View Full Version : *That* kid/family

11-29-2013, 03:17 PM
Looking for opinions here....
I had a family start in the summer. From day one, we have had issues with payment being on time, or the agreed upon amount, etc.
He is a difficult child, and changes the dynamic of the group. He is loud, keeps "forgetting" that I do not allow running in the house, plays aggressively (growling in others faces, putting toys right in front of them and then taking them away, shoving his hands toward others without actually touching them, etc). But no specific, "dismissable" behaviour.
We are also having some medical issues, in regards to bowel movements and toileting. This results in me cleaning up a poop smudged bum (that has dried on, because he did not say anything to me) virtually daily. I should mention, he is 3 1/2.
I am finding it very difficult not to have my feelings toward him reflect the frustration I have with his parents. Don't get me wrong, I am not abusing the kid! But I do find my patience wears thin with him a little faster than the others.
I have given Mom the final warning that I need payment when we agreed, in the amount we agreed. I already know that should that not happen at the next payment date, I will be dismissing them.
ALL of my other families so far are incredible. I never have to ask for payment, justify my days off, or deal with any of the usual garbage that is found in the administration of this job.

Am I being too picky about this family? Is the reality that you will never have a set of perfect parents, and that this is just *that* family?

There are some positives. He is smart as a whip, and still naps like a champ. He is cute, and silly, when he is not being a little jerk to the others. LoL

Has anyone had a rough start with a family, laid down the law, and then seen it improve? Wondering if I am deluding myself here.
But I feel like they have run out of "breaks" from me. :(

11-29-2013, 03:39 PM
I think it is really hard to separate our feelings towards the parents from those towards the child. While the child's behaviour may not match your contract termination terms, the payment issues do and you should keep to your word of 'this is the last chance'. They will continue to take advantage of your kindness.

Your issues with the parents probably magnify your issues with the child so that annoying behaviours seem more so than they would with a family you liked better! Either way, the issues are there and will most likely get more annoying if the parents continue with their current ways!

11-29-2013, 03:47 PM
I wish !!! But I haven't !! Seems like my difficult ones remain difficult !! Today had to 'remind' them it's time to pay !!! They aren't dismiss able either and it's a lean time so I'm trying to hang in there !!

11-29-2013, 04:45 PM
I understand what you mean about having less patience for him. It doesn't mean you shouldn't keep trying to treat him the same as the others, but I know from experience that it's hard sometimes when the parents are being idiots. Why not just implement a late fee for late payment, and have in your contract that after three late payments you terminate? I had to do this. Most of my families are awesome at paying me on time but there was always the ONE family that forgot EVERY Friday that it was payday. Luckily they left this summer and after they did I started this new late fee thing and it's working out great...the new family who started seems like they would totally have followed suit and paid late every week but because they paid the late fee once they seem to be getting their ducks in a row now. :)

5 Little Monkeys
11-29-2013, 05:40 PM
I also have a child that I lovingly refer to as my "handful". Her parents do not have any of the same rules as me which was causing lots of problems here because she just didn't get that daycare has different rules than home. I was letting lots of things go in the beginning as it was the adjustment period and I thought it would work itself out. It didn't. So I started telling her parents every day about what was going on and what I expected from her while being here. They have changed a lot and it has helped but I know that I sometimes still treat her differently even though I know I shouldn't!! I have to work very hard daily to not let it show and make sure that she doesn't pick up on it. I am not mean towards her at all but I know I am not as cuddly with her as I am with the others. She is almost 4 though and isn't a huge cuddler anyways but when we do she has fun and giggles and likes the attention.

Children are people too and and we are human. We are not going to get along with every child but I do want to treat every child with respect and kindness. Her parents still say or do things that annoy me almost weekly (some weeks daily lol) but I have too not allow it to transfer to my relationship with the child.

11-29-2013, 09:30 PM
In every group there is usually "that" child. All the parents have something that they do that annoy me in some way but nothing that needs to be addressed. I have a late payment fee in my contract. Payment is due Friday morning and the late payment fee begins at noon that same day. My pay is my pay and when it comes to that there is no waiting. If a parent seems like they have forgotten I have no issues asking if they remembered to bring a cheque today? It usually happens with new clients and could quite possibly be that they have forgotten. Today was payday and I didn't have to ask anyone, they all handed me my cheque.

I had a family similar to yours once. They were always late picking up, the bounced a few cheques on me, their 3.5 year old would go and hide in the playhouse and poop his pants, his younger brother was a biter. They ended up trying to not pay me 2 weeks notice but in the end I got my money - she wanted her receipts!

If they don't pay on time next time, give them notice immediately. I would even start adverting now because I can almost bet that it won't be long until you terminate because if they don't value you enough to pay you and make sure you are happy then they won't change.

11-30-2013, 09:31 AM
I had a similar situation, both with the parents and with the child. I ended up terming care due to his aggressive behaviours but it wouldn't have lasted much longer as the parents did not respect my rules regarding payment and not bringing kids sick.

Now I just had a situation with different parents who were trying to drop off whenever they wanted, were argumentative and rude when I tried to talk to them about it. There were other issues but this was one that I couldn't and wouldn't let slide. So I emailed them both (I had already tried verbally talking but like I said they were really rude), and told them how it was going to be, that I could empathize with their situation but that the group's needs required these changes. At that point, I didn't care whether they stayed or went because I had had it with them. They wrote back and apologized, verbally apologized again the next day, and are now 100% different. I think they respect me more because I stood behind my rules.

As far as liking the kids or not, I think that because they are kids in our care we feel badly when we don't connect with them. I like to put a smile on my face before I answer the door, greet them with a positive comment (good morning, sally, you have such a great smile in the morning) and continue to look for the positive. Fake it till you make it. If he is disrupting your group as much as you say, I would term. Once I termed my aggressive child, the group dynamics changed immediately. Like 5 minutes after he left. The kids are happy and I am smiling. I will never let one child disrupt us like that again.

But yes, stand behind your rules. If you don't have rules in place for these situations, fix them and enforce them. It may be difficult to do this but it will get easier and the parents will respect you for this. The ones who don't like it will leave. And those are the ones you don't want as clients, anyways.

Good luck!

Other Mummy
11-30-2013, 11:21 AM
I had that exact same kid in my care. He was also 3.5yrs old, aggressive, different parenting styles (his parents allowed him to rule the roost.). There was too much of a personality conflict between me and this child. I took very good care of his needs and was an excellent provider.... He was also smart as a whip and could be loving and "cute" but I did not like him. Never felt like that with any other child. ever.

As soon as I termed, the dynamics changed in my group as well.

12-04-2013, 04:50 PM
I say terminate! I have had the same kid for nearly three years and it doesn't get any better. He has been loud, aggressive and controlling since the beginning. Plus many, many more annoying and gross habits, but I was new and desperate so I stuck it out against my better judgement! :( Everyday he is not at my home is a blessing for the other kids and myself. Count down is on until he is in school full time and I screen much harder now!! Good luck with your decision!

12-10-2013, 11:37 AM
Thanks everybody!!
I will see what pans out. He is not here today (part timer). And I just feel like it is a totally different day.
They have had a sob story every single time payment is due, as to why they can't pay me until a date a few days later or why they need to do partial payments. I will absolutely be sticking to my guns if there is another song-and-dance when they are supposed to pay me again.
We shall see!!!

12-11-2013, 09:18 AM
I had a family like that years ago. I now have everyone pay me on Monday. I now also get post dated cheques for 2 - 3 months at a time. I now never have that issue