Why do I even bother feeding this child?!

[Sassygirl]

So I have this little guy who started with me in August. He is now 12 months old. He still has formula bottles 3x a day here one 8oz before morning nap (8:30), lunch is served at 11, one 8oz before afternoon nap (12:30) and a small 4oz on with afternoon snack (3:30ish). He is here from 7-4:30. He arrives here without having been fed anything and drinks his water from his sippy cup and basically throws or smears anything else I offer him. Same goes for lunch and snack. Sighhh. I am so annoyed by this. He is barely in his highchair 5 mins and I get him down. Food throwing and smearing makes me crazy!!! I am at the point where I am just tempted not to even bother offering him anything except his bottles of formula and water in his cups. I feel like its a wasted effort, work getting him into the chair, work cleaning up his smearing throwing mess and hes not even eating.
Any advice ladies???
I have mentioned this to mom and she says he does it at home too. Although she will offer him pureed baby food still... Groan... Which I will not do here.

[AmandaKDT]

HE needs his formula cut way back if he is going to be eating better. He is too used to just drinking his food. I would be getting the mom and yourself not offering more than 4 ounces of formula at a time, and not until after solids have been offered. He likely isn't that hungry and makes him less interested in trying the food. I have had two fussy eating daughters, so know your frustration!

[Fun&care]

That sounds like way too much formula if you ask me. Most of my 12 month olds come with one 8 oz bottle of milk that they get AFTER they have eaten lunch. And that's it for the day. It's no wonder he isn't hungry. Also, at my house no one is allowed to get up from their chair until everyone is done or almost done eating. So if a picky kid just eats one bite and is done within 5 mins, he still has to sit and wait for the others to finish, sometimes up to 20 minutes. What happens then is that they get bored of waiting, will start playing with their food a little, and eventually try a few ore bites without me having to ask. So my advice is, ask mom to cut back on formula, and leave him in his high chair even when he seems to be done, but ONLY give small portions to avoid throwing. If he throws everything on the floor, delay getting him another serving, eventually he will learn that throwing food=not eating or having to wait a while before getting more.

[JennJubie]

I'm with the other ladies here. Too much formula. I had one little guy who wasn't very interested in his food either, and talked to mom about moving the formula away from lunch or snack times. It helped a lot.

[playfelt]

If he can take water from a sippy cup he should be off bottles at least in the daytime too. It takes more effort to drink from the cup than the bottle.

He probably gets a bottle of milk at home when he wakes up - so of course doesn't need breakfast then has another one at snack/nap. He should be given some dry cereal like cheerios and a sippy of 4 oz of milk before his nap. And offered the other 4 oz in a cup when he wakes up. At lunch he gets just the sippy of water and some food - no puree cause he is going to smear it since he has no idea what to do with it if he is fed at home. If he isn't eating table foods you will have to feed him if you don't want the mess. The other bottle should be used 4 oz after lunch and other 4 oz when he wakes up and the extra 4 oz sent not used unless there is a late pick up.

When the amount of milk he is given at a time is reduced he should start to eat more.

[Crayola kiddies]

At 12 months he shouldn't even be on a bottle never mind formula unless there is a medical reason. I wouldn't give him any bottles at all. Put water in his sippy cup or homo milk and don't give it to him till after he eats. Put food on his tray ( no purée) and when he picks it up to throw you take ahold his hands and go close to his face and with a very serious face and tone you say " no throwing food" and keeping doing it over and over ... If he manages to toss something then pick it up and put it on his tray and say again no throwing food ..... I don't have any food throwers and when I start a young one I jump on it right away. I have one here now that I have had since he was 12 months and I stopped the food throwing right away but I know that currently he at 23 months is still allowed to throw food at home. I have a 12 month old starting in nov and i sure ill be jumping on that band wagon again.

[Momof4]

I have a 9 month old who is on one bottle a day before his nap, then he nurses morning and night. But I've only had one family who kept the naptime bottle past about 14 months of age. The child in your care isn't getting all the nutrients from fruits and veggies that they need to grow. I know all parents have different ideas about how to feed their children, but maybe you could research and find some articles that you could email to this family? You know your clients best. A face to face talk is usually the best method when the issue is this big.

[mickyc]

I hear you. I have an 11 month old right now and the mom was sending 3 8-oz bottles a day (only here from 7:30-3:30). I only ever fed her 2 - 1 for morning nap and 2nd for afternoon nap. I have no idea when the mom expected me to feed her all these bottles. I think the bottles are just milk and not formula. The 11month old barely eats anything and I know it is because she is too full from all that milk. I just give a very small portion of food. I don't allow her to make a mess. I give a firm NO and squeeze her hand slightly when she throws food on the floor. If she makes a mess with her sippy cup of water (she sticks her finger in the hole until it pours out) then I take it away.

[5 Little Monkeys]

If it were me, I would give him his milk once a day. I personally would do it at afternoon snack and I would put it in a sippy cup. I would give him finger foods for morning snack and lunch with a sippy cup of water. He is most likely smearing the food because he is full and it gives him something to do while the other kids eat. At 12 months he is more than capable of eating soft finger foods and I wouldn't puree his food either. I think if he decreases his milk intake the food smearing will stop.

[Sassygirl]

I have no idea why he has so much formula... Probably a cycle, hes not eating properly so she gives him a bottle to compensate and back again to the not eating because hes full.
I am the mom of soon to be 5 so I know this issue quite well. What I will do is start cutting his amounts at nap to 4 oz then nothing all together and get rid of the snack bottle may have some screaming at naptime for awhile. Funny, he does well at snack since its usually outside while we are in the backyard walking around playing so I give things like rice cakes, pitas etc.
He is basically in the highchair for maybe 5 mins at a time before I remove his tray because he just sits there and looks at the food for the longest time (no matter what I make) then he starts smearing and throwing. Drives me nuts!
I do make him sit in the chair without his tray buckled in. Although to be honest, depends on my patience level, some days I just get him down and put him back in the playroom.
Really wish parents would have their children better prepared for daycare nowadays grrr.

[cfred]

I have a 20 month old who won't eat most of the time. If it's a treat, no sweat....he's all over that. But almost everything else, forget it! I used to stress over it and sit with him at each meal and coax in spoonfuls of food. I'm done. I give him his food (small portions). If he eats, awesome, if not, it's no skin off my teeth. I'm just not going to stress over it any more. I will not (WILL NOT) let him out of his chair until the rest of the children are finished though. He can sit there and look at the food he's not eating. It's lunch time, not play time.

I feel your pain....it's a bit of a stress :)

[playfelt]

Life was so much simpler when kids came to daycare at 4-6 months old and we were the ones that introduced sippy cups, finger foods, etc. and most parents just deferred to our judgement. Now we spend the first 6 months of daycare undoing the damage done by well-meaning but misguided parents. And the child suffers in the process. Makes you wonder if the one year mat leave really is a positive thing for the child or not.

[Momof4]

Playfelt speaks the truth, I have a baby who started at 9 months and he is the best transition I've had in years!

[Sassygirl]

Thank you everyone! I guess I am over stressing about it. I think its the smearing and throwing that makes me crazy. With this age group sometimes I feel like with all the prepping and cleaning up of children and their chairs then naps I am hardly doing anything with them.
Oh and on another note, this is the same mom who encourages... yes encourages dumping out toys from their bins. He is the most destructive little guy. Just goes over to all my bins and dumps all the contents out and is on to the next one. Luckily I keep my playpen and highchair handy and he gets confined. Don't need the other 3 picking that habit up.

[cfred]

Throwing food invokes the wrath of doG around here. It stops very, very quickly.

[Momof4]

Throwing food invokes the wrath of doG around here. It stops very, very quickly.

Funny, that's me too! I pick up the food off the floor, stand there and show the child the food in my hand and tell them, No, no, not on the floor. I take hold of their arm when they start sweeping the food and reinforce the no, no. They learn.

[mickyc]

My problem with my 11 month old (will be 12 months old in approx. 3 weeks) is I know she won't be happy if I suggest that we decrease her daughter's milk intake. I have her older child (who is 4) and when she started with me she was 2.5 and was still on her bottles and a soother. I would just dump her milk in her sippy cup and never gave her a bottle at all. I know this mom is not going to be OK with me wanting to wean her 12 month old off bottles soon. Not sure how to approach it but there is no reason why she can't start weaning now. My other infant (14 months) I have in daycare isn't on a bottle and hasn't been since she started and she is a great eater!

[Lou]

I agree with everything previously stated, and obviously you just can't not offer him food. What I would do is offer him very small portions at a time. If he eats it, give him more. If not it's not a huge mess to clean up.

[playfelt]

So is it wrong to take the 8 oz bottle and dump half of it down the drain and only give the child the 4 oz he needs? I would probably just put the extra in the fridge and if not used within 24 hours toss it out. Sometimes our duty is to the child too.

[cfred]

Yeah, I'm with Playfelt. Sometimes we just have to go ahead and do what we do without asking permission. I think in this case especially as the child needs to be on a stable diet. I have no issues with cutting back the formula and giving more table food. Could the food be offered first, then the bottle....if the times were rearranged some?

Sometimes it drives me crazy with new parents. Bless them all and I know everyone wants to do what's best for their child. HOWEVER, sometimes, after 20 years in the biz of raising children, there's a chance...a minute possibility....that I just might know a bit more about it than a first time parent. I find, sometimes, that they can be a tad micromanaging. Not all, but some...and I've had a few :)

I have a feeling Momof4, that we might be cut from the same cloth...we do quite a number of things the same. With the exception of socializing with our clients, lol!

[Momof4]

I wouldn't dump out breast milk though! Oy! But if it's regular milk I think dumping out a bit might be a great idea so the child eats some nutritious food.

Cfred, I was thinking that we agree a lot too. Is that exactly what you do for your children when you are teaching them not to throw food on the floor. Any other tips? I'm always willing to try anything that works well.

Hey, imagine how boring the world would be if we were all the same! You're obviously at a place in your life where you want to socialize lots and I'm at a place right now where my 4 children are grown and I'm loving my alone time in the evenings. :)

[cfred]

I do pretty much what you do. Sometimes, I'll stop what I'm doing, look at them open mouthed and do an over exaggerated gasp and say "Oh my GOODNESS! What are you DOING? NO thank you!!! I'm so sad now!". When I do that, they just stop moving, jabbering, breathing and look like they've just cut me down in my prime. It seems to really work.....I know they want me to be happy, so when they think they've made me very sad, it's kind of adorable....and effective :) That's a 'big gun' maneuver, and I don't use it all the time.....typically when the carnage is particularly impressive.

I do love my alone time. My kids are older too (22, 17, 15....can see the light at the end of the tunnel). The 2 left at home are the boys....as much as I enjoy the symphony of burps and farts, I do enjoy my couple nights per week of escaping. I just seem to be busy all the time. For the most part I like it and am very, very social, but sometimes, yes, I'd rather just stay in. It seems, since I moved, my friends from the old street are worried I'll lose touch, so I see them more now than ever. And of course, there's Awesome New Guy eating up lots of time as well. But sometimes......somet imes.....I sit at home and indulge in those single behaviours....with hairy legs, flannel jammies, no makeup and a criminally large glass of wine ;)

[Momof4]

Oh, I thought I remembered his name as Mr. Amazing, lol! I stand corrected and so glad he's still around, keep doing the right thing Mr. Awesome New Guy until you turn into Mr. Awesome Regular Guy.

Thanks Cfred, I do the No Thank You thing too and a sad face. I think I have a pretty good pout judging from the memories of the pouts on my own children's faces that used to melt my heart. So it works on the dckids. But I don't want to admit to being a submissive Mom, haha. I was tough! I never coddled! :laugh: My children are 20's and ahem 30's, I'm not telling you the exact ages but I was a teenage bride/mom!

[playfelt]

My words are an "excuse me" with that glare that says tell me I just did not see/hear what I think I did. Works for almost anything around here. When I say it they know by my tone of voice and degree of glare how much trouble they are in. Often they look back at me and do the right thing like give a toy back, pick up what they dumped, etc. For food issues I limit what goes on the plates but also don't believe in teaching a child that the tray is a plate. From the beginning the cherrios go on a plastic lid from a container - something unbreakable when tossed but to get the point across that the plate is not a toy and stays put.

[5 Little Monkeys]

haha, Playfelt sounds like we have the same glare!! I also say "excuse me".....it gives them a chance to fix their mistake or change what they said too!

I also don't use the highchair tray as a plate as I find it harder to clean because it's a bigger area!