How to quit feeling guilty

[mickyc]

My New Year's resolution is to put my family first more often. I rarely take holidays and if I do it is posted months and months in advance (I have already given my families my holidays for the whole year of 2014). I work through illnesses (and my child's as well) and bend over backwards to accommodate my families.

I have in my contract that I will give one months notice of any time off. Well this weekend something has come up and I just emailed my families saying I am closing 1 hour early on Friday. I feel so guilty!! Why do I and how can I stop it! Everyone else who is coming with us is off all day Friday and wanted me to take the whole day off and I said I couldn't. I need to give my families lots of notice. I figured an hour extra time off will get us to our destination earlier but can't shake this guilt. I don't ever do this to my families but I know it will inconvenience a few of them.

I work for myself for this reason but now I feel so bad when I take time off.

[martymonty]

I hear you! I've been doing dc for almost 28 years and still find families making me feel guilty for any time I have off. I cannot even book a doctors appt. and ask for early pick up as they all "remind" me that I am supposed to have their kids until 5 pm. I have NEVER taken a sick day in 27+ years and have had kids here when I feel less then healthy and probably should have called in sick. Like you, I am trying very hard this year to make a point of taking care of me as well. I do find some families take advantage and am hoping I can nip this in the bud right at the beginning of this year. Good luck with your "guilt" It's not easy to get rid of :(

[apples and bananas]

I'm the same way. I give tons of advance notice and I always send a ton of reminders. Its really rare that I actually take time off. I'm with u! I'm making it my resolution too. I'm dropping the guilt.

Enjoy the time with your family.

[mickyc]

How do you drop the guilt though! I feel so bad. I have actually had a parent be upset at me once because I took a sick day the doctor told me to take.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I take time off for holidays but very rarely for sick days. So far I have had zero parents complain of this(at least to my face) or make me feel guilty of it. I do feel guilty for taking a sick day or having to close early or for having to close for a doctor's appointment but I DO NOT feel guilty for taking holidays.

I wanted to open a home daycare so that I was my own boss and make my own hours. I don't know how to stop feeling guilty but just remember that almost all the parents have holidays and take sick days. If they make you feel guilty for that than they don't respect or appreciate you and I wouldn't want those kind of parents in my hdc. If any of my dc parents gave me grief over sick days or even a holiday I would point blank ask them "Do you not take a sick day or holiday?" In my interviews I make it very clear that they need a back up provider for when I take holidays or sick days.

Take time off, put your family first and try not to feel too guilty!! Life is short, spend it how YOU want! Don't feel guilty for making memories with your own family :)

[playfelt]

Availability is the one downside for parents that choose private homecare and it is up to them to be sure when they choose that option that it will work for them. With an agency they often can fine a back up provider for the family. With a daycare centre it is open all days. As far as feeling guilty I'm not sure it is something we ever get over because it is like breaking a promise - I promised to be here for the parents and a sick day means closing the shop and turning away customers and that just isn't good for business. Unfortunately it is necessary in our line of work. Having said that I have worked through most illnesses just to have the shop open so to speak. As for vacations parents have a certain number of days off work to take whenever they want to and we should have the same privilege. The guilt comes from knowing we don't "have" to have the day off. When I want to take a day which I rarely do I try to give as much notice as possible so parents have time to rearrange their schedules but that isn't always possible. At the same time if we worked outside the home and had a shift scheduled the day we wanted to do something would we actually lie and call in sick in order to go or would we just go to work and miss the activity. It is harder sometimes to take our own job seriously all the time but we have to weigh the fact parents take time off for personal stuff too and we deserve the same privilege. Enjoy your outing and know you are making yourself a more refreshed caregiver for when you return - that helps take away some of the guilt.

[Fun&care]

I can't say I feel as bad as some of you for simply taking a day off...yes sometimes there is guilt especially for those last minute closures, but at the end of the day me and my family come first. If parents absolutely can't take time off work ever then they should go to a center. I don't see why I should suffer for the sake of "convenience" for my dc families. Most of my families really like me and will work around my schedule to keep their spot. I take 4 weeks per year unpaid plus paid stats. And yes I use all 4 weeks. Any less than that and I think I would burn out. Any parent with a head on their shoulders will respect a providers need for time off knowing that everyone needs a break, and knowing that as daycare providers we work HARD, and that our job is exhausting.

[5 Little Monkeys]

When it comes to illness, I close if it's something I would send a child home for so I do not spread the illness. Don't feel guilty for following your own sick policy and allowing yourself the time to get better!!

[apples and bananas]

I've never had a parent upset or make me feel bad for taking a sick day or a personal day. I think if you have a parent like that you have to wonder if this is the kind of parent that thinks we work for them.

[mickyc]

I have one parent with no back up. She has been upset at me before for taking time off sick. She thought I would supply a substitute provider on those days (a family member). I have in my contract that sometimes I will for an appointment etc. She seemed to think my substitute would be available all the time. I only use her for when I am away for short periods of time and would never leave the kids in her care for a full day. If I need a full day then I am closed.

She was pretty quiet this morning and didn't say much to me. Ah well, she will get over it.

[Fun&care]

I have one parent with no back up. She has been upset at me before for taking time off sick. She thought I would supply a substitute provider on those days (a family member). I have in my contract that sometimes I will for an appointment etc. She seemed to think my substitute would be available all the time. I only use her for when I am away for short periods of time and would never leave the kids in her care for a full day. If I need a full day then I am closed.

She was pretty quiet this morning and didn't say much to me. Ah well, she will get over it.

Families like this are just sooooo not worth it. I had a mom once try to make me feel guilty for taking vacation ( even though I gave like 5 months notice). I just changed the subject quickly, basically ignoring her whining and she stopped and never complained again. There is no way I am going to explain myself or worse apologize for taking time off, and then feel sorry for them because they didn't find backup. If they dont have backup, NOT.MY.PROBLEM. although they know from the get go that I don't have backup.

Honestly I think that having a "backup" has done nothing but confuse your clients because you say sometimes she is there, sometimes not...if you don't call on her that often is it even worth it?

[mickyc]

It did confuse this parent at the beginning. I did explain to her the time I was sick and she was upset I took time off that there is no way I would expect my backup to work a full day. She knows now that I will close if I need a full day off. She does cover if I have an appointment or if I need to take my daughter to the doctor or go see her Christmas concert.

I do still feel bad for closing early on Friday just because I only gave two day's notice. I also just had 8 days off. Oh well. If anyone had a problem with it, nobody said anything this morning.