Help Pleeeease!

[Samantha33]

I have a dcb 2 1/2 years. old. He's been with me a little over a year. From day one up until today he doesn't understand anything. I explain something to him and he says "O.K." and then goes and does it again within minutes. M don't throw the blocks you could hit the baby etc. He throws again, M time out. He sits. When I let him get up - within 1 min. he throws toys again. He'll throw them 3 feet in front of him, send them flying off the table by pushing them, etc. He will also gather a bunch of little toys and stand on them or sit on them and make as much noise as he can by squishing them around. When Dad picks him up he runs to his father and says proudly "I had time out". It's like it's a good thing to him, but I've explained time out are not good. I had his older sister as well. She was soooooo much different. He comes two to three days per week. These past two weeks have been really getting to me. I just don't know how to stop him. I do not want to term him. Please, everyone, give what you've got. I need some help. :blink::ohmy::woot:

[nschildcare]

Shadow him for a few days so you can stop him before he gets started. You need to be close enough to him so that you can grab the block before he launches it. As you are taking the block, "We don't throw blocks." Then move him somewhere else.

Sounds like time outs aren't working so I would ditch those all together. If he is doing something, like throwing a block, tell him "we don't throw blocks". If he does it again, he doesn't get to play with the blocks again that day. Period.

Does he play with the other kids? Do they play with him? He may be trying to get attention, too. Search for the positives and praise those. When he does something inappropriate, very plainly "we don't...." and move on. No emotion, no extra attention.

Get parents on board. At 2.5 y he should know better. They need to be reinforcing it there, too.

Good luck! Kids like that are a LOT of work.

[Samantha33]

We actually shadow each other. He shadows me more than I shadow him cause as soon as I turn around to look at another child he has already thrown something. He plays near them (beside) and he just throws things or empty bins and gets them involved then I have two or more acting out. I will search for the positives. I will really try. It will be hard but no matter how small they are (and they will be teeny tiny)I'll give it a whirl. I have been giving lots of emotion lately. Fed up, tired of his actions emotions. Then I get all riled up. I've spoke to the parents numerous times. They always work with me but he's never this bad at home "they say". I would never take another child like this. He just doesn't "get" anything! I should say he "acts" like he doesnt' understand anything. I have a great contract will be emphasize the trial period. Thank you nschildcare. If anyone has anything else to recommend I will try them all if I haven't already.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I had a girl who time outs didn't work for either. She was 3.5 and the parents said she didn't care if she got time outs at home either. I have pink and green chairs at the kids kitchen table and she always wanted the pink one. She only got the pink one at afternoon snack if she had a good day. It really worked!!

[mickyc]

I agree. Time outs don't work on everyone. You have to find out what really matters to the child. I had one boy who hated going last on anything. If he misbehaved he would have to be the last one to do whatever it is we were doing. Or snack time. If you misbehave you don't get cookies for afternoon snack like the rest, you get rice cakes.

[Spixie33]

I agree with getting him where it hurts...find out what he likes and then use that as leverage.

Also, reiterate the expectations of play several times throughout your day. Tell him - we are going to play gently and I do not want to see you throw toys. Make sure he is looking at you and you have a stern face.

As soon as he misbehaves....stern face and down to his level so he can look at you and you tell him again "We don't throw toys. That empty bucket is not for throwing. I don't like when you do that. Can you stop throwing the toys?" Don't let him go back to play until you have eye contact and he sees that you mean it.

Also...give lots of positive reinforcement to the other kids who are playing properly. Then he may see that positive attention and hugs are better than stern lectures.

And if you see the other kids be silly because the child started acting silly then make eye contact with the others the same way and look serious and say "That is not funny. We play with toys nicely and we cannot throw toys."

THen....if the behaviour continues...start taking away the toys that are being thrown and the buckets he empties or dumps. Make sure that the children see you take it away and explain why. Say that they or he can have it back when they stop throwing

[daycaremom9]

I have a 2.5 yo boy that sounds pretty similar. I was thinking special needs so I suggested to mom to get in contact with Child Development. Mom filled out the forms and her contact from CD is saying you know he is 2ish, terrible twos etc. She is suggesting "time ins" rather than time outs. She says that he may be doing this for attention and maybe just give him a hug instead of a time out. I'm willing to try anything at this point. He also kicks things all day, he is very physical. He can hit a golf club like nobody's business, same with hockey, same with the frisbee. I'm wondering if he's just a sports prodigy?lol This Child Developmental worker is making suggestions for when he's kicking toys around to redirect to a safe toy that he can kick but he kicks all day long or throws. Unfortunately he is also aggressive with the other kids. This child developmental worker will be coming next week so maybe she can help me get a handle on this. Sorry I'm not much help but needed to vent.

[nschildcare]

You've gotten a lot of good ideas. Hopefully you can find something that works for you.

As another suggestion:

Increase your outdoor time, if you can. He sounds like he has a lot of energy and I find outdoor time helps everyone (even me:p).

I had a 2 yo dcb who was at the point of not listening to me, my disciplining techniques were not working, and he was starting to get aggressive with the other kids. It got to the point that when he was doing something he was not supposed to, he got one warning, and if he continued on with the inappropriateness (eg: throwing toys, pushing kids) I put him at the table (I had one outside, too) with a few toys, books or colouring, and he had to stay there to play for a bit to calm down. I then told him he could try again. If it was his third visit to the table, he had to stay there until transition period (we had quite a few built in to our day). So not really a time out, but it gave him a break and opportunity to regroup before trying again, plus had the consequence built in of him not being able to participate if he couldn't follow the rules.

That is not an ideal situation,though, and was really my last straw with this particular child. I had been in contact with mom and let her know what was going on. It ended up with me terming him as he was singling out a child for his aggression and I was spending too much time dealing with his misbehaviours, however that is another story!

I think the fact that he is part time is probably having a huge effect on this, as well. I would pick a date on your calendar where you hope to see improvement, try some new stuff to see if you can get through to this kid, and reevaluate then.

Good luck!

[Samantha33]

These are all great ideas. Thank you so much for your help. On Friday I had him play alone at the kiddie table. Mom mentioned he seems to be worse when there's more excitement. Well there's a lot of excitement here most of the time. It's not quiet as I'm sure you all know. First I'll try the table again (he still gets to play this way) and if that doesn't work then I'll try the other ideas. I have thought of him being slow because he still doesn't get the concept of when to yes and when to say no. Anyway thanks again everyone!

[AcornsFalling]

I have a boy, same age, who was starting to hit and throw toys a lot. He was getting a lot of time outs and it wasn't working.
I reflected on it a lot and decided to be extra affectionate and 'sweet' to him and it has been working really well. I think he was sensing my stress over him and that I did not 'like' him as much as my own kids and the other dcks. Perhaps he was jealous of the affection I give my own kids. I always give hugs and cuddles to the others too but it's not the same. So perhaps this boy is looking for attention.
I also began giving opportunities for this boy to help me with new things so he can feel some pride in what he is doing. He has very few words so does not communicate well but I can see in his eyes that he is proud of his helping.
He has actually turned into quite a little gem as he now watches over the other boys, who are younger, and gives me a shout when someone is getting into something or climbing where they aren't supposed to. So my eyes are now everywhere :-)
Good luck to you!