View Full Version : I wish it were fun again....
I'm being completely honest and looking for advice. It's been a while since I had fun doing what I do. I don't want to say that I'm UNhappy, but it's really become a job. Too much so. Maybe the winter was too long, maybe I'm preoccupied, but it's been tough not to be frustrated by what I know logically is normal behaviour from the kids. From my own school-aged kids, too. I feel like I repeat the same things over and over and I get angry at having to repeat. And honestly, I'm disappointed with myself.
I feel like a hamster in a wheel. Nothing ever progresses. I feel like I'm drowning in housework. I can't keep up, let alone get ahead. I want to do things during naps, but it's not enough.
I just don't want to feel annoyed by the kids all the time. I know it's not fair. I try to hide it, but they're driving me crazy!
I know the usual....do things for myself....a hobby, get out, take time for myself....I'm trying to do those things. I just don't know how to deal with the day to day dramas without overreacting...
Spixie33
04-23-2013, 10:07 PM
I think I have had those times too where I felt I was not doing enough and then not meeting the needs of my own family, household or the daycare because I was stretched too thin and trying to do everything.
I tend to sometimes still be going full steam at 8 pm or 9 pm without having a breather. It is exhausting.
I try to think positive thoughts and really psych myself up in the morning. Each morning I think of who will be there during the day and mentally give myself a pep talk that "you are a good provider and you are going to have a great day today no matter what." I think of all the kids and the pitfalls of each one (i.e their bad habits that drive me beserk) and then tell myself that I am not going to let it ruin my day.
Thursday last week was insane. I ended up with two kids bleeding in separate little incidents, two kids who had pee accidents and needed a change of clothes, another child who was just clumsy and kept falling and hurting themselves all day, a cat who had diarrhea and somehow managed to get it on the bathroom walls just when I was trying to change one of the 'accident' children and I was running from one scenario to the other like a chicken with her head cut off. It was a laugh or cry day but I just went hour by hour.
I try to imagine getting out of daycare life some times too but I haven't been able to think of a good alternative so I figure this is where I am supposed to be.
I also feel disappointed with myself at times though - especially if I lose my cool and then am frustrated and end up yelling at my own kids. That is a sure fire way to feel like crud on the bottom of a shoe. I read an orange rhino article online last week where you try to go a year or less without yelling at your kids. That seems interesting but probably a pipe dream in my case. lol
I have had a few days where I am spending more time outside just watching the kids play rather than planning crafts and activities and other days where I decide to do special crafts with them to just shake things up for them and myself and make our day more interesting so that none of us feel the same old blah blah day after day.
I have heard people loving the Fly Lady and her daily schedules that break down housework day by day rather than making you feel like you have to do it all at once. Best advice I got was to make sure your sinks and toilets are sparkling and your whole house appears clean.
Hopefully some spring weather will get you outside and cheer you. It is a job that is draining and demands more hours than people realize so it is no wonder we feel burned out sometimes. Then we have our own families after hours so we are doing double duty with little time off.
godsgirl
04-23-2013, 10:33 PM
Thank you gcj for posting this. I have no real suggestions for you but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone :). I too have been feeling the exact same way especially these last couple weeks. Sick of repeating myself and dealing with some of the same issues that have been going on for what seems like forever. Not to mention the pressures of having to maintain your own household. Kinda feeling burnt out.
Our job really is 24:7 if you really think about it. Sometimes we even lay awake in bed thinking about it (the kids) all night long. What has been helping me this week is getting outside with the kids as much as possible. We literally haven't done any structured stuff this week and have just been at the park, went to the library today, played in the yard and I have just been talking lots with them about everything (plants we see, birds, colors of stuff). I've just been trying to wake up positively and keep telling myself to just breath. It really has calmed myself down a bit and I have been able to keep my cool for the most part - even with my own son who seems to be the worst of the bunch lately. I've only been doing this for almost a year but I am sure that it comes with its seasons of highs and lows as any job does. I've actually been thinking about starting to change some things in my day to day stuff here in hopes that it will get me out of this funk. When I used to work outside of my home it seemed that a new position or a new thing to learn always helped with that. In this case I'm thinking about adding more structure to my day and being more purposeful with our time in the sense of being more educational.
Praying your week gets better. Hang in there girlfriend :)
playfelt
04-23-2013, 11:44 PM
Daycare has changed so much since I first started. Part of it is the parents that think of themselves first and their work second, their kids a distant third and us caregivers barely if at all. It is hard to take ourselves seriously when others don't.
As much as I love babies I miss having them actually grow up into preschoolers that will benefit from my circletime and lesson plans. I have put a lot of time, effort and money into learning to teach and I miss being able to teach in the same way.
My life is consumed by diaper changes, naptimes and feeding kids, and yes reffing their interactions with each other - all the things that used to seem like incidental parts of our day in years past. But kids stayed in care till they started school at age 5 missing usually no more than a few months during a mat leave. They were potty trained, feeding themselves and napping only 2 hours in the afternoon by the time they were age 2. Oh how times have changed. I have some that have barely achieved this before heading off to JK despite my best efforts.
It has been a long winter with lots of illness and now is a time of transition that isn't going fast enough. I want to be outside but the soggy yard is so not toddler friendly.
I have been working on some little changes like taking a toy they just seem to dump instead of play with and putting it away or at least some of it so they have 10 cars not 25 even though when they play with the cars nicely they line them all up and play parking lot and love all 25 but it is the other days when they don't play that way I need to be concerned about.
Just know that we feel your pain and where you are coming from.
Mondaygirl
04-24-2013, 08:00 AM
No advice, because I am exactly where you are... Lots of hugs though, and thank you for posting this.
Thank you so much! I've made a mental checklist of all the little things that drive me nuts and what I can do about it. And how I can not make little things such a big deal. Kinda like don't sweat the small stuff....and it's all small stuff. Easier said than done since SOOOOO many small things become HUGE in our eyes! :rolleyes:
I just appreciate hearing that I'm not alone.
DisneyPrincess
04-24-2013, 08:34 AM
I feel like that also... well its getting better and I do have more patience and I know why : Because the sun is coming out !! That winter really got to me. Now I want to be outside ALL the time. It still a little too chilly to not wear a jacket, so I still loose patience loosing time dressing everybody. Thank goodness I have 4 2 and 3 y.o. so now they pretty much dress on their own but... still need help. Boy to I look forward every fn day where the weather will be hot hot hot and all we'll do is slip on some sandals. You sure wont hear me complain when we are dripping sweat.
I'm with ya, you are sure not alone in this :glomp:
DisneyPrincess
04-24-2013, 08:43 AM
Daycare has changed so much since I first started. Part of it is the parents that think of themselves first and their work second, their kids a distant third and us caregivers barely if at all. It is hard to take ourselves seriously when others don't.
As much as I love babies I miss having them actually grow up into preschoolers that will benefit from my circletime and lesson plans. I have put a lot of time, effort and money into learning to teach and I miss being able to teach in the same way.
My life is consumed by diaper changes, naptimes and feeding kids, and yes reffing their interactions with each other - all the things that used to seem like incidental parts of our day in years past. But kids stayed in care till they started school at age 5 missing usually no more than a few months during a mat leave. They were potty trained, feeding themselves and napping only 2 hours in the afternoon by the time they were age 2. Oh how times have changed. I have some that have barely achieved this before heading off to JK despite my best efforts.
It has been a long winter with lots of illness and now is a time of transition that isn't going fast enough. I want to be outside but the soggy yard is so not toddler friendly.
I have been working on some little changes like taking a toy they just seem to dump instead of play with and putting it away or at least some of it so they have 10 cars not 25 even though when they play with the cars nicely they line them all up and play parking lot and love all 25 but it is the other days when they don't play that way I need to be concerned about.
Just know that we feel your pain and where you are coming from.
So true. Uncaring parents might be the worst for me... this week it burns me to see they bring their sick kids to me when then stay home all day and work on the yard, and dont come and get her until the very last minute. In the mean time, I'm sick because of their kid. And whats the deal with potty training.... I have 3 2 y.o. that are far from potty trained... why parents are so lazy to get rid of those diapers. The kids are so not ready... they cant even admit they pooped :\ lol One parent couldnt believe how fast I'm asking for more diapers. I only change them 3 times which is pretty normal to me, unless they do a poopy after I have changed them. If he ever complains I'll just say to potty train the kid and he wont have to by diaper HELLLOOO !!!
Wonderwiper
04-24-2013, 09:12 AM
I think we all feel like this somedays!! A really important thing to keep in mind is that EVERYONE hates their job sometimes!
We do this job because we love it and can't imagine doing anything else....but it is still our job! Of course we sometimes don't want to get out of bed, change another stinky diaper, repeat ourselves for the millionth time etc.
As long as you can't imagine working somewhere else than you are still doing the right thing. I think if we start really wishing we had another job then it is time to move on and that's ok too!!
I have to check out fly lady, too....
Crayola kiddies
04-24-2013, 09:13 AM
Gcj..... I was feeling the same way and so what I did was get a house keeper to come in every other week to clean my house so I wasn't spending my non working hours working.... And I could do done things with my family or just sit and relax a bit instead of go go go on the weekends.... I also scaled back the family diners and sometimes it soup and grilled cheese instead of these elaborate dinners every night....it just took a lot of the pressure off so I didn't feel stretched in all directions.
Another thing I changed was my eating habits .... In jan I was feeling depressed and blah and just generally unhealthy .... I am over weight and I was having pains in my shoulder and radiating down my arm ...I was breathless while reading bedtime stories to my kids so I decided to make a lot of changes and I have lost 27 lbs since feb 1. I have a lot more energy and no longer have pain in my arm. I am feeling good about myself again ... Hope with the warmer weather and the awakening of the trees and flowers you will feel better too
I think what a part of the problem is we work where we live and at the end of the day we don't get a break as then we move into dinner time, cleaning all the while still thinking of daycare stuff. We need boundries!
Last Saturday was all about the daycare. Cleaning, shopping and planning. I quess this is the life of a small business owner, but I am finding it really hard to carve out some time for me and am also feeling frustrated.
This morning I woke up with a sigh.....another day in paradise LOL. As I was getting my family out the door and receiving daycare kiddies I just told myself I should be grateful I have a job and can pay my bills. I vowed to myself that when I take my vacation I will not do any daycare stuff (have in the past) and pursue my hobby and books that have been gathering dust (yep, not much time for dusting) on the shelf. I have also decided I am not going to worry about always trying to please my dcparents. I will do what is best for me, my family and my dck's.
So gcj, I think we all understand how you feel. I hope this passes for you. Perhaps you are right in that we have been stuck in the house this long winter and am now so ready for some sunshine and nice weather. Keep your chin up and keep posting your vents as you have lots of supporters here.
mommyof2princesses
04-24-2013, 09:55 AM
You are not alone :flower: I am totally feeling that way as well right now......everything is getting to me :( Glad to see that I am not alone :)
jammiesandtea
04-24-2013, 11:40 AM
I am sending my support to you as well, gcj. I am just re-starting my daycare after several years nannying, so I am not at that point of struggling just yet (in the circumstance of specifically home daycare, anyway), but I have felt it in the past, and empathize with what you're feeling. I'm sending positive wishes and hugs, and hope things look and feel brighter for you soon.
:flower:
ok....2 issues with FlyLady...already :laugh: 1. don't put dirty dishes in my sink?!?! That sounds like not putting dirty kids in my tub! 2. spend less time on the computer...then why won't she stop sending me emails?!?! so I can clean my freakin' sink!!
sunnydays
04-24-2013, 01:07 PM
I am sooooooooooooooooo with you right now as well! I believe I do a good job and I believe this is what I should be doing....but for the past few weeks, everything is annoying me! I feel so easily irritated by little things :( It doesn't help that I have a new dcg who cries a lot...but other times I would have been able to ignore it without thinking about terminating right away. Now I am in a constant feeling of whether or not she is going to work out...whether I should get out now while it is easier, etc. Plus, I just generally feel annoyed with the parents, the kids, my own kids, my own husband, etc. And I don't even know why! In fact, my husband is doing more around the house and really being a great husband and father...so why am I annoyed?! I think it is me...maybe it is boredom...maybe I need a change...I don't know! And Playfelt...although I wasn't doing daycare when kids stayed until the age of 5, I think that would have been so much better! I love teaching the kids things, doing art with them, etc, but I only have 2 who can even vaguely participate in most things and it is frustrating. I also feel like all I do is change, feed, clean up all day long! And then just when you think the kids are getting old enough to do some more interesting thing...whamo...thre e leaving on mat leave soon :( Maybe it is this realization that I will likely always have more kids under 2 than anything else...I don't know. Maybe it's spring fever. All I know is many of us are in the same boat!
Artsand crafts
04-24-2013, 01:21 PM
Very often I feel overworked, too. As crayola did, I too hired a housekeeper for every other weekend. What a difference... She had surgery about 1.5 months ago and has not come since. It still will take a while for her to heal... My second floor and the basement are a mess... Only the main floor where the daycare is located is all tided up... My hubby is the chief of laundry and vacuuming... You know what? with a toddler, cooking, prep for next day, etc and the rest of activities my day is full... My only break is nap time (thank God for it)... I realize I do not have to be a super woman... I am running a business, feeding others, taking care of my son 24/7... I cannot take anything else in my plate for now without burning out... I know my limits... I am still looking for a back up housekeeper... I'd love to see everything in order again...
I also think that what we sometimes feel is because of the routine... I just do not like routine. I am always looking for something to do different in my business to improve.... There are so many things that can be done to make our life easier. My current project is my basement. The floor is full of toys and materials that is hard for my to walk or even find something I need. Two weeks ago I bought racks and bins and plan to organize it in the next few weeks or months... One of my future projects will be organize my tax paperwork... I really hate it... but there should be a way to simplify the sorting and avoid to invest that much time on it. I am giving it a though in the future... Or something as little as making a new craft or activity with the kids made me go out of the routine... Some times we even spend the whole day with free play when I feel down and that had helped, too.
playfelt
04-24-2013, 03:09 PM
And Playfelt...although I wasn't doing daycare when kids stayed until the age of 5, I think that would have been so much better! I love teaching the kids things, doing art with them, etc, but I only have 2 who can even vaguely participate in most things and it is frustrating. I also feel like all I do is change, feed, clean up all day long! And then just when you think the kids are getting old enough to do some more interesting thing...whamo...thre e leaving on mat leave soon :( Maybe it is this realization that I will likely always have more kids under 2 than anything else...I don't know. Maybe it's spring fever. All I know is many of us are in the same boat!
Sunnydays and anyone else that wants to give ideas would be great - Given that we deal more with babies to age 2 than having a lot of the big kids able to do the lessons we want to prepare what would you say is the type of info, workshops, resources that would be of the most value to you? We have had poor attendance and even some cancelled workshops with the association and when I look in the newsletter of what is being offered I question the value of much of what is there for the young ages we care for. I am trying to work on a new method for workshop delivery, topics, resources etc and would love some feedback. Making everythign out of felt and fabric over paper has been the saving grace for a lot of my stuff lately but very much a work in progress rather than finished.
Well, I feel lucky on that at least. I'm in Quebec and they start at 5, so at least I get to do the fun preschool stuff! Assuming they don't ditch me the final year for a CPE....a centre, besically. Which has happened all but once in 5 years.
Artsand crafts
04-24-2013, 03:22 PM
Playfelt, it would be nice to have workshops of issues that hit us very often such as business relationship with parents (how to handle situations to be win-win); potty training issues; activities for infants; behavior issues; picky eating; time management when having a home daycare... Maybe you can start a new threat and more people can give more ideas since this maybe lost with the issues of this threat...:)
Artsand crafts
04-24-2013, 03:26 PM
and it would be nice to have workshops online (maybe video conferences) since I know there is more going on for people in Ottawa. I think more providers from other cities could be interested
Momof4
04-24-2013, 05:06 PM
Sending support to all of you who are feeling down. The weather is nuts and we need more outside time for pete sake! It is SNOWING right now, I can't believe it. I'm in southern Ontario!
Last fall I was feeling very burned out for a while and I think it happens to all of us now and then for many reasons. Don't beat yourself up, slow down, figure it out one step at a time. HUGS.