Long weeks - a confession

[gravy_train]

I am in the middle of what I think is my most challenging time as a daycare provider. I have four children in my care, ranging in age from 14 months to 2.5 years. My own child is 2. One is with me for 8 hours a day and the other 2 are with me for 9.5 hour.
I am very quickly burning out.
My youngest is screaming (I posted about this a few weeks ago) intermittently throughout the day and then everyone else starts screaming. He is teething and drools on everything. He has also started biting the other children. My 2.5 yo is testing every little thing I say and ask. He cries when he is dropped off, cries when I change his diaper, cries when I ask him to put his shoes on so we can go outside. When he is not crying he is running from one spot to the next, throwing toys, taking toys from other kids. My own child is 2 and is also testing my reaction and I feel very guilty because I think it's because he gets the least attention from me throughout the day.
Right now I feel like my entire day is spent changing diapers and re-directing behaviour. I am not having fun doing this and I am wiped out. I feel like I need some help, need a break and need something to change but I'm not sure where to start or what to do.
Any words of wisdom?

[mickyc]

Can you afford to take a week off? If you can take a week off to get some rest and regroup. Sometimes you just need a break.

Is there one particular child that is the worst for you? Could you get rid of that child and fill that spot with an older child?

[apples and bananas]

I don't have any words of wisdom, other then... our job changes every day. It will change again and hopefully be better. The more days you do it, the better at it you are and the better it feels.

I have to applaud all of you caregivers that have young ones of your own. Mine are all school aged and I dread the last 2 hours of the day when they come home. LOL They all want my attention at once and I'm so pulled everywhere! My instinct is to give it to my kids, but I also know that I have a job and responsibility to the daycare kiddies.

So, I think it's amazing that you have your own child and devote so much of your time to 4 other ones too. I don't think I could do it.

[gravy_train]

thanks, mickyc -- i can't afford to take time off until christmas :-(. the thing is that even when i have time off i still am the primary caregiver for my own children so don't really get a break.
i think i will make an effort to get out of the house several evenings in the next few weeks and try to re-charge that way.

my 2.5 year old is particularly taxing at the moment but is otherwise a really sweet kid so i don't want to get rid of him.

maybe a book or two about toddler development and age appropriate expectations could help? does anyone have any book suggestions?

[torontokids]

OMG, you are singing to the choir! I feel your pain, I think we have all had these times. Luckily for me they are short lived for a day or 2, not multiple weeks, yikes!

Things that I do that really helps me. My day is super structured. This helps as the kids know what to expect at all times and I have less battles on my hands as they know what they need to do. I have a lot of free play. I have struggled with this one as I feel I should be doing more but the kids are happy. The trick is that it is freedom within a structured day. This allows me to do the things I used to do at night which made my day longer e.g. chop fruit, prep lunch etc. We spend a lot of time outdoors, the kids like it and if not, they get used to it. I find the fresh air is a savior for my mental health. I go to bed early now (this I struggle with but I at least go upstairs to read). I started feeding the dcks the same things a couple times a week. They don't care and the parents don't ever ask/care and this has taken a lot of the pressure off of me. I started a sewing class one evening a week (sometimes it is very hard to go to it as I have "more important things to do" but I make myself go. Lastly, I let my husband take my girls to soccer every Sat morning and do what I like (usually cleaning) so I can relax the rest of the weekend. This was hard for me because I felt guilty not going but I got over it!

[gravy_train]

awe thanks apples :-). have to remind myself that bad days and weeks happen at any job. i jfeel like i am lettign my own children, the kids in my care and the parents down because i am so drained.

[torontokids]

Our kids are the most work for sure. Another savior is video monitors. I never even go down during naps anymore because I can see them if I need to. I feel like my break is actually a break now

[gravy_train]

thanks, torontokids. free play is a big source of guilt because i worry that the parents expect me to 'do more' even though they are learning so much through free-play.
i like your suggestion of taking a regular class, and the thought of having a morning in my house alone sounds like pure heaven.
when i decided to open my daycare i expected it to be more fun but i wasn't prepared for how much work and stress it is ...

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree with mickyc, if you can afford a week off or even half a week than do that and take some time to re-energize yourself. It is like any other job and holidays should be taken so that we can avoid burn out.

Sounds like some of the behaviour is age related but could it also be boredom? I know it's time to do a toy change up when the kids start to get restless,argue and just aren't playing nicely. I do a half toy rotation about every 2 weeks and a book rotation weekly.

When I'm feeling in a rut, I check pinterest for some new fun ideas and art activities. Maybe try that?

Keep telling yourself "this too shall pass!" :).....it sorta helps lol

[torontokids]

Heh heh, my husband doesn't know it but I am finding another class/program that runs on Sat mornings when this one is over...I've had a taste of the freedom!

[mickyc]

Don't worry about what you think the parents expect you to do with their children during the day. You have lots of kids to look after during the day and they don't get it. There is nothing wrong with free play. My daughter's government regulated pre-school had this on their facebook page and I found it really interesting:

Free play is the 'meat and potatoes' of our program. A certain amount of free play time is actually mandated by the government. It gives children the chance to choose for themselves those things that interest them. Naturally drawn to things from which they can learn, they can explore, discover, test theories, cooperate, use and develop skills in all areas of development.

I also have a very structured day but that includes lots of free play. The kids seem to enjoy it the most. I agree with 5 Little Monkey's - switch toys around.

Try and get some alone time in the evenings and weekends. The best thing for me I ever did was to hire a house cleaner bi-weekly for 2 hours. Just not having to do so much housework has helped.

[jammiesandtea]

Rather than a book, I would recommend asking the advice of well seasoned, experienced providers, which you're doing. :) Perhaps not all, but many of the books by self-appointed "experts" are junk, and can steer you wrong. Go with tried-and-true, back-to-basics advice from providers with many years of successful experience. They are your best resource.

Your idea to get out of the house more often to re-charge is a good plan. You can also look at ways to make your daycare days easier for awhile as well. Take more time to sit on your behind and relax while the kids free play. If crafts aren't something you particularly enjoy, slack off on them for awhile. No one is going to die or be horribly impacted by missing a few crafts or structured activities for a bit.

And most importantly, don't be hard on yourself because you think you should be "having fun" all the time while doing this job. It's not always fun. Sometimes it's boring, sometimes it's exhausting, sometimes it's extremely maddening and frustrating when you have some badly behaved kids.

If you still have other reasons for wanting to do this job, whatever those reasons are... then focus on those and don't put pressure on yourself that you need to be feeling like it's all sunshine and lollipops and oh how the kids are so wonderful, all the time. This is a job just like any other job - sometimes it just sucks - and like anyone else with a job, it's ok to be doing it for the paycheque, or to be home with your own kid, or whatever. It's not always gonna be "fun".

So take some more time for yourself, to recharge your batteries and nourish your own soul, in whatever ways work for you.

And try the advice of seasoned providers on the daycare kids' behaviour issues. They might improve dramatically, and if they don't, then advertise and replace them with kids who don't make your life miserable.

Hugs to you. :glomp:

[mimi]

First off you need to forgive yourself for not running the perfect daycare and being the perfect provider for they don't exist.
I would suggest taking a 4 day weekend to recharge.
Increase the structure of your daycare so the kids know what to expect next so they are more relaxed.
Be firm with the children that do not listen or misbehave. Remind them who is boss and their misbehaviour will have consequences and kids want to know what behaviours you will and will not tolerate which again addresses the comfort and relaxed issue at daycare.
This is a tough job and unfortunately we seemed to be our harshest critic - I know I am and I constantly have to remind myself that what I do, I do well and not to feel guilty (because as woman we are also good at that!) if we are not entertaining the kids constantly because that is not what they want and it isn't good for them anyway.
Good luck, and don't forget to breath:rolleyes:

[Spixie33]

Nothing can wear down our sanity than a child who fights us on everything and cries.
Ahhhh
I think we have all gone through stages like that with children and it is exhausting but hopefully you can stay firm with this child, stand your ground and then it will pass. Sometimes the transition from 2 - 3 years old is like "Whaaaaaat happened to the sweet child who I have had the last two years?"

[sunnydays]

Awww...we have all had bad times for sure! It is a HARD job! Are there any workshops for parents or caregivers in your area? I have taken numerous childcae related workshops and particularly the discpline/behaviour related ones have helped me temendously. I feel like I am a different caregiver because of the skills I have learned and getting out to the workshops also gets me out of the house and away from kids. I don't know where you live, but I would highly recommend looking for some wokshops that could help you manage behaviours and at the same time get out and have adult time (even if it is a workshop about kids). Hang in there! It will get better!

[Spixie33]

I also forgot to mention that you can google child development by age and a lot of what you read will probably tell you that this is just the child trying to come to terms with his new independence.

The tough thing between 2-3 years old is that some kids suddenly want to do everything themselves and want to be independent but they don't quite have the skills and development that they would need to actually be independent so you get a frustrated child. A child who fights every transition sounds like they want their independence and control over their own self and actions but they don't quite understand that they still have to go with the flow and time schedule of the day yet.\

[cfred]

I've had times like this as well. Kids can be challenging. Honestly, do what you want during the day. We always do our themes on the fly. This is mostly so I can do what I feel like doing with them on any given day, without being tied to anything. Today, because we're having our first snowfall and I'm feeling the Christmas fuzzies, we're going to make shortbread cookies. Our theme is 'colours' so bring on the sprinkles!

For your own personal sanity, getting out is a fab idea! I walked 6km, 5 nights per week with a neighbour. That was my saving grace for about 10 years. For both of us, it was our 1 hour to vent, swear, bitch, moan, complain and, on the odd occasion, revel in a success. She is the one person who it was okay to say things in front of that really, just shouldn't be said....but sometimes you've gotta! I stayed fit, got the emotional and stress release I needed and usually felt better for it. They do say that physical exercise is essential to physical and emotional well being. I certainly found it very, very beneficial.

Hope you feel better soon :)

[playfelt]

Too often our ideal when we start daycare is having a group of lovely children all eager for all of the fun things we plan for them as we teach them their ABC's and 123's and about the world around them in our small in home daycare centre. The reality is when we see pictures of children in daycare centres doing activities it is of a homogenous group of 3-5 year olds with the perfect setup and thinking we can emulate that is an exercise in frustration. When I first started daycare that is almost what we could do - the babies only a few months old napped a lot and we spent our days with the older ones doing fun things. Then life changed and now all we have are the babies too old to nap all day but still needing it and no big kids to carry the load - nothing more frustrating than sitting them all down for a "lesson" but no one can talk enough to answer your questions, or join into your singing or remember the colours from yesterday.

In reality our days are spent changing diapers, making meals, and crowd control because the kids have no concept of equality and peer interaction yet. It does seem like many days we accomplish nothing. It has been really hard for me as a trained teacher to first go from a classroom teacher to preschool in my home and now to infant/toddler care but just as a teacher would change grades and have to toss out all of her lesson plans from the previous year and start again, I am in the process of starting again and revamping everything for my new reality including getting rid of toys and games that will no longer work for my age group since that is the group I will have from now till retirement.

I guess what I am saying is we are our own worst enemies and what is expected of us is often more about the pressure we put on ourselves. Rethinking how we do everything from where we store the diapers to how we seat the children for meals or locate the book corner can go a long way to making our days go better.

[gravy_train]

Thank you so much for all of the support and words of wisdom. Right now the kids are having free-play and I am sitting here on the computer watching. Not feeling guilty.
I just started typing all of the things that are bothering me with the 2.5 year old and I deleted it because this is a public forum and I don't want to be recognized. However, it helped me to see that I definitely have some resentment built up (against the parents) as well as a couple of trust issues with the parents. I think this adds to my overall stress factor. It's so hard maintaining line between having our clients as friends that we chat with at pick up and drop off, etc., caring about and for their children and the business relationship.