My Daycare Dad Died

[ttremble88]

I do not whom else I can share this with, so this will be my outlet today, sorry ladies!

2 months ago, I had parents come and see me for care starting January for their 10 month boy. They decided to go with me, and last Thursday and Friday were his half day transition days. This Monday (just past) he was not with me because he had his 12 month shots and yesterday was his first full day.

His mom dropped him off at 6am and told me that her husband will be picking him up early (because of my doctors appointment) at 2:30. So 2:30 comes and this strange women comes and says that she is there for the dcb. It was strange. His first day and his father was confirmed to pick up. Anyways, I I.D. her and got the boy ready. While talking with her, she told me that his father (her brother was in the hospital). I sent them on there way and wen to my appointment.

I get back home and there is a message for me, basically saying that dcb will not be attending daycare for some time, as dc father passed away this afternoon.

My heart is broken for this family. Her first day back to work and her husband dies suddenly. This little boy is now left without a father. I cant help but think that if I did not have my appointment, would whatever happened, not have happened? Was he rushing at work to pick up on time? Was he in an accident driving here?

:(

[torontokids]

Wow. Whatever happened, it's not your fault. These things happen unfortunately. I get that you start to wonder if you caused this but that's only because you are caring and looking for an explanation. He could have been in poor health and this was something they were expecting. Who knows. Send the family a card with your sympathy and a reminder that you are available should they need childcare during this difficult time.

[ttremble88]

Thanks torontokids. I know that it is not my fault, but it is just so upsetting. From what I understand, it was a total freak accident. Nothing to do with his health. It was completely unexpected and happened so quick. Within hours of him being at the hospital, he was pronounced dead. I just feel so bad for the family.

[2cuteboys]

If it makes you feel any better, I'd imagine that whatever happened would have happened prior to him leaving to pick up. If she was promptly there at 2:30, she must have had some advanced notice.

That is very tragic though, always feel for the families in this circumstance. There really isn't much you can do, other than what torontokids suggested. Tell them you're there if they need you, but don't expect too prompt a response.

[ttremble88]

2cuteboys, I have tried to convince myself of that exact thing. The aunt picked up on time, so 'the accident' had to have happen well prior to pick up time, in order for her to have advanced notice to come and pick dcb up.

[Daisy123]

That's terrible. I really feel for the family. You should definitely not blame yourself for anything though. Look at it this way, the aunt picked up right on time so odds are that whatever tragedy happened occurred early enough in the day for a plan to have been made. If the poor guy had been on his way to pick up, the aunt would have arrived later. Send the sympathy card but I'd offer a couple of free days of care while arrangements etc are made- they have enough to worry about without extra costs right now. (Just a thought)

[Daisy123]

Sorry 2cuteboys. e had the same thought at the same time- writing while you were posting. Must be true then.

[gravy_train]

Oh that's so sad ttremble88. That sounds devastating.

[MonkeyPrincess]

So sorry to hear! Although you may not know the family too well, it will still affect you. You have your own feelings and emotions. We are here for you, please don't hold anything in. If you need to talk, we will listen. we have all grieved in one way or another, we might be able to offer words of comfort.

Of course my condolences to the family of the little boy. Just kills me thinking about how the boy doesn't have his dad, the mom doesn't have her husband anymore. Kinda brought tears to my eyes.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree with the others. This was not your fault. It is tragic and sad but not your fault!

I think I would also offer a few days care without charge. I would likely offer this to any family in my care for a death in the immediate family.

Such a sad story! :(

[mickyc]

Such a sad story.

I actually had a mom pass away. It was the first child I had. He was here part-time for 4 months. He was going to be gone for a few months as mom was off work for a bit. A month later I got a call saying mom had passed away suddenly and could I take the boy back sooner than anticipated. I was devastated. She was the same age as me. I attended the funeral and sent flowers. I have cared for the boy up until June of this year.

[mimi]

So sorry to hear of this father's death. Hopefully, mom and son have a lot of support during this sad time. What a shock this must be for everyone involved.

[Secondtimearound]

I'm so sorry !!!! What a tragic loss !! I feel for her and her family and for you as well !!! Sometimes I feel so snug and safe in my home !! I don't listen to the tv all day and feel sheltered from a lot of outside worries ! So when something happens I can imagine it shaking our sheltered foundations !!! It's unsettling !! A scary reminder life sometimes is hard and sad , when a lot of our time is spent with happy little kids !!!

[DarthLaurie]

Oh, what a horrible thing to happen. My heart goes out to you, I understand the sense of guilt even though it had nothing to do with you.....I had a wonderful little boy that I looked after and when he was 22 mths old I called the mum to pick up early as he had a fever and even after tylenol it didn't come down plus lethargic etc. that was on the Wednesday, he was kept home Thurs and Fri (both Wed evening and Thursday was taken to clinic/dr and told just viral nothing but ride it out), he was admitted on Friday incase of being dehydrated, late Sunday night he was diagnosed with Menengitis and nothing they could do as he was brain dead. He was taken off life support and passed away on the Tuesday. It was the most incredibly awful thing to happen. For days and weeks I questioned that I did everything right but had major guilt even though I know that there was nothing I could have done differently and that I wasn't the cause or the blame of this tragic situation. On the positive side, mum has since had another beautiful boy who I also look after and a wonderful little girl who I will get this summer :D

[5 Little Monkeys]

Darthlaurie...that is horrible!! :( Definitely not your fault at all but I can understand why you would feel guilt and question your actions. I know I would too! That is awesome that mom had more children and stayed with you! Obviously she really respects you and doesn't hold you at fault...even though it most certainly wasn't your fault in the least!!

[ttremble88]

Darthlaurie, that is incredibly sad. It is crazy how thing work out.

[Crayola kiddies]

ttremble did you ever find out what happened?

[ttremble88]

I did not. The mom has not replied to my last email, not surprisingly. And I only had him for 2 half days and 1 full day, so I did not know them long enough to feel comfortable to ask. She has said that she will be in contact, I am assuming when she decides that she is ready to return to work. Maybe she will feel comfortable enough to talk about it then. But I am assuming that it had to be a work related accident.

[Crayola kiddies]

how very sad !!!

[Daycare123]

wow-this is heartbreaking and it is not your fault

[Kabloozi]

Not your fault, but I understand your feelings. This is truly tragic. I hope the family is coping. It's hard, I would send her flowers and offer any services you can. :(

[Chiyo]

I myself have had a passing happen suddenly my third child my son died after 20 days old. He was premature passed of n.e.c and happened sudden.

I would of been lost without my daycare provider for my other two older children 25 and 1.5 at the time. They were a support and I didn't know them well.

Maybe be there for the child to help her out.

My friend lost her husband not to long ago about two months ago and we set up a meal train you can find online and set up through Facebook if you know her that way. Can be a support to the family not having to worry about cooking or food.

After losing someone so sudden child husband partner it is so hard to bounce back from. This just brought me to tears and I hope this little boy has some support as his mother is going to struggle