Temper tantrums!!

[Calgarymom]

Hi, I have a dcg who is just 2, she has been here since she was 8months old, she has always been quite dramatic, but since Christmas she has started throwing the worst tantrums I have ever come across. Anything sets her off, taking off sweater as she is too hot, stopping her from doing dangerous things, another child coming near her when she is playing, anything!! Once she starts she can scream at the top of her lungs for up to an hour, and I mean scream I have never heard anything like it.

So when we are at home she gets sent to the crib for a tantrum, and left until she has finished, her parents do this and asked me to do it too. However she has now started pointing to go upstairs when she starts tantruming, so I feel this may not be working.

My main problem is when we are out, I can't send her to the crib, so I take one of the smaller babies from the stroller and strap her in, but this means that she has the tantrum in public (remember hour long screaming). Plus one baby is still in the stroller next to the screaming and thrashing about.

I really would love some suggestions as to what I can do, as i am all out of ideas.:no:

[mickyc]

find out what really matters to her. I had one boy who would have major tantrums. He would sit in the time out chair and scream. I made him sit there until he was done, the longer he screamed the longer he sat there. I would purposely do fun activities while he sat there. He soon realized if he wanted to take part he needed to be quiet. This boy also hated being last so if he was behaving badly he would be last when we did things. Another thing I have done is give the child who isn't behaving something different for afternoon snack than the rest. So while everyone gets yummy cookies, child who has been bad gets rice cakes.

I just don't allow tantrums and haven't had much patience for a child acting that way. Other than the one boy things have been pretty good.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Depending on what you are doing, are you able to end the outing and just come home? It's not ideal but you will likely only have to do it a couple times before the child realizes you mean business. I have taken 15 minutes to dress the 4 kids to go outside and than be out for 5 minutes and bring them all back when a child was not listening. I've had to do it once and so far that was it.

I also had a child who didn't care if she was in timeouts so I had to approach it from a different angle. She loved to sit on the pink chair instead of the green ones. She was only allowed the pink chair at afternoon snack if the whole day had been a good one. After awhile, this stopped and she was allowed to sit on it all day again but if she had even one minute of bad behaviour she didn't get it at all that day and the next day would go back to only afternoon if she proved she could behave.

I don't enjoy tantrums nor will I tolerate them for very long BUT I do think kids are allowed to have a crappy attitude from time to time just as we adults do. It can't affect the other kids and I try to teach them ways to deal with their behaviour instead of a tantrum but every now and then we all just need time to be by ourselves and have a fit. lol

[Lee-Bee]

I always found that as they start a tantrum that f you pick them up, bring them to another room, or a far corner and lie them down then walk away it is most effective. Don't say anything, just ignore. Lye them down so they can't throw themselves down and make it worse. I find this takes away any attention and has quickly ended the tantrum streaks for me. I think ignoring it while they are near is more effective then putting them in a crib in another room as they can see you are giving no attention...if they can't see you then they are just screaming and don't see that you are ignoring it.

It does not take many outings where you up and leave before they very quickly learn that they will not get what they want and miss out.

[Calgarymom]

I have left where we are many times, in Tuesday we walked to the new fire station to look round, big tantrum so we left :-(. We have left parks etc. I have had success with one tantruming child shortly after I opened, and using many of the suggestions from this forum, strap in chair and do favourite activity, ignore,

But they just arnt working for her. Everyone has their own assigned seat as choosing seats was causing too many problems, and she doesn't really understand you can't have this snack as you were naughty. She really is the most stubborn little madam I have come across

[superfun]

I think my daughter might be the exception to the rule, but she's almost two, and like this girl, she actually asks to go to her room to lay down when she's having a hard time with her attitude. She lays down quietly for as long as she needs, and then I can go get her and bring her back to play. It actually seems to be working out for us. The difference might be that she also likes sitting quietly somewhere until she calms down, so if we're out in public, I can sit her "in the corner" wherever we are.

[Calgarymom]

I wish she would go quietly! She has spent most of the day strapped in the chair or in the crib, we are up to about 10 tantrums a day it is pretty extreme :-(

[superfun]

My daughter used to be way worse. I'm pretty sure at least half of her tantrums are because she has a really sore tummy. As soon as she farts, her tantrum basically ends. Do you think this girl has any food allergies? When the doctor (for a variety of reasons) suggested taking the gluten out of her diet, she started sleeping through the night, and her tantrums went from ALL DAY, to a manageable amount.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Do the parents do anything else at home other than the crib when she is throwing a tantrum? I would ask exactly what they do and than do the exact same. (If your not already doing this) She is still young so maybe she needs a bit longer to learn that every time she misbehaves mom/dad and dcp are going to put her in the crib.

Also, you said she now points to go to her crib....are there any constant variables to her tantrums? Is it when a particular child is near her or if it's too loud or near snack/lunch time etc?

[Secondtimearound]

That seems extreme ! I am wondering if she is verbal ? Does she have a point where you could stop it before it happens ? Like if you verbalize , it's hot I'm taking off your sweater , would she just start to tantrum ?
Tantrums only are effective if they obtain results , her pointing to go upstairs to me indicates she is aware and manipulating . I would immediately walk away from her , play with other children , pass out treats to behaving children , basically totally ignoring her !!!
If she followed , I would calmly say , " you are too loud for our ears so go scream over there ", I know it sounds silly but if she follows you tantrum ing she is looking for your response ! Do not give in at all , act like it doesn't bother you . She obviously has gotten attention for it if she is having that many of them !!
I would def have a treat or fun activity and exclude her and let her know when she is done she can join, Calm and cool !!!