FIRST IMMEDIATE TERMINATON due to parent intimidation

[momof4inpink]

LONG POST (vent) SORRY.....I had the worst day ever yesterday:(!! I had my first ever Immediate Termination and now I am out a whole month wage loss from them GRRRR. So here is the story, have had these clients for a year. Dad is a teacher, an this dgd is their first child been enrolled since 12mths. They have pushed me several times expecting me to bend my rules from my policies, ie: trying to have her enrolled during spring break on dad's holidays when they stated they didn't need my services during teacher breaks upon sign up. I wanted to terminate them then as I felt they really were rude about the whole matter. Dad stays home all summer with dcd except for a few days a month to interact with the dayhome kids as they paid a holding summer fee. I get a text message at 9pm 3 days before dcg is to start up again fulltime, that dad is going ahead and potty training her with the 3 day potty method. I sen d him a very detailed email about my policies that she needs to be accident free for 2 weeks before she is allowed to be in straight underwear. He tells me that he will stay with her longer at home before she's back fulltime, less than 2 weeks. I explain in the email that it is against my policies however I will give her the benefit of the doubt when she returns however if she has too many accidents she will have to be put in pull ups. Day 1; she did ok, but I really watched her, and caught her before she was to have an accident day 2; I gave her the space and let her come to me as directed by dad. She had 1 poop accidents and 2 pee. day 3; before long weekend 2 poops and 3 pees. I tell mom at pick up that this isn't going well, she is shocked and denies any problems at home. They work on it over the long weekend. This Tuesday, he tells me at drop off that oh she did well exept for a few bits and pieces:blink: day 4; 2 poops and no pee because now Im putting her on the potty every hour, but I can't catch the poop accidents. Day 5 one poop and again Im putting on potty every hour to prevent accidents. Dad comes to pick up, I explain again se is not telling me that she needs to go, he literally starts to question my childcare, telling me that I shouldn't put heron the potty every hour and to let her come to me, I tell hi that isn't working and you refuse to allow me to put pull ups on her even though it is in my policy. He again debates me on every single thing I say. It starts to get a little heated and he makes the statement oh well I have spoken with several childcare providers that are willing to work with her. I say that's fine by all means pull her out of my care and go. I tell him really? I belong to a facebook local group and they all tell me the same thing, they would not allow this behaviour with no pull ups. He will not listen to me, he basically is telling me that this is the way this method is too work. I tell him its not for every child. I try to explain to him that I can not nor have the time to continually clean up after several accident a day There dcd is not even 2 yet, cannot even talk!!!! My children and my remaining clients child is watching his behaviour escalate and I ask him to leave. He refuses to, tells me he has a right to be here as he is picking up his daughter. I say yes now leave. Again he refuses. I tell him if you don't leave I will call someone. He mocks me and says oh really who are you going to call?? whoa re you going to call??? I raise my voice and tell him this is still my bloody house now leave. He refuses and tells me that unless we come up with a solution to this matter he will not leave. By this time my mouth is pastey and I'm a little scared. You see my husband works away for 10 days in a row, and normally he is not home, which this dad im sure was feeling pretty confident about. Yet my husband was in the city and walk through the door, just as I told dcd that he was officially terminated immediately. Dcd has shock on his face and says I cant believe you just said that to me, I said absolutely, your done. I am not going to be intimidated to cower to your demands. Then to see his face and his demeanour completely change when he seen my husband walk through the door. Dcd proceeds to plea with my husband about dcd potty training process, however my husband knew the issues I was having with this. Dcd is for a loss of word pleading with my husband, back pedaling saying ok ok if it all results to pull ups I will go home and discuss this with my wife. As he is getting dcd ready to leave, he mumbles under his breath, this is the worst customer service ever, and Ive taken a lot of shit over this:mad:. AHHHHHH I say excuse me, excuse me, trust me ____ I don't need your parent reference to continue my dayhome business. I was literally shaking, bawled my eyes out, when it was over. I get a rude email from dcm demanding a full refund for the month minus 3 days :( even though in my policy it states I could keep it. My husband didn't want anymore contact from them, nd he is leaving town and he was certain that they would harras me until they got their money. So I did, and now Ive taken a total beating from everywhere.........w ow what an experience!!!!

[momofnerds]

omg, thats crazy. Acually I would keep their pay because they signed the contract. If you give it to them, then its liek they won and will probably do this to another provider. I would also warn other providers in the area about them.

[Fun&care]

Just wow. I am so sorry this happened to you. I can't believe some people. Trying to bully you into doing things his way? Good for you for terminating, and although it really sucks I think you did the right thing to refund them...I wouldn't want them harassing me when my hubby is outta town that's for sure. Hugs to you! You deserve better and I hope you find an awesome family to replace them!

[mimi]

Yes, that is a tough experience to go through and you should be proud of yourself for standing your ground and then terminating when it was more than obvious he was not going to follow policy.
It sounds like this guy had a big ego and not so much respect for you as you are only a woman and on your own at that for long periods of time. I hope you got some enjoyment out of watching him back pedal and plead with your husband regarding potty training. Seriously, he is speaking to your husband like he is supposed to talk sense into you so you will see dcd's way. Dcd was probably scared of wife's reaction.
Have a nice relaxing bath, a glass of wine, a shoulder rub from your dear husband and have a good nights rest. You did the right thing and actually put up with a lot more than most of us would have.:glomp:

[ladyjbug]

Wow, you poor girl. So sorry that you had to go through that. My very first termination was like that, only it wasn't over potty training, it was over them drugging and dropping a very sick kid and I called them on it and said how dangerous it was. The mom went nuts on me, swearing in front of me and the kids, and then the dad phoned with more threats and insults on my machine...that happened to be playing while my very new daycare parents picked up.Just lovely. I can't believe he wouldn't leave when you told him to. What a bully, trying to intimidate you like that. I kept my deposit in my situation, but I fully understand you refunding in this case. Sounds like the guy is just not right in the head, and I wouldn't feel comfortable giving him motive to show up if my husband was out of town, and me alone in a house full of children. Wishing you much better luck in the future with clients, and good for you for standing your ground.

[Skysue]

It sucks to be treated like that. I have had very respectful parents so for that I'm greatful.

He is unfortunately like a lot if teachers out there extremely arrogant. I can't understand how people that are supposed to help nurture the minds of tomorrow be so closed minded. The methodology of the 3 day plan yes can be very successful, does it work for all kids, absolutely not!

The most successful potty trained children in my care have been the ones where the parents try and make there home environment as similar to daycare as possible through the training process.

Another amazing little one and parents are just around the corner I can feel it!

Hugs!

[mimi]

To address the 3 day potty training, it worked on my 22/3 yr old dcg and failed miserably on a 27 month dcg. The kids also need to be able to verbalize to some degree their need to go on the potty.
Oh ladyjbug, I did a gasp at the thought of you greeting the new dcp's while listening to a such a horrible message of your former clients. Awkward on so many levels:eek:

[apples and bananas]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Such a horrible thing to happen in your own home.

[Other Mummy]

:mad:This is a bully pure and simple. That situation is horrid. If that was me, I would have called the police and told him so when he mocked me about "who I was gonna call".

[Lou]

omg the whole situation sounds so stressful!!! I would have bawled after the fact too, so intimidating!! I'm so glad your hubby came when he did, you must have felt so relieved. LOL that he started pleading with your husband about potty training, cripes. GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!

[treeholm]

It is so tempting to tell you that you should have kept the money, because you were certainly entitled to it. However, I think you did the right thing in returning it for your own emotional safety! With your husband away, you would be a nervous wreck worrying about whether he was going to come over to get the money and become aggressive again. It is worth the money to be RID of them. He sounds dangerous. At least he has no reason to return, so your peace of mind is what you bought with that money... not really a bad deal in the big picture!

[KellyP]

I am so sorry this happened to you. That dad should be ashamed of himself..... What a really mean and bully-ish way to behave to a caregiver with children.... He KNEW you felt defenseless and he took advantage of that.

I am steaming mad for you!! I hope you spread the word in your community about this dad so that other providers are leary of enrolling the family.

I would also consider filing a report with the police for his actions so he does not continue to try and contact you.

(((hugs)))) for having to have gone through that.

[Mamateach]

Very sorry that you had to go through this, but GOOD FOR YOU for standing your ground!!! It is your home, your rules! I would have done the exact same thing. I bet his wife killed him when he got home:laugh: Parents usually only have to care for 1-2 children. They have no idea how hard it is to be cleaning up accidents while caring for 3-4 other children at the same time! I hope you can breath a sigh of relief, knowing that you no longer have to deal with this person. As previously stated, I would also try and warn other caregivers in your area about this family.

[momof4inpink]

I am so sorry this happened to you. That dad should be ashamed of himself..... What a really mean and bully-ish way to behave to a caregiver with children.... He KNEW you felt defenseless and he took advantage of that.

I am steaming mad for you!! I hope you spread the word in your community about this dad so that other providers are leary of enrolling the family.

I would also consider filing a report with the police for his actions so he does not continue to try and contact you.

(((hugs)))) for having to have gone through that.

I have had 2 days to think about the matter and I so so regret refunding them their money as, they so didn't deserve it after his appalling actions. I told my husband that I wanted to contact the police, but he had suggested not to. It is amazing that he is a school teacher for grade 4/5 students, his wife is Judicial clerk which is why I kind of decided to refund the $$ as I assumed that she would have some legal connections to pursue me with some sort of loop hole that I didn't see coming. The whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach and I can't believe I didn't terminate them earlier when I had so many opportunities too, as the dcg went through a biting issue and I still worked through that issue!!!! I really have to revamp my handbook policies to make it iron clad so I won't be forced to give a refund ever again. I am secretly hoping that the next provider tells them the same thing that she s not ready to be potty trained at 22mths!!!! I will NEVER take school teacher again!!!!

[Lou]

I told my husband your story and he said he would have been FURIOUS at anyone speaking to me that way. What was your husband saying when he turned his focus to him?

And the thing is I bet his wife wasn't so mad at him when he got home because I bet he twisted the story so much to make himself look like the rational non-confrontational one. People, I tell ya.

[Artsand crafts]

Wow... That is a nut job. How can he expect you to keep taking care of his child after trying to intimidate you. I would have at least threat him to call 911 or something to taking him out of my back. I would have also give him his money back so I didn't have to hear anything from them ever again. You did right, it's better to keep bullies away...

When I started reading your post I though I was reading something about me. This week a 23 mo dcg came back from summer vacation (dad is a teacher). She was potty trained during her time off and she returned Tuesday in under ware. I suspected she would so as soon as the door closed I checked and put a pull up on. She had accidents all day, but email parents at lunch about it and told them about the pull ups and remind them my policy (and to bring more pull ups, of course). She is now doing much better (but still in pull ups). Everyday she is having less and less accidents and she started yesterday to tell me sometimes when she needs to go.

I would also be mad if the guy was begging my husband for me to keep the child. This is my business, not my husband's.

[Lou]

Did you ever hear from these people again? Or was that it?