How to approach?

[Skysue]

I just started watching a very sweet and caring almost 3-year-old boy. He is clearly obese; I can't even lift him very well to take him over the gate to the nap room. My DD is 6 years old and is close to 48lbs he is well over her weight. I would say close to 60lbs.

His Mom on his medical info sheet says he doesn't know when to stop eating and to watch his portions and only offer healthy alternatives.

When it comes to nutrition that’s my middle name! I'm just extremely confused as he tells me they give him chocolate cereal for breakfast and lost of chocolate treats at home?
He is always asking for juice but I told him we get water at my house and juice once and a while as a special treat.

How to approach the subject without hurting feelings? He has only been with me for a week and I have been thinking of doing a cooking corner to my electronic daily reports. Plus nutrition facts and tips.

What do you ladies think?

P.S He isn’t fussy when it comes to eating anything he loves fruits and veggies!

[AmandaKDT]

You can only do so much at daycare, it has to be at home as well. You could serve him only the most nutritious food, but if he is eating junk at home it negates all your good efforts. If you really want to help him, you are going to have to talk to his parents.

I am in a similar situation right now, I have a 3 year old dcg that apparently lives on juice at home (and not even real juice, the sugar-filled fruit punch type juice) and gets sent it in her lunch here everyday as well. I have to force her to drink water everyday because all she wants is her juice box. She is a skinny little thing, but I really think she is getting sugar overload everyday. She also told me she eats Lucky Charms for breakfast everyday too - lovely! So I am just getting my thoughts together now about how to bring up this discussion with her mom because I think it is really detrimental to her long term health. Don't mean to high jack the post, but I was just about to put my own post up when I saw this.

[torontokids]

You could say to mom that you guys were talking about healthy eating and he mentioned he eats a lot of chocolate etc when each child spoke about what they eat at home. I would say that you are confused as they asked that he eat a healthy diet and inquire about what their ideas are for healthy eating. You can then give a copy of your menu and explain what the kids are eating and that he has been eating super healthy without issue.

If he gives his parents a hard time at home re: food (or perhaps they have just developed some bad habits) offer to have a healthy eating week as one of your themes which incorporates them tracking what they eat at home or perhaps trying a new healthy recipe at home. I've had these conversations with families that have very small children and the child is a very picky eater. One family consulted with a nutritionist and is incorporating some of our meal ideas at home.

[mimi]

I don't think you can change what these parents are choosing to feed their child. I am sure their family doctor is aware of this child's weight issues and has already advised Mom who may not be following doctors advice but is well aware of what he should be eating. All you can do is feed him well at your home and to help him want to make healthy choices by teaching him the benefits of doing so.
Explain your food choices to him like juice tastes good, but it has a lot of sugar which our body doesn't like so we chose to eat our fruit instead. Just encourage his love of the fruits and vegetables and congratulate him on his good choices.

[daycarewhisperer]

I did an interview a while back with a family that had two girls. A one year old and 2.5 year old. They were the heaviest children I have ever seen in real life. The older girl was so heavy she couldn't climb the basement stairs. She got really winded before we got up six stairs and had to stop. Just walking around in my playroom winded them. I cut the interview short because I knew I couldn't accommodate them. They wouldn't fit in my equipment and they wouldn't be able to make it two houses down the sidewalk for our walks. I would have had to hire an assistant for them to adapt my environment to meet their needs.

It was very sad that kids could get that heavy that young.

[Skysue]

I don't think you can change what these parents are choosing to feed their child. I am sure their family doctor is aware of this child's weight issues and has already advised Mom who may not be following doctors advice but is well aware of what he should be eating. All you can do is feed him well at your home and to help him want to make healthy choices by teaching him the benefits of doing so.
Explain your food choices to him like juice tastes good, but it has a lot of sugar which our body doesn't like so we chose to eat our fruit instead. Just encourage his love of the fruits and vegetables and congratulate him on his good choices.

Thanks I will push promoting what's healthy to my daycare group. I need to get food group cards like the food guides used in the schools.

We preach this to our own DD and she knows what's junk and what's good. She has turned down stuff from friends due to it being bad for you. She loves Nips crackers and always asks me to buy them but I explained that they contain MSG and that is a poison to our bodies.

I will work on finding those cards!

[Crayola kiddies]

Feed him smaller portions and only give seconds of veggies(fruit is loaded in sugar) keep the carbs to a bare minimum (none if possible cause he's probably getting more then enough at home) When outside create games that include lots of movement such as tag, obstacle courses, follow the leader. Go for long walks and don't put him in a wagon or stroller..... He walks. If you don't have a play structure in your yard then go to a park that has one and get him climbing. Inside play movement games or turn on the music and do lots of dancing. This coupled with only a few carbs and lots of veggies should get him to lose a few pounds. If you have a scale put him on it and then reweigh him every two weeks or once a month to see if it working.

[playfelt]

There are actually several genetic conditions where over eating and not understanding food needs is part of it. I wonder how often he visits the doctor. I would probably ask if he is being monitored for his food intake as you would like to speak with his nutritionist or could the parents pass on info they have been given regarding feeding frequency and amounts to serve. Doing it from the perspective of what you need will get you the info as to whether they have sought out this info and if not might put the thought in their heads that things are getting very quickly out of hand.

[Crayola kiddies]

Also I read an article in the newspaper last summer regarding cereal and it said that if two of the first three ingredients are sugar or forms of sugar (corn syrup, glucose/fructose ect) then don't buy it .... It's like eating candy for breakfast.

[JennJubie]

:( Poor little guy. Childhood obesity is so serious.

I feel like I'm constantly arguing with my son since he's gone to school, he sees his friends at school bringing pre packaged sugary treats and he get upset that I don't send him with stuff like that. Unhealthy eating can produce so many health problems :(

[Skysue]

I did an interview a while back with a family that had two girls. A one year old and 2.5 year old. They were the heaviest children I have ever seen in real life. The older girl was so heavy she couldn't climb the basement stairs. She got really winded before we got up six stairs and had to stop. Just walking around in my playroom winded them. I cut the interview short because I knew I couldn't accommodate them. They wouldn't fit in my equipment and they wouldn't be able to make it two houses down the sidewalk for our walks. I would have had to hire an assistant for them to adapt my environment to meet their needs.

It was very sad that kids could get that heavy that young.

I would never turn a child away based on the issues you just posted about. This little man needs me to help mold him and guide him to have healthy core values and to help him identify the best food choices to make.

My group lives outside going on walks, hikes, we ride bikes and are always at the park. In the winter we dance a ton and are as active as possible. Getting physical is what he needs.

I am so saddened by your rude remarks and hope that one day you will be convicted of your un loving heart.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I would suggest sending all the parents a newsletter. Even though a child isn't overweight doesn't mean they are healthy. I would be willing to bet that almost every family could use a reminder and it sounds like you have a good handle on what to eat and do and this way no one feels "picked on".

In the newsletter I would include things like the importance of eating healthy, the things to avoid, food to avoid sending to daycare if applicable, some healthy recipes, a copy of your menu, some exercise tips like biking, walking etc that they can do as a family. If your up to it, I would also suggest trying one new food a week at daycare and having the children help pick which food to try that week. Or try a new recipe one a month...things like that.

Good luck and good on you for caring!

[playfelt]

I did an interview a while back with a family that had two girls. A one year old and 2.5 year old. They were the heaviest children I have ever seen in real life. The older girl was so heavy she couldn't climb the basement stairs. She got really winded before we got up six stairs and had to stop. Just walking around in my playroom winded them. I cut the interview short because I knew I couldn't accommodate them. They wouldn't fit in my equipment and they wouldn't be able to make it two houses down the sidewalk for our walks. I would have had to hire an assistant for them to adapt my environment to meet their needs.

It was very sad that kids could get that heavy that young.

I don't think you are being mean by not accepting them into your daycare you are being realistic. There are many reasons a child does not mesh well with our program and being unable to keep up to the demands of the program - walking to the bus stop, fitting into the high chair, not asking the caregiver to lift over 50 lbs on a regular basis - there are weight restrictions in daycare centres for lifting. It also tells you that the family values do not mesh with those of the daycare. You can't save the entire world from their thoughtless parents and it is wrong to think you can. Important to know when to say nope - next as the daycare saying goes.....

[Skysue]

I disagree as I usually only base my decision on a child's behavior, parents style of discipline, and if myself and the parents are on the same page in general.

Making a judgment weather a child can walk 2 houses down the street based on there weight to me is a clear case of discrimination. It is not the child's fault there parents are making poor choices or if genetics play a role in the situation?

[playfelt]

After you have carried that 60 lb child home 3 blocks from the park while pulling your wagon of other toddlers then you can decide if it is still something you are prepared to do a daily basis cause it isn't his fault.

[Skysue]

Wow is all that I can say!

I have been there before with a very sick 7 year old so I put her in my double stroller and chose to carry the 20 pound one year old while I pushed my stroller with one hand.

I never leave on a long walk or hike without a stroller or wagon in case of emergencies, I also carry a medical kit!

I suppose I'm just a pathetic person because I actually give a darn about the kids I watch.

[mimi]

childhood obesity = early on set of heart disease, stroke, diabetes and high blood pressure to name the major ailments. Young obese adults are getting older folk diseases now.

[eoinsmom]

I've been reading a lot of Ellyn Satter books lately regarding eating, obesity, nutrition, etc. in children. I would recommend checking them out. There could be other issues at play leading to overeating or this child being heavy, and she offers advice in an easy to read and non judgemental manner. Couldn't hurt to suggest it to parents if they also recognize that eating is an issue.

[JennJubie]

childhood obesity = early on set of heart disease, stroke, diabetes and high blood pressure to name the major ailments. Young obese adults are getting older folk diseases now.

I knew someone who had a heart attack at 18. He'd been obese from a very young age. :(

[sunnydays]

Skysue, I think it's great that you are able to accommodate this child and try to help him. Be aware that the parents may not be on board (from the sounds of it) and there is only so much you can do on your end. I do disagree though, that it is mean or uncaring to not accept extremely obese toddlers into our daycares. Personally, I would not be able to manage it myself. I have a six seater stroller, so I can accommodate many toddlers and babies and if they are tired walking, I can put them in. But, I do not allow my 45 pound 5 year old to ride in it because he excedes the weight limit of 40 pounds per child and it also makes it extremely hard for me to push. I avoid carrying and lifting the children as much as possible because I have had lower back issues and do not want them to flare up again. There is no way I would be able to lift a 60 pound child on a regular basis without suffering physically and ultimately putting myself at risk of having to lose my daycare due to back problems. I would not be able to accommodate a toddler or baby that was obese as they are at the age where they often need to be lifted or carried and I would not be able to manage that. I also cannot accommodate children with special needs for a similar reason. I am not trained to help them and I physically cannot manage it while caring for 4 other children plus my own. This is not prejudiced, it is realistic and knowing my own limits. If you are able to do it, that is wonderful, but those of us who know we are not able are not uncaring or mean or discriminatory...we just know our own limits.

[Momof4]

Wow Skysue! Sorry you took some unnecessary grief on this thread! If it were me I would never turn a family away unless there were severe allergies that would affect my daily meals. But I have a feeling you serve nutritious food as I do, with just an occasional treat on a special day. I would continue to do that if I were you and keep providing lots of exercise for all the children as I'm sure you already do. My only concerns would be that the child would have to be healthy enough to walk at least a kilometer to a park, then play and walk back because we travel almost daily to the library and several parks. Otherwise, I wouldn't have any problems.

We can't control what the parents do, we can only make gentle suggestions. So I really like your idea of a nutrition section on your newsletter to try to help the parents. That's the same as giving little suggestions for any issue, food, naps, toilet learning, behaviour issues, etc. Yes, I think that's part of our job to try to educate the parents gently without offending.

I know I have some parents who feed their children junk food at home but I will continue to feed them all their nutritious food groups at daycare. I know there are some parents who use a lot of tv at home, but I'll continue to make sure the children get lots of activity at daycare. That's all we can do then we have to remember, we're in charge for our 40ish hours a week, then the parents are in charge and responsible for their child's health.

[daycarewhisperer]

I would never turn a child away based on the issues you just posted about. This little man needs me to help mold him and guide him to have healthy core values and to help him identify the best food choices to make.

My group lives outside going on walks, hikes, we ride bikes and are always at the park. In the winter we dance a ton and are as active as possible. Getting physical is what he needs.

I am so saddened by your rude remarks and hope that one day you will be convicted of your un loving heart.

Sorry you are sad! :-)

I couldn't accommodate the children. I would have to hire someone for them to supervise them and care for them during activities they could not do. My business is too small to spread out the cost of an assistant for them. I would have to substantially alter my program to meet their needs.

If they could have come with a subsidy to purchase equipment and hire staff for them then I would gladly taken them.

I simply couldn't afford to provide care. It isn't personal. It's just money.

[Skysue]

1st off this will be my last time responding to you as I feel like a hamster on a wheel going nowhere.

You make your equipment sound state of the art? Are you a licensed centre or a home daycare? What kind of stuff do you own that cant handle larger kids?

My daycare kids play with puzzles, blocks, playdough, books etc... what could they possibly break? I also have booster high chairs nothing a baby can break.

I'm beyond sad ...

[daycarewhisperer]

I disagree as I usually only base my decision on a child's behavior, parents style of discipline, and if myself and the parents are on the same page in general.

Making a judgment weather a child can walk 2 houses down the street based on there weight to me is a clear case of discrimination. It is not the child's fault there parents are making poor choices or if genetics play a role in the situation?

It's not discrimination if you don't have the money to provide the equipment and staff the child needs to be safe and well cared for.

I don't have the physical ability to lift the older child. I tried during the interview to help on the stairs and knew IMMEDIATELY that it was too unsafe for the child and me. I'm not going to injure myself to be a hero to a potential day care child.

I guess you had to be there. I wasn't forewarned that the children were so obese. I wasn't asked a single question regarding having equipment to accommodate their size. I honestly don't know what that would be other than wheelchairs that would need to be pushed by an assistant. I don't know what toilets I would have to purchase and what kind of railing it would take to support the older one. I know the playrooms would HAVE to be adapted to be safe for them to get up and down off the floor.

All I was told about them besides the age and sex was that the older one was gifted and the younger one would most likely be gifted too. They didn't mention they were VERY VERY obese.

[daycarewhisperer]

1st off this will be my last time responding to you as I feel like a hamster on a wheel going nowhere.

You make your equipment sound state of the art? Are you a licensed centre or a home daycare? What kind of stuff do you own that cant handle larger kids?

My daycare kids play with puzzles, blocks, playdough, books etc... what could they possibly break? I also have booster high chairs nothing a baby can break.

I'm beyond sad ...


I'm beyond sad that you are beyond sad.

Us being sad about each other doesn't change the fact that these children would need staff and equipment to accommodate their size.

I could provide books but not wheelchairs. I could provide blocks but not safe toileting. I could provide construction paper but not safe sleeping equipment for the younger child. I don't have a worker here that could do the lifting they would require. I wouldn't trust anyone to manage them on a stairwell.

I could go on and on... I just couldn't provide a safe environment and staff to meet their needs. That's sad but we can't be EVERYTHING to every child.

I own a home child care and I don't have state of the art anything. I am old school. My toys and equipment are top quality vintage.

[daycarewhisperer]

1st off this will be my last time responding to you as I feel like a hamster on a wheel going nowhere.

You make your equipment sound state of the art? Are you a licensed centre or a home daycare? What kind of stuff do you own that cant handle larger kids?

My daycare kids play with puzzles, blocks, playdough, books etc... what could they possibly break? I also have booster high chairs nothing a baby can break.

I'm beyond sad ...

What booster seat or high chair would accommodate a 50 pound 1 year old? Specifically what is the brand?

I do birth to five.

[Crayola kiddies]

I too wouldn't take a child that I couldn't lift or couldn't lift repeditavely with out straining my back. What about playpens ? They have a weight restriction.... So do strollers and wagons. If part of your program is to hike everyday but this child wouldn't be able to do it then everybody is affected. I currently have two 1yr olds that are just over 30lbs each and lifting them in and out if the high chairs and play pens several tines a day is strenuous. No way would I take a 60lb kid that I have to lift regularly. I also wouldn't take a child with special needs as I am not qualified to care for them and I don't take children with life threatening food allergies cause I don't want the liability. You can call me discriminatory but as we are always are saying .... My business my rules !

[Momof4]

Ok, anyone who believes all the info that dcwhisperer is spewing, well god help you! It makes me laugh and I would be sad if I didn't know all about her, but some of you may be buying into it so please, please ignore her! Just a heads up from someone in the know.

Ok, I have a 28 pound almost 10 month old in care, a 31 pound 18 month old in care, and a 21 pound 2 year old. They all 3 sleep in playpens so that's when I have to lift them and I lift the baby into the stroller and booster seat for meals, but the others climb into the stroller and booster seat as applicable. Some children are really big for their age and some are small for their age. If you run into a child who needs help because he/she is obese I HOPE you help the child and the parent as much as Skysue is trying to do, for pete sake, she didn't deserve to be berated in this thread!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I see both sides of this...it's great that some providers will take on any child of any size but I also don't think any lower of a provider who knows their limits and says no to a child for safety reasons/concerns.

I personally also have lower back issues and I was advised not to open up my hdc but I knew that it would be better as I would have the option to sit down when needed which is not really an option in centres. I used to change the kids on the change table but as they get older and bigger I have started changing them on the bed on the change pad(my diaper change room is also my nap room and guest bedroom, talk about multi purpose lol) because they can climb on the bed themselves. If I had a child who I could not lift or could not climb on the bed I could change them on the floor but how the heck would I get them into their playpen if they still slept in one? If they weren't potty trained yet would they fit on the potty or would they have to sit on the big toilet and would I have to lift them up to it? Could they climb the stairs? Could they fit into the stroller/wagon? I have a couple plastic chairs and a couple metal chairs from a school so that would be fine but there would be lots of other obstacles I would face in caring for an overweight child. I would be a better dcp for saying no than saying yes and having something happen to the child because of the weight issue and my back issue.

However, if you have no safety concerns and are able to care for an overweight child then that is great!! Each daycare is different just as children are different and not every child is going to fit into every daycare. It is up to the parents to find a dc that suits their child's needs.

Just my opinion....:)

[5 Little Monkeys]

Also, unless there are posts missing, I fail to see the rude comments made to skysue?? I see suggestions and what other dcp's would do but I don't see any rude remarks.

[playfelt]

What I see is a difference between those that have been there and done that and know what it takes to do certain things and those that are newer to the business and still see only the positives and not all the realities. If that child in the playpen that is over the 30lb weight limit gets hurt your liability insurance is null and void because you put the child in an unsafe situation - hence the need for specialized equipment meant for special needs children that accounts for a difference between the developmental need and the size/weight need ie a 4 year old that still needs support for sitting up and can't use an exersaucer like my daughter was. We had to adapt and get creative but I would never have trusted some of our "creations" on another person's child due to liability.

There are many forms of supposed discrimination - why do people not whine and cry foul when someone wants to terminate a toddler that cries all the time or won't play alone or won't eat or won't nap or won't give in to our rules of play nicely and yet feel it is ok to whine and cry foul when we decide not to accept (vice accept and later terminate) a child that doesn't fit into our program for other reasons including our own health. Please head the messages on this board about back/knee issues and take them seriously or it is your own family that will suffer in the long run when you can no longer maintain an active lifestyle with your own children or enjoy your own senior years due to damage you did to your body when you were younger.

[Skysue]

What I see is a difference between those that have been there and done that and know what it takes to do certain things and those that are newer to the business and still see only the positives and not all the realities. If that child in the playpen that is over the 30lb weight limit gets hurt your liability insurance is null and void because you put the child in an unsafe situation - hence the need for specialized equipment meant for special needs children that accounts for a difference between the developmental need and the size/weight need ie a 4 year old that still needs support for sitting up and can't use an exersaucer like my daughter was. We had to adapt and get creative but I would never have trusted some of our "creations" on another person's child due to liability.

There are many forms of supposed discrimination - why do people not whine and cry foul when someone wants to terminate a toddler that cries all the time or won't play alone or won't eat or won't nap or won't give in to our rules of play nicely and yet feel it is ok to whine and cry foul when we decide not to accept (vice accept and later terminate) a child that doesn't fit into our program for other reasons including our own health. Please head the messages on this board about back/knee issues and take them seriously or it is your own family that will suffer in the long run when you can no longer maintain an active lifestyle with your own children or enjoy your own senior years due to damage you did to your body when you were younger.

Playfelt the child I'm watching is moble with no issues except from being a bit slower. I tried lifting him once and knew my limitations, he sleeps in a toddler bed and walks up and down the stairs just fine. I do know if he was say 1 and was grossly over weight I would also know my limitations. I probably wouldn't have signed him due to my safety.

For me I have just found Daycarewhisper's comments to be over the top rude. She is saying the kids she interviewed suggested special equipment to be wheelchairs? There are ways to be over the top and yes she tops the list.

I have always valued your comments as I love that you try and see all sides to a situation. We all need to see both sides and that grey part in the middle.

So thank you for letting me understand your point of view, as daycare providers our backs must be protected at all costs, you are exactly right.

Thanks for your earlier comment as well regarding speaking to the parents about if they have seen a nutritionist. :)

[daycarewhisperer]

Playfelt the child I'm watching is moble with no issues except from being a bit slower. I tried lifting him once and knew my limitations, he sleeps in a toddler bed and walks up and down the stairs just fine. I do know if he was say 1 and was grossly over weight I would also know my limitations. I probably wouldn't have signed him due to my safety.

For me I have just found Daycarewhisper's comments to be over the top rude. She is saying the kids she interviewed suggested special equipment to be wheelchairs? There are ways to be over the top and yes she tops the list.

I have always valued your comments as I love that you try and see all sides to a situation. We all need to see both sides and that grey part in the middle.

So thank you for letting me understand your point of view, as daycare providers our backs must be protected at all costs, you are exactly right.

Thanks for your earlier comment as well regarding speaking to the parents about if they have seen a nutritionist. :)
Naw she said the same thing I said. She didn't specifically talk about wheelchairs as THE piece of outdoor equipment that could possibly fit a toddler of that size but she did speak of adaptive equipment to meet their needs.

It's REAL LIFE experience talking and the cautionary concomitant issues that come along with the care of this particular child with this particular special care needs.

If you have an environment that is safe for the child and the physical prowess to do the every day physical demands AND you are able to manage getting a sixty pound two year old out of the house in a fire then you are the right provider for that child. I don't have any of the above. I could if funding was available to purchase equipment, staff, and adapt the environment but in the case of the children I interviewed there wasn't an inkling of insight that there would be anything needed other than an academic program to meet their giftedness.

[daycarewhisperer]

Ok, anyone who believes all the info that dcwhisperer iremember correctly spewing, well god help you! It makes me laugh and I would be sad if I didn't know all about her, but some of you may be buying into it so please, please ignore her! Just a heads up from someone in the know.

Ok, I have a 28 pound almost 10 month old in care, a 31 pound 18 month old in care, and a 21 pound 2 year old. They all 3 sleep in playpens so that's when I have to lift them and I lift the baby into the stroller and booster seat for meals, but the others climb into the stroller and booster seat as applicable. Some children are really big for their age and some are small for their age. If you run into a child who needs help because he/she is obese I HOPE you help the child and the parent as much as Skysue is trying to do, for pete sake, she didn't deserve to be berated in this thread!

She wasn't berated once on this thread. She was given really good advice. She is fortunate to have a place to come to for free to get such excellent experienced advice.

You have said again and again that you know me and know all about me. If I remember correctly you even know one of the legions of daycare providers who live right by me. We GET it.

Next ;-)

[dodge__driver11]

Uh I have to say...guys I have a bigger little one in my daycare and I was actually considering terming her because I could not lift her, but she finally started "growing into her size" she is 2.5 y/o and in 5t....

She was hurting my back...

I too am plus size, and would never discriminate..... but lets face it, which is more important? Being realistic, or hoping something will change?

Also I at one point was told that I had to have 2 people come into my home to help me, did that make the health region discriminatory? No.... it made them sensical.. (for lifts and stuff, and I have equipment) I have genetic conditions that make weight loss very hard as well....

Get real....

Just because we do what's best for us does not mean we are cold hearted and aloof.

(Sorry I get a little touchy when people say discrimination, when it reality it just makes sense for them or the situation)

[Skysue]

I have officially decided to say goodbye, this form is getting to out there for me.

Good luck with your daycares ladies!

[sunnydays]

Skysue, I have been taking a break from this forum too as things got a bit too much I felt. However, in this thread I am not entirely sure how you felt attacked. We basically all said the same thing in different words. Nobody said you shouldn't have taken on the overwight child you have in your daycare. Clearly he is not to the point of needing care that you cannot provide and it sounds like you are doing your best to help him as much is possible from your end. But the scenario DCW described was different as the kids were younger and heavier. I hope you don't leave the forum over this.

[daycarewhisperer]

Skysue, I have been taking a break from this forum too as things got a bit too much I felt. However, in this thread I am not entirely sure how you felt attacked. We basically all said the same thing in different words. Nobody said you shouldn't have taken on the overwight child you have in your daycare. Clearly he is not to the point of needing care that you cannot provide and it sounds like you are doing your best to help him as much is possible from your end. But the scenario DCW described was different as the kids were younger and heavier. I hope you don't leave the forum over this.

I reread the thread and I'm not seeing anything but a good discussion about managing child and family if obese children. It's definitely a conversation that we will continue to have with obesity rates climbing yearly throughout the US and Canada.

I was accused of discrimination in this thread by the OP. I was told that she hopes I get convicted of having a cold heart. Another poster in this thread told participants to ignore my spewing posts. These were both allowed without the moderators involvement. Posts were not removed nor warnings given.

I think I took some pretty serious hits but the OP was treated well and given real time real life advice and information. She was praised for her commitment to the child and her willingness to work with the family.

I'm confused.

[playfelt]

I am so having trouble with this forum and it is not really about what is being asked or even how people are generally responding it is how others are jumping onto the advice that is given. If you don't have any additional advice or ideas to add then keep your complaining to yourself. By that I mean no one is ever going to agree with all of the ideas but if I have a problem and come to the forum asking for advice I want to hear all of the ideas no matter how far fetched they are. I am quite capable of decoding them and deciding which options I will try and which ones I won't.

As mothers we can't help bring our parenting styles and beliefs to the forum but we have to make a distinction between what we do with daycare kids vice our own kids even if our own kids are part of our daycare. I know that is a very hard concept for some to conceive. As a "very" mature - read old here caregiver I can practically tell the age of the caregiver by their responses both in what they suggest or how outraged they get at some of the suggestions. That is the sad commentary on parenting. Wearing a sleeper backwards is a straightjacket to some but a method for dealing with little strippers employed by mothers back several generations - maybe even on the complainers for that matter. Leashes are not new - just fancy tails now to mask what they really are - a rope that secures the child from traffic - just as you wouldn't let the child play at the end of your driveway on a busy street why is it suddenly ok to let them be alone on a sidewalk only a sudden slip from being run over. We make kids wear helmets lest they scrape their foreheads learning to walk and yet securing the child away from moving traffic is considered as anti parenting. I just don't get it - I really don't.

We talk about how each home daycare is unique and that is what we are using as one of our main arguments in the fights with the provincial government over more regulations but still if anyone does something different than what someone else does then they must be wrong and are chastised. We need to be more secure in how we run our own daycares and know that while it is different than others it is not wrong.

Someone leaving the forum because they don't like what someone said is like kids on the playground and one kid taking their ball and going home because they don't like the game. It serves no useful purpose, hurts those that still need the ball (advice) and leaves everyone feeling empty. A good rule of thumb is to not reply in haste. Read a thread and maybe even go back and scan the entire thread to keep the real meanings in your head and then reply - kind of a form of doing a first draft and a finished copy.

[treeholm]

I am assuming the post containing rude comments to Skysue was removed, because I read the whole thread and can't find it either.
In any case, each one of us has a responsibility to only accept clients that we can be reasonably certain of being suitable for. This is not discrimination. I would not take them on, not because I am cold or heartless, but because lifting a heavy child would put my own health at risk, and that would ultimately inconvenience all my clients. If I put my back out, all of my children would be unable to come. They are between 1 and 2 years of age, and need to be lifted into play pens, high chairs, and lifted onto the change table. I protect the health of my back. It would be irresponsible of ME to accept these clients. If another provider has not difficulty lifting that weight, that is fine. This is in individual decision. But, I would be very annoyed if someone said I was discriminating against these children just because I knew they would not fit my program. We walk a lot, and if the child can't handle that, and I can't carry the child, do I deprive all my other children of our outings? Of course not. I will only take children who fit into my program. That also means, for example, I will not accept children who need a morning nap, nor will I accept children who have outgrown a nap. I guess I discriminate against several groups, if you want to use that term, but ultimately, it is my business! I am not a social worker, and it is not my job to "fix" children who have parents who don't care about nutrition. I respect the parents' right to parent as they see fit, and I respect my own right to accept parents who are on the same page with me about nutrition, or any other important issues.

[Crayola kiddies]

I am assuming the post containing rude comments to Skysue was removed, because I read the whole thread and can't find it either.
In any case, each one of us has a responsibility to only accept clients that we can be reasonably certain of being suitable for. This is not discrimination. I would not take them on, not because I am cold or heartless, but because lifting a heavy child would put my own health at risk, and that would ultimately inconvenience all my clients. If I put my back out, all of my children would be unable to come. They are between 1 and 2 years of age, and need to be lifted into play pens, high chairs, and lifted onto the change table. I protect the health of my back. It would be irresponsible of ME to accept these clients. If another provider has not difficulty lifting that weight, that is fine. This is in individual decision. But, I would be very annoyed if someone said I was discriminating against these children just because I knew they would not fit my program. We walk a lot, and if the child can't handle that, and I can't carry the child, do I deprive all my other children of our outings? Of course not. I will only take children who fit into my program. That also means, for example, I will not accept children who need a morning nap, nor will I accept children who have outgrown a nap. I guess I discriminate against several groups, if you want to use that term, but ultimately, it is my business! I am not a social worker, and it is not my job to "fix" children who have parents who don't care about nutrition. I respect the parents' right to parent as they see fit, and I respect my own right to accept parents who are on the same page with me about nutrition, or any other important issues.

Treeholm .... There are only two posts removed and they were by 5 monkeys and they were only saying the same thing as yours almost verbatim .... The cat fight start when skysue said something to daycare whisperer about being discriminatory ..... I agree with playfelt .... I too can tell the age of certain providers by the comments they make. I too am old school having been around the block a few dozen times with having my first child in my 20's and my fifth child in my 40's . I find myself commenting less lately and just reading and often chuckling.
I agree it's the parents right to raise their child how they see fit and it's not up to me what they feed their kids. I would not take too kindly if my caregiver (when I worked out of the home) told me what to feed my kids. While I feed my children a basic healthy diet and we grow all our own veggies in our garden, blanching and freezing away some and storing in our cold cellar others I do have fruit loops, lucky charms, and oreo cookies in my cupboard for my own children to have periodically. I would also be hard pressed to believe anyone who said their child (unless the child was under 12 months of age) had never had any junk food (sugary cereal, cookies, ice cream, cake, chips, French fries, ect). It's really too bad that this forum has been reduced to its current state....

[playfelt]

Treeholm you nailed what the real issue is: discrimination and our meaning of it.

You are right we do it all the time and that was the point many of us were trying to make but that got lost in the fact the child was overweight so it became all about that and not about the truth that the reason for the child not being accepted was because there was something about the child that meant they would not be a good fit for the program.

Morning nap, no nap, parent won't allow outings, parent demands outings, chid cries all the time, child is aggressive, child is too young to keep up with the other kids and program, child is too old and bored by being around younger kids ..... the list goes on. I know some of these reasons seem to not mean much or attack the child directly but a child that cries well it becomes all about the tears as no matter how sweet and cute child is or how nice the mom is the tears still annoy everyone and make for bad days.

Discriminating on the basis of race is wrong. Discriminating on the basis of sex, age, temperament, etc. is not only allowed in home daycare, it is encouraged because it is our job to help everyone have good days and that means that every child needs to be in the best program for them and not just any program. If the original poster had said she didn't want to take the 3 year old husky, overactive boy because her home was currently filled with only girls 2 and under very few would have jumped on her and said that is discrimination - they would have applauded her for taking the needs of everyone in her group into consideration over her desire to fill a space. Because the issue is the sensitive topic of obesity the thinking and replies got all messed up.

[Crayola kiddies]

Treeholm .... There are only two posts removed and they were by 5 monkeys and they were only saying the same thing as yours almost verbatim .... The cat fight start when skysue said something to daycare whisperer about being discriminatory ..... I agree with playfelt .... I too can tell the age of certain providers by the comments they make. I too am old school having been around the block a few dozen times with having my first child in my 20's and my fifth child in my 40's . I find myself commenting less lately and just reading and often chuckling.
I agree it's the parents right to raise their child how they see fit and it's not up to me what they feed their kids. I would not take too kindly if my caregiver (when I worked out of the home) told me what to feed my kids. While I feed my children a basic healthy diet and we grow all our own veggies in our garden, blanching and freezing away some and storing in our cold cellar others I do have fruit loops, lucky charms, and oreo cookies in my cupboard for my own children to have periodically. I would also be hard pressed to believe anyone who said their child (unless the child was under 12 months of age) had never had any junk food (sugary cereal, cookies, ice cream, cake, chips, French fries, ect). It's really too bad that this forum has been reduced to its current state....



Ooppps ..... My mistake ..... I just reread the entire thread and 5 monkeys posts are still there so nothing is missing ..... Sorry

[mimi]

It is really upsetting to me to read the posters who have a lot of insight and good advice are fed up with the infighting that occurs on this forum. I see that most of the posters have really good intentions and give excellent insights to an OP's questions or comments.
There are some sh!t disturbers who make comments to cause a negative reaction.
Can we, the regular supporters of this forum please show the professionalism we show in our businesses and just ignore negative/reactionary comments and address the OP's question/concern without throwing out accusations of a discriminatory nature.
I come to this forum to learn and to be a better provider and business person. Already we have lost a number of members who were there when I joined this forum who kindly answered my newbie questions and proceeded to explain in a kind and helpful way the error of my ways.
May I suggest that we ignore some bad apples and the ones who just want a reaction and stay focused to the OP's question. Lets get our forum back on track and keep the remaining members we have.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I'm glad my posts are still there. When I read they were gone I wondered why lol.

I am a newbie to this forum so I don't know who the shit disturbers are....I honestly don't see any shit disturbing posts in this particular thread??

[dodge__driver11]

Shrugs.... I dunno I am confused --I just provided my take on caring for a toddler who is a bigger size....

[jammiesandtea]

I'm glad my posts are still there. When I read they were gone I wondered why lol.

I am a newbie to this forum so I don't know who the shit disturbers are....I honestly don't see any shit disturbing posts in this particular thread??


The issue is that there are caregivers on this board with a variety of philosophies, differing styles of parenting/caregiving/communication etc, and there is a specific type or group who get their feelings hurt very easily, and don't appreciate (or want to tolerate) those who have a more hard-ass (realistic) view on things.

In my opinion, everyone needs to realize that there may be contributors here who do not align perfectly with your philosophies or your style, but provided they are not calling names or being abusive, everyone has the right to express their views and share their experiences and their advice, without being silenced, shamed, or censored.

If you don't agree with someone's point of view, by all means disagree or debate with them, or even avoid or leave the conversation if you so choose, but to throw a public hissy fit and stomp off in outraged indignation, or to demand the ones you disagree with be silenced, is neither necessary nor appreciated by those of us who value different opinions and free expression on a public forum.

Those who seem to look for any possible reason to become offended on a regular basis should consider developing a thicker skin. It's not the end of the world when others don't see things exactly the way you see them. And if you weren't so busy taking hissy fits, you might even learn something from someone with a different set of views and experiences than yours.

In my life, I've always learned the most from those who had the guts to speak truths that were harder to hear... not the ones who already agree with everything I think and say.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Well said jammiesandtea!! We all deal with parents who parent differently on a daily basis so why shouldn't we accept that dcp's run their hdc's differently. I will let you all know now that there are going to be times I agree with you and there are going to be times I don't. That doesn't mean I'm being rude, offensive or shit disturbing. It just means I am vocal about my opinions and thoughts and want to give my two cents too!!! lol.

PS. To those who said they could....can you guess my age?? ( I like games like that and am curious to see how close you are to my age!!) :)

[dodge__driver11]

5 monkeys can you guess mine lol..Id say 32?

[Crayola kiddies]

Well said jammiesandtea!! We all deal with parents who parent differently on a daily basis so why shouldn't we accept that dcp's run their hdc's differently. I will let you all know now that there are going to be times I agree with you and there are going to be times I don't. That doesn't mean I'm being rude, offensive or shit disturbing. It just means I am vocal about my opinions and thoughts and want to give my two cents too!!! lol.



PS. To those who said they could....can you guess my age?? ( I like games like that and am curious to see how close you are to my age!!) :)

5 monkeys....... Between 29 and 33

[5 Little Monkeys]

dodge driver....I would guess you as late 30's...maybe 38?

Crayola kiddies...you said you had your 5th child in your 40's so I'm going to guess you are now 46?

You both guessed too old for me...I will be 28 in Feb

[Crayola kiddies]

I went with the information that you were in health care prior to daycare and you were in centre care before opening your home daycare and your home daycare has been opened for two years I also took into account post secondary education ...... As of this Christmas you will be dead on the money

[dodge__driver11]

38? why for LOL....?

[daycarewhisperer]

I'm glad my posts are still there. When I read they were gone I wondered why lol.

I am a newbie to this forum so I don't know who the shit disturbers are....I honestly don't see any shit disturbing posts in this particular thread??

Me either. I've read the thread over a few times and I can't figure it out.

[Blackcat3168]

Sounds to me like members are allowing their personal feelings towards other's influence their posts/words.

What a shame. As a child care provider I try to teach my daycare children to respect (NOT always agree) but respect other peoples thoughts, feelings and words.

As an adult, I would think that it would be easy to take what works and leave the rest. Being offended by someone you don't even know in real life seems like way too much energy usage for me.

I am new to this forum...this is the 2nd thread I've read.

Not sure I will stay... :rolleyes:

[Crayola kiddies]

Sounds to me like members are allowing their personal feelings towards other's influence their posts/words.

What a shame. As a child care provider I try to teach my daycare children to respect (NOT always agree) but respect other peoples thoughts, feelings and words.


As an adult, I would think that it would be easy to take what works and leave the rest. Being offended by someone you don't even know in real life seems like way too much energy usage for me.

I am new to this forum...this is the 2nd thread I've read.

Not sure I will stay... :rolleyes:

Almost like an episode of the young and restless eh Blackcat?

[5 Little Monkeys]

dodge...that was just a wild guess...I am terrible for reading the threads and not paying attention to who is posting so I don't really know any personal info on you lol. Am I totally off??

crayola...I will still be 27 this Christmas :) Was I close to guessing your age?

[Crayola kiddies]

5 monkeys ..... My birthday is at Xmas and I will be 46 .... You were spot on !!!! (Sorry I guess I was rambling in my last post !!)

[dodge__driver11]

I am 31.... :P And hey y and r is my fave show lol

[Crayola kiddies]

I am 31.... :P And hey y and r is my fave show lol

I haven't watched y and r in many years now but I started watching it back when it was still a 30 min show and the prentisis were one of the main families along with the brooks family. ...... And victor had micheal locked in the dungeon in his basement because he had an affair with his then wife Julia! Ahhhh those were the days !!!!

[5 Little Monkeys]

Crayola.........OHHH lol....I read your post wrong!! Your info on me was correct, I started at one daycare when I was 18.5, worked there for almost 3 years and took some ECE courses. Then I switched to healthcare for just over 3 years then worked in another centre and nanny'ed for about a year and have now had my hdc for 2 years. I was jobless for 3 months between the healthcare and the centre/nanny jobs because I moved to be closer to my fiance......dumb dumb dumb LOL Always make sure you have a job first haha.

Dodge, I was going to guess 32 for you but thought I had read a post of yours saying you were older...it obviously wasn't you though! I need to pay more attention to who is posting what haha.

[mamaof4]

Hi guys-

I had emergency surgery last week and then after some complications I was in the intensive care unit for a bit, so I was only sporadically online and clearly missed this thread.

For the moment I am locking it and I will take the time to carefully read through everything and try and handle it fairly.

For the record. NO ONE reported a post to me as mean spirited etc. If you feel attacked please click the report post icon so I can see exactly where it is. It then sends me an email and I can deal with it much more quickly than if I am just reading though the posts at the end of the day. As much as I would love to read through every post and thread as it is posted - it doesn't work that way.

Please message me with questions and I will do my utmost to address everything quickly.

Liz