Vent

[Skysue]

This business is so degrading sometimes, I have been stewing about this for 10 days and need to get it off my chest.

I have a potty training method that I swear by as it has worked for a friend who has 5 kids plus my own DD and 4 of my daycare kids.
I shared my method with my daycare parents.

One of my daycare Mom's is starting to train her little one this week and she told me a friend gave her a 40 page document on how to potty train. With the main focus being allowing the child to tell you when they have to go and it's supposed to take 3 days? I haven't heard the success rates? To me everyone is entitled to use whatever method they choose but she came out and said to me 3 times in the same conversation its a 40 page document.

I just said I haven't read the document but I can only offer advice on my own experience and based on everyone who has used my suggested method all have had success.

I think I just feel devalued as I clearly don't have a phd in potty training.

I'm smart, extremely patient, I have a lot of skills in the business sense of the world, I have a great education, I love kids, I can change a diaper, disfuse an argument, all at the same time.

Yet I constantly get made to feel like all I am to my clients is a babysitter. I had one of my Mom's recently be little me for not being able to effectively teach my DD how to swim. We opted to get her private lessons, due to her intense fear of water. She said to me"teaching swimming is easy, it's just as basic as daycare."

P.S I chose to do this profession so I could be home for my DD and husband and because I know I'm making a difference to my daycare kids lives. I think I feel better now for venting. To all who read this thanks for being there!

[treeholm]

Well, I have an MBA and 1/2 a PhD and toilet training is still beyond me! It was a horrible experience with my daughter and my granddaughter. My sons seemed to do much better, but I also waited with them until they were almost three. I have great respect for you if you have developed a method that works! Don't let someone else make you feel devalued just because they have a document that they trust more than a person... it's classic for us academic types LOL!
Oh, and I'm glad to know that teaching swimming is as basic as daycare... both are actually quite complex, and despite having been a competitive swimmer in my youth, all three of my children learned to swim in lessons at the YMCA (and we have a pool, so it would have been convenient for me to teach them).
Chin up.... you KNOW you are doing a great job!

[BlueRose]

so that's one page on potty training and 39 pages of B*llsh*t lol (sorry I couldn't help myself)
Parents can use what ever method they want at home, but in your daycare you use your method and rules. You and the parents can work together, to find a common ground that will work best.

[playfelt]

The problem with letting the child tell you when they need to pee is that it starts to become a game and they ONLY have to pee when you say it is clean up time or you just sit down to feed the baby or you start an activity they are least intersted in like a story - ie your attention is not on them so they know they can get your undivided attention by yelling "pee". That is one of the biggest reasons why I insist on pullups during potty training is so that I stay in control of my day. We try potty at my convenience and regularly with the idea if a child can't hold it for the full hour then they are not ready for underwear anyways so will stay in training mode. They will come to be able to hold it and go at strategic times that are normal transitions for the group which saves a ton of time. Think about having three potty training which means 20-30 minutes per hour spent in the bathroom by the time they sit, try, wash, etc. There is more to daycare than potty training. It can not be the focus for more than a few days and if not working is put off to try again in a few weeks.

[mimi]

Skysue, you can not take what this woman says personally. People who give underhanded verbal jabs have a not so hidden feeling of hostility/anger. Their jabs are about them, not you. She may feel anger because she is not home to care for her child or has other issues of insecurity and you are the one who she targets to make herself feel better.

I have one of these parents. She says little things to her 31/2 child which are attempts to undermine my authority with her child. They sound innocent enough, but I have lots of experience working with women and I know a catty/hostile remark when I hear it. I do not give her the attention she obviously wants when she makes these remarks. I consider the source and am glad I'm not like that.

So please, do not take what she says to heart. YOU know what works, you have experience enough to know what doesn't so leave the snide remarks at the feet of the woman who made them. Do not give her permission to make you feel bad. And Really, 40 pages??? Some people love to take the hardest/slowest route to an achievement so they feel like they have accomplished something.

[michellesmunchkins]

I have read the 3 day potty training document that she's speaking of. It has worked for ONE daycare family that I have had and it has failed with ALL the rest. Personally, I wouldn't use it after reading it but could care less what families do at home. There is an entire page in it about making your daycare provider do it with you and I'm sorry but its just not something that I can do in my daycare with 4 other children. The document has you staying attached to your child (even sleeping on their floor) for 3 days straight. It has you getting up in the night to take them to pee, your not allowed to go out of the house for those 3 days. Not feasible in a daycare. I can't spend all my time with one child. I'm sure it will work for some, and the book says your child should be totally trained when they come back to daycare later...but...what daycare provider will just take a parents word that they are trained and just hope for the best at daycare. I won't allow a child into daycare without diapers until I SEE for myself that they can tell me when they need to go, hold it long enough to get there each and every time. (The odd accident is ok, but I'm not going to keep cleaning up pee/poop all day long) I'm sure I'll get flack for posting that I disagree with this method but it just wouldn't work for my family or my daycare. Both my kids were trained when THEY were ready (daughter right after 2nd bday and son just before his 3rd bday). I have trained TONS of daycare kids too when THEY were ready. Just my opinion though..

[michellesmunchkins]

Forgot to add if anyone wants to read it, I have it in an email that I can send to people. Just pm me email addresses

[sunnydays]

I don't care what method parents use at home and I will work with them to be consistent, but not if it is a method that is totally not feasable in the daycare setting. I had a family when i first started doing daycare who trained using a method similar to the one above and, being inexperienced, I let them bring her to daycare in underwear because they said she was trained. it was a mess! I can't tell you how many times I had to clean carpets, change poopy underwear etc. And the worst thing is the child started resisting and throwing huge fits, refusing to sit on the toilet. I let it go on way longer than I should have. Now, the child stays in pull-ups or training pants (waterproof) until I am sure they are trained. Each child and family is different and can use whatever method works, but there are some things I cannot do in daycare like letting the child go bare bottomed or leaving a potty in the playroom for them to use, etc. Let them try their 40 page method and see if it works...if so then you can tell them what you are willing to do to support it at daycare and what you cannot do.

[Skysue]

Thanks Ladies you all rock! BlueRose you made me laugh! Treeholm thanks for your perspective this Mom is the intellectual type so it's nice to see where she may be coming from. I will pm Michelle for the 40 page document as its worth the read to see what they have been doing.

This method I just found on line is very similar to the one I used and it worked for my DD in 5 days when she was 2 1/2 after 2 months she was even dry at night! http://www.livinghealthymom .com/how-i-potty-trained-my-kids-in-5-days-with-carob/


Playfelt I agree with you giving the little one all the control is not the best method especially when they haven't figured out full bladder control.

Mimi I am trying to not take it personal but It really feels insulting, this Mom doesn't work as she is on mat leave for baby #2 and her oldest is in daycare to socialize.

In my daycare with potty training little ones I set a timer every 20 minutes so I can remind then to go, when there playing they often try to hold it or forget and then it's clean up time! When we go outside they where a pull up! If they don't show signs of progress its right back to pull ups with the timer still going!

[Momof4]

Skysue, your 40 page document line made me laugh! Every child is completely different, so I guess they wanted to cover every kind of child, wow! There are no rules, no deadlines, no answers, we keep trying and trying until the child decides they are ready. At least that's my experience.

[mimi]

Mimi I am trying to not take it personal but It really feels insulting, this Mom doesn't work as she is on mat leave for baby #2 and her oldest is in daycare to socialize.

Funny, my insulting Mom is in the same position.

[Skysue]

Mini I wouldn't call this Mom insulting in the literal sense but I must say I just found it insulting that she chose a 40-page document over my 1 page? LOL

I do have one Mom that is! :( The one that said daycare is a basic skill set.

I just read the 40 pages and its freaking ridiculous as it expects you to fully potty train in 3 days plus it claims that your child will stay dry even over night? To me that just puts the child under crazy stress and not all toddlers’ bladders are fully devolved to handle a whole night of dryness. Just my 2 cents anyway! We will see I suppose!

[treeholm]

Skysue, never forget that we academics are very good at SOUNDING like we know everything LOL! It's all a crock... something I only discovered when I became a professor and realized that people with PhDs know a lot about SOMETHING, but not necessarily a lot about more than one small area. Not to belittle my colleagues and myself, we are knowledgeable in our area of research... but people seem to think that when you have an advanced degree you are better or smarter than the general population... SO NOT TRUE! It just meant we had the time, resources, and desire to study something.

[ladyjbug]

I do have one Mom that is! :( The one that said daycare is a basic skill set.


I find people that make comments like that have very low self worth. She's at home on mat leave and sending her kid to "socialize"? If she really is as smart and confident she would realize that there are several, less expensive ways for her child to socialize where she can be present and part of her child's experience. She could go to a drop in gymnastics class, or swim lessons! She could go to a playgroup and sip some coffee while her kids play. I am betting that she is having trouble managing two, and therefore is farming out her eldest's care to you while on mat leave. Therefore she feels the need to belittle you in order to make herself feel better about that decision. The fact is, parenting is a basic skill set. I find the ones that don't have it together are the clients most likely to make belittling comments to us, particularly if what we are doing, works.

[Skysue]

Hi,

I just wanted to send an update on potty training tots success, it worked and the little one was really trained over the weekend. The only down side of the training is that for 3 days you need to be right beside your child. If you are willing or can invest the time then I do see that it would be successful.

[Tot-Time]

potty training .... I can only say I've ever trained 1 child! My two girls day trained themselves at 18 months and were both night trained at 2 years old. They were in clothe diapers so they were able to take their diapers off and on as they wanted to use the potty and no accidents. I didn't do anything for the nights, I would put a diaper on them at some point before they fell asleep they took the diaper off and they were dry, I eventually just gave in and stopped putting diapers on them. Potty training daycare children seems to be a huge issue in my daycare. I completely leave potty training up to my parents and I only allow children to potty train here once parents have had success. If parents say there has been success then they are given 2 weeks and if there isn't any success I stop and then continue in about a month. If there is success then they can continue to be part of the 'potty train'. My daycare kiddies call the bathroom breaks they potty train.

One thing PlayFelt suggested is that children should be dry for 2 weeks before switching into undies at daycare.

I'll be the first to admit that I have no clue what to do when it comes to potty training. My daycare kids have their regular bathroom breaks and then I expect if they have to go between then to ask. I do let parents know when I believe their children are ready to be potty trained and most don't and I believe they miss that window of opportunity because they aren't ready. Thus once the parent is ready to train the child has no interest.

Oh and the one child I took over and potty trained for the parents was a 3 1/2 year old little lady who was just a stubborn little one, I was sure she could train if she wanted to, the mater was her wanting to. She refused to train, her parents tried for a year. I had her go directly into undies at daycare and she was old enough to understand that she wasn't to pee in her undies and sure enough, she didn't. But as soon as she got home, she had tons of accidents. Eventually, I started to tell her that she needed to be dry at home and gave her stickers here, she trained at home too, it just took her longer.

I wish my daycare families were able to train over a weekend, that would be so cool!

[sunnydays]

Thanks for the update! I appreciate that you were honest and let us know that it did work although you were skeptical. I think there are so many different ways of reaching the same goal and there is no one way that works for everyone. I have read about the three day method before and may try it when I have some time to be glued to my daughter LOL. She is taking forever!!!