My little shadow - what's causing this?

[PattyCake]

Does anyone know what causes certain children to follow us everywhere and cry hysterically when we leave the room? I've have a 2 y/o dcb who's been with me for over 2 months now and he still follows me everywhere!! when I go to put other kids down for naps he cries at the gate, and if I go to the bathroom he cries at the door....It seems like whenever he can't see me he freaks out and runs to find me. If I leave the playroom and go into the kitchen(open concept so i can see them and they can see me) the pitter patter of his feet and sobbing isn't far behind even though he can totally keep playing and look over into the kitchen and see me....l don't understand why he is still doing this...any thoughts?

[playfelt]

It happens at periods where on the one hand the child realizes they are independent but craves the security of the adult.

Anxiety of being "abandoned" by parent ie you as the adult represent the adult that left and they don't want you to leave too.

Helicopter parents at home that don't allow child to have his personal space and therefore he doesn't know what to do with himself when he is given the freedoms and gets afraid.

It can also be an irrational result of having actually been left alone and when child couldn't find parent got scared and now won't let them out of his sight and by default that applies to you too.

[Artsand crafts]

It has happened to me with several kids. For some take days, others weeks, but when they start feeling comfortable and transitioned they do not cry again when I am not besides them. What I do have seen is some kids that have been long time here and then out of the blue they decide to cry at drop off. That goes away too in a few days.

[eoinsmom]

I have one dcg like this, she has been with me over a year and is only slightly better now, but i still can't go anywhere without her following right behind. She just doesn't cry now if she can't see me, ie i can go to the bathroom without crying on the other side of the door....now its just her talking to me thru the door! She refuses to go play with the other kids if i don't come right along with her and even then doesn't really play, but often will just sit beside me and talk to me incessantly. after really digging with parents, i found that they never leave her to play .independently, even at home they are always with her in the room. They have also never taken her to any public play settings, such as gym times or playgroups as ether are scared of her getting lost. Now mom is quitting her job to stay home with dcg full time. I can't say i am terribly sad to see her leave, this dcg had been extremely high maintenance for being almost three. Social skills were so far off from ask the other kids, but no help from mom or dad in changing the behavior and i see it only getting harder for this girl once mom is home full time with her.

[Momof4]

Eoinsmom, you hit the nail on the head! When I have a new child start I have a talk with the parents about encouraging their child to play on their own sometimes and tell them that it's important for children to learn to play by themselves. So many parents think they have to direct every movement for their children and I can spot it now very quickly in a new daycare child.

I also ask parents not to pick up their child at the first whimper, but to give them time to learn to self-soothe and get over whatever is bothering them on their own a bit to learn to control their frustration. It's hard for a lot of parents to realize that letting their children be an individual instead of an extension of themselves means letting go a bit even when they are babies. Some parents can't do it!

Talk to the parents.