At a loss with this newbie! Need suggestions... HELP!!!

[Sassygirl]

Hi everyone! I had posted previously asking for transition tips for a new 12 month old dcg who started with me July 8.
She comes 3 days a week which alternate every week based on dad's work schedule. Dad if off one rotating day per week and the other day she is with Grandma and Grandpa.
She is also here 6:45-5:30 on the days she is here which considering what I am dealing with... makes our days feel SO long.
These parents had signed on with me back in Feb. Paid a hefty deposit and holding fee to reserve her spot and in the 3 weeks she has been here there have been NO issues with payment. Parents are the nicest people.
However this dcg is a non stop ALL DAY LONG screamer. Not just little cries but unless she is being held by ME screams like she is being attacked. I have heard nothing like this before. Parents are eagerly working with me and trying all kinds of things. I have tried the playpen/highchair/exersaucer outside the playroom technique, nope still screams. I have done the slowly put her down and sit beside her on the floor edging my way away from her, nope still screams. I have tried all kinds of peekaboo games with her, reassuring her that I am here, nope still screams. She refuses to sit in the highchair to eat so has not been eating much her days here. She drinks her milk bottles but that is basically it unless we are outside in the backyard and she is sitting on my lap or directly beside me. None of this I can continue to do along with having 3 other 1 year olds PLUS my own 1 year old son. The others cry when she cries now and when I am holding her immediately want to be held as well and start misbehaving getting into things they know are off limits because they see I am busy. These other children are suffering because we are limited now on our walks because she screams in the stroller because I put her down and outside in the backyard unless I am holding her she screams which I think may have triggered my neigbour calling the City By Law people on me last week.
Friday I gave the mom 2 weeks notice saying that if there was no further improvement she may just not be ready for a group setting and may be better off with Grandma and Grandpa and can try me again in a few months if I have the space.
I also messaged mom this morning and offered up the "2 weeks straight cold turkey approach" the next 2 weeks. She can either come 2 full weeks full days or 2 full weeks of half days but either way I think she should come every day for those 2 remaining weeks.
Does anyone else have any other suggestions beside the obvious of terming her? I feel absolutely terrible because this family is really golden. They are on board with every thing I suggest, text me every day asking how she is and are willing to try my suggestions. Oh and of course, none of this happens at home or grandma/Grandpa's house. She is completely independent with them.
HELP!!!

[PattyCake]

Unfortunately I can't offer any other advice then to terminate. I had twin screamers for 9 months and ever since letting them go my daycare has been wonderful....the screaming was effecting my other daycare children too much for me to keep them. Good luck :)

[playfelt]

Coming more often might actually work but will take at least the two weeks if not longer. We often assume that it takes 3-4 weeks for a full timer to settle and 4-8 weeks for a part timer before they even come close to accepting their new reality.

If there is a gap between the days she comes such as Mon, Wed, Fri that also complicates things because there is no chance for the child to figure out what is the new reality since it varies.

Unfortunately we are not at home to point out to the parents what is really going on. Ex. if grandma needs to leave the room grandpa is still within eyesight or there is always one of them to hold the child.

You don't say what the child is like for napping but for sure give the child a morning and afternoon nap so they have some time away from everything - and it is good for the rest of you if her screaming is taking place in an upper family bedroom at the far end of the house instead of in the same room - still loud but more muffled.

While there are some children that are just high needs there are also some children that are just high demand - there is a big difference. As mean as it sounds letting her scream it out in the playpen in the far room may be the best thing for her. She needs to learn that no one is going to make it all better and she has to come to terms with her new reality. I would likely insist on the two weeks of full time and then give them the two week notice which equates to giving it another month but you will know after two weeks if there is any glimmer. Likely parents won't need the full two weeks of notice as they have been warned to start looking and have grandparents to fall back on.

Children that are coddled by family from day one do not learn the skills necessary to cope in the real world. For those children there are nannies that can dote on their whims. To be part of a group a child must be comfortable in their own skin and for sure this child is not.

[Sassygirl]

She is fabulous for naps. If she stays on I will have to work on shortening them in order to keep with our routine but NO issues with going into her playpen and/or crying. The problem is every other time LOL. Crying when she is not in my arms.
I spoke to Mom again and Grandparents are coming for her early today but she is going to get back to me about dcg coming the next 2 weeks straight whether its full or half days and then trying to keep her 3 days her consecutive ones.
Its really a battle of the wills. Its a change in her reality now. I am more concerned with my other 3 full timers being affected by her.



Coming more often might actually work but will take at least the two weeks if not longer. We often assume that it takes 3-4 weeks for a full timer to settle and 4-8 weeks for a part timer before they even come close to accepting their new reality.

If there is a gap between the days she comes such as Mon, Wed, Fri that also complicates things because there is no chance for the child to figure out what is the new reality since it varies.

Unfortunately we are not at home to point out to the parents what is really going on. Ex. if grandma needs to leave the room grandpa is still within eyesight or there is always one of them to hold the child.

You don't say what the child is like for napping but for sure give the child a morning and afternoon nap so they have some time away from everything - and it is good for the rest of you if her screaming is taking place in an upper family bedroom at the far end of the house instead of in the same room - still loud but more muffled.

While there are some children that are just high needs there are also some children that are just high demand - there is a big difference. As mean as it sounds letting her scream it out in the playpen in the far room may be the best thing for her. She needs to learn that no one is going to make it all better and she has to come to terms with her new reality. I would likely insist on the two weeks of full time and then give them the two week notice which equates to giving it another month but you will know after two weeks if there is any glimmer. Likely parents won't need the full two weeks of notice as they have been warned to start looking and have grandparents to fall back on.

Children that are coddled by family from day one do not learn the skills necessary to cope in the real world. For those children there are nannies that can dote on their whims. To be part of a group a child must be comfortable in their own skin and for sure this child is not.

[apples and bananas]

I would suggest that you just need to hang in there. Start your normal routine through the screaming. Offer comfort and offer to play with her while you're down on the floor, but honestly, she may just need you to back off and let her figure things out. It's only been 3 weeks. I've had 12 month olds scream for 3 weeks straight crawling to the front door. Then they magically stop.

Especially if the family is good and on board and she naps well.. I'd just plug through.

Every day may help, but I think you'll just run into a similar problem when they go back to 3 days a week. She needs to get used to the schedule.

[sunnydays]

I think it will just take more time. I had a full-time 12 monther who screamed like that for 4 weeks and then after that he was fine. Naps were always fine for him too. That was the longest I have ever had one cry. If she is part-time it could take twice as long as she never knows what to expect from day to day.

[Mama W2]

I have a little girl who is similar now. What I started doing was leaving her on the floor with the others while she is crying. When she stopped crying, I would pick her up, give her a hug and a kiss and tell her that she was a good brave girl. I would then put her back down to play. I only pick her up when she is not crying now. I will do this for the next while until she is settled. She also only started three weeks ago.

[playfelt]

I have had kids that were only happy when in the playpen as it was secure and away from reality. I just started there and let them be in the playpen as long as they wanted bringing them out after an hour - most of the time they fell asleep when put in there - being woken up earlier to come to daycare than on the parent days is one of the complicating factors to consider whether child is simply overtired. When they came down I had everyone else in the kitchen having snack and put child in chair and gave them snack - usually they are so hungry by that point they eat something. Try to position the chair so they see only half the kids in care - gradual steps here. Don't get them down till everyone else is down and gone to the playroom and then move with them.

I also had another child that we did some after hours playtime with parent coming over with child in the evening and on the weekend to play in the playroom - mom didn't play with the child but talked to me while child was ignored - even if she grabbed mom's leg and cried. After a few visits child became better at playing on her own with my stuff. It actually helped child to be happier at my house now that it was familiar. Parent paid a fee during the playdates. I was desperate to keep the child because it was a time and area where getting daycare kids was very hard so I was afraid to let them go.

I like the method above of only responding and rewarding the positive behaviour in the child and ignoring the crying assuming it doesn't last forever.

[Fun&care]

She has to toughen up for sure, and although it sounds harsh, I would hold off a bit on holding her so much. With my 12 monthers I find if I hold them too much they actually get MORE clingy, but if I leave them to play, and ignore their cries, and then interact with them when they STOP crying, it's better. Similar to what above post wrote about rewarding positive behavior.