Chatting at pickup time

[Mambia]

I have a dcmom who loves to chat at pickup time and delay taking her child home for some odd reason...probably because she knows he is a busy bee but that's not my prob! I have tried numerous attempts at speeding up the pickup of her child but she just doesn't get it. I have my own 2 young kids and its just a whirlwind upon pickup. My home is not setup with gates since my daycare space is in the basement and pickups happen at the front door where I like to claim as non daycare space. She watches as her child runs back and forth from one end of my house to the other in his shoes and I try to catch him and put an end to it by saying " ok let's get our jacket on you have to go home now" and then suddenly he jumps to his mom and then again she lets him go and he runs off. So annoying and think I will put up a huge gate at the door so atleast he is confined and maybe that will get them out sooner. What's a nice and polite way of saying that u must leave now as I have my own family to tend too? They are my last pickup for the day.

[Crayola kiddies]

yes get a gate !!!!! and ....Have the child dressed and ready to go sitting on the floor or on a small chair by the door and when mom walks in say " oh heres mom now ....well you have a terrific night/weekend and ill see you tomorrow/Monday." .....if that doesn't work arrange for your hubby to call you from his cell to your home phone and when the phone rings say "oh I better get that you have a nice night " and walk away and chat on the phone ...... or just say "i really like chatting with you but I really have to get dinner on the table as the kids are hungry at this time of day so I need to make pickups a little quicker"

[Mambia]

Yes! That sounds like a good plan and I've tried all these "gimmicks" and they work on a per day basis and next day it just goes back to same old. Problem is the dcb is always dressed with shoes on but when mom comes in and makes herself comfortable, he sits on her lap and starts taking his shoes off. It's such a drag and I'm not a confrontational person so it's tough for me to be blunt. Issue too is that he acts up once mom steps foot in the door and goes crazy so then my kids feed off that and go nutty too and it's just insane. He's even gotten to the point that he runs to my kitchen and helps himself to cupboard snacks and brings everything to mom (wants to open box of cookies, etc). Today I got a bit ticked off by this as I won't tolerate that behaviour. My kids are entitled to help themselves because its their home but dckids are not. She just watches and laughs "you're so silly". There's even been times where my lil one was crying like crazy and the dcmom continued to go on with her stories as though she didn't hear crying in the background. Arghhhhh!

[mimi]

I have had these chatty moms and dads too. The common theme is "me, me, me" and if it isn't about them, seriously they will ask their child to perform for me. "did you sing your favourite song for Mimi today?" "No?" "Well, why don't you sing it now for her?" Are you kidding me? I have had your child for 9 hrs do you not realize the last thing I want to hear at the end of the day is another kids song?
I realized over time the only way to get through to these people was to be blunt, but friendly. I have their child ready to go and I tell that child in advance (if they are old enough) that when parent comes, it is home time. When parent arrives and starts to tell me about their whole day, I just cut them off with a smile and acknowledge them "Wow, you did have a rough day" and then tell them to have a nice night as at the same time I have gotten up and walked away out of sight. Some people do not know how to read other peoples social cues, so that is why these folks have no clue why people turn down their invitations and don't answer their phone calls.
I wish you luck.

[Other Mummy]

mimi had some great suggestions. I just recently termed a client that was like this. Both dcm and dcd would linger. They would pick up and stay in my yard instead of leaving. Pushing their son on the swing and trying to chat, like they were at a public park. Or they would continue to hang out on the steps by my door, long after I bid them good evening and walked away to tend to my daycare crew.

They NEVER got it. After many hints, notes written in my newsletters about quick departures especially with multiple pickups at the same time.

I didn't term over this. But now that they are gone, pick ups and drop offs are so much more easier with the rest of my dcp's!

Be blunt with this family. Don't feel badly. It is a business, not a friendship. Just tell them that you cannot spend time chatting, when your daycare awaits, or family needs your time. That they may call you at a scheduled time to discuss any issues/concerns/questions they have about their dcc. Then smile politely and wish them good bye.

IF that does not work...I've got nothing :blink:

[KellyP]

Personally, I bill until the parent is OFF the property. I allow 10 minutes for pick ups and drop offs. So once this mom arrives, the clock starts ticking.... once she exceeds her 10 minutes, late fees ($1 per minute) start kicking in.

I have several other kids to watch during drop offs so if someone wants to chat, they need to call a friend and go out for coffee. If they want to chat at pick up, they need to go home and talk to their spouses as I too have a family and don't want or need to spend any additional time chatting with a daycare parent for free. You want entertainment at pick up time, then they need to pay for it.

Harsh? maybe to some but honestly if we are even having this issue with a parent, then it's obvious already that the parent doesn't respect your time as valuable so I do NOT feel bad about attaching money to it.

Funny how attaching a fee to a behavior curbs it really fast.

[mimi]

I hear you Kelly P, but I think a little chat as they are getting their kids coats on is fine. I am still the person caring for their child and by chatting for 2 minutes they are also checking my demeanor and attitude to make sure all is well and being friendly during this time is my invested PR time in my business.
If however, as I said before, the chatting has become a therapy session for the narcissistic parent, then I cut them short.

[Mambia]

I agree that a few minutes of chatting is fine, after all that's the benefit of home daycare that's its more personal and you get that special attention that perhaps you don't receive at a daycare centre. That being said, the chatting should not exceed an obsurd amount of time. If pickup is at 4 then in my opinion, dck and parent should be out of my house by 4:10 at the latest. My dcmom stays and chats/watches as her child runs around wild in my house for 20 min if not longer everyday. She knows that he is my last pickup for the day so that worry of me tending to other dckids isn't there. At the same time, I have my own kids and hubby who I would like to spend time with and there's just no respect from her end for my time. I once was that parent who picked up my child from daycare and I can honestly say that I was always eager to get home after a long work day. I couldn't even imagine allowing my child to run wild while I stood at the door. Guess some people are just stupid! I say that in the nicest way possible but really, take your kid and go home!!! I watch them for 9 hrs a day, 5 days a week, I don't need further entertainment outside of that. She always feels the need to fill me in on her child's successes and what he did yesterday...honestly , they parent for a whole 2 hours a day before child goes to sleep!!! Either way, putting up a gate and will have to be more blunt otherwise this will just drive me to termination.

[JennJubie]

I have one dcp like this. Very nice person, but he loves to talk. He'll talk for 30 minutes if I let him. He never caught any hints, so I had to resort to being polite but blunt. I flat out said one day "ok, I still have lots to get done today, so I need to go." And I grabbed the door while I said it. THAT he understood. Some people honestly do not get subtle hints, and some people don't pick up on normal social cues, so they need to be told outright that you are still busy

[mickyc]

Is it possible to play outside at the end of the day? Then when mom comes to pick up you say have a good evening, get your kids and go inside? Or another thing you could do is have your kids stay downstairs (depending on age of course) then bring the child to his mom and then go back downstairs. Surely mom wouldn't allow the child to run around your house if you go downstairs. Definitely a gate will help. Also explain to the child that when mom comes he needs to go home and that running around your house is not allowed. Some people just don't understand boundaries!!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have very chatty parents at drop off and pick up's. It can be up to 45 minutes so I understand your frustration!! I used to stay outside with the last child but I found it didn't help. The dcg would play and mom would talk to me forever. Now if she is the last child (I have very inconsistent parents so I never know who my last child is going to be on any day) we go inside and I let her colour at the kitchen table. When mom comes in I tell her a quick overview of her child's day and then I start to get things out for supper, do the dishes, sweep the floor....anything to make it look like I'm busy. Her daughter also runs into my living room and mom doesn't get her so I will stand in front of the doorway so she can't get by me. It seems to help and make pick ups go quicker.......howeve r if she gets picked up early and there are still other kids there she takes her sweet time and I don't know how to stop that lol. I try not to be too engaging and ask questions and try to seem uninterested but without being rude. I think for some parents it's a fine line for them too...they don't want to run out of your house too quickly and look rude but then they go the extreme other way and stay far too long!!

[Lou]

I was also going to suggest getting the child ready and waiting on the front step "for some fresh air" then when Mom arrives give her a quick overview and say cheerfully "goodnight"! and retreat inside. Otherwise, I just think you're going to have to muster up the courage to be more blunt and learn to cut her off and bid her farewell, lol. Send out an email newsletter reminding parents that at the end of the day you have your own family to attend to so pick ups need to be more quick and children need to remain at the front door with their parents as they are helping them to leave. I have a hard time being confrontational myself but there are certain things (like interfering with family time!) that need to be spoken up against to those people in this world who don't "get it".

[mimi]

I wonder how the parent would feel if their work day is over and a coworker or boss came over to chat. They would be pissed so why do they do it to us? They need to understand they are not visiting us they are picking up their child.

[playfelt]

One of the things I have found that sometimes works is to start talking as soon as the parent comes in and start telling about the child's day and then just stop talking. If anything focus on the child and their getting ready urging them on to cooperate etc. if necessary reminding them it is time to go home, that mom has had a long busy day and it is time to go home.

Hopefully the parent appreciates the help and gets the hint that I have had a long day too and want to "go home". Not always but once I stop talking to them and talk only to the child they are less likely to try to engage me again.

[betsy]

I wonder if most of these parents think that they have to be friendly with their child's caregiver?
Hopefully, sites that offer tips for parents about daycare would include the bye-bye part. Keep it short and sweet.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Betsy, I would hope that dc families are friendly to the dcp but there is a difference between being friendly and being a friend. I have had dc parents request to be friends on facebook and I just explain to them in person that I don't add parents as friends. I am sure many friendships come out of daycare but I prefer to keep dc separate from my personal life for now. Maybe when I have children of my own I could see doing things with them outside of daycare but for now, it's a no no for me.

[cfred]

I must be the freak in the bunch here. I absolutely LOVE my clients coming right into my house, chatting with me and spending a little time. Even when my own children were very small I did. It has always been this way. Of course, if I have somewhere that I need to be, they vamoose pretty quickly and are respectful of my scheduling. Yesterday, while a potential client was here for a second interview and to see playtime, 2 clients came to pick up...hung around and chatted a bit. Then an old client from years ago stopped in unexpectedly for a visit. It was lovely! And really couldn't have worked out better as the old client was a walking, talking reference. I got the client and she loved the warm, welcoming atmosphere....she signs by the weekend. I don't draw the line between business and friends. I'm open to both. It's such a personal business and, in my experience, it puts parents' minds at ease, being so open. I've been closer with some clients than others, but have had close relationships with many of them. I facilitate evenings out so the mothers can get to know each other. I've traveled overseas and gone on camping trips with others. Some of my closest friends are former clients. That is definitely one of the huge perks of this job for me! Of course, that's not to disparage any other way of dealing with parents. It's just my way. I tend to be a little too outgoing for my own good sometimes and pick up new friends all over the place. My daughter says I'm very weird that way...but I'm not sure it's a bad thing :)

[Momof4]

Oh Cfred, you are a freak! :laugh: I like to meet friends at the park with their daycares and I've even made some acquaintances with some of the Moms who bring their children to our park regularly because it's so great to have adult interaction whenever possible in this job.

I like to chat a bit with parents morning and evening to keep open communications with them and learn about their child's habits at home compared with how they behave at daycare. I'm a big part of their child's life and they talk about me a lot at home so some of the parents want to get to know me better and appreciate how much I mean to their child.

But I'm friends with a few families after the child graduates and we keep in touch. I like to make sure my clients know that we have a business relationship so I don't add them to facebook until they are graduates and show an interest in remaining friends with me. I just want to keep the lines clear. And I don't mind a 10 minute conversation at the end of the day, but I wouldn't want them coming in and making themselves comfortable in my home and staying for a while, I want them to take their lovely children home and give me my nice quiet house back for the evening, PRONTO! Byebye! :wave:

[cfred]

Wow...I am a freak! I'm the complete opposite. We never go to the park, unless no one else is there. I have no interest in meeting up with other providers and my kids are too little for the equipment, so we don't bother. We go for walks, picnics and meals out at restaurants....stuff like that. Parents come inside and play with the kids (if they're so inclined). Sometimes we put on some tea or coffee. If it's the end of the day, we might have a glass of wine or, if I'm taking my kids out for dinner, some might join us. I've had the odd client stay on and have dinner with us if hubby is working our out of town. We have girly nights of margaritas occasionally....kind a cool. One lady's bringing me homemade perogies for dinner tonight (bless her...she knows the way to my heart!). One has offered to be my ride to the hospital for my surgery...I don't need it, but still...so nice! We're all on FB and are all going to one little gal's bday party this month. I love the connection with them! Of course, there's the odd one that makes me regret it, but for the most part, it has worked out very, very well.

Of course, I'm also single and just about dying to talk to an adult by the end of the day, so I guess that might be part of it ;)