OMG>>>>NEVER SAW ALL THIS COMING maybe another lessoned learned

[mommylove]

So i am so upset I have had this lil girl for 1 year and everything seems to have come to an abrupt end :( I was closed yesterday due to sickness when I am closed dcm take dcg to a friends house the last time she did this she made a strange comment "My friend would love to do daycare, all she would need is one lil one" then went on to tell me how her lil girl and her friends lil girl get along so well.
Anyways this time at pick up she suddenly has a list of concerns I have never heard about before today here are some of them:
1. the amount of kids I will have in the summer (had the same amount last summer)
2. Pool in the backyard (I have always had a pool)
3.The bigger kids running over or bumping her child over (really)
4. That in case of an emergency I wouldnt be able to take her child to the hospital cause all the kids don't fit in my van (huh)
5.The park across the street has a busy road right by it (ya so do alot of parks)
6. that when the other kids start I wont read and do crafts with her kid anymore ( why wouldn't I)

None of these make any sense as she has been in my care for a year with no incidents and all these things were always apart of my care?

We have known each other for 2 years and are friend this is why I think all is going wrong I think her other friend has offered to watch her child at a cheaper cost (shes always concerned about money) My son adores her daughter and vice versa its really upsetting, she says she's not leaving that she just has concerns what would you do if a parent came to you with all of this suddenly?????

[playfelt]

Assume that the other lady is putting the ideas into her head in an effort to push her to change caregivers and that the lady is just as confused right now as you are. Options include doing nothing and see if it all just passes or at least don't be the one to bring it up again. Option two is to come right out and say who put the ideas in her head and see if you can get her to talk. Be fully prepared to put ads out there for a possible opening and see what comes up and then call her bluff as in if you are so concerned then do you need to leave or are you prepared to get over these hangups - worded better of course. Do not make deals with her to keep the child ie lowering fees or you will constantly being expected to compromise.

For sure there is something going on that would suddenly make these concerns surface now.

[Momof4]

Oh mommylove, I've just been through a similar experience with a new family who were here 3 weeks then gave me weird excuses and left. I'm shocked and amazed that people would be so rude and selfish and your situation is even worse because you have known the people for 2 years. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I hope we both get new families who deserve us!

[mommylove]

She pretty much said that I can only have 5 kids including my own 2 are my own and 1 is 6 and will have no one to play with for the entire summer then she said that my daughter is not her concern :( Im tired today no sleep lots of tears just sad and now questioning myself and everything she also said having new dcb cry all day effects her daughters mood, I explain thats part of transitioning and it get better. She pritty much complained about everything :( and I have never done anything wrong it just really sad and I am heartbroken.

[Crayola kiddies]

Well what are the laws where you live? I'm in Ontario and I am able to have 5 plus my own. So as long as I'm with in those parameters it's all good.

[mommylove]

Im in ontario too :( she asking a bit to much I think.......If a child cut themselves where they needed stitches what would you do?

[apples and bananas]

I would tell her that her concerns are valid and I'm happy to address all of them. She can either find time to meet with me about them so we can discuss and put her mind at ease, or she can email me and I can respond that way. All of those concerns are not going to be solved in one pick up or drop off.

[Wonderwiper]

Oh sweetie....never let a parent drive you to tears or lose sleep! Even if her concerns seem sudden or invalid to you, they are her concerns so respond to them in an appropriate business-like manner. You can be sure that you have a business relationship first before a friendship. Even though you are upset for your daughter, she is right that it is not her problem and she will look out for her own interests first, as should you. Get your ads up now.

[mommylove]

We already did meet and spoke for over an hour and I addressed all her concerns.....My problem is all the things that she is concerned about are things that have always been going on for the entire year that her child has been coming here and are invalid they have no backing at all. As far as my daughter goes I was explaining to her that im allowed 5 kids plus my own which puts me at 7 and she's asking that I drop 2 kids and sacrifice a enjoyable summer so that I can keep her child she shouldn't be concerned about my daughter but its not in the best interest of hers that my daughter not have anyone to play with as that make my day more unmanageable. So I asked her to keep her here until the summer (cause her concerns are only about the summer) so I have time to fill her spot and she has time to find a daycare that suits all her needs and requirements (good luck) and we can try our best to remain friend and do this in a way that everyone involve wins including the kids, she has yet given me a response and I am hoping for the sake of our friendship she will also see that its thee best solution for everyone involved.

[PattyCake]

......she's asking that I drop 2 kids and sacrifice a enjoyable summer so that I can keep her child......

She wants you to drop 2 kids? Is she going to pay you triple then for the lost income?

[treeholm]

It sounds like she really does want to leave and is looking for reasons to justify her decision. I'm sorry you are going through that. I don't have any way to transport a child to the hospital either. In case of a cut requiring stitches the parent would have to come! What do they think we would do? Leave the others alone and take one to the hospital? Take a van load of children to a germ-infested emergency department? Really??? If I were a parent, I wouldn't be too happy if my child were taken to the hospital to wait with another child who needed stitches. How on earth could you keep 7 children safe in an ER waiting room. All my parents know that in a serious emergency, their child would be sent in an ambulance for them to meet there. A minor emergency means they come right away and transport their own child.

[mommylove]

"My daughter is currently attending ******** daycare full time with ******. She has a very welcoming environment with lots of activities and a warm loving relationship with all the children who attend. My daughter has a blast with her son and has really blossomed this past year in her care. I can't say enough good things about this home daycare, it really takes the stress out of going back to work when you know your child will be loved and taken great care of throughout the day"
This is her exact review she gave me in january 2013 not long ago, she has complete changed her tune???????

[Artsand crafts]

Sorry you have to go through this. You get to love the kids you have in care and your case should be even more special if she is friends with your daughter. I think also the other provider is given her another picture of a home daycare, but what she maybe telling her it is unreasonable. We cannot full our cars with kids and head to the hospital in case of an emergency. We would be wasting valuable time. 911 needs to be called. They are trained and have equipment in the ambulance if needed. If the other provider is offering to take her daughter to the hospital in an emergency even if she is the only one in care I would be concern that she has no clue what to do in a emergency situation. The few times I needed to call 911 (do daycare kids related) they where at my door in about 5 minutes. How long would it take a provider to get trained people to take care of a kid if driving to the hospital?

[jodaycare]

I am sorry that she is treating you this way but she is being very unreasonable. You are operating within your legal limits and she has no right to tell you to lose income because it would suit her better. I also do not transport kids anywhere by car , I don't have a license but even if I did I wouldn't. In an emergency, I would call 911 then the parents, if it was not serious I would call the parents. I really hope you find an awesome family to fill the spot.

[mommylove]

Im just sad and confused its effecting me very poorly :( Im trying to just let it go but I can't. Guess I'm still a rookie here guys but this is too much for me i'm not handling it well at all :(

[daycaremum]

I know it is making you sad because she has blindsided you. It takes a long time in this business to not take things personally. She wants to leave for whatever reason and instead of just being honest she is making up excuses to make it seem like your fault. When this has happened to me in the past, I reviewed every complaint the parent had before they left and honestly asked myself if I felt it was a real problem and needed to change something. If the answer was yes, I could do better, I changed things (for my own benefit, not to suit clients), if the answer was no, then I carried on as usual. Over 13 years, I have only had 2 clients leave terribly. One wrote me a nasty letter and one berated me over the phone for 20 mins with her child in the background. So, I think to myself, 13 years, 2 clients crazy, all the other 20 something clients happy........who here has the problem, the crazies or me??? I think that question answers itself:)
I would ask this mom straight out if she will be taking her daughter to this other friend. I would also move forward and put this whole incident in the past. We can't make people behave and think what we want them to.

[bright sparks]

You need to pick yourself up and not let this person treat you like this. Hense why I never provide care for friends or neighbours, it never ends well.

If she is your friend as you say, I'd be inclinded to show her a copy of the review she wrote to you in January and itemize everything she has complained about in writing, addressing every issue and asking her why she has only just brought these issues up with you.

I would completely call her out because while she is well within her rights to question care, she is stepping over the line telling you how to run your business. Can I ask you why you want to keep this person onside to try and save your friendship? Friendship takes respect and if she respected you as a friend she would respect your business and policies and have the guts to be honest with you about where this is all coming from and that regretably she has decided to pull her child out. This person has zero respect for you and its up to you to stop her from treating you like this by not allowing her to treat you this way. I would give her one chance to be honest and open with me and I would very clearly call her out on what I think and then regardless, I'd have to say at this point I would let her go. You still have plenty of time to fill the spot for the summer.

What kind of friend treats you in a way that brings you to tears and what kind of business allows the client to play at being boss. You need to shut this down and be done.

[Fun&care]

The only thing you can do, is go over every one of her complaints with her and explain to her why you do things the way you do. Which you said you did. That's it. That's all you can do. If she wants to leave, she is free to do so. I know it's hard, but you have to toughen up. There are going to be clients like this. Try to think of it as business as much as possible, and not take it to a personal level. She is not necessarily criticizing YOU she is criticizing your BUSINESS. I find this helps me when I have a difficult client.

[Sandbox Sally]

It's normal for complaints to be taken poorly. You're not doing anything wrong. I personally had a family give notice yesterday stating that my rates are too high for them to afford me in the summer. I knew that it was something else, and I was worrying myself sick about it, and then realized that I really shouldn't care, because I've always given their kids nothing but my best.

Hugs. It must be doubly rough since she's a friend of yours.

[momofnerds]

its her friend who is putting things in her head. Now mom is trying to find a way to get out of your daycare. I had a mom who asked if I could get rid of 2 kids so I would have a smaller group, I added the fee for the drop kids and told her that she can pay that then. She shut her mouth quickly. If you already talked to her, then you need to ask her point blank,

dcm
"do you plan on leaving because then I will start to advertise to fill your dd's spot. Remember you need to give me 2 weeks notice of termination"

this will put the ball in her court and see what she says. Don't feel bad, because I bet you that friend won't last long.

[playfelt]

I find some of these issues do pop up as the child gets older and the dynamics in care change. She needs to be reminded that the other kids lived through the crying and adjusting her baby did and now it is payback time sort of thing.

I am also wondering what else is going on in her life. When a parent suddenly turns full circle like that there is often a reason - something going on at work, home, wider family issues. You might want to pursue that avenue and come right and ask her commenting that you are confused by her sudden change in attitude towards your daycare ( make it about daycare and not about you) and are wondering if there is somthing going on that is causing her additional stress and if there is anything you can do to help...that is when we find out things like parents are separated, grandparent had a heart attack or diagnosed with cancer, having financial problems, etc.