Moms one up-ing each other- anon post for a member

[mamaof4]

Is school a constant comparison or competition for parents? I am honestly getting so sick of all the "hens clucking in a corner."

I take DS to school sometimes, and its a routine for him, as we are walking to the door of his class, he asks what I packed him for lunch. I'll name whatever is in his lunch, and it never fails. I get one parents passing me in the hallway saying that they would never pack that."

As a rule I am very health conscious mom, as I run a dayhome... (well duh hahah)

Today for example I packed:

-Non sweetened apple juice, that is half juice half water
-Pasta and meat sauce (sauce is made from scratch)
-A cinnamon croissant
-A banana
-Yogurt
-And as a treat gold fish crackers

I had this mom say that gold fish crackers are terrible, blah blah...I have a thick skin, but really, must someone always make comments? Its the same when I go to any school function mom's seem to be one uping each other whenever possible....

I just don't get it?

[5 Little Monkeys]

I'm not a mom so I have no comment but if it makes you feel better.......I serve goldfish crackers often, like twice a week, and it's one of the things I make sure to buy when shopping in the States because they have different flavours than here. I also put them in their soup sometimes instead of soda crackers!!!

:)

[Lou]

Mean girls grow up to be mean moms...sometimes they never grow out of their bully mentality and feel the need to make others feel bad to make them feel better about themselves. Don't take it personally, just smile, shake your head, ignore and continue talking to your precious son :)

[mimi]

You can pack my lunch any day :) It is frustrating, but for some reason this woman feels inferior and needs to criticize someone to make herself feel better. Ignore her.

[playfelt]

Parents feel very insecure because everywhere they look they are bombarded by "experts" telling them one thing that contradicts the thing they heard yesterday - like when we complain that a new parent has read too many books. It is the old adage if you are doing something different than I am then one of us must be wrong. And if I am not the one that is wrong it must be you but I have to prove that it is you as that is the only way I can prove that I am right or at least not wrong. There seems to be no grey thinking of "just different forms of right" amongst parents. Moms want to be seen as super capable and that notion has been around since caveman days I would imagine in who could build the best fire, or skin the best hide or sew the straightest seam or ..... and our kids are a showcase for our greatness or lack thereof.

Dealing with it requires being confident yourself that what you are doing is what is right for your child and your family whether it is the same or different than what other families are doing. If your child is happy then that is all that maters. Ignoring is the best method as engaging is pointless since no one is going to back down to agree with the other person or appreciate being "educated" on the facts so best to just move on.

[Sassygirl]

Why do some women have to be like this? I honestly don't get it. I agree with the others, be confident in yourself. What you packed sounded fanastic! Picking on goldfish crackers? Honestly???!!! Its not like you sent a lunchable and dunkaroos and a fruit roll up for goodness sake!
I would ignore her. She is clearly unhappy in her own life and is jealous that you are such an amazing mom. Stay as far away as possible when you are there who needs that!
In the words of the Youtube video that has gone viral, courtesy of Sweet Brown: "Aint nobody got time for that!"

[Other Mummy]

Mean girls grow up to be mean moms...sometimes they never grow out of their bully mentality and feel the need to make others feel bad to make them feel better about themselves. Don't take it personally, just smile, shake your head, ignore and continue talking to your precious son :)

Yup. This.

But being a bit of a #$@ disturber. I would probably say in a loud and clear voice next time, "Yes, DS today mommy packed you potato chips, kool aid, some gummy bears and processed cheese on white bread." Then smile wickedly and wish them a good day as you pass them by.

[Blackcat3168]

Mean girls grow up to be mean moms...sometimes they never grow out of their bully mentality and feel the need to make others feel bad to make them feel better about themselves. Don't take it personally, just smile, shake your head, ignore and continue talking to your precious son :)

I agree! However I would probably say something back...

For example if the parent said "Oh, I would never pack that"
I'd say "Well it's a good thing you aren't packing MY child's lunch then isn't it?"

...if I was feeling really mean, I'd probably say something like "Well, then we're even because I would NEVER wear that in public" and point to her shirt/shoes....etc. After all, if she feels that she has the right to judge me (and make comments about it) she better expect the same in return.

[dodge__driver11]

LOL Black cat! :)

[dodge__driver11]

http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/type-a-baby/ashamed-of-sanctimommy-moment/

I found this article and felt it was rather apt, what do you ladies think?

[playfelt]

Anyone who has ever taken their special needs child into public especially when they were young knows all too well that they were being judged by standards their child didn't have a hope of meeting and without being given the chance to explain we just had to look the other way - why is that 5 year old still in a stroller and not walking ( because I am trying to put off the expense of a wheelchair as long as I can) - why is that child making that funny noise (because she is non-verbal and can't speak and needs to indicate a need somehow) ......etc. As a parent you grow a thick skin and well my child who is now 20 years and only barely acts like 20 months is oblivious thank goodness to what goes on around her.

As with anything we need to stop and think about a situation before we react and if the world did that a little more it would be a nicer place for everyone.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree playfelt.

I just wanted to say though, not everyone staring is judging. I worked with adults with special needs and so sometimes when I am out and see someone with special needs, I will look at them think, "wow, he/she sure reminds me of ____. I wonder what she/he is up too now?" or I will think "I am so impressed with that parent, they are handling this difficult situation so well. I hope I can be that strong and awesome as a parent with my own children some day." Some people may be thinking "I know what that parent is going through, I've been there many times myself."

I think sometimes we see people staring at us and we automatically think they are judging us and being negative. It just isn't always the case though :) I myself enjoy people watching when I am out and about and I watch people of all sizes, shapes, colours, abilities. It doesn't mean I'm being negative and thinking mean thoughts.

(but yes, I know that some stared at the adults I worked with and were probably thinking mean thoughts but I tried to not let it bother me. I often wonder too if that person just hasn't been exposed to it and so they are looking in interest. Me judging them for looking was/is no better than them judging the client I was with)