View Full Version : Too high maintenance ??

12-18-2013, 08:52 AM
I have a dcg who is 7 and dcg 3, sisters . They arrive at 6:30 am , they are the first to arrive , the next is 8:30 . They come with a lunch kit full of junk to eat ( which I put up ) they can not sit , at all . I'm having to sit right with them as they both will try to go through my house . My Dayhome is downstairs but I bring them up to watch a movie while I get my dd ready . But it is a gong show !! They literally can not be left for a second . My home is completely open so if I'm making coffee they can see me and I have full view of them but I turned my back and they were right in my Christmas tree .
They start as soon as they come , we are hungry ... Can we eat our cookies ? It is non stop attention until they go !!
Dcg 3 , has no idea how to play and goes from toy to toy or child to child and just causes havoc .
Dcg7 , will play as long as everything is going her way if it doesn't she will either start ignoring the other person playing ( who doesn't understand why she isn't answering ) or screams in their face .
Dcm is ridiculous , no clue to parenting or basic social skills . Telling her anything she just laughs , oh -------- were you doing that ? So no help there !!
I spend my whole day shadowing the 3 yr old (who likes the attention ) and dealing with the 7 yr olds mouth , my mom said I don't have to play with ...,,,, .
I feel kind of done , like I'm not going to have any impact on these girls at all . I mean the 3 yr old was so bad at the 7 yr old Christmas recital mom pulled the 7 yr old off the stage and they went home !!! They have been in my care for 5 months and we have seen 2 'dads' and a restraining order !!
No communication skills , I am told via 7 yr old ---- is picking me up today so then I have to chase down dcm to confirm.
Last month , I had to chase for my pay and explain why I wouldn't just look after the 7 yr old ( her friend would charge cheaper for 3 yr old )
I gave her a discounted price for the 7 yr as the 3 yr was full time .
I think I will get busy write out a new contract for January and raise her rate and let the chips fall where they may .
I'm just not a quitter so this is frustrating for me not to be able to look after these girls !!
But it doesn't matter what I try to do with them they try to manipulate more ! They are truly never happy !!'
We had a party yesterday and they had a cupcake but all I heard all afternoon was they wanted another one , they could see there were some left and they couldn't handle it .
They don't play , sit , read books , colour , everything is done in 5 seconds !! My 2 yr olds will read longer !!
I guess I need to hear that I've tried long enough !!! Or enough ways to teach them or show them !
Believe me all my friends feel like they know these girls because I continually ask them for ideas !!

5 Little Monkeys
12-18-2013, 09:12 AM
5 months is a good shot!! If they are not showing any sign of improvement and it is stressing you out, I would terminate. I am like you and don't like to quit but I also plan on doing this forever so I don't want to burn out either.

Sounds like they have an inconsistent life (with "dads" coming and going) so you are probably one of the more stable relationships they have. I would give mom a time frame and say that if there isn't any improvement in their behaviour in that time, you will have to ask she find alternate care.

12-18-2013, 10:12 AM
I agree...you gave it a good shot! It's not quitting if you let them go, it just acknowledging that they won't adapt regardless of what you do. It is in the best interest of all of you to let them go. They will drive you batty and you will grow to really dislike and resent them. Don't beat yourself up, you tried to bring some stability to their lives but it will never work if the Mom doesn't make any effort. You lasted a lot longer than I would have.

12-18-2013, 10:18 AM
My first client was similar to this mom. Lots of theatrics, men coming and going and lots of police involvement in her life. Her kids, fortunately, were wonderful so I put up with her because I knew that my daycare was a good constant in their lives. HOWEVER, if they had been little hell raisers like the two you have I would have terminated care just due to the disruption and disobedience and lack of respect for your home. Just think of the blessed relief you will feel when they are gone.

12-18-2013, 11:18 AM
Thank you for your support !!! I
Feel badly , like I should be able to be that consistent role figure for them . But last weekend I met dcm and dcks and 'dad ' at the $1 store and they wouldn't say hi , ran around !! All of them , 'dad' included and he kept saying , kids should be loud and have fun !! Which I'm sure was aimed at me , as I do not allow them to run inside . Dcm just smiled !!!!!
I watched people's faces and employees and they were def not happy !! So I felt like ok not just me !!!
Today they came eating a bag of sugary cereal in a Baggie and started whining about breakfast ( I do feed them , but when I'm feeding my own dd ) and woke up my dd and my husband ( who works nights ) by jumping and fooling around . I drop off the dcg at school with no hat sometimes , no mittens ( she packs her own backpack ) and I feel guilty !!! I have been dropping her off as close to the bell so she doesn't have to wait outside ( been so cold here ) and she has been so upset we are 'late ' . I told dcm I'm doing this as she doesn't have appropriate winter wear and her response was , ' well she hasn't complained to me about it ' meaning the dcg hasn't complained she's late !!! Not oh thanks , or making sure she has the appropriate clothing !!
Just writing this , I think has helped me and getting your feedback !!!!
Somehow I feel responsible , like there is no parent !!!

12-18-2013, 11:23 AM
At what point do we do the kids a favour by letting someone know what is going on. There are a lot of neglectful issues going on here. I know they are not life threatening but the parent attitude could very well mean they are left in unsafe conditions sometimes or needs not met.

12-18-2013, 12:30 PM
Believe me I have discussed that very thing !!! Trying to decipher if it falls under this category is what I wrestle with . There is police involvement already and school officials as well !! But it seems like she meets some sort of standard !!

12-18-2013, 12:49 PM
It is also possible that you are seeing things the school isn't. What bothers me the most is that the parent does not seem to care one way or the other and if that is the attitude she is showing to others what kind of attitude is she showing in private.

At the same time where does your responsibility end. If there is already involvement then at least they have been visited and those people can make a call on the home environment.

12-18-2013, 01:44 PM
That is what I am hoping !!!! If I thought she was I would have no problem reporting but it's like they are all sisters ! No ones clearly in charge . And it carries over to my house ! I'm just not a foster home I can only do so much and I feel like I'm finished trying !!'