"Three huge mistakes we make leading kids...and how to correct them."

[Mama W2]

The article I am posting is an amazing read for anyone caring for children (parents, caregivers, grandparents, etc.) I know a lot of parents who could really stand to read this. I am printing it off and posting it on my board...not only for parents but to remind myself, when I am doing a little too much instead of teaching. I figured who better to show this to, than you lovely ladies who love and care for children day in and day out. Enjoy!

http://growingleaders.com/blog/3-mistakes-we-make-leading-kids/

[playfelt]

Love the helicopter story it opens with - unfortunately I can so see this happening these days.

[michellesmunchkins]

Great article. Absolutely see this all the time!!!

[sunnydays]

I like this article! Thanks! I will share it with my daycare families in the hopes that some of them can learn to let their kids grow up..LOL. I think where I have difficulty is with the daycare kids. I let my own kids do things that are a lot more risky, but I don't feel I can let the dck's take a lot of risks while in my care because I don't want to send them home with too many bruises or broken bones. However, I can see a marked difference in the ability and confidence level at the park for example between my kids and the daycare kids. My kids climb all over the place to high heights...they understand danger, but they take calculated risks and I don't rush in to save them. Many people gasp in fear when they see my 3 year old daughter on the tip top of the play structure, but I am not worried as I know she is strong, agile, smart and careful. My dck's for the most part are either totally afraid to try anything the slightest bit risky or completely unaware of danger and risk. Thoughts on this?

[Momof4]

Omigosh, I couldn't agree more with that article. Overprotecting, hmmmm, well we all want to do that but parents who hover and don't let their children learn how to play makes me want to scream, and we've all run into those parents in our line of work.

But I love that he pointed out that we over-praise children. If they do something that is expected of them, they don't need to hear "Good job", etc. Save it for the big things so they actually realize they have done something worthy of praise.

[Fun&care]

I have a hard time with these types or articles...the kind that says that everything was so much better " back in the day" and that all kids are spoiled brats now. I think that the world has simply evolved and that things have just changed. I agree that some parents over- do it but don't tell me there weren't those types of mothers/parents around " back in the day" cuz I'm sure there were. And I'm not about to let my kids do something that I KNOW is dangerous. Example : my step dad thinks I'm too overprotective because I INSIST that both my kids. (2 and 6) wear a lifejacket at all times when boating ( neither of them can swim). I'm not about to let my kids do something I KNOW is reckless and irresponsible when there is tons of info on there about boating safety. But how many kids had to die " back in the day" for us to finally clue in? Not to mention that when something happens to a young child society tends to be very judgmental towards the parents and likes to point fingers...so I don't think parents are to blame honestly. I know there are extreme parents out there but don't make responsible parents feel guilty.

[Momof4]

Fun&Care, you have a point about reaching happy mediums and finding the balance between being extremely overcautious with your children and being neglectful of them. That's true. But I think a lot of parents need to see articles like this one so they can re-evaluate if they are allowing their kids to be kids. That's the problem with the helicopter parents.

I had a parent pull her baby after 3 weeks with me last spring because she decided she was the only one who could care for him. She actually said things to me like, I don't know why he can't just be a baby! I felt sorry for the little guy because he was past his 1st birthday and wasn't able to do anything. So if you haven't run into this type of parent yet, I'm sure you will!

Hey, I'm one of the people who grew up Back in the Day and I have the gravel pocked knees to prove it from riding my bike everywhere. I grew up on a farm on the shore of Lake Erie. We did a lot of boating and we always had our life jackets on. I agree that bike helmets, knee & elbow pads are great inventions because we sure didn't have any of those.

My own children accused me of being the most overprotective Mom on the block when they were young but now they realize that's why they are alive today! :laugh: However, I didn't hover over them.

[Fun&care]

I guess I have a hard time to relate to this article because I have not come across helicopter parents...yet! And like I said, sometimes I feel that I am made to feel guilty by older generations in my family for doing things that to me are just plain common sense. (Lifejackets, helmets etc)

[sunnydays]

Fun & Care, I totally get what you ar esaying. My mom thinks it's funny that I insist on my kids wearing helmets when they ride their bikes, even if it is a tricycle in the driveway and I grew up on the water and once we could swim nobody wore lifejackets. Now I would insist that my kids wear life jackets for sure...it just makes sense and can save lives. When I said I let my kids take some risks, I did not mean life threatening risks! I think it can be tricky to find the line between keeping them safe and being over protective and not letting them even have a scratch or bruise. I knew a mom of a child at my son's old daycare who put knee pads on her toddler at all times when he was playing outside, just in case he fell down...to me this is a bit over the top. I have a dc mom who is afraid to let her 3.5 year old eat an apple whole because she might choke (among other things)...I don't say anything as I know she loves her child and is doing her best, but the child is so fearful of everything and I wish she could see that a lot of it is because of her parent's fear of her doing anything (she won't even go on the swings because she's afraid she will fall off...even the baby swings). However, I know we are all just doing our best. And I agre that we are judged a lot and that makes it sooooo much more difficult to parent...there is no support, only judegment.

[playfelt]

The first changes I started to see was when we went to the one year maternity leave. At the time there just wasn't a lot of knowledge out there to tell parents what to do with their kids. I was usually the one at daycare that weaned the child from bottle to cup, introduced foods (baby was breastfed or given a bottle and brought to daycare and breakfast was served by me during morning snacktime). I was the one introducing a lot of the foods the other kids ate like giving them cheerios to hold them over while I served the others at lunchtime. I was the one that weaned them from two naps to one etc. Kids came into care at 4-6 months old.

Now what I see a lot is parents do a great job for the first 6-9 months and revel in all that their child accomplishes, rolling, sitting, etc. and then spend the last 3-6 months till mat leave is over undoing it all by realizing time is coming to an end and cuddling, holding, spending every minute with the baby. The result is what we are seeing in daycare. The child has lost that wonder and drive they had till 6 months and are now helpless and dependent.

Trends come and go as well in when foods are introduced and what order and how much and first it was all milk no juice at all, then milk is cut back in favour of juice and water and well it is hard to keep on top of it all. Much of it depends on how old the family's doctor is as to what they recommend or what website the parent found and decided to go by.

We also went through a severe abuse phase where it seemed like every bruise, scrape, bump, broken bone, etc. was suspected of abuse first and disproven second. It is that guilty till proven innocent philosophy used by doctors, teachers, CAS, etc. that is responsible for starting this hover mentality - less my child get injured and I get blamed and who can find fault with that. Does the child a big disservice because we are learning now that those little scrapes they get into are actually good learning for the future and there are plenty of studies to show that. Abuse is reserved more and more for severe more obvious cases and well when you show up at emerg with a kid with an injury you aren't made to feel like it is your fault - believe me with my son we have had more than our fair share of trips there and for sure have been treated differently over the years so I can honestly say things have changed.

As I read posts on topics such as this I can pretty well peg the age group the poster belongs to based on their comments. Each generation takes how they were raised and modifies that so it will take several generations to get back to a happy medium balance.