Transitioning a new baby - having a rough time!

[gravy_train]

I started transitioning a new baby into my daycare last week and she cries constantly. I wish I was exaggerating but this little one cries from the time she is dropped off until the time she Gets picked up. I suspect that she is held all day at home as she follows me around all day, crying, with her hands held up for me to pick her up (which i can't do all day because I feel like that is encouraging the behavior and I simply don't have the resources). I sent the family a list of things to do to help with the transition (getting her on our schedule, teaching her to play independently, etc) about two months before her start date and feel like I did my job in that regard.
Since she started I have noticed that the other kids are very 'on edge' and have become clingy. I guess my question is what do you think is a reasonable amount of time for a 12 month old to transition into daycare? The first child I ever had in my daycare was also a very difficult transition (it too about three months for her to get trough the day without crying) and I am definitely not prepared to go through that again. I have transitioned other children into care since then and it has gone very smoothly.
Oh I should also note that she has only been here a week, so I know it's still very early on but I want (need for my own sanity) to put a timeline on this so that I can make it through!!!
Thanks for your positive ideas and thoughts everyone!

[apples and bananas]

I just started one as well. We're doing one day a week for 4 weeks then full time, 5 days a week. So far this is her second day. She doesn't like me very much. LOL But she loves my daughter which helps.

Day one she cried non stop! Day 2 (today) cried for 10 minutes and has been plying on and off nicely since. She won't eat yet (which is really the biggest thing that bothers me) Today she's doing a lot of crawling to the front door, but not too much crying with it.

my worst transition was 3 full weeks of full blown crying and walking to the front door. Now, she's amazing.

I think it's great that she's looking to you for comfort. She's reaching up to you as if she wants you to pick her up. That's great progress as far as I'm concerned. My newbie cries when I look at her the wrong way. I've been successful today because I'm practically ignoring her. LOL I put some toys out on the floor in her area and walk away.

I hate transitioning. I totally feel your pain. But it will get better. Look for little bits of progress every day and that will make you feel like you're getting somewhere.

[gravy_train]

Thanks Apples! I like your philosophy of celebrating the small victories.
For example, I just had a full five minutes with no crying!! Argh!!!

[gravy_train]

I guess my other question is how long do you let a child cry before you call the parents to come and pick up?

[apples and bananas]

I call the parent when the child is visibly so upset and inconsolable that there's nothing I can do. And I always give the parent the option of getting them or leaving them here.

I just put my newbie down for a nap. She starting in to the inconsolable crying. Nothing I could do, so I thought... maybe she just needs a little space. I put her in her play pen and right to sleep. I need them all on the same 12pm nap for my own sanity, but if they're that tired, you have to do what's best for them. Thank goodness this one is a good sleeper.

And yes... 5 minutes of no crying is a huge victory! Tomorrow maybe you'll get 10. LOL

[Momof4]

I never call the parents to come and pick up their child if it's a new child transitioning. They have to learn to get through the days and so do we. I used to transition children in slowly, a day, then two/week, and so on, but now I want them full time right away, it helps them transition quicker.

When children are new they do need some cuddling, they are scared out of their minds, but I always put them down after cuddling for a little while and let them know that they have to learn to play independently, I agree with you there.

[playfelt]

I don't call the parents to pick up and I don't tell them the child cried all day. Lots of carrying from after snack to pick up so child looks happier if possible. I know that crying all day is normal for many kids that have not been socialized and things will get better. Sometimes it is better when the parents don't know the truth.

As to how long I would let it go on well I learned long ago to tune it out and I give criers two naps a day as often being over tired is one of the reasons for not being able to settle and it gives the rest of us a break. Have never had a child that didn't eventually get with the program even if it did take a few months.

When she puts her hands up to be picked up I would be more inclined to simply take her hand and hold her close to me rather than pick her up so I am still there for security but not doing the coping for her by carrying. Also newbies often like to sit in a high chair in the playroom at first so they are up and snuggled by the chair and looking down on the play just as if they were being carried.

[mimi]

I would definitely respond to her need to reach out. She is looking to you for reassurance and comfort. It is pretty scary for some of these little ones to find themselves in a new place with a caregiver who isn't a parent.
I usually sit on the floor or on a little stool so my newbies can roam around, see I am there at their level and am easily accessible if they need to touch or cuddle for reassurance. We as providers need to prove to them that their emotional and physical needs will be met. Some take longer than others to convince we are here for them, but once the new dck "gets it" it can be like a switch going on and they will be fine from then on. This has been my experience.:)

[Momof4]

I completely agree mimi, the new child needs reassurance as well as encouragement to get to know the new surroundings and the new faces. I now have my newly signed on clients come in for several visits with Mom to get to know the room, faces, noises, activity, voices and then as I said before they start full-time without Mom and we go cold turkey so the child gets used to our schedule and falls into meals/naps/routines as fast as possible.

[cfred]

I agree....address her need for reassurance. In my opinion, the fact that she's reaching for you at all is awesome! She's established you as a source of comfort and trust so, to me, it looks like you're well on your way to transitioning anyway. Once that occurs, the rest is pretty easy to sort out. Once a child starts recognizing me as their source of comfort, I do give them a little more physical contact and personal attention than the others. Many activities that we do will be done with the new child either on my lap, right beside me, holding my hand or just in very close, physical proximity. They need this to develop their sense of security in a new environment. Before you know it, she'll start 'anchoring' - wandering away, then coming back to check on you, going further and further each time. It is explained at all intake interviews that this is my method, it's been successful and EVERY child entering this daycare gets that benefit/luxury. The others will be fine in the short term. I find, often, that the kids who have been here longer, often will try to help make the new child feel better. It's actually a good way to develop empathy in young children. Incorporating a few circles into your week where you talk about feelings is also helpful. I'll do more 'Cuddle Puddles' at these times too, as they involve all the kids and it's just a fun way to show affection to everyone at the same time.

I don't know if that helps you at all. I know transitioning is a little slice of hell for everyone....not my favourite part of the gig either. But if I find if I just turn my thinking around a little, it's very beneficial and makes the process more tolerable.

[Judy Trickett]

I never call the parents to come and pick up their child if it's a new child transitioning. They have to learn to get through the days and so do we. I used to transition children in slowly, a day, then two/week, and so on, but now I want them full time right away, it helps them transition quicker.




Yep, totally agree on this one. Cold turkey right from the get go.

[gravy_train]

Thanks for the input everyone. I should clarify that Of course I reassure her physically with cuddles and lots of floor time where she sits on my lap. It i just physically impossible (and unhealthy for her) for me to do that all day. the crying is very hard on all of us, including the other kids in my care :-(. I understand that this age is really tough because of separation anxiety and the daycare world is so new.
As Apples said, it's a rough time for everyone so best to celebrate the small victories and right now I have a moment of quiet and am doing just that!

[Momof4]

The day when you all of a sudden realize that it's quiet and there is no crying or screaming. That's victory day! Hope it comes soon for you gravytrain.