How to say goodbye

[madmom]

After months of trouble with a 3 yr old DCB I finally found a replacement. The new family starts in about 5 weeks and of course I have to give notice to the parent who is losing their spot. That is the problem...I really like the Mom and I suspect she is going to be pretty upset. I have been up front with the problems we've been experiencing but I still think it will come as a shock.
I will put the notice in writing for sure but am having trouble with the wording. Anyone got any advice?

[momofnerds]

just be prepared for her trying to wiggle her way out and promises that won't last. stick to your guns and you'll be fine. good luck.

[Momof4]

Keep the letter short and to the point and professional. I had to terminate a family this year and it was sheer hell. The Dad started asking me a million questions and got angrier and angrier. But you know what? He hadn't heard a word I'd said in a year and a half and his questions at the termination proved it.

I had a couple of friends read my letter and give me advice before I gave it to the family. When you are involved you get too emotional and you need to keep all the emotion out of a letter like this.

[Lou]

Good luck! Terminations are hard! Just out of curiosity what kind of troubles were you having?

[busydaycarelady]

had a family like this too - issues with child for years. I was open about this older child's disrespect so they knew. After a particularity bad spell, at pick up I handed her a termination letter in an envelope and said 'I'm sorry. I cannot deal with your child's disrespect anymore. Please call me tonight if you have any questions at all'

Letter basically said due to xxxx 's issues with disrespectfulness towards myself, other dayhome children and my property xxxx's last day will be _________. I wish xxxx all the best in the future.

Keep emotions out. Add a basic explanation and end date.

I ended up terming this particular family on the spot 3 days later as the child and parents behavior got increasingly worse.

Best of luck. Keep us posted

[madmom]

Hmmm where to start? Total disrespect, sticks tongue out at me when I correct behavior, tried to spit at me, disrespects other children in dc, has purposely hurt other kids, mouths back, disrespects when other adults talk to him, tries to break my toys, hoards toys, and is now teaching others to do the same. Essentially he is a bad influence and I can't take it anymore. The sad thing is I really like the mom. I wish it didn't have to be like this and I have a really hard time standing up for myself. Do you think in writing is appropriate? Often it is very hard to talk at the door at pick up, her son runs out the door or yells until she goes with him. I hate this

[mickyc]

That sounds horrible. It is unfortunate that is happening. Don't feel bad about it. How long have you had this child? I am surprised he isn't spending his whole day in time-out LOL. Just think of how relieved you will be when he is gone and you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I feel for you! I have a dcg that I am having issues with. Her issues are actually very much the same as your dcb and I have considered terminating care. May I ask how long you dealt with his behaviour before deciding to terminate? She has been in my care for 2 months but this behaviour has only been about a month and I don't know how long is fair to wait and see if it will stop
I would keep the letter short, professional and to the point. Like others have said, keep emotion out of it. Good luck!!!

[Momof4]

Omigosh Madmom, that's horrible! The child sounds uncontrollable, so needs anger management and discipline and needs lessons about manners. I'm sure you have done your very best on a daily basis. But you know who is at fault? Unfortunately it is the parenting, which means that as much as you like the parents they are not doing their job and they are going to pay the price when this child goes to school and especially when he is a teenager.

If you can't get through to them that they aren't doing their child any favours whatsoever by letting him run amok then you have to take care of yourself, your family and the other children in your daycare. I had a very violent 2 year old child in my first year in business and I terminated the family for that very reason. Think about how great it will be for ALL of you when this child is gone. Yes, give them the letter!

[madmom]

He has been with me 2 years but the behaviors are getting worse every passing month. He IS always in time out so I have to assume he doesn't like it here anymore. It will be a relief for sure. But I know life will be hell once I give notice so I am dreading it

[5 Little Monkeys]

2 years is a long time, I say you gave it a very fair shot and it just isn't working out. Sometimes kids just don't fit into your daycare and that is okay! It is no different than an adult not fitting into a certain workplace. I would go with the "it will be better for your child to be in a dc he likes" approach and hope for the best!

[mimi]

It sounds like life is hell already, at least if you term you can look forward to maybe a sighting of heaven LOL. I would take 5 little monkeys advice and just say he needs to be in a daycare he likes (I feel sorry for his new provider already!!!)

[Momof4]

5Little Monkeys has a good point. When I terminated a child last spring I told the parent that I can't help them because I'd tried for a year and a half. I told them I hoped they would be happy with a new caregiver and things like that. I couldn't tell them that I'd tried and tried and they weren't doing anything so I had to admit to myself that I had to give up - we can't say that!

[madmom]

It is done, I gave her notice at the door with it in writing as well. It was HORRIBLE she started to cry and left upset, then texted me that he won't be coming back as she doesn't want him anywhere he's not wanted. I felt like a total heel. then I started remembering all he has done to me and the other children and realized it's for the best. The Mom had also asked for a receipt for the year in total the week before I gave notice...I wonder if she was looking for a subsidized spot somewhere? Why else would she need a receipt mid year? Thoughts anyone

[mimi]

It is for the best and kudos to you for making a good business decision. Yeah, it sounds like something was up with the request for a receipt, however..........who cares, they are done. Have a wonderful week!

[madmom]

Thanks to everyone for their support, it was really a difficult situation. Today is Monday and to be honest it was the best Monday I have had in a really long time, lunch was actually pleasant, and we played at Cosmic and it was actually peaceful not having to correct his behavior 100times

[Neen]

He has been with me 2 years but the behaviors are getting worse every passing month. He IS always in time out so I have to assume he doesn't like it here anymore. It will be a relief for sure. But I know life will be hell once I give notice so I am dreading it

Wow!! I'm dealing with something similar at the moment too. I dread the child being dropped off! My heart starts racing, I can feel all my muscles tens up, I start shaking, its just terrible!!! I don't look forward to the whole "gotta let you go" speech, but I know I will start liking my job again once I do. Plus I know there is a better family waiting for a great day home to come to. I'm sure this will be the same for you too. Good luck with it all!!!!

[daycaremom9]

He has been with me 2 years but the behaviors are getting worse every passing month. He IS always in time out so I have to assume he doesn't like it here anymore. It will be a relief for sure. But I know life will be hell once I give notice so I am dreading it

I had a dcb that sounds very similar. He was here for almost 2 years, thinking that his behavior would get better but it got progressively worse. I don't blame the parents though, they were working with me on his behavior at every turn. They were actually very strict and went above what I would have done as a parent. Sometimes there are other circumstances that we may not be aware of. But as a doc provider we have the option to terminate and that's what I did. You will feel so relieved when you do if you are at the end of your rope.