Next Step?

[MichaelsMommy]

Hi All ! so not too long ago I had an annonysmus post posted about a screaming issue we are having here at day care. Over the last 3 weeks dcg has started screaming uncontrollably when she does not get her way, when she doesn't want to do something, or when the other kids don't share with her when she wants a toy right away. She will now scream, wait for me to look at her, and then look me right in the eye and scream even louder... I started using the "time-out" away from the group and it worked for a few days very successfully. Now, however she screams while in time-out away from the group...like repetitive high pitched squealing/screeching. We are mid way into a new week and the screaming has intensified in volume, and frequency. During yesterday's nap time non of the dcks could sleep as the screaming (not crying) was loud enough for everyone to hear. I called dcm who came immediately to pick up dcg because at I was concerned that there may be something wrong physically with like an ear infection or something else and that she should take her to the doctors for a quick check to make sure she's not sick. Anyways, at drop off today dcd was saying that mom and dad think this screaming could be due to teething, gas, or a new diaper rash that she has.....now I understand that no parent wants to hear that there child is having some issues, but this screaming has been progressively getting worse over the last three weeks and in my opinion, she isn't portraying any symptoms of illness that I can see (yes I know that I am not a doctor).......what is my next step? I have been dealing with this for 3 weeks now, and today I have stared to just ignore her frequent screams (harder to do than said!!) and it's been worse. We are a small home day care so a loud screamer is extremely disruptive...if she were in a larger facility with more children I'm guessing it would be more tolerable....I feel like I'm failing here an just want to have my pleasant day care, and my pleasant dcg back!! What would you do if time-out's, ignoring, nurturing stopped working and the screaming only got worse? Is it unreasonable for me to talk to the parents to set a date that we'd like to have resolved by and then consider having them source another day care facility if it's still continuing? :unsure:

[DisneyPrincess]

Wow you must have major headaches :( I had a baby last year that for 5 months she was non stop crying and that alone was more then I could take, everyday I kept telling myself ''this is it i'm giving the 2 weeks its just not working'' but it finally just stopped.

How old is she again ??

Hope I could help you more, but in that case, I wouldnt keep her since its just not working and with no help from the parents... that makes it even less tolerable.

[MichaelsMommy]

She is only 16 months....so can't communicate using words just yet which I thought could be the problem, but it's seeming more and more defiant now in the way she is screaming/skreetching. I know that this is also a problem at home, as both parents have communicated that with me. They are wonderful clients to have, and they seem be really happy with me too. Sadly enough she and her sister are my two full timers so having to let one go, means the other will go with her :(

[playfelt]

It is becoming a problem because it is getting results. You said in your message that child screams, waits to be acknowledged, and then screams even louder for effect. Unfortuantely ignoring the screaming is the quickest way to make it stop. If you want to get my attention find another more acceptable method please not screaming. With a child 2 and up they would be told to use their words. For 16 months that likely won't happen but instead of collapsing in a devestated heap on the floor they could come to you for attention or something.

The parents need to also realize that this is why the screaming is working and do the same at home. No attention when the screaming is at the loudest.

[jazmic]

Ouch. It seems like terminating would be a difficult option. I don't have any tips other than to say invest in some ear plugs for now. That will at least take the edge off and help you stay sane until you can find a permanent solution.

[MichaelsMommy]

Thanks playfelt - today is day one of ignoring the screaming and although it seems worse, I'm hopeful that with some time ignoring is the solution!

[DisneyPrincess]

Yes as funny as its sounds.. the ear plugs are a interesting solution. That way you could ignore her to the point of her getting exhausted from screaming... hopefully. Although the other kids in the daycare would suffer :(

Post to replace if you must and only when replace, terminate. If you want to keep them, .... gee's I dont even know what else to say :O

[playfelt]

Yes the screaming will get worse before it gets better but the louder it gets the more she is realizing it is no longer working which is actually a good thing - or at least you can look at it that way and maybe it will help in enduring it. Warning - didn't say it wouldn't take a week or two or three, .....

[treeholm]

One of mine was a screamer when she started... I actually gave her that nickname. I could not understand how she didn't end up with laryngitis from screaming at the top of her lungs for 2 hours at a time! I've never heard a child with such powerful lungs. Anyway, I ignored her and it stopped after just a couple of weeks. 6 months later, she is an absolute delight!

[momofnerds]

the minute she would start I would send her to time out or the screaming corner or whatever you want to call it. I would let them scream as much as possible, when they are done they can join your group. Rinse and repeat. Sometimes I have kids who finish screaming only to rejoin the group and scream again and back to time out. It will take a while, but consistancy will work.

[2cuteboys]

I worked as a behavioral therapist before this, and I'd take being spit on over screaming.

The key is consistency, and getting parents on board. If you have an extra płaypen, I'd set that up somewhere not within the direct line of sight of the playroom or wherever she does it the most (but where you can still discreetly monitor her). When it starts up, take her there immediately, without giving her any attention, even eye contact. Try to get the other kids to ignore her as well, not even to look. Like others have said, when she finishes take her out, tell her "you can ask nicely to get the toy" or whatever she was screaming about. Avoid saying "don't scream" instead, give her a behavior to replace the screaming with. Try to engage her to show her what appropriate behavior gets. And when she screams again start all over. Eventually she'll realize that screaming not only doesn't get her what she was after, it doesn't get her attention either. It could be that the screaming started with her not getting toys, but if she's noticed that it gets her attention and she might be after that now.

Remember that it will get worse before it gets better! When she first realizes that it's not working, she'll escalate to see if that works instead. Be firm and consistent! Encourage the parents to do the same, it'll make the process so much shorter and smoother for you.

Good luck! I hope this helps!

[gcj]

yeah, I was also going to recommend putting her in a playpen until she stopped. Although she doesn't talk she should understand a simple explanation, like you're going here because you're screaming. When you're done, I'll come back and get you.

I'm sure you can fix this and keep your 2 full-timers. I wouldn't be surprised if through the years, there are different phases of trying-to-get a reaction from her. I had one like that. She was overall a great kid, but had some brutal phases! The parents and I were always on the same page, and overcame each and everyone.

[MichaelsMommy]

Thanks everyone for all of your great responses! I've spoken with my husband (who is also growing very impatient of the screaming for the hour he's home during the day) and we are going to wait and see how the rest of the week plays out. Unfortunately the time-out method away from the group just didn't work (she started to just scream and screech after a week of it and no longer will quiet down within a reasonable time.) If the ignoring starts to work (fingers crossed) then great, but if not, I think on Monday I will email the parents and set a two week time frame for this to be resolved, and then at the end of the two weeks, if this behavior is continuing, I will give them 2 weeks to find alternate care for the kids. It's not fair to me, my family, and my other daycare kids to have to listen to this...it's already been 3 weeks (ish) since this behavior started and I think what I'm proposing is reasonable...if anyone thinks it's not please please please let me know!

[Spixie33]

Yikes.....so sorry to hear you have this issue. It sounds like a nightmare.

I would do what the others suggested...separate her as soon as she starts and do not even make eye contact with her until she stops.

Then go and have fun with the other kids or put on louder music and dance or do something that shows her she is missing the fun and do not let on that her screaming is bothering you at all.

I think not getting any attention or reaction will put a stop to it. People only do what works and if she sees you are not bothered and everyone is still having fun then she should hopefully learn that she is wasting her energy

[Fun&care]

What works on one child might not with another. Personally I'm not sure that separating the child would work. I've tried that with my daughter before, with the intention of waiting for her to calm down before bringing her back to play, but that NEVER worked. She would get even more upset and would not calm down within a reasonable amount of time. It just doesn't work for some kids. I think you should try giving her a short explanation as to what she needs to do or say instead of screaming, then if she continues, ignore her, go play with the other kids and pretend your just having a jolly ole time. It must be very hard tho, cheers to you :yes:

[Momof4]

16 months is young for a timeout but I agree with the playpen time without toys so she learns that what she is doing is completely unacceptable and that she can have fun again when she stops her tantrum. She's old enough to understand simple instructions and language and old enough to learn this behaviour has to stop.

Your poor head! Everytime we have a new baby who screams I feel really bad for all the other children in the daycare too and I tell the parents how unfair it is for ALL of us. If the parents are giving in to the child's every whim at home she's old enough to know that works and it will only get worse.