Racism from a child!?!?!

[Harmoni]

I have a new baby enrolled to start right away, so we had a little meet and greet with the dayhome kiddos Friday afternoon. I had told them earlier in the day we had a new baby girl coming for a visit and how absolutely adorable she is! Well I brought her into the playroom and one DCG who is 6 got a look of disgust on her face and simply said "she's black??" :blink::mad::no: Then proceeded to make comments on how she doesn't think she's cute and so forth...those "comments" were immediately shut down!!! Then the 5yr old sister starts kicking at baby and saying "ewww get away, ewww get away" :mad: Obviously these siblings are learning this racist behavior at home! I never imagined that parents would still be planting this hogwash in their kids heads, like come on it's almost 2014!! They were quick to tell their parent that there was a new kid today and all he responded with was "ya, I saw the mom". So I guess, I'am looking for suggestions on how to bring this up un-accusingly to the parents? At this point I'am so disappointed that if the dad pulls them, then fine by me!! I will take a sweet baby over bratty part time school kids any day!!!! :) Has anyone ever experienced this in their home? The last time I had to give someone shit for their racial slur behavior was my father in-law and it didn't go well...! haha
Sorry for the rambling rant!! TIA!

[Other Mummy]

:eek: This from a 6 and 5 year old set of siblings? My jaw dropped when I read this. I immediately got so angry and then very sad for the siblings. No child is born being a racist. They are learning this at home.

I would absolutely have a talk with the parents. This won't do a darn thing if they are racists. I would give one warning that this racist behaviour is not tolerated. I would speak with the children. If it happens again, I would term. On the spot. Don't think these poor two brainwashed children aren't going to spread this vile ignorant hatred throughout your daycare.

[playfelt]

Without even looking at the racist part of this the way they treated the baby - pretending as I assume she didn't actually make contact with the baby would be grounds on many levels to term. Add in the racist comments and obviously as a family you are not on the same page as your daycare family on very important issues and that too is a reason to term.

I agree on talking to the parents, letting them know what happened, letting them know that it is their responsibility as parents to teach tolerance and acceptance and would they please speak with the girls because if it happens again in your home they will be termed on the spot because it is not acceptable in this day and age. Then follow through. Being school age the money you would lose from them over the new baby makes it clear which group leaves anyways if there is an issue but the safety of the baby could be compromised as the one sister has already shown and that in itself is a reason.

[cfred]

Orrrrrrr.......this could be a wonderful opportunity for you to plant the seeds of tolerance and acceptance in these children. I agree...this absolutely starts in the home. But fortunately for you, these are wee children and very susceptible to ideas and suggestion. Through games, stories and example, you can instill some wonderful values. It might be countered at home and may seem like it's not worthwhile, but seeds can be planted, you know? Kids are so open to ideas and possibilities. If you want to term as it's just not up your alley, then of course do so. We all have to do what we're most comfortable with. But, if I had this opportunity, I'd immediately incorporate a long standing, daily theme of self esteem, tolerance, individuality....and can even introduce ethnic diversity into future activities. In fact, I've made this part of my schtick in my 'offerings' as part of my advertising. It's a regular thing and easy to incorporate....and quite fun!

[sunnydays]

Was the mother of the baby there when this happened? If I were that mother, I would not want my child to be in daycare with those two girls. The baby is in danger, not only physically, but also emotionally. It will be very hard for you to watch the older ones every second of the day to make sure they are not discriminating against the baby and she is too small to be able to defend herself in any way. I would definitely bring this up with the girls' parents and warn them that any further discrimination from the girls will lead to immediate termination. If that goes well, then you can do as Cfred mentioned and try to do some work with all the kids on tolerance, acceptance, etc. But you will have to be very vigilant to make sure that there are not little remarks, etc being made towards or about new baby. This kind of thing is internalized and so damaging at this young age. Home daycare is like a family and so discrimination from the other kids will have more effect than that which comes from strangers or even classmates down the line.

[mamaof4]

I am trying to think the best--- but it is hard not to jump on the "geez the parents are racist" cart.

Maybe these kids have never been exposed to black people or people of other races. Where we live it is extremely homogeneous- we have to go out of our way to to expose our kids to other cultures but we do... that said- I would bring this up to the parents, maybe they are genuinely unaware.

[mickyc]

This is so sad! Kids who have not been exposed to black people will still not act this way, it is something they are hearing at home most definitely. I have had a black boy in my care previously. The children didn't even notice the difference and he became a great friend.

I would definitely tell the parents what happened and how that is not acceptable. While the children are in your care you will need teach them tolerance and acceptance as well.

[dodge__driver11]

Let me use my situation as an example:

This particular instance does not involve children, but a grown nurse. I am not sure if some of you know, but I have circulation issues in my legs and as a result some leg ulcers opened, (other treatment failed) and need to be wrapped and dressed twice weekly. So I go to a clinic to be taken care of and monitored by a wound care team. (Until compression stalkings arrive)

I have been going since August, and have a rotation of nurses who treat and wrap me, and one in particular "did not care for the fact" (her words) that I care for children in my home, and just "didn't get how someone in a wheelchair could do it." I assured her that all safety requirements are met and care needs are taken care of in an orderly way.....Her facial expression changed, and she has since become very hostile towards me. Going as far to say in front of other staff, that my "legs were hard to do, and she'd rather not do my care, and that she was surprised that they had not voiced concern."

Note: No other staff have ever said this, and OH&S is HUGE when doing care of this nature, and I imagine she was just looking for a way to avoid me, but it backfired...As she still had to do care when I was on her rotation.... (in silence and very roughly I might add)

Well fast fwd a few weeks...I arrive for my care on Friday, and hear my name being mentioned in one of the offices..._______'s clients must be so dense... and besides she's hard on my back. When her co-worker came out, I asked if I could speak with her a moment. (I was very hurt and angry btw) And to top it off, she has shared her "concern" with this co worker, who stated it was none of her business and she'd rather not be involved. (she is a manager and I trust her word)

I said "look________ I don't want to put anyone in a tough position here. It's obvious that ________ takes issue with my care, and it causing her injury, so what can we do? Is it possible to have you do my wound management instead?" I waited outside and went to the other nurse's room.

So I guess what I am trying to say here is rather than going in guns'a'blazzin and telling this offending wound care nurse I felt that she was a bigot, I took the high road, and made it about her not injuring her back.

Try to sit down with the kids, and ask them why they felt so "angry?" Make it about inclusion, and acceptance. Then maybe have a conference with the parents, giving an angle that you are confused about the reaction and are here to help, at the same time making it clear that racism and bigotry are not tolerated.

If you truly get a sense that these parents are these things or just not a fit for your child care situation, then by all means, take the steps needed.

Ps: I am not sure what the fall out of the whole situation will be.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree with those that say racism is a learned behaviour. However, it is easy to assume that they are learning this from the parents when it might be something they are picking up from school.

If it were me, I would observe them for awhile, maybe a week? After that, depending on what I saw, I would then approach it with the parents and have specific observations and comments to report on. In the meantime I would be using my time with them to help them realize that the colour of our skin does not matter and doesn't define us and that we shouldn't judge others based on their skin colour.

I would use this a teachable moment. Do you have multi-cultural books, toys, dolls etc in your dc? If not, this might be the perfect time to introduce them!

[Harmoni]

Thank you everyone for responding!! I still have so many emotions about all this!! The way pick ups happened on Friday I wasn't able to bring it up confidentially with the dad and I feel this is a topic that warrants face to face action...mostly because I want to see his reaction for myself, to confirm what I'am already feeling.
No the new mom was not there while this was happening, I would be even more mortified if that had been the case. And when the 5yr girl was kicking at her, there was no contact. I would like to know how they are doing in school, because in our town we are very much in contact daily with new Canadians. In fact in their school, the new Canadian kids pretty much out number the white ones, so lots of culture! So cute to hear one of my other kids talk about the differences in her little groups school lunches! :)
Well the new baby is coming again tomorrow for a 1/2 day, so we will see how things go? I'am fortunate with how my dayhome is set up, that I can keep an eye on the babies at all times. And bring them with me upstairs to make meals/snacks and bathroom breaks! However things work out this week, I will not let this slide! Life is and will be difficult enough until we can all treat others equally with kindness and respect!
Thanks again everyone for your advice!

[Woodsy]

I saw this on Pinterest and thought it may be a tool you can use to teach diversitiy to these children.

http://kidsactivitiesblog.c om/23747/what-is-diversity

[Fearlessbaby]

I would immediately bring this up with the parents- just tell them matter of factly what the child said and her reaction to the baby and see how the parents respond,,, it's most likely coming from them,,, tell them that this behaviour is unacceptable and if it continues the child will be withdrawn immediately,,, hope you never experience that again- that kind of racism is disgusting!

[sunnydays]

ANother thing is that you may want to add something to your contract for future. I have it clearly in my contract and on my website that discrimination of any kind will not be tolerated and will lead to immediate termination. Basically, I want to weed out families who I will be unable to work with. Sad for the kids who are not learning tolerance, but if I cannot guarantee that all kids in my care are emotionally and physically safe then I am not doing my job.