Biting

[sunnydays]

I have a child in my care who will be two in September and he has started biting others when he gets frustrated! At first it was just an incident or two, but today he did it three times! Luckliy today he didn't bite hard, but sometimes he does. I give him an immediate time-out, talk to him sternly at his level about biting, make him hug and apologize to the victim, but it doesn't seem to phase him...he doesn't seem to mind the time-outs and I don't think he actually gets the connection. Any advice on how to deal with biting?

[playfelt]

you need to deal with a biter by shadowing which means the child needs to stay beside you so that you are right there when he treatens to do it again. That means if you go to the bathroom he sits outside the door, if you are making lunch he reads a book sitting beside the fridge. He loses the privilege totally of playing alone in the playroom because he "hurts his friends". He will understand the word hurt. I don't usually bother with the apology part since it becomes just a routine and in a child's mind becomes a if I say sorry it doesn't matter. One of the biggest reasons for biting is lack of language. Remind him he needs to ask you for help if his friend doesn't understand him or has something he wants. But it is a phase that will pass so your job is to stay between him and the other kids which means prevention rather than only reacting after the fact. It does tend to be a short lived phase. Make sure the child is getting enough sleep and drinks. A thirsty child is a little menace,lol moreso than hunger. Since you sense it is from frustration work on vocabulary naming things in the room with the child.

[Skysue]

I have a child in my care who will be two in September and he has started biting others when he gets frustrated! At first it was just an incident or two, but today he did it three times! Luckliy today he didn't bite hard, but sometimes he does. I give him an immediate time-out, talk to him sternly at his level about biting, make him hug and apologize to the victim, but it doesn't seem to phase him...he doesn't seem to mind the time-outs and I don't think he actually gets the connection. Any advice on how to deal with biting?

Hi,

Time out's don't work for every child, how about taking a privledge away. Losing his favourate toy for the day or not allowing him to take part in a favourate activity might be a clear motivator!

God luck!

[sunnydays]

playfelt: you are absolutely right about the lack of language...this little one is a bit slower to develop his language and his words are not clear and he cannot express what he is feeling. I have been working on it with him and his parents have taken him for a speech assessment as well and that is in the process still. I never leave him alone with others in the playroom anyway as he also tends to climb on top of others the moment I leave (lol), also he is quite clingy and also shawdows me most of the time. However, when I am changing a diaper or helping another child with something, it can happen so quickly! I will try to keep him closer to me as you suggested (I'm sure that won't bother him as he likes to follow me). As my kids are all small, I never leave them to prepare lunch or anything like that, so that shouldn't be an issue. I never leave them all for more than a few seconds, but next time I will make sure he either comes with me or is put somewhere away from others if I have to be occupied with someone else.

[Nifer]

I have the simular problem, except it's my own child and he's 18mo. One of my dc kids is now 2 and he was a biter from 18mos until just before 2. His mom started saying "oh, you're giving kisses?" and he would kiss instead of bite. Has not yet worked with my son :( He doesn't bite everyone, usually just the former biter, and a younger girl. I too try time out and apologize, it also doesn't seem to phase him.

[sunnydays]

Thanks for these suggestions, but I really don't think he would get the connection if I took something away or told him he is losing a privelege. His logic isn't developed enough to understand that yet and also it is an impulse thing that he does in a moment of frustration, so I am positive he wouldn't stop and think about the consequences before doing it (I guess I have just answered my own question as to why the time-outs don't work...lol).


Hi,

Time out's don't work for every child, how about taking a privledge away. Losing his favourate toy for the day or not allowing him to take part in a favourate activity might be a clear motivator!

God luck!

[zen39]

Hello,

I've had similar issues with some young ones (20 months old). Shadowing works great as mentioned above and I've also used the preemptive "no biting". If the young one is next to another child playing, I would just give a little reminder saying their name and no biting, it hurts. That work amazingly well...

good luck...

[mom-in-alberta]

Yup, it's a typical (albeit frustrating) phase. I have had biters, and my typical response is that the child is removed from the situation (which teaches that biting=no more playing for a period of time) and I get down to their level and FIRMLY say "We don't bite. Biting HURTS." Then the child will sit away from their buddies for a minute or so. (Go ahead and call it a time out, I do!) I remind them one more time, (slightly "nicer" voice this time) "No more biting our friends, its OWIES!" or some such thing, and bring them back to the group.
If it's becoming a habit, then unfortunately the shadow thing is necessary, for the other kids' sake. Make sure too, that it's not happening due to other children getting right up into his face. I had a little guy that was like that. His "bubble" of personal space was really important, and he didn't hesitate to let others know!