How much/what do you tell the parents at pick up?

[kimg]

Do you tell them about minor pushing/hitting/crying? Not adhering to quiet time? I usually don't tell them much, aside from, s/he had a good/ok/fussy day.

I have a 3.5 DCB that has gotten progressively worse at listening. He now ignores me about half the time. On our way to the park the other day, he ran ahead all the way there, ignoring my as I was running after him, yelling at him to stop. He got a major time out once we got there. I haven't said anything to them yet, but it's getting worse. I have a feeling that he's the same at his preschool because he told me that he was told that "he has to listen to his teachers" there. They are extremely laid back parents, FWIW.

[playfelt]

I find it is better to just handle it myself in my own way and if it works great and if it doesn't then involve the parents because most things are daycare specific. So what if parents let him run ahead on them to the park what you do at daycare are your rules and he must follow them. Tomorrow he will be leashed/harnessed whatever is the proper term for tied to the stroller for the walk - he has lost the privilege of walking like a big kid so is treated like a younger child that doesn't know the rules yet. Do not let him ride but limit his ability to run ahead. Let him earn the privileges back. This is a safety issue and you will be liable if he darts across the road - not a risk I would be willing to take. Rule is simple and age means nothing - If I do not have voice command of you at all times then you are in the stroller/wagon, or secured to such plain and simple.

[apples and bananas]

If there is something that is happening that is either a danger to the child, other children or my home and I feel that the parents can do something to support the lesson that I am teaching then I will tell them, but it's more of a "can you work on this because johnny has been doing this lately..."

I don't mention minor infractions that I've dealt with. Yesterday one child continually poked another with a fork at the table. I had to remove him and give him the option of either going right to bed or behaving properly at the table. He went back, ate his lunch and pouted all the way to nap time. No reason to tell mom. It was handled and kids will be kids.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I don't tell the parents about minor pushing/crying/hitting etc unless it has become a huge concern. There are some things that are daycare specific and there isn't really anything the parent can do anyways.

However, I have a 3.5 yr old dcg who is a handful. I didn't tell her parents about some of her behaviour for awhile. She was not listening and was pretty much in time out all day though and so then I started to tell her parents about her behaviour. From talking to her parents about this I realized a big part of this was because she has no rules at home. Since bringing it up to her parents things have changed for the better. Her mom now asks for advice on what to do and has started to discipline her a bit. They very much spoil her and know it but aren't too keen on changing on that...well at least mom isn't.

I am a firm believe in working WITH the parents and this means including them in your decisions just as we appreciate that they include us. I would tell them the issues you have been having and what you plan on doing. I have a harness/leash for my 2 walkers and I have explained to the parents that I use this for safety. Maybe that would help him from not running away from you?

Yes, these are our homes and the children need to respect us and our rules but they are not our children and I believe the parents have the RIGHT to know what we do in our home and what sort of discipline/consequences we dish out.

[kimg]

That's kind of what I've been doing. DCB in question was not able to walk by himself the rest of the week, and had to have his hand on the stroller, or in mine at all times. I've been considering getting a backpack harness for the two younger ones that don't fit in the double stroller. Thanks!

[bright sparks]

I don't think we need to tell parents every little thing that occurs but IMO minor hitting/pushing/crying which is consistent needs to be brought to the parents attention so they are aware that it is becoming a problem and that you are working on it. Also as a parent myself I would hate to hear after an extended period of time that there have been issues and suddenly just be told once things chad escalated. Just let them know without blowing it out of proportion that this is what is going on and this is what you are doing to deal with it. As far as the getting progressively worse at listening, which is still normal for the age group depending on the child, when it gets to the point that he is running off, it becomes a safety issue and must be taken seriously by the parents regardless of how laid back they are. They need to get on board and be held accountable for reinforcing what you are doing at daycare to modify his behaviours.

I would be very clear to parents on what you need from them to reinforce what you are doing and then explicitly tell them that you will set a specific timeframe to discuss and review how this is working, and do this right from the start by saying let's talk in 6 weeks to discuss progress. If you see things are not improving and are getting worse and you have a strong inclination that the Parents are not being consistent and working with you, then I'd consider terminating only because these behaviours should be easy enough to rectify given time, but if the parents don't get on board then you are fighting a losing battle.

I have no problem working with difficult children, it's up to us to teach them and help them, but without full commitment from the parents, your efforts will not be enough and things will likely escalate.

[bright sparks]

I don't mention minor infractions that I've dealt with. Yesterday one child continually poked another with a fork at the table. I had to remove him and give him the option of either going right to bed or behaving properly at the table. He went back, ate his lunch and pouted all the way to nap time. No reason to tell mom. It was handled and kids will be kids.

I appreciate that this was dealt with, but as a parent I have the right to know that this occurred and quite frankly should be made aware if my child is physically antagonizing another child. What happens if this comes up somewhere else and it is reported to the parent. They may become defensive thinking that this is very out of character for their child, when really it isn't but having that information withheld from them means that they are oblivious to the true behaviours their child is acting out in. Also there are things that the parent can do after the fact. They can reinforce appropriate behaviour at home through play and story time and the incident of poking another child with a fork could be a reason to discuss feelings, bullying and what it means to treat others with respect and appropriately. It's not about telling the child off or disciplining them, but acknowledging what happened and establishing that it's wrong and why they felt the need to do it. You dealt width it, but I think it is important that all caregivers back each other up so the child learns consistency and that's why the parent should know what happened.

If I find myself constantly reporting negative daily incidents with a problem child, I always make sure I tell the parents the good things to and I reinforce to them that I am not worried, and that I am sure it is a normal phase of childhood development and behaviour but that I want to keep them in the loop and let them know what I am doing as the child's dcp to help them overcome this. That way I have eased their fears that their child will be kicked out or that he is actually "bad" and it quite often will prompt the parent to tell me if other incidents have occurred to see if their is a pattern or if their is any change in home life which may be instigating this behaviour, which ultimately may help me to carry out behaviour modification with more success.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Bright Sparks....I agree with you. I now like to tell the parents what is going on instead of waiting until it is out of hand. The parents of my handful reacted the way you described. They were shocked and said she had never done this before. Really, she had been that way since starting with me but I just brushed it aside thinking it was normal transitioning to a new dc. Her previous dcp was a friend of the family and I'm sure she was this way with her too but she probably didn't want to tell the parents because their daughters are the same age and they hang out all the time.

Her mom always asks how her day was now and if I say something negative she always has an excuse or tries to find an answer for why she misbehaved (she didn't sleep well, her brother got dropped off 2nd,she didn't want to get dressed this morning etc etc etc). It's quite annoying when I know the reason is because of the lack of discipline at home!

[mickyc]

I only tell the parent if the child had a time out. A time out means something significant happened and I think the parents need to be made aware of it. I have found more and more parents really don't care as sad as that sounds. Most of my parents don't even ask how their child's day was.

[DayHomeMama]

Bright Sparks....I agree with you. I now like to tell the parents what is going on instead of waiting until it is out of hand. The parents of my handful reacted the way you described. They were shocked and said she had never done this before. Really, she had been that way since starting with me but I just brushed it aside thinking it was normal transitioning to a new dc. Her previous dcp was a friend of the family and I'm sure she was this way with her too but she probably didn't want to tell the parents because their daughters are the same age and they hang out all the time.

Her mom always asks how her day was now and if I say something negative she always has an excuse or tries to find an answer for why she misbehaved (she didn't sleep well, her brother got dropped off 2nd,she didn't want to get dressed this morning etc etc etc). It's quite annoying when I know the reason is because of the lack of discipline at home!

I too make sure to tell parents of issues (and always make a point of saying the positives too!) I've had during the day. One parent in particular, who I've seen first hand doesn't share my discipline philosophy, always has an excuse for every single behaviour, no matter what.

[apples and bananas]

I appreciate that this was dealt with, but as a parent I have the right to know that this occurred and quite frankly should be made aware if my child is physically antagonizing another child. What happens if this comes up somewhere else and it is reported to the parent. They may become defensive thinking that this is very out of character for their child, when really it isn't but having that information withheld from them means that they are oblivious to the true behaviours their child is acting out in. Also there are things that the parent can do after the fact. They can reinforce appropriate behaviour at home through play and story time and the incident of poking another child with a fork could be a reason to discuss feelings, bullying and what it means to treat others with respect and appropriately. It's not about telling the child off or disciplining them, but acknowledging what happened and establishing that it's wrong and why they felt the need to do it. You dealt width it, but I think it is important that all caregivers back each other up so the child learns consistency and that's why the parent should know what happened.

If I find myself constantly reporting negative daily incidents with a problem child, I always make sure I tell the parents the good things to and I reinforce to them that I am not worried, and that I am sure it is a normal phase of childhood development and behaviour but that I want to keep them in the loop and let them know what I am doing as the child's dcp to help them overcome this. That way I have eased their fears that their child will be kicked out or that he is actually "bad" and it quite often will prompt the parent to tell me if other incidents have occurred to see if their is a pattern or if their is any change in home life which may be instigating this behaviour, which ultimately may help me to carry out behaviour modification with more success.

If the 2 year old, who is still learning how to use a fork and the proper uses for it, becomes a consistent "poker" I'll be sure to let the parents know. I appreciate your response. However, I don't think that this is any different then taking a toy from another child. It wasn't done in an aggressive manner, it was more of a " hey... Look at me" There was no antagonizing going on and I don't think I have a 2 year old bully developing.

As far as what we discuss with the parents... it's really up to the caregivers discretion. I choose to deal with big things or consistent issues. I won't always discuss the first time, but I will discuss if it becomes a consistent issue.

[playfelt]

One of the problems with telling the parents is that I don't always want the parent doing anything about it. I want it controlled in my way at my daycare and don't appreciate the interference so to speak. What can a parent do other than punish after the fact for an infraction that the child has already been punished for or simply yell at the child and solve nothing other than make him madder which he is then likely to take out on us at daycare the next day.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Playfelt...I agree that sometimes a parent can't do anything about the behaviour that happened at dc but they can watch for the behaviour at home. I don't agree with a parent disciplining a child after I have already disciplined at dc but if that is what they want to do than that is their choice as it is their child.

If you are disciplining a child at dc for hitting children for example but they aren't doing anything at home when he/she does it than it will send mixed messages to the child and the problem won't stop in my opinion. I may not discipline the same way as my handful's mom but at least we are both disciplining for the same misbehaviour now.

It totally depends on the behaviour though and what it is. However, from my experiences, if a child is allowed two separate sets of rules than more misbehaviour is likely to happen. It is better to be on the same page as the parents(or at least as close as you can get in some situations! lol) than more like a divorced couple where there are different rules at mom's than dad's. There are always going to be different rules between dc's and home but I think for major misbehaviour's, it is better to be in sync with the parents. Having said that, there are some parents who are just out to lunch and in major denial!!

[JennJubie]

I agree that being on the same page as the parents is key. I have a 15 mo that is hitting non stop right now. I have to separate him from the other kids at least a handful of times in one day. One of my dcgs was lying on the floor today, and he crawled past her and smacked her right in the face. I spoke with his parents because this has moved past a little bit of hitting and into constantly every day hitting. I told them what I was doing here, and Mom has asked for my advice in the very recent past. I feel good knowing that we are working together to teach this little guy that hitting is not ok.