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View Full Version : Many questions...would love your wisdom



torontokids
11-28-2013, 01:48 PM
I have had a few issues that I think I need to vent/gather suggestions for. I am worried I am getting a little burnt out and this is why I am struggling so much.

My 3 yo's seem to be constantly fighting. I don't know if it is the weather or what but I am not used to this bickering. They are hitting, taking toys, generally not getting a long. I implemented a quiet time activity period for them to sit and do puzzles independently as I was sick of the fighting. This worked well and I think I will make it a part of our day.

I worry I am not fun anymore. I fee like I am always saying "no" or don't do this etc. If I am not doing that I am cleaning, doing dishes or changing diapers. I feel I have very little time to play or even lead activities.

I have become a "yeller" which I don't like...maybe more of a "raised voice" but it is at times I normally wouldn't have. Things are bugging me that shouldn't

My 23 mos old has just started refusing to wear her mittens. She wore them fine until now. My rule is that they wear them or they can't play. I guess back to the burnt out piece because I have been trying to reinforce this with her but I have felt so overwhelmed by requests from the kids etc that I don't do this as much.

I am feeling stretched in too many directions at the moment and need my Christmas holidays!

I have been doing the majority of my cleaning during the day to avoid night time daycare responsibilities, kept crafting to a minimum and I am relaxing at night. I don't feel I have any extra energy at night to even play with my kids, I am done. I think the biggest problem with being on our own is I can take a 15 mins breather when they are having a hard time...I need an "office" to retreat to sometimes. I feel like I am doing the bare minimum for everyone instead of even doing really well in one area and having the other areas suffer. I am just spent.

mickyc
11-28-2013, 02:13 PM
I can't really offer any suggestions other than try and take some time to yourself and relax. Christmas is coming and some much needed time off is not too far away!

For myself it has been an exhausting 2 weeks and I am looking forward to the weekend. Take advantage of your quiet time and do nothing!

One thing that I find that has really helped me is I have hired a house cleaner to come in 2x a month. She only cleans my upstairs so I am still cleaning the daycare area but it has taken a load off me! I do laundry during daycare hours as I am downstairs. I have quit being the mediator with the older kids and I try to let them work out things more.

I am feeling overwhelmed in that Christmas is coming and I haven't started any shopping and I have a huge list and deadlines to get certain things done. Today I woke up with a sore throat and a headache and hoping that I don't get sick for the weekend as I have so much to do.

Secondtimearound
11-28-2013, 02:16 PM
It's alot !!! I think we don't appreciate how many things we are juggling !!! I'm sure you have every right to feel burnt out !!!
I hope you can plan a night out or a weekend to pamper yourself and to recharge !! I am a planner and try to have meals in the crock pot so at the end of the day if I want to veg I can . I do get 2 hrs in the afternoon that I just sit !! Have a tea and recharge !! I also have 'planned' a tv time after naps so that everyone is ready to have snack together , so my afternoons seem alot more peaceful !!! By the time diapers are changed and snack I only have about 1/2 to go !! ( mine all leave around 4-430)
Maybe cut back on crafts for abit !!
I hope you feel better soon !!!!!!

mom-in-alberta
11-28-2013, 02:59 PM
I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough patch. :(
Not much in terms of solid advice, I am afraid. Just agree that maybe it's time to ensure you get a little bit of "me" time? Maybe some little things can make a difference, like adjusting your daily routine/schedule, if there are specific problem areas. Like, I found that the 15-30 min right before lunch was AWFUL. I would be trying to prepare food, and that's when the playroom (right around the corner from the kitchen) would get all Lord of the Flies on me. LoL. So I put everyone in their seats, and that didn't help either. I decided to bump up lunch and nap, and it's a whole different experience, now.
If anything, just count down the days until Christmas break!! **HUG**

kimg
11-28-2013, 03:22 PM
I have no suggestions because almost word for word, I could have written your post. Just today, one of my 22 month olds refused to put on his mittens when we went outside. He started crying after about 5 minutes because he got snow on his hands, and I just couldn't deal with the crying. He got put inside in the highchair with the tv on (the kitchen is where the door is, so I could see him at all times). He calmed down after about 5 minutes, and relented to putting on his mittens.

I feel I'm burning out two, after not even 1.5 years doing this, which makes me feel like such a failure. A long winded way to say that you're not alone. I hope you can take comfort in my suffering along with you!!

playfelt
11-28-2013, 07:19 PM
I think this has to be the worst time for everyone. The kids are torn between not really understanding all the Christmas hype and being dragged from event to event, maybe kept out late shopping or left home with a teen babysitter because mom and dad have events to attend so nothing is normal for them. Everyone just seems exhausted and it isn't even Dec 1 yet - well almost.

As to how to handle it not a lot of advice other than to remember that January is the start of a new year.

I also moved lunch up and that helped a lot. I have actually increased the number of transitions - moving from area to area which necessitates a clean up so in a sense there is less mess out at the end of the morning when everyone is too tired and hungry to deal with it. I am finding I need to do more where I am involved or at least sitting in the middle of the room - they act up less when I am watching. Doesn't mean I can't be doing my own thing I just need to do it in the middle of the room. I cut meals back to very basics that take a lot less time to prepare, have given up fighting for good nutrition and just feed them like the parents do at home so less fighting. Not my problem that is the way the parents made them why should I suffer.

Things like craft time are earned and taken away for uncooperative behaviour. Parents can do it at home if it is that important to them. Again not worth my struggle so if you want to do it then do as you are told or we don't. Have gotten very strict with this gang in the sense of my time with them is earned.

I don't take hardly any time off but I take what I call "inhouse vacations". These are times when I am feeling like you are and for a day or few days or week or whatever I need I change things. I eliminate stressors like craft time or baking or outings. I put away toys that cause friction or too much noise or take up valuable floor space. I often rearrange the room to eliminate an issue - in your case you might want to create some more alone stations where a person can go play and no one is allowed to bug them - which means you can also send them to alone stations if they are bugging someone. The odd day of kraft dinner and scrambled eggs for lunch is not going to be the end of the world. Not vacuuming all week will not making anyone sick nor will it prevent illness it just takes time in the evening so eliminate every other time. My point is it might be time to just do less all around and gain those minutes back into your own life both during the daycare day and in the evenings.

Sassygirl
11-29-2013, 07:26 AM
I agree with all of the others too.
Its so easy to get burned out especially if we have little ones of our own, we don't actually get a "break" we are surrounded by little ones all the time.
I have 3 older children so I have started upping their weekly allowance and getting them to do more with the household chores, emptying dishwasher, refilling soaps and toilet paper stock, shaking off my outdoor carpets every day, etc. Its cheaper than hiring a cleaning service. Although I still may look into that once or twice a month. I get them to read books to the daycare kiddos and also play with them for 15-20 mins while I prep dinner.
I have relaxed on trying to be Superwoman, stressing about providing super healthy meals and snacks since for the most part, parents don't even ask or care what their child ate. I was posting it on my white board but no one even looked! There is nothing wrong with having grilled cheese 2 days in a row. I only attempt art/crafts once a week now and again, parents don't even care. Their paintings and colouring are left in their cubbies constantly.
Also nothing wrong with pushing up naptime here and there.
I make a point because I have a 19 month old as well of taking time for myself every day during nap to do nothing like have a cup of tea and read, watch trashy tv. Also try once a week on weekends to get out during my sons nap and get my nails done, hair done, etc.
My husband also brings our little guy to the gym with him to work out an evening a week and every Sun morning. There is a daycare room there and for him it works out perfectly! Our little guy loves the change of scenery and hubby gets to work out and I get an hour of alone time!