Does it get better?

[CrazyEight]

I have had my daycare running since July, with a full house from September on. To be completely honest, I am not enjoying it. It's a culmination of a whole bunch of small things, and I've tried to fix individual things that are making me dislike what I'm doing, but nothing is really making a difference.

I have started job hunting, but we live in a small working-class city where most of the jobs available are 12-hour factory jobs, which I can't do with 3 young kids of my own. I have an obscure degree that is essentially useless outside of a big city, and we're certainly not moving any time soon. For all of it's downfalls, this city is affordable and my husband's job is here. He manages a retail store, so his hours are strange and usually involve weekends, further limiting the jobs I can take-I have to find a M-F, 9-5 job if I want to bring home ANY money after daycare costs.

All of this brings me back to doing childcare, plus being able to be home with my youngest and be here when my kids are out sick from school or on school holidays.

So here's my question for you guys who have been doing this a long time: does it get better? Has anyone ever had a poor experience their first year and kept at it and had it pay off?

[mickyc]

Hmmm...what issues are you having? Is it just a matter of changing certain things to make you happier or do you just not like looking after other's children?

I have been running my daycare for over 3 years now. I really enjoy being home with my daughter. There are downfalls to doing daycare. The one thing I don't like the most is not having the flexibility of working outside the home. Parents depend on me to be open and I rarely close. Also not having sick days or holiday pay too sucks. Then there are the parents who are high maintenance. I make more money now than I did before when I worked and I do enjoy being home. Gotta love all the tax deductions too! I am slowly learning to put my family first and take more time off whether parents like it or not.

[Crayola kiddies]

I agree I have to look at the pros and cons and decide which one comes out on top ..... and so far daycare comes out on top. I have no degree so min wage it is for me .... when you factor in b and a care for 3 kids and gas for the commute there wouldn't be much if anything left over... I like my commute and I like all the deductions at tax time. I like my 2.5 hour break in the aft that I can prep my dinner, fold laundry, or just sit on my ass and surf the web. im here for my kids if they need to stay home sick and not have to either take a day off or scramble to find someone. I am much happier since my youngest has gone to full day jk cause he was a handful. I do what I want when I want and no body to answer to but me. I close earlier now then when I did in my first year and that really helps and I don't need business attire just my jeans and an old tshirt. the cons are I have to open early in order to stay full cause I live in a small town and parents need the time to get to work, and I would prefer to sleep a bit longer, I find parents coddle their kids too much nowadays and they tend to be helpless whiny little creatures. I am stuck here all day and would love to have the freedom to just pop off to the store, if my kids have something going on at school I have to get my mil to come and watch the daycare kids and that's not always an easy feat .....I have to book really far in advance. I feel guilty about closing so I rarely do, in 4 years I have never taken a sick day and only 2 personal days ...I am taking another personal day next Friday.

I have altered my policy book to change the things that made me the most unhappy.....I now close earlier, have three weeks paid holidays (actually all 52 weeks are paid unless I close for a sick day then they get to deduct the days I close) and 5 paid personal days, I tightened up my sickness policy, and these things have made daycare much more tolerable,,,,,,,,plu s my boss rocks!!!!!!!

[ttremble88]

I have to agree Crayola Kids. Got to weigh the pros and cons. There is always going to be THAT child that drives you insane, but there is always going to be that co-worker that does the same.

CrazyEight, I would say, that it being a year in for you, I do not think that it changes much. But that really depends on what exactly is bothering you.

For me, I love it. I get to stay home with my monsters and they get to play and interact with other children. I get to teach them things that they may not learn in other daycare settings. I get to take it easy if I am not feeling well, don't have to worry about calling in sick when my children are not well, get to start dinner in the middle of the day, all while have the evenings and weekends off. Plus I do not pay for daycare!

Before we moved where we are in August, I did the whole 'outside of home work'. Literally, I was home all day with the kiddies and then the moment hubby came home, I left to go off to one of 2 of my part time jobs. Plus I worked weekends, sometimes at both jobs, causing 16 hour days. I much rather my set up now.

Again, it all depends on what exactly is bothersome to you.

[Spixie33]

The first 6 months of any new job/career change can be rough. I have hated every job I had for the first 6 months ever since I can remember....then I usually stay for a long time and love it. :)

I wasn't sure I could ever do daycare...but I told myself I was going to do it for a year and then see whether I wanted to continue. I was stressed and feeling totally out of place the first 6 months but then I felt like I had hit my stride by the time a year came and went. I have now been doing home daycare for almost 4 years and I like it most of the time.

What is the hardest part for you? Feeling trapped in the house? The kids? The parents?

There are days where I fantasize of finding a job outside the home again but then the kids have a great day or give me hugs or make me laugh and I remember that I am doing something important and that there is great worth in raising these little people

[sunnydays]

Is there any chance it's because you took on too much too fast? It took me almost 2 years before i took on the full 5 daycare kids. I started with 2 and slowly added on as the months passed. It sounds like you filled up immediately which can be really overwhelming, especially if you have your own young kids at home too. If this is the case, is there any way you can afford to cut back a bit and have less kids?

[Samantha33]

Organization is big. Crafts need to be ready to do when it's time. I found this out the hard way. I tried preparing 10 min. before we were to do the craft but it would take me 45-1hr. to do it with all the interruptions. Having everything where you can reach it easily. It isn't an easy job. Certainly not everyone is suited to deal crying, fighting, upteam diaper changes etc. In my opinion things do get better. Much better. If you are suited. Good luck. I'm sure the other girls will have more input than I do.

[AmandaKDT]

Organization is big. Crafts need to be ready to do when it's time. I found this out the hard way. I tried preparing 10 min. before we were to do the craft but it would take me 45-1hr. to do it with all the interruptions. Having everything where you can reach it easily. It isn't an easy job. Certainly not everyone is suited to deal crying, fighting, upteam diaper changes etc. In my opinion things do get better. Much better. If you are suited. Good luck. I'm sure the other girls will have more input than I do.

Yes, and I don't do anything that takes longer than about 10 minutes to prep uninterrupted, all that work just to have them either not care or not finish isn't worth it.

My first thought was also that you took on a full group really fast. I wonder if that is part of it. I also took on each of mine gradually, about 2 months between each new addition. Gave me time to get used to the additional child, before another one started.

[playfelt]

A lot of it comes down to your organization too in the sense of when things are streamlined it frees up more time and that translates into less stress. There is no right or wrong way to streamline as it totally depends on everything that is going on at the time for you. If you can identify the worst times of the day maybe some would have suggestions to try.

Don't feel you have to overdo it in terms of crafts and activities and outings etc. keep things simple and they will thrive just as much.

[gravy_train]

Awe - I am right there with you, CrazyEight! I ask myself whether it is worth it on a regular basis and have learned a couple of techniques that I'll share with you. First, though, how old are the children in your care? My group is quite young and I find it really challenging because they take from me all day long and the giving back is minimal. Because of this I have learned to book some time just for myself at least once a week - sometimes I go for a drink at my local pub, sometimes I go for a massage, sometimes I go to the library - it doesn't have to cost money. The other night I closed the door to the bathroom, put some music on and had a nice, hot bath.
Through this site I have also learned not to stress out as much if I haven't had time to vacuum and mop one day, or if things aren't perfectly in their place. The parents just want to see their kids happy at the end of the day and that's all that matters.
I don't bother with intricate activities that take a lot of energy to set up. We paint, finger paint, play with play dough, sometimes I put water in tupperware containers with little treasures in them, freeze them, and then give the kids a bowl of luke warm water and some plastic spoons to dig the treasure out.
Another thing I have learned to do is multitask and try to keep my daycare stuff only during daycare hours. If I am makign muffins for snack, I sit the kids in their high chairs, give them some flour and water in separate cups along with a bowl each and some spoons and let them help me bake (of course all they've done is mix flour and water together but they LOVE it and they feel like they are helping).
Embrace freeplay and use it to do some laundry, read the paper, check your emails, or just sit and enjoy a cup of tea.
Figure out how long you need to do daycare for your family and start organizing an exit strategy. It really helps me to revisit my financial and personal goals and see what things I need to work on, etc. in order to get where I need to be when my daycare closes.
I might be reading too much into it but with your husband's shift work I assume that you are the primary caregiver for your kids? That alone can be very taxing and sometimes we lose sight of who we are as women when we are constantly accommodating our families and putting everyone first. this was my biggest issue in my first year of daycare and I completely burnt myself out within 9 months and even ended up getting pneumonia. I gave everything to my job and my family and it took me getting very sick to realize that my work/life balance was waaay off.
If your husband's schedule doesn't allow for you to get out for some adult time in the evenings, start looking for a babysitter in your neighbourhood who can come over for a few hours and watch your kids so you can have some time alone.
I still find the day to day stressful and actually just annoying sometimes but in my case the pros outweigh the cons so I will stick with it until I've reached my goal and am ready to close.
I hope this helps and doesn't sound too jumbled!

[gravy_train]

Also I find just making connections with other adults throughout the day is really helpful because I don't feel as alone - go on facebook and chat with someone when the kids are napping or come on here and connect with us :-).

[Spixie33]

That's great advice about not taking on too many kids at once. I did three kids for my first two years. Then I added a fourth. Then another 9 months went by before I added a 5th.

It is a big difference even between 4 and 5 kids

I also suggest making friends with another dcp and go for walks together in the morning or meet at the park....that sort of interaction will go a long way towards saving your sanity and making you feel refreshed

[5 Little Monkeys]

Everyone has given great advice! I think if it were me, I would be to write out the pros and cons of working from home vs the pros and cons of working out of the home. Take a good look at both and decide what will be best for you, your family, your finances and most importantly your mental health!! We only get one life and you don't want to waste it doing a job you don't truly love.

If you can go down to less kids or re-arrange your day so it's "new", do that and see if it helps? Good luck!!

[Sassygirl]

Big Hugs~

We have ALL been where you are at some point. Its quite easy to burn on doing this kind of work which isn't always rewarding. Add on if you have young children of your own and a husband who works a lot of hours. This winter has made things alot worse as well with not being able to get out as much that can add on more negative feelings.
I think that the others made alot of great suggestions. First of all sit down and make a list of pros and cons, take an honest look at your finances. I still do that once in a while when I am starting to feel burnt out and it always sends me back to this business.
If there is 1 particular family causing too much stress, let them go! Its amazing how the group dynamics can change.
Try and take time for yourself. I know for me that is very hard to do. My husband works alot of hours and I also have 4 other children, the older 3 have activities 3 evenings a week so its always a rush to get the dck out and have dinner and then I am home with my youngest who is 22 months old and quite demanding not to mention I am 8 months pregnant.
I also go with the flow quite a bit now and don't put alot of stress on keeping my house super clean or trying alot of messy crafts with the kiddos (all 18-24 months of age). If I have a high energy day I go with it and get as much done as I feel that I can. If its a low energy day, I lay on the couch with the kiddos and read and sing songs and watch a little more tv than usual. That is okay!
Keep in mind that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. For me its when this baby arrives and my husband will be off on parental leave for 6 months and the warmer weather will be here. One more month!
Big hugs to you!!!

[Dreamalittledream]

I feel for you! I am in my 4th year and can honestly say my first year was the hardest. It has gotten much better over time. Great advice to embrace free time; they learn so much during that time. I also make it a practice to close my door at the end of my daycare day and that's it. Everything related to daycare is done during daycare hours and during nap time I spend time with my feet up and a cup of tea to decompress. Also, my whole reason for opening, staying home with my children no longer applies...they're in school and to be honest...sigh of relief. There goes my parent of the year award...but for me, my own son was my stress in my day...buttons!! Now, after school time is fun! I missed him all day:). Explore what is really bugging you...do you need to term that one troublemaker? One day I cleared out all of the battery operated and noisy toys...wow, what a difference! I can assure you, for me, it got better:)

[mickyc]

One day I cleared out all of the battery operated and noisy toys...wow, what a difference! I can assure you, for me, it got better:)

Ha ha, I sold my huge box of musical instruments the first year!! They make enough noise as it is!! LOL

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have a musical bucket but it comes out for a period of time lol. A past parent gave me this tip....put tape over the "speaker" on the toys that have batteries. It really cuts down the noise level!! Some toys have volume control but the kids always put it to the loudest so I tape the speaker and also put tape over the volume control so they can't switch it lol.