How much do you tell the parents?

[torontokids]

Sometimes I think I tell them too much! One little boy has been struggling, taking toys from other kids, hitting, refusing to walk. I tell the parents as they asked how he's settling and they seem really concerned as this isn't like him. I assure them that a lot of this is normal and may be a phase or a result of communication issues as English is not his first language but they are very concerned. It got me wondering if I share too much and maybe his other providers never bothered sharing this stuff as all kids do it sometimes. Should I just start glossing over the details and talk more about all the awesome stuff he is doing? What do you do?

[sunnydays]

I tend to tell the parents a lot as well...but my thinking is that I need them to know what is going on so that they can work on anything that they can at home to support me and also so that if it becomes too much and I need to terminate, it will not come as a total shock because they thought everything was going just fine. I know many caregivers don't tell much...but I prefer this open and honest way...sometimes it makes it hard, but it is just my style.

[mamabear]

I will tell them about ongoing behaviour problems so that if I have to term it doesn't come out of left field. But if its age appropriate and I can deal with it I keep it to myself. For example, a 14month old takng toys from other kids. I'm not gonna bother telling especially if he is an only child. Otherwise its don't ask don't tell

[JennJubie]

I tend to tell the parents a lot as well...but my thinking is that I need them to know what is going on so that they can work on anything that they can at home to support me and also so that if it becomes too much and I need to terminate, it will not come as a total shock because they thought everything was going just fine. I know many caregivers don't tell much...but I prefer this open and honest way...sometimes it makes it hard, but it is just my style.

I am the same way. I like everyone to be on the same page, or no issues will ever be solved. And if it ever comes down to termination, as you said it's not a surprise and I know that I tried.

[Sandbox Sally]

My SIL does daycare, and she thinks I tell the parents too much. I do tell them if the child has had a rough day. I do tell them if things are weird for the child. I don't tell the parents EVERY incident, though.

I had that issue with the 3 year old a little while ago where I terminated due to persistent aggressive behaviour, and she said that I didn't tell her enough. I don't think you can win. You're either viewed as nitpicky and tattling or you're withholding information.

[Bookworm]

I generally don't tell them much unless it is something out of the ordinary, or it is becoming a problem. I must say the same thing at pick up everyday as my 4 year old daughter said to one of the dad's yesterday at pick up, "So, your baby had a good day. She ate well and slept well.", before I had a chance to tell him how the day went (she said what I was going to say). lol

[Momof4]

Thanks for bringing this up Torontokids because it's something I struggle with all the time. I don't tell the parents that their child was taking toys or little things that are my job, no. But I tell them if their child had a crying jag or was grouchy or wouldn't eat well, etc., the important things. I do wonder if I tell them too much. I'm careful to share all the successes of the day too and the good things. I think if you temper the good with the bad at the end of the day it's ok.

[zoomama]

i started off telling lots about each child's day because i really thought parents would want to know because...well...i would. but i've learned that some parents don't want to know much at all, some want seemingly endless amounts of info, and some only want positive info. i'm a talker and a communicator, but i've learned it's often best to keep the main stuff to myself and share the important stuff/highlights. only when something becomes an issue do i address the parents about it.

[SongSparrow]

I will let the parents know if something happens that is unacceptable to me (hitting, biting, destructive behavior). Usually I will also comment if their child had an "off" day, but other than that I don't say anything unless they ask.

[Artsand crafts]

I usually tell parents the highlight of their child day while they are getting dress for outdoor or putting shoes on, if I have the time. I will only talk about something negative if I think I cannot handle the situation myself or my life will get more difficult. When a dcg bit my son a couple of months ago I did not tell the parents since I handled it myself and it never happen again. Something like a kid destroying my furniture (as was mentioned in a recent threat of that kid damaging a couch) I will talk to the parents to address the behavior. Even if they pay for the damage it would be a hassle for me every time I have to take my time to replace o reupholster the couch if the kid keeps destroying it or anything else in the house.

[Judy Trickett]

I tend to tell them what they need to know. That means I pass along any unusual info. Things like if the kid didn't eat well or nap well or had a fall or a scrape. But otherwise I just keep things to myself that don't really matter or are developmental that usually pass. I find that a lot of parents now get defensive and think something is wrong if you tell them one itty bitty little negative thing. So, unless it's a negative that could potentially get a family termed then I just keep it to myself rather than have, yet again, another long, drawn out discussion about something that parents don't understand.

[playfelt]

I find the same thing Judy in that if there is a problem it is of course our fault and therefore if the child is developing a bad habit or not developing at the rate they should etc. we are to blame and therefore telling the parent often puts them on the hunt for another caregiver. Better to just keep it to ourselves till we have reached the point we just don't want to anymore.

[Other Mummy]

I tend to give parents the generalized mood of the day. Little Johnny went potty, no accidents, little suzy fell and scratched herself on the playground, etc. Like Judy and Playfelt, unless it directly affects the other children in my care (eg. Little Johnny threw a toycare at Suzy's head) then I don't bother with the small details. I also try to give a positive anecdote of the day "little suzy was a great helper today with the other children). The Only time I've gone into details is when the parents and I are working on an issue specific to their child (eg. aggression, potty training, etc.)