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Lee-Bee
03-20-2014, 04:40 PM
I am about 2.5 months into daycare and my 12month old suddenly has severe separation anxiety if I leave the room. The kids all nap in separate rooms so I have to do nap runs (2x a day) and she just all out loses it. She also panics when I do diaper changes (in attached bathroom with a baby gate between her and I.

She didn't care in the least until this week. I have tried just picking her up when I return. Now I've been trying to ignore it completely when I return and telling her 'no screaming'. Neither makes a difference. Throughout the day she'll be happily playing away then suddenly think I have left and leap and turn to look for me already crying, see me and stop.

Anyways, for those that have had their own 12 month old in care and had this...what was the best way to end it. How long did it last?

Today I ended up strapping her to my back in a baby carrier and just bringing her up to get the kids and wearing her while I changed the others...so I didn't have to listen to her scream. It worked easy enough but isn't my preferred way of spending my days!

Each of my other kids had a week or so of this when they first started but it ended soon enough and they don't care if I come and go. I think it's worse for my daughter because it's mommy coming and going not just a caregiver.

AcornsFalling
03-20-2014, 04:57 PM
My son, who is 21 months, has been doing similar things lately after an illness. He constantly wants to be picked up and held, or always be in my lap if I'm on the floor doing anything. If I don't pick him up he screams and cries. I think he is jealous of the other children and wants reassurance. I'm not sure what to do about it either... If it was a dck I would redirect or ignore but for my own son, I don't want to push him away.
I'm not sure what to do either so I can't help but I can certainly understand what you are dealing with!

Artsand crafts
03-20-2014, 05:34 PM
My now 2.5 yo is clingy when he is ill or symptoms are about to show. After that he goes back to normal. I opened 6 years ago, but he only knows daycare life after he was 6 mo old. I just give extra hugs during those days and after that he goes back to be a happy, independent boy.

Lee-Bee
03-20-2014, 07:18 PM
Thanks. She does have 2 molars coming in right now so is not her usual self. Hopefully it's just that. As acornsfalling said if it were another child I would just redirect them etc., but with it being my own child it seems worse as she is too young to understand why I am coming and going with other kids.

I was wondering if it is jealousy but I don't think it is as she could care less if the other kids come sit on my lap when she is playing nearby. It is only when I am leaving or doing diaper changes on the other side of the gate and she can't touch me. She seems to love having the other kids come, she shrieks with excitement when they arrive in the morning and engages them all day. It doesn't help that when I am doing the nap runs she is also tired as she is about to go down for nap too. But I prefer to put her down last as I try to snuggle with her upstairs for 10-15min first so she gets some one-on-one time.

I will wear her on my back again tomorrow and hope that come Monday she is back to her usual care-free self.

torontokids
03-20-2014, 07:55 PM
My daughter has struggled on and off with my doing daycare. She is 2 now. She will often push any new baby when they first start and scream if another child sits on my lap. This is getting much better. Things that have helped is having her help me a lot. She helps with diaper changes, holds the diaper, watches etc. She gets tons of praise and I give her one on one when I can. I would suggest you put her down first and give her the cuddles after nap before you get the other kids and let her help you with getting the others up.

Lee-Bee
03-20-2014, 08:19 PM
My daughter has struggled on and off with my doing daycare. She is 2 now. She will often push any new baby when they first start and scream if another child sits on my lap. This is getting much better. Things that have helped is having her help me a lot. She helps with diaper changes, holds the diaper, watches etc. She gets tons of praise and I give her one on one when I can. I would suggest you put her down first and give her the cuddles after nap before you get the other kids and let her help you with getting the others up.

Unfortunately she sleeps the longest so is never up before the others. She loves her sleep. I do the cuddles first then put her down so that I can get the others up after their nap time and let her sleep till she wakes. When she is the last to wake she missed me having to go get the others so starts off without a screaming meltdown, which is a bonus.

torontokids
03-20-2014, 09:12 PM
Then I would personally put her down without the cuddles and put her down first especially because she needs her sleep. I had hopes I would do this with my girls (cuddle) at nap time but the reality is, I am super busy, usually ready for my break and they are tired. So if she is super tired this may not be the best time to do this. We need to ask ourselves also who's need is it? If she is really tired and ready for bed then put her to bed. There are other times you can have this moment.

AmandaKDT
03-21-2014, 09:12 AM
My youngest was 11 months old when I started the daycare. I let her follow me around as I do things for the other kids as much as possible, and help as much as possible. She is 22 months old now.

I don't know your setup, but the baby gate to keep her out of the bathroom might have to go. I find I have to make concessions for my own kids that I wouldn't make for the daycare kids.

It sounds like tough love at nap time is necessary, just put her to bed and walk out. Put all the other ones to bed and if she is still crying when you have everyone in bed then go back and check on her.

It is definitely harder taking care of my own two girls than the daycare kids. They are well behaved but are definitely more demanding of my attention since I am their mommy. My 4.5 year old isn't too bad now, she is pretty independent. But my younger daughter keeps me busy.

I try to give hugs and kisses during the day, but the most focused attention they get is at the end of the day after supper.

Lee-Bee
03-21-2014, 09:24 AM
My youngest was 11 months old when I started the daycare. I let her follow me around as I do things for the other kids as much as possible, and help as much as possible. She is 22 months old now.

I don't know your setup, but the baby gate to keep her out of the bathroom might have to go. I find I have to make concessions for my own kids that I wouldn't make for the daycare kids.

It sounds like tough love at nap time is necessary, just put her to bed and walk out. Put all the other ones to bed and if she is still crying when you have everyone in bed then go back and check on her.

It is definitely harder taking care of my own two girls than the daycare kids. They are well behaved but are definitely more demanding of my attention since I am their mommy. My 4.5 year old isn't too bad now, she is pretty independent. But my younger daughter keeps me busy.

I try to give hugs and kisses during the day, but the most focused attention they get is at the end of the day after supper.

I can't remove the gate to bathroom as my kids are all 12-15months and one is a toilet dipper and they would just dump the diaper bins all day. I have allowed my daughter to sit at my feet and play while I do diapers...but for the most part she just screams at my feet instead of at the gate so it doesn't help much.

My daughter goes down easy for naps so she'd be long asleep by the time the last one is asleep if I put her down first. I can think about changing the routine completely to put her down first. I don't think it's quite as easy as it sounds since she wakes the latest of the group since she is on-site and one little guy has to go down early as I wake him at 10am or he'd sleep until 11am and then not go down at the same time as the others in the afternoon. I will give it some thought and see how it'll work.

I am hoping it is short term as she was fine the first 2months with my coming and going. I wore her on my back yesterday and this morning and it is working. nothing like carrying around 50pounds of kids, up and down stairs!! The kids all find it amusing that they can touch her and talk to her while we do diapers and nap routines so it's working so far.

gravy_train
03-21-2014, 12:08 PM
my son is the same and has been off and on for the duration of my daycare. he will go for months and be fine and then have a phase of extra clinginess and neediness. i started my daycare when he was 10 months old and he is now 2.5.
when he needs to be held i strap the carrier on, and when he is getting overwhelmed and needs me to himself i put him on my lap and read a book just to him or take him into the bathroom with me and give him big hugs and kisses and maybe a little tickle - just to let him know that he is special to me.
i think it can be really hard on our own children to have to share their space and toys all the time.

AmandaKDT
03-21-2014, 12:13 PM
I can't remove the gate to bathroom as my kids are all 12-15months and one is a toilet dipper and they would just dump the diaper bins all day. I have allowed my daughter to sit at my feet and play while I do diapers...but for the most part she just screams at my feet instead of at the gate so it doesn't help much.

My daughter goes down easy for naps so she'd be long asleep by the time the last one is asleep if I put her down first. I can think about changing the routine completely to put her down first. I don't think it's quite as easy as it sounds since she wakes the latest of the group since she is on-site and one little guy has to go down early as I wake him at 10am or he'd sleep until 11am and then not go down at the same time as the others in the afternoon. I will give it some thought and see how it'll work.

I am hoping it is short term as she was fine the first 2months with my coming and going. I wore her on my back yesterday and this morning and it is working. nothing like carrying around 50pounds of kids, up and down stairs!! The kids all find it amusing that they can touch her and talk to her while we do diapers and nap routines so it's working so far.

It is a difficult thing to get things sorted out, hopefully you find something that works. In a few months I think you will find it easier to deal with the needs of your child as she gets more mobile and capable and understands more. Good luck!

Polkaroo
03-21-2014, 01:51 PM
I've been wanting to reply to this post since you started the post (crazy busy week!)

I'm in the exact same position. My son turned two yesterday and he is my most challenging. I'm I surprised? Nope! Just like dcp say their kids don't listen or eat how they do here at dc, it's because I'm not mom and dad, dck usually listen much better at dc or at school. I find it challenging as he's not like that when dck leave.

I have tried almost everything. He has come a long way from when I started but he's still has a long way to go. He is very territorial, he defends his space, he just really doesn't like others to play with his toys. I've even put his favorite toys in a bin away from dck so that he has them just for him when dc closes. Didn't help much.

I will keep a close eye on this post and see if anyone has a suggestion of something I haven't tried.

Good luck to you Lee-Bee! I know how tiring it can be some days. At least it is for me!

Lee-Bee
03-21-2014, 02:32 PM
I'm luck that our daycare is completely separate of the house so as she grows my daughter will know that the toys in the daycare are no more hers than they are any of the daycare kids. I'm really hoping that helps with some of the troubles of growing up in a daycare!

I hold out great hopes that come Monday she's eased a bit with the separations. Wearing her is helping keep things calm in the meantime.