Parents becoming more high maintenance over time

[apples and bananas]

Have you ever had a client become more trouble/high maintenance/demanding over time?

I've had her children for years and now we're onto number 2 and it seems that the boundary line is getting thinner and thinner.

And it's little things that aren't really a big deal, but it's starting to make me doubt her trust in me.

Here are the last few things that have gotten my nickers in a knot...

"I think she's allergic to wheat, can we not feed her anything with wheat in it today."

texts at night asking what they kids ate

texts in the morning "are the kids going outside today"

she has a chapped spot on her face, "be extra careful wiping her face at meal times.

asking her kids what the ate today in front of me at the front door. ( I don't post my menu's. I often fly by the seat of my pants. But I have a basic food policy. I feed healthy alternatives. If it's a sandwich, it's real cheese and wholewheat bread. If it's a pasta, it's a whole wheat pasta. Lots of fresh fruit and veg. I make my own breads and baked goods, I never feed processed food and I will feed cookies as a treat, but I often make them)

I feel like I need to address all of these little things with her. And although I know she means no harm in any of them, she's just turning into that parent that micro manages everything. Worst of all, I feel like she's doubting MY instincts as a caregiver. And it's ridiculous because she's one of my best clients.

She gives the best gifts, always pays on time and early. Never argues with my policies. Always makes other arrangements without question if I have to close.


So, would you discuss something like this with a client? Or would you just continue to deal with the requests as they come.

BTW, I stick to my policies on all requests "yes, we go outside every day" "I can't do a consistent wheat free diet, but I can stay away from it today as a test run" I take my sweet time to respond from after hour texts unless urgent. I don't mind after hour texts as I encourage texts or emails over phone calls.

[mimi]

It isn't you, it's her. She is feeling down as a mother so she feels better about herself as a mom by micro managing her child's daycare experience through you. (insert big sigh) I have a mom like this too. I always feel scrutinized with a sense of disapproval from this woman even though she has been with me for few years and I care for child #2. I think her guilt as a working mom plays a factor as well as the "no one does it better than me" attitude. Fortunately, she doesn't do a lot of the pick ups and drop offs.
I would address with her the last minute changes in diet. I would tell her that you do have your meals planed for the day and if she wants to eliminate a certain food group then perhaps she can provide that meal that day. I would just let the other requests like be careful about wiping her face due to chapped skin with a cheerful "thanks for letting me know" I think she will soon realize some of her concerns are baseless.
These people are really frustrating, but they don't really care how you take their comments or requests. They just do this to make themselves feel better.
Anyway, as for her questioning about your meal plans for the day. I would suggest you post a sheet up with what you have served. I do a daily sheet with my menu just so I don't get the questions at the end of the day. I am not a fan of any contact after hours unless it pertains to some sort of distress on the child's part that may have stemmed from daycare.

[Sassygirl]

This is clearly dcm's issue and insecurities coming out.
Honestly, don't take her nonsense personally. I agree with Mimi, when she says something that makes you feel second guessed have a standard reply "Thanks for letting me know" is a really good one! I usually give a "mmmhmm" and smile and nod and the moment I shut the door I know that its MY rules.
As for the menu thing. I have tried a weekly menu and I am like you fly by the seat of my pants. Depends on my mood and energy level, depends on leftovers from our dinner the night before. I almost always say at pickups "xx had a great day, no issues, had xx for lunch today."
Most parents really DON'T care but there always seems to be ONE anal parent who does.

[2cuteboys]

I had a parent like this. She'd just started back to work and seemed to be questioning EVERYTHING I did. It was never hostile or confrontational, but I'd get texts saying "I know you told me her bum was red, but oh my, it's really red," "it looks like your bibs are rubbing her neck, I'll pack some of my own for her yo use" or reminding me in the morning of things we'd agreed on or discussed already, "I just wanted to mention that we don't like her to nap in her jeans, since she's had issues with them rubbing in her sleep." Just really micromanaging everything, and it was a bit patronizing, I got the impression that she didn't trust my instincts as a provider. This is also the parent that asked when her 12 month old (who was still crying almost all day at that point) was going to be doing crafts.

As I understand it from a mutual friend, DCM was feeling bad about going to work, felt like she should be staying home with dcg, and adjusting to not being home all day, not seeing dcg as much, all that jazz. While I understand those feelings, questioning me and making me feel like they questioned my intelligence was wearing (though I know that wasn't her intention). I don't think it's something we should have to deal with. I'd maybe ask how they are feeling (I "touched base" with mom to see how things were going and how they were feeling, but it was during their third week so it made sense) about everything. When I did this , I think the mom got the point that I didn't think they were happy, and it's gotten better.

I came close to terminating a couple of times. I'd be nervous about getting a text or email from her all evening after she was here and I just didn't think I should have to deal with that. Neither should you, so I'd try to work with mom on it. If it doesn't get better with a "check in" I'd probably go for a more straightforward "I'm getting the impression that you aren't happy with care, is there something I can do to reassure you?"

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have a white board and I used to write down our snacks and lunch(I don't follow a strict menu plan either, just whatever I feel like cooking for the day/week), our sensory play and our art of the day. This way parents could read it if they want. I found they weren't reading it much anymore and when it's summer pick up is outside so they never read it then.

I have considered starting it up again now that it's winter and a brand new group of parents. This could maybe stop a few of the questions.

[playfelt]

I have been considering the white board idea too in the sense that it would also stop me from having to keep answering all the questions. I was thinking along the lines of a food groups chart and just filling in your child had access to:......then it is up to the parent to figure out if out of the 5 fruits I served if their child ate any of them not for me to remember.

I have also considered the naptime email idea as by the time I write it on the board I could sit here at my laptop as I am doing now while they are eating and do an email about our morning. Afternoon is just nap, snack and outside and I have a general idea based on morning what will be served afternoon so could include that.

[Crayola kiddies]

I do the white board .... Put in the lunch food and any other notes I feel necessary or to note if a child needs diaper or wipes. Some read it some don't ... I don't care but the info is there if they so desire !

[apples and bananas]

Here's my problem with the white board, and maybe those who have it could address this.

Once I start something I feel like I have to complete it. So, does it look bad if I have a day when I forget to write on the white board?

[5 Little Monkeys]

If I forgot to write a day or part of the day, some parents asked and some didn't. It let me know who was actually reading it though and if they actually cared enough to know lol

[mickyc]

I have a white board. I started out posting my menu but I found more and more the parents weren't even reading it. I quit all together. Now my white board is for days off, and reminders and even then parents don't read it! lol. The parents who want to know ask.

[Lou]

I do the whiteboard too, and forget all the time,lol. When I do forget, I tell them verbally.

[bright sparks]

I think it is much more personable to talk at the door but I understand that pick up time are busy, people forget and for those picking up at the very last minute, I do not have time. As far as food goes, I email out a menu every cycle, those planning their meals a week at a time could email a meal plan on a Sunday night. There is the food issue covered, and as for activities I email out a newsletter every quarter giving a general idea of what we will be doing over the next three months. Anything else gets talked about at the door or if they have any questions they email me.

[mom-in-alberta]

I have a white board/bulletin board combo. Daily meal plan on the white board, important notes and the newsletter on the corkboard part. Sometimes I forget, to either write that day's menu, or erase the previous day's even! If a parent is going to get cranky about that.... *shrug*. I am not a centre. I am one person. If I forgot, it's because we were doing a craft that took extra long, or because I was busy cleaning up after their child(ren).

[dodge__driver11]

I do not post my menus and always tell my dc parents that they are free to ask what the child ate. Like today we are having wedge fries smokies, and carrots... with apple as dessert, they never ask...lol

As for this mom, like the others have said its just her feeling bad that she has to leave, perhaps sit down and have a chat?