Parent wants to visit to see child's behaviour

[2angels]

I've had this family since January. They have been coming 3 days/week and now mom just got a job and her son (14 mos) will be starting FT. Since she will be sending her son full time now, she asked me yesterday if she can stay for 3 hours in the morning with her son on Monday to see his behaviour - how he plays with the other kids, what he does when I do stories/songs, etc. Do you allow this in your daycare? If the family was new, I'd have no issues having the parent visit while the child is transitioning, but this child has settled well and frankly, I'm opposed to her visiting. I feel I've done a lot of favours for this family - holding the FT spot (mom got laid off and couldn't start FT as hoped), allowing her in my daycare in the beginning so that she could breastfeed (she would come in, breastfeed, and leave), picking him up early for a doctor's appt and then dropping him back off in my care.

So what would you do? What would you say? She said she preferred if she could watch us over skype because she thinks her presence will affect her son's behaviour.

[Crayola kiddies]

I would offer to send her a few photos of him playing but I would tell her that her presence would confuse him and be counter productive.

[mimi]

She's right, her presence will affect her sons behaviour. If she is physically there with him she will not get a true picture of his behaviour at daycare. That said, why is she now wanting to see how he is with you and the kids? Has a behaviour issue come up? Is she questioning your abilities under the guise of "wanting to watch her son"? I would ask her up front why she wants to do this.
Personally, I would not let a visit like this happen. Too confusing for the other kids (can my mom stay too?) and I don't like my routine inhibited by having a guest visitor. However, if she would want to watch on skype I wouldn't mind that as long as she didn't say anything. Again though, just wondering why the sudden request.

[Monday 2 Friday Mama]

Everything the ladies have said above is true. No child will behave "naturally" if you change the environment significantly - and having Mom there is a big change. :laugh: One of my first clients was like this - she wanted to stay and "observe" a typical day with my dck's. Since I was green as grass, I allowed it. It was horribly awkward for me, and I've never done it again. I realize (from the parent's perspective) that it takes an incredible amount of trust for a parent to leave their child with a caregiver. I fully appreciate how difficult it must be. However, that trust is not built by "spot checks" and "spying", it's built through lots of communication and mutual respect. :yes: I would politely tell her "No" and explain that in addition to not getting an accurate picture of her son's behaviour, it's also upsetting the regular routine - not good for any of the children.

[Wonderwiper]

Absolutely not!!! It is way to disruptive to have a parent there. The other children don't understand and her child will not behave naturally while she is there.

[2angels]

Yes I asked her why and her response was he doesn't have anyone to play with at home so she wants to observe him playing here, how he reacts to other kids, how he responds if someone takes a toy from him, etc. There have been no behavior issues. I do communicate with her. She asks me a ton of questions at every pick up, how he ate, slept, played. It could be the thought of going back to work and leaving him here 5 days /week.

[gramma]

her presence will definately affect her sons behaviour and honestly i think the request is silly. the child has settled in what issues does she have? We never know what to expect from our day and sometimes the things we deal with can be trying. I wouldnt want to chance that mom was watching on a day that turned out to be less than perfect. I never would have allowed her to come and breast feed to be honest nor do i allow pick up and drop off again for appointments. I dont allow parents to come during the work day. I get that its a huge deal to leave your kids with someone which is why i always encourage them to do their homework, see lots of other daycares etc because if they make their decision, they have to trust me. sounds like she doesnt have any valid reason for wanting to watch her son. I wouldnt do it.

[Dreamalittledream]

Just a thought but if you have the ability, what about sending little videos of him playing/interacting throughout the day? I find it funny how some parents don't even look at/acknowledge the feedback, craft projects, photos you provide...others just wait on every word.

[apples and bananas]

If she wants to know how he acts with other kids then maybe mom should take him to a play group on one of the 2 days she has him... or to the library on the weekend. Join a tumble class on Saturday.

I would absolutly not allow this. However, you have to be careful how you tell her. An Outright NO could leave her to question her trust with you.

I would simply say... "hi behaviour will be completely different with you present as well as the other kids. As far as skype goes, I'm not set up on it and i'm not really interested in using online video chat programs. However, if you want to observe your son with other children, here are a few great play groups in the area. " And leave it at that.

We have to be careful how much we allow with clients. This client has obviously asked you for a lot and you've been nice and helpful each time... sometimes we have to say no. Just to keep control over our business even.

[2angels]

Thanks to everyone who've responded. I wanted to say no but didn't know how and now I know. The video clips sound like an idea but then I don't want it to become a habit if you know what I mean.

[Wonderwiper]

I have done pics and video clips for a nervous new mom. I told her I could only do it for the first few days. She really appreciated it and it was no big deal for me. She had originally wanted to stay and watch and I explained to her nicely why she couldn't and then offered the videos instead.

[momofnerds]

I have a strict policy about others coming in and seeing the kids. I would tell the mom no but because then you would need permission from the other parents because she wants to stay for 3 hours and she needs to have a police clearance.

[playfelt]

Be careful on sharing the video clips because they will contain images of the other kids in care if she wants to see her son interacting.

No way would a parent be coming and just hanging out that long - an hour for integration at the start is enough nerve wracking.

There is something else going on that has nothing to do with daycare. Ask her why she has concerns that he might not be behaving properly or able to deal with how a group works or whatever it is she wanted to observe. She may have a friend whose getting complaints about her child. Something that has nothign to do with you set this off. Once those fears are put to rest the requests will probably stop.

[Artsand crafts]

I would not allow Skype conference with the kids. There is a possibility that she keeps a video or pics of the day through Skype where other kids faces will appear violating their privacy. Parents know I am the only one that takes pics and videos of the kids in the daycare so I can protect everybody's privacy. You can explain something in that effect. I have an open door policy and parents can show anytime. I even interview during daycare hours. But this is because I have chosen to do it. No parent has pushed me to do so. When we start doing "favors" to parents they think they are entitle to request more and more. My advice, do what you feel comfortable with. You may even get nervous if you do not feel comfortable and not be yourself and kids could sense that and act out and that DOES NOT mean you are not a great provider the rest of the days.

[Momof4]

Trust. That's what seems to be missing with this parent. I agree that if the Mom is there the child will not participate normally or behave because he will think his Mom is there to take him home. I would not allow video of my daycare to be taken because you would not have any guarantee that this would not be shared on some other social media in a negative or unprofessional way.

You must tell the dcMom that you will keep her up to date on all the issues and about her child's day but you are a busy woman and you are there to care for ALL the children ALL the time and can't allow your days to be disrupted. Also, you can also mention that your liability may be questioned if there were other people in the home. Good luck!