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View Full Version : Why do we feel guilty?



mattsmom
04-01-2014, 10:18 AM
I don't know if any of you have the same issue, but I feel a certain amount of guilt if I have to take time off to deal with my health. Even just taking the morning off to go to a Dr.'s appointment.

I know it's silly but I feel bad having to tell parents that I need a day or a couple of hours off because I'm sick.

MonkeyPrincess
04-01-2014, 11:01 AM
I will speak from my opinion. I think it's because we don't want to inconvenience the daycare parents. They have to find alternate care (which is their responsibility anyhow) or have to leave work early (or go to work late) to accommodate our doctors appts. We understand that some parents have a harder time getting out of work/changing their hours/finding alternate care for the kids when we have to take time off.

With that being said, don't ever feel guilty about taking care of number 1- you! If you don't take care of yourself, then you won't be in good shape to care for your dckids, and your own, if you have any. If you ever have a parent complain about you taking time off, put them in their place, and you tell them that! DCparents have the right to call in sick to their employers when they can't make it to work, you have the same right.

Don't ever do what I did, bow down and take it. The ONE and ONLY time i ever asked a parent if it was ok to pick up the child early for me to go to a dentist appt, the parent told me it was not convenient, so i didn't go. I had to postpone my appt. This is the same parent who picked up their child LATE on the day i had to go to the doctor after daycare hours, and i had advised all parents two days in a row prior, then this one parent claims they had a surprise staff meeting. I was a half hour late for my appt, and because of that i was bumped to the last appt of the day (7pm). After that I decided i will never ask parents again. I just tell them i will close early and they must pick up the kids by a certain time, and i make that time 30 minutes before i actually have to leave the house, just in case i ever encounter that experience again.

5 Little Monkeys
04-01-2014, 11:09 AM
Even when I worked out of the home, I felt guilty asking for time off for an appointment or whatever else. I think for some of us, it's just who we are! We are hired for a job and we want to fulfill that to the best of our ability.

I don't ask the parents for time off, I just tell them well in advance if I am closing for whatever reason. It doesn't mean I don't feel bad about it though. I try not to feel guilty about because we all deserve time off and I'm getting better about not feeling guilty but I do a bit because I know it's an inconvenience for them. During interviews, I make it very clear that they need to have a backup or a plan in place for when I am closed. This helps me not feel so guilty because I know they have a grandparent, aunt, uncle etc that they can use when I'm closed.

mattsmom
04-01-2014, 11:14 AM
It's funny too that I'm such a hardass about a lot of the rules and stuff, but when it comes to my needs, I just put it on the back burner.
I told parents last night that I thought I had a chest infection so I was heading to the clinic first thing in the morning and for those who needed to get to work, I would call when I got home and they could drop off. Well most of them just took the day, but one dcm said she would be right over, so she could go straight to work. She comes an hour later, wearing sweats and all frumpy (she works in an office) so I ask her if she was heading off to work. She says yes, but then my hubby travels her street during the day, sees her car parked in the driveway an hour after she drops off! That really pisses me off. If you took the day anyway, why would you lie and then drop your kid off?

AmandaKDT
04-01-2014, 12:40 PM
Just a question - if you close an hour early or open an hour later do you compensate the parents for that shorter day? My rates are based on 0-4 hours or 4-10 hours per day, but if I closed an hour earlier than normal I feel that I should be compensating parents for not being open during the contracted hours. But if I had their kids for 8 hours, I really wouldn't want to be paid for only a half day rate.

mickyc
04-01-2014, 01:17 PM
Amanda - For myself I charge $30 a day. I do offer a discount to my parents if I close at noon or 1. I was charging $15 a day for that morning but have increased that to $20 recently. If I close early though (3 or later) I charge full rate. I don't do it often.

This year I have decided to put my family first!! I have booked 2 afternoons off in the upcoming months to go to my daughter's preschool functions and I am closing early in a few weeks to attend a kindergarten screening. I have booked every 2nd Friday off during the summer. I have already decided I am closing Christmas eve next year! I also close at 4 on Halloween.

AmandaKDT
04-01-2014, 01:33 PM
Mickyc - I am also taking an extra day every long weekend this year, as well as being closed on Christmas Eve. My older daughter is entering full time kindergarten this fall, and I for sure plan to attend all events that her school has. I am definitely willing to close early for the sake of my family, but I am trying to figure out how to approach it. I have the extra complication of being licensed, so I guess I should ask my coordinator what the protocol is. So far I have been able to find a dentist that is open weekends, so that I don't have to worry about closing. But I am due for a doctor check up and eye exam soon, and it may be difficult to do it all on the weekend.

JennJubie
04-01-2014, 01:34 PM
You have to take care of yourself. The problem with our job is that the hours we work don't make it easy to get to a doctor or dentist without closing early or closing for the day. I make it very clear to my clients right from the interview that my son has special needs, and there will be days that I need to close early or take a personal day. I need to know right from the start that they understand that. Thankfully, if you have good families, they are understanding. And if you're sick, there's not a lot you can control about that.

mickyc
04-01-2014, 01:52 PM
I quit worrying about it. I am rarely take time off. I work when I am sick, never book appointments during daycare hours (haven't been to a dentist in a very long time!!), my doctor and eye doctor appointments are always after daycare hours. I would usually get my MIL to come watch the kids so I could go to my daughter's functions but this year I said forget it and I just gave notice and closed for 2 afternoons. I give my families tons of notice and I mean usually I give them my holiday schedule for the year at the beginning of January lol. I just gave my families one month's notice for my closing at 4 one day. That is very short notice for me lol.

Secondtimearound
04-01-2014, 01:53 PM
I don't know I feel guilty too !! I've only taken one day off since September . That was to drive my son to a specialist in another city . The only dcf who had a problem ended up leaving the same month !! My contract says I have personal days and they wanted to deduct that day (even though I charge monthly , not daily ) it was a mess !!!
I have cut my days back so I'm now working only 3 days a week so I feel guilty if I think of taking a day off !!

bright sparks
04-01-2014, 02:10 PM
Since September 2013 I dropped to M-Th and love having the Fridays to schedule all my appointments on. That being said, there are still the odd specialist appointments where I don't have the luxury of having a choice of days when maybe the dr doesn't have clinic hours that day. I do not feel guilty about taking time off anymore and I wonder if its just a matter of time and experience that changes this feeling. I used to care a lot about my families but now I don't. I have to look after myself because no one else will. I also had a rough financial year in 2013 because I was down two full timers and lost 2 more to kindergarten so I think I have got used to having less income so am not afraid to not take someone on or lose someone who doesn't respect me and my needs.

5 Little Monkeys
04-01-2014, 02:19 PM
I think it's like any other job, it needs to be in moderation. If I were to close a day every month than I could understand a parent being frustrated but when it's an odd day here or there or some summer holidays than I feel it's no big deal. If a parent doesn't like that then they are free to find care elsewhere.

I am lucky that my fiance is my back up and works evenings so it's very very rare that I have to close for a whole day. It is really just my 3-4 weeks of holidays a year that parents have to find alternate care for.

daycaremom9
04-01-2014, 04:28 PM
I have a specialist appointment on Thursday so I'm closing at noon. I offered to either charge my parents for half the regular rate or they could just not come at all that day and I wouldn't charge them for it. I am at the point that I generally wouldn't feel guilty but I did a little bit this time as I'm closing Easter Monday (it's in my contract)and also going away at the beginning of May for which I'm closing 3 days.

MonkeyPrincess
04-02-2014, 09:16 AM
Uh- your friend is not being understanding. Has she ever had a colonoscopy? I doubt it if you said she is 20 yrs you get than you. But even If she has, everyone's body is different, no one knows what will happen. I am glad you stood your ground.

mattsmom
04-02-2014, 09:43 AM
I have a colonoscopy (sp?) booked the day before Good Friday. So, I told my friend, whose child I BABYSIT, not daycare because she's a substitute teacher and works only when she's called (making getting daycare difficult because she'd pay for days she won't use) that there will be THREE days I'm not taking her daughter (since I only charge for when I ACTUALLY look after her). Know what she says to me? "Oh, you'll be fine. The two days you're taking the clean-out meds." :blink: So I said to her, "Um, noooo... if I'm on the crapper every 30 minutes, she's into everything. What if she's strapped into her booster and I have NO time to take her out and have to RUN? She's unattended and has been pushing her feet against the table lately and tipping herself back." Know what she says? "It's not that bad. You'll be fine to take care of her." :blink: So I out and out said, "No. I am not taking her those two days OR the day of the procedure. Period. I cannot live with myself if she gets badly hurt even if you can." She looked at me and said, "Ok." Then I reiterated that there is 20 years between us (I'm pushing 50) and what doesn't happen to you, doesn't happen because your parts still work well whereas mine are beginning to shift and besides, we don't share the same body. How can you be SURE I'll not c&^p my pants uncontrollably? You don't.

I've had one and need to book another one soon (a lot of family history of colon cancer), and I took the day before and the day of the procedure off. It was on a Friday as well, so I had the weekend to relax.

I think this mother is being totally unreasonable, especially about something like this! Wow, I would have had some snarky remarks ready for her. You take the days you need and be done with it.

mattsmom
04-02-2014, 09:52 AM
Just a question - if you close an hour early or open an hour later do you compensate the parents for that shorter day? My rates are based on 0-4 hours or 4-10 hours per day, but if I closed an hour earlier than normal I feel that I should be compensating parents for not being open during the contracted hours. But if I had their kids for 8 hours, I really wouldn't want to be paid for only a half day rate.

If I have to take the morning or the afternoon no, they only pay for the half day (they pay for the same week on the Friday). I would tell them I just need the morn/aft off for an appointment and I am available for the rest of the day, so if they end up taking the whole day off for their kid, well I am open and available so they pay for it.