Biting

[daisy]

I care for a 3 year old who bites (and hits & pushes) fairly frequently. She is old enough to articulate why she bites - usually it is because she wants to be alone, but sometimes she even says it is because she wants to hurt her friend. I have dealt with young children without verbal skills biting before, but never an older child.
Any advice?
PS - I always talk to her about using her words or asking me for help and I give more attention to the victim and usually get her (the biter) to sit out for a couple of minutes - but nothing seems to change the behavior - she still does it.

[sunnydays]

Since she is old enough to understand, I would make the consequences more painful for her. Remove priveleges...or do a really fun activity and make her sit out because you cannot trust her not to bite or hit. Make her play alone with a limited selection of toys and explain to her that it's because her friends don't want to be bitten or hit. Then give her short periods of time to play with friends and tons of praise and privileges back if she does well.

[Bookworm]

I would also be having a talk with her parents. Does she bite at home? Does she have siblings? How do they deal with this behaviour? If they aren't on the same page as you, then it will be difficult to curb the behaviour. I agree with the loss of priviliges. She is old enough to know that she is doing something wrong. I would also maybe set up a time line for her to curb this behaviour and let the parents know you mean business, as you can't allow her to be hurting the other children in care.

[playfelt]

My guess her desire to "hurt" the other child might also stem from a desire to have more space around her. Work on teaching the other children to respect the child's need to not have people crowding them. If she then goes up to them and bites anyways then you know what she said is not the whole truth.

To have space it is ok to stick your arms out and expect that another child will maintain a distance beyond your arms if you so desire. Personal space is just that. If playroom is tight and it means others don't have access to the toy next to where the child is playing then she needs to have a designated space she can take her toy to play alone - one toy at a time of course no hoarding.