, but please remember, these forums are also viewable by parents (maybe some of our dc parents are even here). I think we can ask for advice in a professional manner without finger pointing.

I would sit down with the dc parents and have a conversation to find out what they have tried. If they have spoken to anyone about their eating habits, and how they feel about their daughters' eating.

I am sorry if this came off as harsh, and it is not just related to this posting in particular. I just think we need to always keep in the back of our minds that we are professionals and we never know who may be reading our posts and the effect they may have. <3

[Momof4]

Children know how to manipulate, plain and simple. Busy parents who are run off their feet tend to cave into their children's demands to get through their day. I was that Mom! I admit it! We should have our own support group, Busy Mom's Anonymous! I worked all day at the office, drove home to starving children, had to get them to all their activities, then bathed and into bed and start getting ready for the next morning with lunches, laundry and tried to fit in a couple of hours of sleep. Of course the children got their way once in a while and manipulated me and after they turned 20 they admitted to a lot of things I still wish I didn't know about. Ugh, teenagers. A whole new story.

Anyway, I don't like it when people judge others so when I have a picky eater in the daycare I talk to the parents daily about the food issues. I had a little boy for 3 1/2 years who wouldn't eat food that touches like a casserole or meatloaf. I have a little girl who only eats about 5 veggies but I keep trying things and the Mom and I talk about it often, she's trying too. I have a new baby who doesn't like fruit, but last week she eventually ate some apples, then some pears, then some bananas and her Mom was flabbergasted because it's the first fruit she's eaten in her life!

So I tailor my menu to the foods I know the children like as much as possible but it's going to be all home made, nutritious food with all the food groups involved every single day and they are going to get used to eating what I put in front of them without question. I give them small amounts and then they can have more if they want more and I'm not scraping a whole plateful of food into the garbage, just 1/2 a plateful.

This can turn into a real problem, been there done that, even with my own children. I learned a trick of pulverizing veggies and hiding them into meatloaf and mac n cheese and pasta dishes, etc. I don't ever cave into my dckids, but I can completely understand why the parents cave in.

[playfelt]

It is also important not to give up too early in that they say it can take severl - 20 - 50 times for some kids of looking at, smelling or maybe even trying a food before they determine that it is ok. That is a lot of tossed food for sure and a lot of hungry tummies while they make up their minds. The trick is finding that balance between new food on the plate and one thing they do like.

Yes there are some true food fetishes out there that kids develop but more of them are from lack of exposure to new foods, textures, expectations - ie no alternatives till next meal. That means fine if child doesn't eat lunch then make sure snack is something they like - not give them double servings but make sure they at least get something they will eat. So they barely get enough nutrients for the day, they get to be fussy and you don't cave and hopefully the phase passes.

[Crayola kiddies]

I remember a post by Reggio which was about a child who only ate chicken fingers and about three other items and the child ended up with major health issues one if them being diabetes .... I think I would google this issue and find out the long term effects and then open a dialogue with the parents and give them the information .... Cause they may not realize the long term effects and maybe they can push a little harder. For my own kids if they leave the table with out eating it becomes their next meal. No exceptions !

[Momof4]

Crayola, I've heard that story about the chicken fingers many times, I think she read that somewhere. I have actually done what you mentioned too, saving lunch in the fridge and pulling it out for afternoon snack with a picky eater. If they are hungry enough they will eat it.

Playfelt is right, if a child sees the same thing on their plate over and over I've had children who all of a sudden start eating it too. I like to think I'm more stubborn than the child!

[mamaof4]

its rare but i have heard of some kids who have this issue. in the US you can get feeding therapy- is that an option?

[MonkeyMamma]

My son saw an occupational therapist at CHEO for an assessment. I believe feeding therapy would be carried out by an OT here.

[Skysue]

I think that if we make eating to become emotional than these kids tend to get stressed out and just plain won't eat. If it were my daycare I wouldn't offer fruitloops. Offer the child only healthy options and have a reward if they eat all there lunch.

My daycare kids get to have a glass of chocolate milk ( babies and toddlers excluded) at quiet time if they eat all of there lunch. My extremely stubborn eater looks forward to this treat but knows she must eat all of her lunch. I don't compromise this with any of my kids. A few have gone without but it was there choice and It gives them a sense of control.

I don't get emotional if my picky eater takes one bite of her food its her choice. I also have narrowed it down to 5 things she will eat for lunch and yes I make her a separate lunch from the rest of the group but 99% of the time if she picks it she will eat it. All choices are healthy, I know some of you would never do this but for me I have realised that if I try and force her she just gets so upset and shuts down.

This gives her since of control but with healthy options. She's usually the 1st to ask when do we get to have some chocolate milk.

P.S Before some of you cringe we don't eat sweets except for on chocolate chip cookie Friday. I love giving my kids something to look forward to at the end of the week.

[ilovetolive]

I know her parents are smart and educated, but they have caved with regards to getting her to try new foods. I can understand why, after trying myself to get her to TASTE something. I know it isn't texture, because the food that she does eat is of many different textures. What concerns me is her stubborness to even taste a tiny bit of the food offered. She sees the other kids going crazy over food like chocolate pudding, or watermelon, or fruit shakes. BUT she will not taste it, no matter how much the other kids tell her how good it tastes. Her reaction to the plain cheerio (bawling after the put it on her tongue) makes me wonder if she has some physiological issues with food.

[John_Frost]

It may be behavioural and leaving as it is for now and thinking that it will change with time or can be changed it later can something serious. My little brother had similar issues and he was left alone and feeding him just the things he liked. Later on as he grew his eating became disorderly. He got so addicted to similar type of food and didn't try out normal food and he started to put on a lot of weight and his health grew bad. My parents looked for many solutions and at last they've decided for any counselling and got him to Bellwood Health Services, Toronto. I am not mentioning this to scare the parents here but just to make them aware that don't make excuses not to feed children the food they need to have at this age. Believe me it is hard to get rid of bad habits.

[Secondtimearound]

I have a dcg same age and the same problem . Pop tarts with strawberries was the 'healthy ' breakfast . At first I didn't say anything , I have her 2.5 yr sister so I started with her . She had never eaten oatmeal , so I fed her what I fed my own dd . Dcm would send them with every packaged food you could imagine and about 3-4 cookie and crackers fruit roll ups ugh so when my own dd started wanting it ( she had never tried fruit roll ups) I just left her snacks in the backpack and 3 months later she eats pretty much what I'm serving !! She even likes brocoli !!
I
Dcm sent 3 fruit for snack today , and I'm still trying to suggest veggies but a vast improvement over all !!!
I'm not sure with your dcg the crying after trying something new seems abit extreme given her age . I think I would put out lunch as planned and let her decide if she would like to eat or not . Maybe the less made of it would be better .

[mickyc]

I am blessed with a picky eater as well. My daughter does not like meat (unless it is ground) and won't eat much vegies. It is so frustrating. We have had many a fight at the kitchen table. It is slowly getting better. I am very strict and yes I do force her to try the food or she must go to her room until she is ready to eat. I found what vegies she will eat (raw celery, peas or corn) and we eat those most of the time. Every once in awhile I do something new and she MUST try it.

When it comes to daycare I usually just make things I know the kids (and my daughter) will eat. If the food doesn't get eaten when I serve it then it comes out again for the next meal. My rule is what I cook is what I cook and if you don't eat then you do without (and get fed the same thing the next meal). Seems to be working.

I would maybe take some focus of trying new foods. Put the food in front of her. If she doesn't eat then take it away and serve it again next meal. No talking about it, nothing. She either eats what you serve or goes home hungry. It isn't as if you aren't offering her food. When she is hungry then she will eat.

[momof2_boys]

There are deeper issues sometimes with picky eaters. I know because I am one. I have been since I was a baby (or so I've been told by my parents). I wasn't being manipulative or any thing and I didn't grow out of it either. Obviously not every picky water has an eating disorder but I think it would be wise to keep the possibility in mind. Up until maybe a month ago, I couldn't eat onions without putting them through a blender so that I couldn't feel the texture of bitting into a piece of onion. And even now, I dice them up really small and add less than the recipe calls for because I could taste the onion too much. I don't like certain foods touching each other. When I was younger I would gag while being forced to eat casseroles or scalloped potatoes. To this day I cannot eat anything with mushrooms. I actually loose my appetite if I think I'm going to eat any thing with mushrooms in it. I can't even eat meat off a bone because in the past I've chewed off accidentally cartilage or something non-meat. I'm much better now than I was when I was younger, I used to also only eat bread, pickles and uncooked carrots at holiday meals. I've tried a lot of things but the list if things I do eat is much easier to list than the stuff I don't like or get very nervous about trying. So it's not always a choice of not trying something, sometimes it's a lot more than just that.