Am I setting good limits or am I being too naggy?

[torontokids]

I sometimes feel like I am always telling the kids not to do something. Is this just a common feeling we all have or should I let them be more free?

For example, outside I am telling them to keep the sand in the sandbox, not to pick my flowers, stay off the new grass, heh heh now that I am typing it it sounds silly. My space is set up to be very child friendly so not to interfere with their play and there is lot's they can do. They just seem to be attracted to those couple of things I don't want them to do. I even made a mud table with worms and everything but they still go for my garden/flowers. Should I just let it go? I don't want to always say "no" but they don't seem to get it/remember/care?

[sunnydays]

No you should not just let it go! I don't let them go in my garden or pick my flowers either (my DH would freak as he works hard on his garden). I think kids need to learn that the cannot just do whatever they want. I have a rule in my playroom for example that they cannot bring ride-on cars on my area rug...this is my quiet book area and I want the kids to be able to lie down on the rug and look at books without worrying about being run over. So I am constantly saying "No cars on the rug", which sounds silly, but I have my reasons ;) If they don't listen, I take the ride-on car away. I think you will need to set some consequences for disobeying so that you don't have to nag all the time. If they can't play nicely in the area you ask them to stay in, then they should sit out and not get to play at all. I do this at the park too if they try to leave the area I have told them to stay in...if they do not come back immediately when I ask them to, they spend a good long time sitting in the stroller watching their friends play. It works well!

[Judy Trickett]

I think kids need to learn that the cannot just do whatever they want.

DITTO!

Life is full of boundaries. Boundaries are virtually everywhere you look. As an adult I must stay on approved boundaried areas for driving. I must use the "in" door and then the "out" door. I must use only the "1-12 aisle" if I have only under 12 items. I must stay in designated "parent" areas of the school grounds. I must wait in the waiting room when I have an appointment until called upon.

Life is full of boundaries and kids need to learn these when they are young. We are preparing them for the real world and that means that, YES, we are gonna be giving them lots and lots of never ending direction in the forms of, "no, stay off, get out of, don't touch" etc etc etc until they learn some self-control and some critical thinking skills that enable them to decide when it is and is not appropriate to touch, go on, or do something.

[DaycareLady]

I was actually thinking about this lately too...I try my best to let the kids be "kids" and explore their surroundings...but I also feel that boundaries need to be set and followed through with. My group likes to put the sand from the sandbox on top of the attached table...it used to drive me nuts but then I learned to let it go as they told me they were making "roads" and they don't even use the table part to sit at anyways so at least it is being used this way (I also ask that they push as much of the sand back into the table when they are done). I wouldn't allow them to pick my flowers though or go on newly laid grass! I think you just have to look at the things that are really going to be unsafe or disrespectful to your house/your rules and then see if there are any other things you can bend with so you aren't constantly saying "no"...but follow through for sure with the rules you do set and hopefully they will get it sooner than later!

[DaycareLady]

Oh I also bought some small pylons from the dollar store that I put across an area that I don't want the children to go...I just set them out when we get outside and then take them down on our way in...they have all learned to stay out/off of that area which is nice so I don't have to be constantly running after them or saying "no". The 13 month olds understand the visual and the toddlers most certainly do after I explained to them! Could this help with your new grass area?

[torontokids]

I totally agree with what everyone said and I agree kids need clear limits. I think Sunnydays is right though and I have not been consistently consequencing them for breaking the rules. I have had them go on time out for pulling up flowers or have taken a sand toy when they weren't using it for it's intended purpose but I think I need to do this more consistently. I was just worried I was doing this too much. Good to know it just comes with the territory.

[torontokids]

Good idea with the pylons. I think I will pick some up.

[playfelt]

Sometimes we need to look at outside the same as we do inside and what our rules there. If it is ok to take toys from one area to another or to mix the books into the block bin or take the doll clothes and stuff then in the firetruck then ok but if you have inside limits you need to show the children the yard and have them think of it as areas too even though there are not rugs or mats or pictures on the wall to designate the space - sandtoys stay with the sandbox and while in the centre you observe the following rules, on the climber, swings, in the playhouse, using the ride ons, etc. If the rocks are off limits then they are off limits just like climbing on the table or sofa is inside the house. Just because outside playtime is supposed to be a time to run and explore does not mean it doesn't come with limits and expectations rules of play.

[Harmoni]

I just want to say thanks, for writing this post! Most days I feel like such a crank because all I say is "no" ALL day! lol Its the same story here...they have the swing set, climber, playhouse, sand/water table, outside toys...and all they want to do is walk in the flower beds, pull up grass and pick the trees to pieces!! Argh, makes me want to run away!! So after answering the millionth why, I now say "if you want to do that, you need to do that at your own home" haha I know...throw the parents under the bus, but I'am almost positive they throw me under the bus on a weekly basis too! :)