Help!

[smileyface]

Help! I have never had to deal with something like this before... I have a dad that does all drop off's, and he makes me so uncomfortable! He lets himself in my house (so now I lock the door). He also takes off his shoes and comes right in my house (without me inviting him to do so), sits down on my couch and just stares at me and sits there for a good 10-15 minutes when his child is perfectly fine and not crying at all. I've asked this family to stop doing this, as it's not necessary and it's disruptive to the other children, but this dad continues to do this anyways. Oh and last week he randomly showed up 40 minutes early (thank God my door was locked!) and he was surprised that I wasn't okay with this early drop off. I want to terminate immediately because I feel so uncomfortable with this guy and this family doesn't listen to anything I say... Do you think I'm justified to terminate immediately, or do I have to give notice? I dread dealing with them further because I feel so uncomfortable and creeped out by this dad that helps himself to my house like it's his.

[playfelt]

In theory you need to give notice since nothing he is doing is sufficient in itself to terminate immediately as in no one is in danger. I know he is disrespecting and for some that is grounds. I would probably put in writing what the new drop off/pick up procedure will be for all families and why and then include in that the threat of termination so they are warned. Then if they disregard the information you can terminate as you see fit.

[mimi]

This would give me the creeps too, especially since you have already let them know that this is not acceptable.
You do have grounds for immediate termination as you have let him know how you feel and he continues to invade your personal space. He seems to be a control freak who delights in watching you feel uncomfortable. Since your internal alarm is ringing loud and clear I would let them go.

[busydaycarelady]

YIKES! Can your husband or anyone else be at home when he drops off and you lay down the law? Keep your door locked. If he shows up super early again, don't open it until his regular drop off time. At drop offs, can you kind of block his entrance to the rest of your home with a child gate or by even just standing there? Next time if he begins to take off his shoes, I would say politely , 'No need for that! We have a busy day ahead of us and need to get started with our activities right away.' If he doesn't take the hint, I would politely, but firmly tell him that he doesn't need to come in at drop off as it disrupts your schedule and activities with the children. Plus, it can make for a tricky good bye for his child. Tell him you need parents to make drop offs quick and AT the door. If he sits down, ask him to leave. He knows he's making you uncomfortable and seems to enjoy it. Don't give him that power. If you lay it out for him and he still can't respect you and your policies, I would terminate immediately. He's a creep. And I get the impression he's used to treating people like this. What's mom like?

Good luck. Be strong. This is YOUR house and who is he to intrude in YOUR private residence. You obviously would not do that to him And deserve the same respect from him.

[mamaof4]

ick-- I am a big believer in listening to your gut and if this guy is making you squirm I'd give notice.

[Crayola kiddies]

Ummmm ..... Next .... The fact that he only comes once a week means you only have to deal with it two more times .... Hand a notice today stating that due to a failure to provide the necessary supplies for their child and a general air of disrespect towards yourself and the day home you will no longer be providing care for xxxxx (childs name) after xxxx (date) .
And hand it directly to him and tell him what the letter is for and why.

[pink]

That is terrible smileyface, I have to agree with mamaof4, if this makes you feel uncomfortable, I would terminate the contract. I keep my door lock until 7:00 a.m., I have a separate entrance for the daycare parents and designated space for my daycare. No parents come in my house, that is my private and personal space. I keep my door locked during the day and I have large windows in my daycare so I can see who is pulling up in my driveway and my alarm chimes when the door is opened. I don't answer the door for strangers. Have your hubby around when you give him his notice. You need to feel safe in your own home and other have to respect your personal space.

[playfelt]

If possible it would be ideal to have your husband there the next morning he comes and have him appear just as the dad is taking off his shoes and you telling him that won't be necessary since he is not welcome to come into your home anymore. That is a place for the children not for the parents.

I would really be wondering why he is doing this as his child obviously doesn't need any reassuring and even that isn't a good enough reason. I hate to paint all guys with the same brush as they say but what is he getting out of watching all of those little kids, creepy for sure. When he knows you don't want him there and he still does it that is not acceptable at all. Can you block the door when he comes and ask him to hand the child directly to you and to not set foot in the house since he doesn't seem to know how to turn around and leave at drop offs. If he gets offended and leaves with his child probably even better. Time to replace for sure.

[mimi]

Reading your other posts Smileyface I would term today. I would not want that person in my home another time.

[Fun&care]

Why is it that some parents think that because they pay us, they have all the rights in the world? I understand that a parent wants to " keep an eye" on the daycare provider, but what this guy is doing really is creepy. Seems there have been a few posts lately about creepy dads. Sorry you are going through this.

[Lou]

Term today. They are not respecting you at all, and he sees you as someone he can walk all over. That would creep me out too ESPECIALLY since you have addressed it in the past and he doesn't care. You don't need that in your life, this job is hard enough as is! Keep us posted.

[torontokids]

What about talking to the mom? You could give them one months notice with the condition that mom does all pick ups and drop offs. If they choose not to do that they can decide to leave immediately and return their deposit.

[torontokids]

Gives them/you an out and if they stay then the next month is OK as creepy dad will be gone.

[torontokids]

I wouldn't if you are so uncomfortable. You can say we spoke about this and he's not respecting your rule so this is why mom has to do all drop offs.

If you really want to you could say that you are giving one month's notice and dad needs to do drop offs at the door as he was asked. If he doesn't respect this then termination will be immediate and they will forfeit their deposit. Spell it out clearly for them.

[Momof4]

Isn't your spouse worried about this guy? He sounds really creepy. Do you have a clause about reasons for immediate termination in your contract? The other ladies have given you great advice, but you have to do what's best for you. If you think in any way this Dad is behaving ok and you are in the wrong FORGET IT!!!

[mimi]

My husband respects my decisions about my business, but this............he would tell me to let them go, especially since he wouldn't be able to be home because of work. No man wants a creep around his spouse.

[torontokids]

So what happened?

[busydaycarelady]

Yes, wondering how it went?!

[momofnerds]

wow that is creepy. And for 5 days she never mentioned it to her husband, thats wierd. This is where you are going to have to use your voice and tell him that he can't do what he wants.

since your door is locked, he will have to ring the bell. Then go and get his child, then open the door and hand him his child, this way he can't linger.

[bright sparks]

Make absolutely sure that the child is ready and waiting at pick up so you answer the door with the child in front of you so they have no need to enter your home.

[playfelt]

This also tells me that the mom is scared of the husband and that he may be a very controlling person at home too.

[Lou]

Or they're just flaky people all around, ugh.

[Lou]

Please keep us posted on how it goes when he comes next week! Crossing my fingers for you!

[Momof4]

I have a family who live practically across the street from me. We are not friends, so it's strictly a business relationship. Keep friendship and personal things to yourself and make sure they realize it's business and you'll be fine. I'm really glad you have a solution because I have to agree with Playfelt that this family is disfunctional and it sounds as if they either don't communicate well or the wife is afraid of the husband. That's just scary.

[betsy]

It's so creepy! I have already asked them to do drop offs at the door due to it being disruptive to all of us for the dad to come in, and he still walks on in. I already do have a gate blocking the playroom and he just steps over it. He also walks ahead on in and I then have to follow him... It's so awkward and inappropriate. The fact that I've already said I'm not comfortable with this and they are still doing it makes me feel entitled to do an immediate termination. This family isn't listening to anything I ask. I've also asked 5 times for certain supplies that all parents are responsible to provide and they STILL haven't brought these items. This family is not respecting me, my rules or the fact that this is MY house. He only comes once a week (which isn't what we agreed to either). They told me he would come about 8 times per month and sometimes more. I feel like I have so many reasons to can them, but the main one is the father completely disregarding my request for him to not come into the play area. I also even held out my arms to take the child at the door and the father wouldn't let go of him.

My advice is to terminate immediately. And have someone with you when you do so.

Giving two-week notice could only result in something more ugly - being given notice will sting no matter how you sugar-coat it, or whether your notice is deemed warranted or not. Termination - whether immediate or with notice, boils down to the same thing. It's still, termination.

I had a mom whom I've worked with for years in a hospital before I opened my former daycare (and she became a client) went ballistic when I gave her two-week notice (her 4 year old son had an obsession with an infant that I couldn't even dare have the infant out of my sight. I caught him whacking the baby in the crib with a pillow. Even with me in the very large room beside the baby, this boy gravitates around the infant whom I'd have on the floor beside me when we do his crawling activity, and would deliberately step over the baby). This boy was also brazen....imagine that, even with me right there beside the baby!
I've explained the last episode to mom when she came to pick him up but she's in denial mode and said, "he's always been good with his baby cousin." Well, I don't care whether he's good to all other babies - he's dangerous with this one, and I was witnessing it firsthand!
She then became verbally abusive to me that I told her to forget the two-week notice...this is his last day.

We don't know how clients will react when given notice of termination.
Some see it as a grievous personal slight/insult not only to them but to their child as well....since to a parent, a notice is saying his child is not up to par, his child is lacking, his child is bad....etc.
Some could be very resentful of us because of this, and some can be vindictive, too. A lot can happen within that two weeks.
It will also be a very stressful two weeks for everyone - children will sense that too, and they're affected.
I don't see why we should put ourselves in that situation if it can be avoided.

Sure, your terminated family will experience great inconvenience because of the sudden termination....but whose fault is it?
Besides, this guy could have serious psychological issues. We don't really know much about the parents of our children simply based on our business interaction with them.

You have a very SERIOUS GROUND for immediate termination.

Your ground for immediate termination is the safety of all the children entrusted in your care....and your own safety!

You don't know what this man is capable of! He could be insane.
What normal person behaves that way? Not only does he deliberately ignores protocol but.....he seems to enjoy your discomfort in a sadistic kind of way.

The sooner that man is off-limits to your premises, the better. Keep your doors locked for several weeks or months, even when this family is gone.
While everything is fresh in your mind, document the whole incident(s) involving this family - all requests made, including dates they happened and keep that documentation.

And make sure someone you trust know the whole incident about this man (give the name), and how he creeped you out.
I'm not trying to scare you but there are a lot of things to take into considerations, especially when you've got children with you.
Over-reacting? No.... it's better to err on the side of caution.

[Lou]

Have they come back this week yet? How did it go?

[lotssoflove]

yup there is nothing to be worked out with this family. My husband usually hides behind the corner in another room when I terminate just in case. Especially if I am already feeling uncomfortable. You are in a very tough situation but you need to think of you first and not worrying about him showing up or being disrespectful of your time or space.

[lotssoflove]

all my dck are from my neighbourhood or friends children and Ive had mixed results. I actually terminated one of the neighbours children because of violence towards the other kids and myself (he smacked me in the face on a time out). i see the family every day and the child goes to the same school as my kids and its all worked out fine. If you keep it business then it stays that way. When there is a friendship involved it gets kinda tricky but being firm is always the best.
good luck!