Possible termination coming

[2cuteboys]

So I'm stressed to the max right now. I've found it really hard to have fun with the kids lately and I'm thinking that it might have to do with my newest little one.

She's been here since October, adjusted fairly well. But won't nap. If she's exhausted she'll sleep for 1/2 an hour, but will always wake up between 30-40 mins (made it 1-1/2hours the other day - I was in heaven - tried to do everything exactly the same, but couldn't replicate it). No nap = no break for me and I think it's wearing me down. I also have a hard time with her parents. Dcm is clearly of the mindset of "no one can take care of her as well as me" but loves her job so wants to go back. I constantly feel like I'm under the microscope with her even though she hasn't actually used those words. She had 2 runny poops yesterday (we'd eaten a lot of fruit the day before - my son had the same issue) and her bum was a bit red going home. My stomach was in knots the whole night thinking I'd receive a text or email about it.

I got really upset with my Friday girl just now over close to nothing. And I rarely have an issue with her. She's stubborn as heck but I can usually find some humour in it and not get emotional, but I'm just not myself lately. I don't like feeling like a quitter, but I also don't want to stay like this. Plus it's not fair to the other kids and my family for me to have such a short fuse.

I'd like to try to ask mom to make a real effort to get her napping 1/day (she tried once before they started but admitted she didn't like it so didn't continue) and see if that helps, but I kind of feel like that would make it look like I'm lazy. I'm not sure there's really anything that they can do to help.

Any other suggestions to try before terminating?

[5 Little Monkeys]

How old is she? When she's at home, she doesn't nap at all? I don't think it looks like you are lazy, just ask mom if she can try to get her to nap at home for even an hour. Explain to mom that nap time is your break and your time to eat your lunch and get things ready for the afternoon. I can't see any parent thinking that as lazy.

I have a 3.5 year old who doesn't nap at home and mom asked for her to not nap here either as mom says it ruins her bedtime. I disagree but not my child so I said sure. She goes to preschool 2 afternoons a week and that is almost the only time I get a nap time break. However, because she is almost 4 she is fully capable of occupying herself so I do still get a break sort of. There are days she falls asleep and I just let her sleep but tell mom and she pushes bedtime back a bit. So far they haven't complained.

I wouldn't term over no napping but if having the children nap is a must for you than explain this to mom and tell her she has a month (or whatever length of time is appropriate to you) or else she will have to look for an alternate dcp.

[2cuteboys]

She's 12 months, so should definitely still be napping.

She does 1-1/2 hours in the morning at home and close to an hour in the afternoon. I've tried two naps, one nap, varied the time, light room, dark room, sleep sac, comfort objects, books, going in every 5 mins, leaving her to cry. I can't get a decent nap out of her!

[5 Little Monkeys]

Oh so you want mom to nap her once a day and she doesn't want to give up the 2 naps yet?

I would ask her again to try once a day napping in the afternoon as that is your routine at daycare and it would make it much easier on the child. Make sure to put the focus on the child and what would be in the child's best interest and hope mom gets it!

[Secondtimearound]

That is so hard on you !!! I need the down time to recharge !!! Have you tried napping 1-3 maybe just letting her scream it out if need be until she gets used of your routine ?

[Sassygirl]

I feel for you.
I have been there with all of my toddlers at some point.
Honestly? If she is fine otherwise all except for napping... Put her in the room furthest away from the others, it may be in a room you don't want to use but this will only be temporary until she sleeps better... Invest in a good set of blackout curtains and a white noise machine (I have 5 all bought from Superstore, made by Conair $24.99 and worth every penny!) and let her go in the afternoons. Do not go to her at all until your nap period is over and with the white noise machine on she will not disturb the others. I have a dcg who is a screamer from time to time despite how tired she is and I have another white noise machine I put in the hallway outside her room as well to block out all of her noise,
What time is her drop off and pick up? If she is arriving early she probably needs an hour in the morning still. Usually an hour max after drop off is when I do morning nap so here its 8/8:30-9/9:30. I wake them after an hour. Afternoon nap is a must here which is 12-3 but they can get up after 2 most of them have to get woken at 3.
If you stick with it she will become a great napper! Usually the ones who seem the toughest at naps when they start are the ones who turn out to be your best nappers once you get firm with them.
Good luck!

[daycaremom9]

I have a 2 year old that started here a year ago. At the beginning he would wake up after an hour and a half, after about 6 months he started sleeping through for at least 2 hours and recently he's been waking up after an hour. I usually go to him, give him his puppy and put his blankie back on him to no avail. The kids usually don't wake up during this ,amazingly (he's super loud!). So today I let him just cry it out and he went to sleep quicker than if I go in his napping room.

[Other Mummy]

Put her in her own room. Any spare room away from the other dc kids. Sassygirl had some good advice. I would also invest in an ipod with some great earbuds. Play your music, drown out the crying. Eventually she will sleep. You are in essence sleep training her. A 12 month old needs a longer nap than 30 min. And you need a longer break. Don't sacrifice your break. Why should you? You are doing a disservice to yourself and the other daycare kids by not allowing yourself to rest and catch up on things. Those children need a refreshed and rested provider.

If parents aren't on board with crying it out...then I would terminate.

[2cuteboys]

Thanks everybody :).

I'd prefer she be on one nap, but honestly I'd settle for 2 if either was longer than 45 mins ;). I think she needs sleep training. I think she's used to parents appearing at her first noise.

I've tried to get her napping on our schedule while she's here (in her own room), but the issue is that I only have her Monday-Thursday, so the 3 day break has been (seemingly) enough to break whatever habits she may have been starting to pick up here. Parents NEED to start putting in a real effort to get her on an afternoon only nap, otherwise it'll never take off. And she will actually scream for an hour (probably longer if I'd let her) when she wakes up before nap is over. How long is too long for a 12 month old to cry?

She's my last to arrive, usually getting here around 8/815. I think she's up between 7 and 8.

I'm feeling better about it tonight. I'm going to talk to mom about the nap and if they're on board, give it another couple of weeks. If they aren't, I'm going to term. The way I see it, mom can redeem herself for her bad attitude by agreeing to work with me on this; if she doesn't want to, well that's just one more reason to get rid of the stress.

[torontokids]

I had this as well and it was tough, only clients I have ever termed (only been doing this a yr though). Mom co slept and wouldn't let him CIO. Had him only 2 days a week so every week I was retraining him. Gave mom a chance to get on board, things got a little better but not enough. Gave them notice and things were much better around here afterwards.

[Fun&care]

I think the most effective way of doing this is like others have suggested, get a white noise machine, put her in her own room and leave her until naptime is over. She is 12 months old and she needs to sleep. It kinda sounds like she could do without the morning nap too. When you check up on her don't let her see you...I found that with some kids they NEEDED me to go tuck them back in to be able to go back to sleep and wouldn't until I did. So I stopped going in at all, only checking on them through the video monitor and they learned to fall asleep on their own.

As for dcm, instead of ASKING her if it's ok to do certain things, why not just TELL her that "this is what we're doing now". When I approach things with parents I don't really ask their approval. This is my daycare and I think they should trust my judgement as this ain't my first rodeo. I get that some parents don't like CIO, but at the end of the day the child needs to learn how to get to sleep on their own. You are teaching them a SKILL!

[mickyc]

Been there done that! I had a boy start in May. He would cry and cry. I talked to mom about it. He was on one nap at home but they were letting him sleep as long as he wanted. He wouldn't sleep at my house all week and then on weekends he would sleep for almost 4 hours both days. They would also let him sleep in the car on the way to my house and on the way home (30 minute drive to my house). It was so frustrating. I would tell them they had to keep him awake in the car and only let him sleep for 2 1/2 hours on the weekends but it never did work, they still kept letting him sleep. I worked so hard trying to get him sleep trained. We got it to the point where he would sleep for an hour and then I would just go get him (tried to just let him cry for a good month and it never helped). Luckily for me he would just lay on the couch for the rest of nap time. He ended up getting an opening in a center after 4 months with me. I was so annoyed that after all my work with him and hanging in there (oh I sure felt like terminating!) that they ended up leaving.

I say tell mom you are going down to 1 afternoon nap only and that she needs to nap. Tell mom you will give it a month to see how things are progressing and then you will talk again. If after another month she hasn't adjusted then give notice. Be firm with mom and make her realize that all kids must nap at your house (especially at 12 months old).

I currently have a 12 month old who wasn't doing well at morning naps. I just told mom that we were cutting them out. She was totally fine with it.

[gravy_train]

I actually opened my daycare about 2 months earlier than I anticipated because I met a great family who needed care immediately. It ended up working out really well BUT for about four months I had my own 10 month old and my 11 month old daycare child who did not know how to nap and it was awful. I tried everything I could think of because I had never let me own kids cry it out and it didn't sit right with me. I came on here, sought advice and then took the advice that was overwhelmingly inn favour of the cry it out method and after about three weeks my own child was napping and after about 2 months the daycare child was napping.
I made up a naptime song and sang it right before naptime every day. After a few weeks , as soon as they heard the song they new what was coming. I would sing the song while changing them, sing it on the way to the playpen, give the child a kiss and hug, tell them to have a nice sleep and close the door. I also used black out curtains (actually I just taped garbage bags to the window to block the sun) and white noise. At the end of naptime I would put my cheerful face on, burst into the room with a big smile and a 'wake up' song and continue with our day. My own child goes to sleep so easily now and it is amazing! The daycare could has moved on to a centre but she became a pretty consistent napper, and if she didn't nap, too bad - she stayed in her crib until naptime was over. Good luck! I know how hard it can be when your break is spent listening to crying.

[2cuteboys]

I can't believe this is still happening, but...

She's still not napping. Mom was totally fine with going down to one nap (side story, when I approached it, I told her I'd like to put dcg down at 12:00, when the other kids do... She responds with "I'd be comfortable with her going down 12:30/12:45... Thanks, but not what I was asking).

She goes down at noon sometimes crying, sometimes will just fall asleep. But will never sleep longer than 1 hour. Mom wasn't interested in letting her cry it out longer than 5 mins at a time, and encouraged me to bring her our if it goes on for a longer time (20 mins). I've been leaving her (possibly against better judgment, knowing mom was against it, but I really thought after some time she'd get it and start sleeping).

She always wakes up crying, but won't scream the whole rest of nap time, she'll play in her playpen for a bit but doesn't usually go back to sleep. Moms not concerned, she thinks dcg just doesn't need that much sleep. Honestly I'm tired of it. It's been too long. Is there something else I should try? Has anyone ever terminated a child based on this? What did you tell the parents? I'm only asking because I know moms argument is going to be that I should be ok with it based on dcg just "not needing" that much sleep.

[mickyc]

It is possible that the child isn't needing a long nap. If things stay the same is it ok with you? The reason I ask is because I doubt things will change. She isn't likely going to nap any longer no matter what you do. If it is not ok with you I would talk to mom, tell her that this child isn't sleeping as long as she needs therefore not adjusting to the daycare routine as she needs to. Tell mom it is disruptive to others when she wakes early and give her a timeline in order for it to get better (although I doubt it will). So for example tell mom that you will give it until January 15th to reassess the issue. Once Jan 15th comes if the issue hasn't changed then give your 2 weeks notice. If you aren't willing to terminate I would say you need to accept that this child isn't going to sleep for longer than an hour.

[Secondtimearound]

If she stays in her playpen quietly why not just let her do that ? I don't understand an hour nap for someone that young but I wouldn't change your schedule , I would just let her stay in the playpen till nap is over .
I have a strict 1-3 quiet time , I know how hard it is not to be able to have down time and did terminate for a non sleeper but it was only one day a week care .
Could you try her down earlier to allow for cry time ? I am a huge fan of CIO and used it on my dd at 16 months , let me tell you it was way more than 20 minutes she screamed .
But now even at 5 , she is a dream to put to bed !!
My suggestion would be feed her abit earlier and put her down , the furthest from everyone and shut the door and walk away , no checking until its quiet ( unless she can not see you )
Crying is healthy too , as long as she is safe I would let her go and not get her up until the proper time .
I usually start on the first day , doing exactly how I want her schedule and by the time a weeks over they usually are on board !!
Hope it works and you get some gown time do you don't burn out ! Also I wouldn't be telling her mom , this is your home , your business , your not being mean or cruel children need rest !!'

[2cuteboys]

I'm not sure I'm ok with it. I feel awful when she's up there, and I've never heard of a child taking over a month to adjust to naps. I've been crazy consistent with her: I never go in early except when I suspect she's pooped (which happens more than I'd like), or the end of nap,when I announce "hi ****, it's time yo get up!" and turn the lights on. She'll jump around in there too, worries me that she'll start getting curious enough to climb out, or bump her head on the playpen bars. I also have a hRd time relaxing when I can hear her moving and making noise, and she does cry off and on some of the times. I know that one is my fault but it is what it is. I like my break, it's the only one I get from 6:30am-8pm when my kids go to sleep.

She also gets over tired at night, so I'm sure it's not enough sleep. I guess that's mom and dad's problem though!

I think I'll need to think about it more, decide if it's enough of a burden to terminate. It's also my last week before a week off so maybe things will look better on the other side!

[AcornsFalling]

I have a dcb who has been with me since November. He is also a poor napper and his naps really range in length. I let him cry when he wakes up early. I have let him cry for up to an hour when he wakes early and about half the time he does go back to sleep. Mom knows that I let him cry, but not how much. He is not on a consistent schedule at home and has a lot of sleep props at home. At my house I follow a schedule and don't allow props so in essence he was sleep trained here. His sleep has improved a lot and sounds like it has improved at home.
I would not give up with this child. At her age it seems that one hour of sleep all day is definitely not enough. It may be that 12 is too late for her nap and she is overtired. Is it possible to put her down at 11 after a big morning snack? Not sure when your snack time is. It might be that she needs an earlier nap time if she is transitioning from 2 to 1 nap. Maybe after a few weeks of earlier nap you can slowly move nap time back to 12. Sometimes I have to rejig my schedule temporarily just to deal with nap transitions. Usually the older kids can go to bed a bit earlier and they still fall asleep. Then we have a big afternoon snack and though my break is a bit earlier than I prefer it's better than not getting one!
Good luck, it is very frustrating to deal with short nappers!

[Secondtimearound]

My little dck was 15 months when she started and she climbed right out of the playpen and met me in the hall ! Lol we did a nonverbal tug of war for 40 min her first nap here , luckily I had started her early and had my helper so I just kept laying her down and did not say a word . Finally she cried but stayed in about another 30 min then 2 hrs of sleep .
Never had a problem , but somedays she will cry but has never crawled out again .
I know it's stressful thinking they may have gotten out but I would not even go in to change her . If nap is 1-3 , nap is 1-3 .
I change just before nap so if it happens during that time I would def wait .
Can you invest in a monitor to watch her so you know she's laying down ?
I really feel for you !!