Parent concerned by proposed child ages

[mop]

I opened in April 2013, and I have my own 3.5 year old girl and a 20 month old boy. I currently care for a 13 month old boy part time. Actually, I only offer part-time care from Tues-Fri.

The parent interviewing with me has a 2.5 year old and 14 month old when they start in September (currently younger obviously) and needs care only two days per week. We've sent several emails back and forth and I was open about the kids ages from the start. I received an email that says something like "I am slightly concerned about the number of kids who are really little. It sounds like a lot to me, but maybe you can ease my mind".

What have you said to parents who question ages/ratio?

I'm not quite sure how to address that in my email back to her (which will confirm our interview). She needs to feel comfortable with me, but I also need to meet her and her children first before making a decision. If I thought it was too much, I wouldn't have even considered it. I am in Ontario and the number of children is legal.

[Momof4]

It's funny but I was just having this talk with someone. I have two 1 year old children in care, a 2 year old and a 3 year old. The age range isn't a problem because the two little ones ride in the stroller and the older ones walk everywhere.

They all eat the same food, sleep the same hours, the only difference is that I change the babies diapers and put the older ones on the potty. The older ones are able to colour, play with playdo and craft more independently while the babies need more hands on help, but otherwise everything flows well throughout the day. I don't think you will have any problem.

[mop]

That's so true! I feel like the ages are complimentary. I kept my reply very upbeat and encouraging. Hopefully she just needs the reassurance.

[treeholm]

Mine are 13 months, 18 months, 22 months, 26 months, and 4 years. The 3 youngest come 5 days a week. The two oldest come 4 days a week. It works just fine. I have a quad stroller because only the 4 year old is able to walk any distance.

[playfelt]

This is a very common concern with moms who are overwhelmed looking after one child and can't imagine looking after 5 kids let alone them all being young and needy. To ease her mind say things well remember I am not getting up in the night for feedings, or doing the bath and bed routine - yes we all know we still work all evening but it helps to say this. Remind them that parents of twins and triplets abound and manage just fine - it is all about getting a routine and rhythm and then go on to say how much experience you have in daycare - ie lots of time to practice. Talk about the ages being close so they will all grow up together and how it is easier to have them all doing the same things instead of waiting their turn while you deal with the older kids and not having school age means no bus runs so no disrupted naps or wasted travel time.... make it sound like it is a positive thing.

[mimi]

I would remind the parent that being prepared is the key to effectively taking care of the young children. Let her know what your routine is like and emphasize that children in a good routine are often more relaxed and happy. You have the equipment and the space to deal with multiple children which makes taking care of the children easier on you. I would also tell her about your meal prep eg. do you prepare some foods ahead of time, what are the children doing when you are preparing your meals. Giving the parent a good idea of how you handle various situations with the little ones will help parent realize that you are prepared, organized and most importantly are yourself relaxed and confident in your abilities.

[Judy Trickett]

My standard answer is something about how this is my JOB and because I have been providing care for years I have learned to do my job well. I tell them that I can't imagine how they do THEIR job, or how I could never be a restaurant worker, or a brain surgeon. I tell them that we all have specific skill sets that make us good at whatever job it is we do. And my job is daycare and I am very good at it because I have the skill set needed.

[bright sparks]

The parent is looking for reassurance so give them examples of how you manage. To just say you are good at your job and through years of experience you have the skills to manage is not giving any specifics and could easily be interpreted as somewhat arrogant and big headed especially if you aren't going to back it up. They don't know you from Jack, so why should they take you at your word without it being backed up. Trust comes with time I appreciate that but this is their child we are talking about. No room for error when finding a caregiver you are happy and comfortable with.

There are also a lot of providers who have been doing this job for years who totally suck and are pretty crappy providers but go unnoticed. They have nice daycare rooms, good credentials and years of experience but once that door closes, who knows what REALLY goes on. I don't think it's to much to ask from a parent as to how we cope with so many little ones. A new parent is going to have lots of questions and sometimes needs more reassurance.It doesnt mean they will be a bad client but perhaps they are a little more anxious than others at first or have heard horror stories and just need that extra bit of reassurance. If you asked them how they managed their job, I'm sure they wouldn't think twice about telling you how they do it, and I am confident they wouldn't judge you or think badly of you for questioning them.

This is their child we are talking about and after 1 or 2 meetings with you they really don't know you so if a little reassurance is what they need, give it to them. It will just be furthur afirmation that you are a kind and caring daycare provider who has respect for them and their situation when it comes to looking for a provider who they feel 100% happy with. If you trivialize their concern, it's only a bad reflection on you.

[Judy Trickett]

The parent is looking for reassurance so give them examples of how you manage. To just say you are good at your job and through years of experience you have the skills to manage is not giving any specifics and could easily be interpreted as somewhat arrogant and big headed especially if you aren't going to back it up. They don't know you from Jack, so why should they take you at your word without it being backed up. Trust comes with time I appreciate that but this is their child we are talking about. No room for error when finding a caregiver you are happy and comfortable with.

There are also a lot of providers who have been doing this job for years who totally suck and are pretty crappy providers but go unnoticed. They have nice daycare rooms, good credentials and years of experience but once that door closes, who knows what REALLY goes on. I don't think it's to much to ask from a parent as to how we cope with so many little ones. A new parent is going to have lots of questions and sometimes needs more reassurance.It doesnt mean they will be a bad client but perhaps they are a little more anxious than others at first or have heard horror stories and just need that extra bit of reassurance. If you asked them how they managed their job, I'm sure they wouldn't think twice about telling you how they do it, and I am confident they wouldn't judge you or think badly of you for questioning them.

This is their child we are talking about and after 1 or 2 meetings with you they really don't know you so if a little reassurance is what they need, give it to them. It will just be furthur afirmation that you are a kind and caring daycare provider who has respect for them and their situation when it comes to looking for a provider who they feel 100% happy with. If you trivialize their concern, it's only a bad reflection on you.

But in the end it's all just words. You can sell yourself right into Awesomeness and be pulling the wool over a parent's eyes. Words mean nothing. This is why providers offer parents references. References speak for themselves and are better than anything you could say to a parent to calm their concerns. And if I had a dime for every parent I signed on who never bothered to call a single reference I would be rich. The parents have to do their work too.

I don't think it's "trivializing" a parent's concern to tell them that you are experienced and this is your JOB. We don't go to the hospital and drill a surgeon on how he is gonna keep us alive on the operating table. We don't go to a dentist and demand they explain to us exactly how they are gonna be successful at our root canal. Somewhere in the world is THE WORST surgeon and dentist just as there are crappy providers.

I guess my point is that there are other ways to actually verify a provider and her abilities and her success in daycare - references. Words mean nothing.

[sunnydays]

I agree that references are a great thing if parents bother to contact them (I love it when they do because then they REALLY want the space when they hear all the great things parents have to say). But in this case, the OP is a new provider, so won't really have parent references yet, only personal references. I think she may have to spell out exactly how she plans to handle the kids and age groups to help quell parents concerns. When we are new it is a different ball game...you have to spell things out clearly so parents know you have thought it through and are not getting in over your head. I had a parent with the same concern when I started out and I flubbed it because [I]I[I] wasn't even confident that I could handle it...LOL.

[playfelt]

I like it when they call my current parents because they all report back to me with their opinions and interpretations and that is helpful in my decisions.

[bright sparks]

I think the difference between concern over a surgeons capability and a daycare provider comes from the knowledge that a surgeon is trained for a significant amount of time versus a lot of providers who start out so they can stay at home for there own children and are neither regulated or in a lot of cases don't even have any training. A surgeon is heavily regulated, has licensing which is more than just a fee and a piece of paper as they have to keep current through lots of ongoing training and observation, amongst other things and they also work as part of a team and have a "public" reputation versus a single daycare provider who behind closed doors is not observed doing their job either well or otherwise. Not really comparing apples with apples when you compare a surgeon and a daycare provider. And actually, when I get a specialist appointment, I DO research them and try to find out what kind of track record they have and their area of specialty. A note about references...Is a daycare provider likely to give the details of a parent they had a bad experience with to a prospective parent to call? No so those references are really not necessarily painting a 100% true picture from ever angle.

Caregiving is a social interaction between people....just words, words can be extremely powerful and should not be dismissed as trivial things. Everyone has their own way of approaching this business and that's fair enough. Sometimes my words fall on deaf ears but I am not going to be a robot and start to shut of my personability because of the crappy individuals who couldn't give a toss about what I say. I am caring and compassionate and to some parents this is the reason they choose me over others. Other times, this doesnt make a difference to some. Thats what makes different providers unique and meet different peoples needs. When a parent asks lots of questions it doesnt automatically mean they are a head case, and when a provider is extra kind and caring it doesnt always mean they will be taken advantage of all the time. Quite often, the parents who I click with quicker and are the easiest interview turn out to be head cases down the road so sometimes even with a wealth of knowledge and experiences you can't judge everyone exactly the same. Just having set boundaries that you never ever let the parents cross will help keep things under the providers control.

A new parent plus a new provider need to be very verbal and clearly communicate with each other in order to demonstrate compassion and understanding and gain mutual respect which will hopefully set a good path towards a positive daycare relationship.

[mop]

The interview went well actually and I sent the parent a pdf of all my forms and info.

However, today I noticed the mom put out an ad on Kijiji looking for a nanny. Not surprised as her schedule varies from week to week, and I don't think they wanted to pay for "daycare spots". I actually wondered from her initial concerns if a nanny is a better fit for what they expect.

I appreciate everyone weighing in. Thanks!