View Full Version : New Child Woes

Sandbox Sally
07-20-2011, 12:17 PM
As I have mentioned before, I have only been back at in-home daycare for a few months, after a very long hiatus.

My second dck started last week. She is part time, so has only been at my place a total of 4 full days. My first dck has been with me since the beginning of May, and by all accounts is a DREAM child. They are both 22 months, and both girls. The newbie screams, cries and hits every time dck1 goes near her. It's really sad to watch for both of them, as the new one becomes very distraught and seems frightened, and dck1 seems confused and I hate it. My first one is very gentle and social. She actually tries to give the newbie toys and food in an attempt to engage her.

My new one has also been in a home childcare before, so she is used to being around other children.

This goes on all day long, except when we are out at the park, where the two can ignore one another. Even there though, if dck1 goes near dck2 or tries to play with her, she freaks out. When the newbie is upset, she wants to be held, and will scream and cry for me to "cuddle" her. Since she is new, and totally out of her element, I feel terrible not indulging her, but think it's unfair to all of us if I continue to do so for much longer.

Advice? :unsure:

07-20-2011, 01:06 PM
I had a situation like this with my first dck who started with me at 15 months. I just had her and my two kids, but for the first two months she cried and screamed a lot and would push my daughter away or try to kick her and wanted me to hold her all the time. She started part-time and it improved a bit once she became full-time as things got into more of a routine. I started ignoring the crying and refusing to pick her up much of the time and eventually she stopped and adjusted. I was very firm about her not pushing or hitting the other kids, which was I think, out of jealousy and insecurity. Once she understood that her behaviour wasn't getting her anywhere and also once she adjusted and started napping well etc, things improved a lot. In fact, 5 months later I am happy to say that she is now one of my best behaved kids :) I think part-timers take longer to adjust and can act out because of insecurity in their new environment and jealousy of the other kids.

07-20-2011, 01:10 PM
It sounds to me like she may have been the youngest at her other daycare and was babied a lot. Or she could be babied a lot at home? Talk to her Mom, curious why the change in daycare settings?

Part time kids do tend to take twice as long to adjust so that could just be the situation. Maybe ask her Mom what are her favourate things to do and try to engage both babies in the activites.

Good luck!

Sandbox Sally
07-20-2011, 01:21 PM
Thanks to both of you. They moved, hence the daycare change, but it was in May, so I am assuming that too much change is not the issue. I will give it some more time, and I have also found a book for toddlers about hitting that I am going to try. I will give it a few more weeks and hope that it is just an adjustment thing, but if it continues much longer past that, I don't think the two days a week fees are worth putting us all through this every day. I have two more children starting in August, and they are both younger than her. I shudder to think what will happen if she starts hitting them, or keeps insisting on having a "cuddle" all day long.

07-20-2011, 08:07 PM
Sigh.... part timers. :no:
I find that they take easily twice as long (maybe even more, depending on circumstances) to adjust. I am sure that you are doing everything right. I agree that it's time to start cutting back on picking up and cuddling, since you won't have the arms for it pretty soon. I have a little guy (part timer!) that needs a fair amount of assurance throughout the day, and I have begun "hugging" him, kind of against my legs, if he is whimpering. I reserve the holding snuggles for when he gets hurt or a little quiet time before nap (everyone gets a snuggle and a song before they lay down).

Sandbox Sally
07-21-2011, 11:53 AM
TGINT! (Thank Goodness It's Nap Time).

Today is worse - tenfold! She didn't cry when her dad dropped her off, but she quite literally cried all but about 20 mins between 8:30 am and 12:30 pm. If I did not have her in my arms, she was crying. If my other little one so much as acknowledged her, she would go into full out meltdown mode. I pretty much wanted to cry myself, and if it wasn't for my sweet 11yo daughter lending a hand, I likely would have!

How long should I give this? Today is her 5th day, and she's only Tue/Thur. The first week in August, they are going on holiday for a week, so I may have to start all over again.

07-21-2011, 12:09 PM
Wow! I can totally relate! I have gone through this twice this year. I generally give families 4 weeks in order for behaviour to change. I make sure to keep the parents informed (and not sugar-coat) the behaviour of the day. That way it isn't a surprise when they receive their 'letter of dismissal'. When all else fails, and the tatrum begins, I will go as far as to put the little one in their room in their crib and re-enter only when their crying has ended and try to re-introduce them to the group. If I find myself on the verge of tears everyday because of extreme behaviour, I feel I have no choice but to terminate...for both myself and the other children. Good luck! :)