View Full Version : Unwanted hugs

04-03-2014, 07:19 AM
Hi everyone! I have been creeping the forums for a while now but this is my first post. I have just opened my daycare and this is my first full week of offering care for a 23 month old girl. My 1 year old DS and her get along very well, hugging each other and she will even give him kisses. A couple of times when he went to give her a hug, she would start to pout to almost cry but not say anything. I would intervene and they would go on playing again, giving hugs and being happy. Before nap time yesterday, it happened again, but she pushed him away from her and he fell and hit his head against the wall.

I have been trying to get him to ask for a hug but as he is only 12 months old, his verbal skills aren't there yet. I model what I want him to do, holding out my arms and saying "hug?" to him and wait for him to give a positive response in the hopes that he will imitate it.

I have been trying to get her to say no thank you or anything to tell him that she does not want a hug, but she will just be silent. She is a VERY chatty little girl so I don't know why she isn't saying something. I asked her why and each time she tries to distract me with seeing fake birds out the window LOL! I tell her that DS is just little and learning, and we have to show him how to be good. I try and get her to tell me if she wants a hug, and only hug her if she gives me a verbal yes.

Does anyone have insight or tips on how to help? It has only been a few days but the pushing yesterday makes me feel like I should be doing more.

5 Little Monkeys
04-03-2014, 07:31 AM
I think what you are doing is good. A hugger needs to ask and the huggee needs to say no if they don't want one. This should be taught to all children :) I would just keep working on it. I would also just sit back sometimes and let them work it out between themselves. I know they are young, which is why teaching them is so important...but allowing them to learn and put in place what you are teaching is important too.

04-03-2014, 08:23 AM
Thanks 5 Little Monkeys. It hasn't been a full week yet so I will try and back off and let them work it out. This morning when she tried to give me a hug without asking, I said no thank you to her. A few minutes later I asked her for a hug and she said yes please. I think she is starting to make the connection so hopefully she will use her words.

04-07-2014, 04:10 PM
Yep, it goes both ways! Your little guy will learn that we don't necessarily get to love on anyone and everyone, and daycare girl needs to learn to say "No, thank you". It will come, just keep reminding both of them.

04-07-2014, 05:17 PM
Sounds like you are handling it perfectly already. It will take time. It is perfectly normal for both to be responding the way they are. They will get used to each other and will learn to communicate and respect each others space with time. Keep encouraging and modelling what you want to see and just try to intervene if your son is pushing for hugs and she is looking like she doesn't want it.