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View Full Version : Ever termed because unable to transition?



Daycare123
03-24-2014, 01:00 PM
Hey all,

Have you ever termed because a child couldn't transition? (cries most of the day etc)

If so, after how long and what were the circumstances?

Need some insight, thanks!

mickyc
03-24-2014, 01:12 PM
Yes. I only lasted 3 days with a boy once. He was 11 months and had never been away from mom. He screamed bloody murder from the second mom left until I called her in the afternoon to come pick him up. I managed 3 days and then said I couldn't do it any longer. The other kids were walking around covering their ears and very upset. It was what was best for all of us. I was already the 2nd daycare. The 1st one only lasted 1 day. The third one managed to put up with it and he ended up being with her long term.

Daycare123
03-24-2014, 01:16 PM
Thanks mickyc! I am really struggling. I have had a new girl in my daycare for 3 weeks now and she still cries all morning. I don't know what to do. All my other kids were pretty happy within a couple of weeks...

mickyc
03-24-2014, 01:20 PM
I have one boy that I have had for over a month now. He still cries a lot but it isn't disruptive to the others, we all just ignore it. If he screamed for hours and hours though I think I would have replaced him.

Daycare123
03-24-2014, 01:23 PM
ugh. The little girl cries most of the morning. Basically-anytime left to her own devices (free play)

momofnerds
03-24-2014, 01:23 PM
yup, he was 3yrs old and cried all day. I couldn't do it any more so after 2 months I had to let them go. and I tried everything.

Daycare123
03-24-2014, 01:30 PM
Thanks for responding everyone!

Sassygirl
03-24-2014, 02:49 PM
I had a wonderful family interview a year ago last Feb. Their daughter was adorable was starting in July at 12 months old. Amazing parents! Girl would be coming 3 days a week other 2 days at Grandparents and home with dad. Raised a little big of red flags but parents were willing to pay for a full week so I went with it. They didn't need to start until July so paid a deposit and holding fee they wanted her in my daycare so much.
Fast forward to July when she started. She screamed ALLLLL DAYYYYY LONNNG! It was awful. She screamed when someone came near her, she screamed when I put her in the highchair/stroller, screamed when she couldn't see me or was more than arms length away, screamed outside in my backyard when eventually my next door called the City by law officers on her for noise. Her behaviour was interfering with our daily routine as kiddos had to listen to it all day long, began covering their ears, parents would question her crying when they dropped off or picked up their children. One mom asked if her dcg was having to listen to that crying all day and seemed very concerned. We also couldn't go outside to play or for walks as this dcg would scream and I didn't want any more phonecalls!
After the first week, I told parents that they needed to send her to me for 2 solid weeks straight, no staying home with dad, no grandparents. They agreed. After week 2 (week 1 of 5 days a week instead of 3) there was no improvement. I began to lose patience so she ended up in the playpen upstairs quite a bit as no one could bear to listen to her noise. It was impacting my care for the other children. I gave the parents warning at that 2 week point if she wants any better by the end of July (this was 2nd week of July) she would have to go as there didn't seem to be much improvement. She got a little better at drop offs but that was about it. Her eating habits were terrible as well. Was on bottles of milk and refused anything other than arrowroot cookies, goldfish crackers or pureed baby fruits which I refuse to serve). Needless to say we made it through the 2 solid weeks with no improvement and the third week of 3 days a week in July but I termed at the end of the month. I could NOT handle it.
Go with your gut!

nschildcare
03-24-2014, 02:55 PM
Yes, twice. Some kids just aren't ready for group care and that much stress is not good for anyone.

5 Little Monkeys
03-24-2014, 03:29 PM
No, I haven't but have been very close! I feel for you!!

mattsmom
03-24-2014, 03:36 PM
I had a 12 month old dcg a few years ago that only lasted a couple of weeks. She would cry all the time, so much that she would make herself throw up. I tried to console her, but nothing would work. The other poor dcks were miserable as well, listening to her day in and day out. I ended up just being honest with the dcm and told her that things just weren't working out and that she would have to find alternate care.
I felt like such a failure at the time, but as I look back, I realize that it was out of my control. Either they fit or they don't.

Daycare123
03-27-2014, 12:20 PM
I think I may have to let this one go-it is too stressful on the other children and myself.

nschildcare
03-27-2014, 12:58 PM
I can't do it. I also don't think it's fair to the child trying to transition, or to the other kids in your care.

I have told the parents why (crying all day) they are being termed and that I don't think that their child is ready for group care. They have all been understanding. Once was after two weeks and once was after 2 days!

If you can't handle it, you can't handle it. There is nothing wrong with that.

Daycare123
03-27-2014, 01:02 PM
Thanks nschildcare-I am feeling like a big failure :(

Lou
03-27-2014, 01:29 PM
It's a TOUGH part of the job, because you don't want to give up on a crying child but at the same time it's so grating and impacts the day so much!
I had a 4 yrs old that I termed after 2 months of crying all day...and it was extra annoying because she was 4..not a baby. It was awkward because it was my neighbour's little girl but oh well, the other kids hated it when she came!

mickyc
03-27-2014, 01:32 PM
Do not feel like a failure! Remember you have ALL the kids to look out for not just the one. If one child is not working and it is disrupting the whole group then the one has to go. I was worried about all the other parents pulling their child and I didn't want that!! Just think what is best for you and the group and go with it!

suzydominguez
03-27-2014, 01:40 PM
I too had an experience 2 years ago that lasted way too long, close to a year. The only reason I held off so long was because my heart went out to her mom who was on her own. She had an adorable 8 month old that spent 1 week with mom and 1 week with dad. When she was with mom, she came to me, the week with dad, grandma would watch her. At first I thought she needed time to transition. She ate and slept for me just fine, every other time she would cry, wanted to be held and it only got worse. I would talk to the mom and we couldn't figure it out. I would just ignore it, but it got to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore. The crying got louder and as the months went by she started hitting the other kids, she would only be happy if i had her on my lap and paid attention to her. Once I walked a foot away the crying would start. The following week with grandma would be fine! When her week would come for me to watch her, my mood would just go downhill, I couldn't do crafts or even enjoy my other kids. It got really bad. I than decided I needed to terminate. Mom was a mess, but I was loosing my mind. The only conclusion I came up with was she didn't want to have other children with her. She needed a 1 on 1 environment. Mom finally found someone to watch her and only her. From what I know she was doing well with this lady, whom I don't think was even into daycare, but it broke my heart that when they left, mom just stopped talking to me. I felt so used !!!

Daycare123
03-27-2014, 04:36 PM
Well, I really appreciate all the support! And it sure is a very HARD part of the job! I have to say though that your all support really makes me feel like I can handle it.

busydaycarelady
03-27-2014, 05:02 PM
I have termed because of failure to transition. I had a little boy from 6.5 months til 9
Months, 3 days per week. The poor kid cried and screamed bloody murder all day every day no matter what I tried -feeding, diaper changes, naps, walks, toys, change of scenery, holding. Didn't matter. He was like that for everyone but dad. I tried my best, but couldn't deal with it in the end. Hard to do but made life better.

Judy Trickett
03-27-2014, 05:03 PM
I have let a few kids go, over the years, who would not settle in. In fact, between 2012 and 2013 I let three kids go for this reason. It was a bad year for screamers. And, NO, I am not talking about normal transitional crying for a few weeks. I'm referring to SCREAMING for 7 or 8 weeks that got to the point of utter ridiculousness. And for EVERY one of those kids I termed the parents were doing stupid shit at home that was not conducive to setting their child up to be successful in group care.

It is RARELY the kid but the parent that is the problem.

5 Little Monkeys
03-27-2014, 07:25 PM
I've come close to terming but never have but I did add a clause into my contract about possible reasons for termination and failure to adjust in a reasonable amount of time was one of them.

I agree with Judy. In most cases (but not all), it is something the parents are doing at home that we are not doing at dc that is causing the child to cry. I have made suggestions to the parents in the past and thankfully they were on board (because they didn't want to be kicked out lol) but if they weren't on board and the crying was going on for longer than a month, I would seriously consider terming. I just hate punishing the child when it's something the parents are clearly doing or not doing.

Daycare123
03-27-2014, 08:18 PM
I have let a few kids go, over the years, who would not settle in. In fact, between 2012 and 2013 I let three kids go for this reason. It was a bad year for screamers. And, NO, I am not talking about normal transitional crying for a few weeks. I'm referring to SCREAMING for 7 or 8 weeks that got to the point of utter ridiculousness. And for EVERY one of those kids I termed the parents were doing stupid shit at home that was not conducive to setting their child up to be successful in group care.

It is RARELY the kid but the parent that is the problem.

Judy-I agree that when a child fails to transition it is almost always because they (and we) are having little to no help doing so from their parents! That is one of the reasons I have decided to stick it out: A) this little one naps well B) The parents are great and ready to try whatever I suggest and discuss strategies.

Daycare123
03-31-2014, 06:34 AM
Thank you all so much for your support. I have decided to term. Last week the little girl actually seems to regress and the energy in my daycare just got too stressful after almost 6 weeks of crying. I have to consider ALL the children in my care-so this is just the right decision. I will be terming this morning...wish me luck

bright sparks
03-31-2014, 07:49 AM
Thank you all so much for your support. I have decided to term. Last week the little girl actually seems to regress and the energy in my daycare just got too stressful after almost 6 weeks of crying. I have to consider ALL the children in my care-so this is just the right decision. I will be terming this morning...wish me luck

Good Luck, let us know how the parents respond.

momofnerds
03-31-2014, 08:10 AM
good luck. You'll notice tha when the screamer leaves how peacful things get

5 Little Monkeys
03-31-2014, 08:29 AM
good luck!!

Daycare123
03-31-2014, 10:33 AM
Thanks Everyone! Well, the family took it relatively well, as this was no surprise we had had a meeting prior to this. The mom was a bit short with me but definitely not rude or anything. The child did not stay the day and I have to say that the difference in the energy in the daycare is HUGE! I did the right thing, in my opinion that little one, for whatever reason was not ready for group care. Thanks for all the support, you're all great!