Not sending requested clothing

[AmandaKDT]

I have a very clear policy in my parent handbook about what clothing is required each season, as well as sending out reminders about clothing needed now that the weather is getting warmer.

I have one family with an 8 years old dcg that seems to think this policy does not apply to them, perhaps because she is only here before and after school.

They did not send her in winter boots until long after the snow had fallen at the start of winter and now that it is spring they are not sending her in rubber boots and splash pants, like requested. I had sent a reminder a month ago with what type of clothing would be needed once it was spring (rubber boots, waterproof splash pants, rain coat) and I also sent an email on the weekend saying that the kids need to be sent in rubber boots and splash pants starting this week.

Well, yesterday the dcg arrived in snow pants and her winter boots. I asked her if she has rubber boots at home and she says her mom doesn't buy that stuff, that it is okay for her to get wet because it eventually dries. *sigh*

So I talked to her dad when he came to pick her up at the end of the day and told him that he needed to send her in rubber boots and splash pants, that she had soaking wet socks from playing outside (they also ignore my request to send a spare set of clothing). He just shrugged his shoulders dismissively and I said "No, it is my policy and she needs to dress properly for the weather. It makes it really difficult for me to take care of all these kids (I have 7) if one is getting all wet and cold and asking to go inside." He shrugged his shoulders dismissively again so I repeated myself and reminded him that he had been informed of the required clothing. He said "Oh, she doesn't need splash pants." I repeated myself AGAIN and he didn't really say anything and they left.

I should also mention that this family pays half as much to send their daughter here as any other home daycare because I am licensed and funded, so it isn't like they couldn't humor me and "splurge" on the $20 to buy her a pair of rubber boots. They also both work full time at decent jobs.

So how much would you push a family in what type of clothing they send. There have been some other minor issues with this family, so it makes me feel less tolerant than I would be towards my other families that are very accommodating.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I've thankfully had pretty good parents who send appropriate clothing ( although some need a reminder!) but if this was happening to me, I would likely buy some used clothing and keep it on hand. I have it in my contract that I don't supply these things but as the years go by, I pick up things here and there to have on hand. It's not ideal because the parents really should be supplying these items but I'm not going to punish a child for their parents stupidity. I've had to use my spare clothing/shoes a few times and the parents usually end up bringing the appropriate clothing soon after! Most dads don't like when their little boy has to wear purple/pink clothing but sometimes that's all I have on hand that will fit them ;)

[mattsmom]

I totally feel for you. I too, kept some extra things for the dck's in case they forgot them or didn't have any. I finally realized that the more I did it, the less the parents made an effort to bring the proper clothing or outdoor accessories. They just think that "oh, I don't have to look for lost mittens or hat or bring extra whatever, because (dcp) has them for you."
Now, I only keep a couple pairs of mittens and a couple of scarves for only the babies or young toddlers for when it is super cold and they need an extra layer.

My biggest issue is the "rain gear" for the kids. I tell all parents when they start that we walk to the school, rain or shine, and some of them just can't get it through their heads to bring anything for the kids to wear in rainy weather. So I end up with a bunch of "drowned rats" by the time we come back from the school.
I actually had a crazy mom call the Family and Childrens services on me because I made her kids walk in the rain to pick up other children from school, lol. Thankfully the rep that got her call was a friend of mine and she called me right after and we had a good laugh. Then to top it off, I got this insane call from the kids grandmother, yelling at me that I was a horrible caregiver to make the kids walk in the rain. She said I should have an extra adult at the house just in case or have my husband look after them. I laughed and told her she had to be kidding, my husband has a fulltime job and no, I am not making him stay home to look after your grandkids! Thankfully that was the last time I had them.

I also have in my policy that all children need to have a complete extra set of clothing, just in case, no matter what the age. If they decide to ignore my many attempts to get them to bring the clothes, they get a phone call when the child ends up pooping or peeing all over their clothes and I don't have anything to put on them. My thought is that we are to make sure the kids put on the proper clothes that are sent, but it is not our responsibility to buy extra clothes, hats, mittens etc for everyone in my daycare. That's ridiculous.

[Crayola kiddies]

I'm not with an agency so I'm not sure of the rules but if you can get rid of them them I would cause it seems like they are more hassle then its worth ... However if you can't then can your contact at the agency help you cause that's what they are for isn't it to support you in your business? I certainly would not be buying clothes for this kid and if you can't get rid of them and they still refuse to send clothes then when you go outside just make her sit since she doesn't have appropriate outer wear .... How long is she there each day? Do you have to walk her to school and this is how she's gets wet? I take my dcks outside from 9-11 which is when she would be at school ....

[momma2two]

I'm having the same issue. I have given ample amount of time and reminders...and still winter boots and snow pants again today. You would think sending them home with soaking wet winter boots and a change of my sons clothes would clue them in but I usually end up getting everything back the next morning in the same wet condition. I know life is busy but I would never want my child having to walk around in soaking wet boots. It ends up my issue. We go outside everyday and I have to put this poor child in soaking wet clothes to go outside unless I can muster up some old hand me downs from my own kids which I never end up getting back for weeks. :cursing:

[mickyc]

This is always frustrating. I decided to change my approach this spring. I asked for both sets of clothing so that I can make the call. So far so good. We still have snow so the snow pants have been ok to wear so far and most have been sent in rain boots. The problem I am running into is mitts that have not been dried out from the day before.

As for the original post. I would tell them that their child will have to sit out while the other's play until they send the proper clothing. I would not supply it and I would not back down either. These items are something you require and they have had plenty of warning. Yes it isn't fair to punish the child but that is the way it will have to be.

[AmandaKDT]

I'm not with an agency so I'm not sure of the rules but if you can get rid of them them I would cause it seems like they are more hassle then its worth ... However if you can't then can your contact at the agency help you cause that's what they are for isn't it to support you in your business? I certainly would not be buying clothes for this kid and if you can't get rid of them and they still refuse to send clothes then when you go outside just make her sit since she doesn't have appropriate outer wear .... How long is she there each day? Do you have to walk her to school and this is how she's gets wet? I take my dcks outside from 9-11 which is when she would be at school ....

It isn't an agency that I'm with in Manitoba, being licensed here means I am just regulated by the government. I could use this as violation of my contract and consider it grounds for termination, there isn't anything stopping me from doing so. I could contact my coordinator for advice though.

I don't want to buy any clothing either, it isn't my responsibility. I can't see myself going out and buying this girl boots and splash pants, that is way more than having an extra pair of mitts.

We play outside every morning and then in the afternoon when she returns from school. It is possible for her to be outside while in my care for over an hour, depending on the weather.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I wouldn't buy her brand new clothes but I'm also lucky that my aunt of 4 children will pass down clothing that she thinks I could use here. I've also had dc parents donate their old clothes from last season as well. I've probably spent $5-$10 total on clothing because I pick them up at garage sales. I've been lucky to have parents not take advantage of this extra service I provide I guess.

i can only think of 3 options...tell the parents they need to supply these clothes or you will have to terminate care for breach of contract or you can supply the clothes or you can not worry about it (which is hard because we always want the best for the child) hopefully they start to supply the clothes when they realize you mean business!!!

[bright sparks]

I see the issue with snow boots instead of rain boots for keeping feet dry but if the child brings snow pants instead of splash pants they should be fine so pick your battles. It would appear that you have asked more than enough times. Do not take this out on the child regardless of the parents behaviour, it is not fair to the child and could just make other problems come up. This is an 8 year old not a two year old who is going to be much more severly effected by being penalized by being left out as a result of her parent's behaviour...have a heart. An eight year opld is going to hate her parents, hate you, and feel bad about themselves as a result of you isolating them from the group activity when there is nothing they can do about it, and oh yes, it won't actually produce any clothing. Never use the child as a pawn. Instead, tell the parents flat out that if they do not bring her with the proper attire, that she can not attend. You don't need to explain why she needs them as you have already done this repeatedly. Why not try a different approach and confront them about the real problem "Why is it that after repeated requests you still don't bring her in appropriate clothing?" It is an open question so no shrugging of shoulders or yes or no answers and maybe you will in fact find out that they don't have an extra $20 to splurge on their child. Also off season these items can be very hard to get hold of so maybe they have looked briefly and either not found anything or the options they have found are to pricey for their budget. Rather than assuming ask the questions and find out the facts. Maybe having a frank and honest conversation rather than just repeatedly telling them which clearly doesn't work, you will be in a better position to offer kind advice on where to look. Once again I say that you should not accept the child into care until spare clothes are sent and appropriate outdoor clothing too. This would be the biggest threat to them of not having childcare so they should be more willing to come up with a solution pronto as a result.

[bright sparks]

I wouldn't buy her brand new clothes but I'm also lucky that my aunt of 4 children will pass down clothing that she thinks I could use here. I've also had dc parents donate their old clothes from last season as well. I've probably spent $5-$10 total on clothing because I pick them up at garage sales. I've been lucky to have parents not take advantage of this extra service I provide I guess.

i can only think of 3 options...tell the parents they need to supply these clothes or you will have to terminate care for breach of contract or you can supply the clothes or you can not worry about it (which is hard because we always want the best for the child) hopefully they start to supply the clothes when they realize you mean business!!!

It is an ongoing topic that comes up at every season change on here and it becomes evident quickly who the seasoned providers are. I have found that they are the ones who have learnt that this is a never ending battle which effects the children and never seems to be resolved fully. These particular providers posted last year that they do not stress over this anymore and have a box of 2nd hand stuff for spares. I got into an argument, even though I didn't argue she just had a bit of a rant at me, but a parent got very annoyed at me last spring because I repeatedly asked her for rainboots. She said she couldn't find any small enough but was continuously looking and asked me to get off her case as it made her feel like she was doing an inadequate job as a mother. It was never my intention to make her feel like this and I was always very nice about it. She was always picking at me whenever I made a request so obviously overly sensitive, that being said though, nobody deserves to be made to feel like they are inadequate as a mother and once I found out that she was constantly looking and felt that way, I felt pretty bad for her. It doesn't change the need for proper clothing, but there is a simple solution which is spend 10-15 bucks at the thrift store on spares or keep your kids old things and hey presto, no problems in this department and if parents bring their own set of spares, then all the better. Obviously this would work for a group of younger children but the idea of having a spare of everything for each age group Is ridiculous lol You'd need another closet and it' way beyond the role of a dcprovider too. It was the move I made after that incident and after last years posts and I am less stressed because I have done something about this situation which is proactive rather than bang my head against a brick wall with the parents who just don't get it.

[bright sparks]

It isn't an agency that I'm with in Manitoba, being licensed here means I am just regulated by the government. I could use this as violation of my contract and consider it grounds for termination, there isn't anything stopping me from doing so. I could contact my coordinator for advice though.

I don't want to buy any clothing either, it isn't my responsibility. I can't see myself going out and buying this girl boots and splash pants, that is way more than having an extra pair of mitts.

We play outside every morning and then in the afternoon when she returns from school. It is possible for her to be outside while in my care for over an hour, depending on the weather.

There is for sure a big difference between buying some 2nd hand spares for 2 and 3 year olds but for an 8 year old, I understand why you wouldn't want to buy anything and no it isn't your job either.

[nschildcare]

This is one of my big things that I go over parents with at the interview. We got outside. Period. Your child needs to be comfortable (warm, dry, etc) enough to last our entire outdoor play time, which varies.

Fast forward and I have to keep reminding. Like you. So I changed my rules. If your child comes without the proper gear, you get a phone call to either drop the stuff off OR pick up your child for the day. And I put a time limit on it.

I have one family who has forgotten outdoor items 4 times since January, at least 3 times the previous fall. Each time they have had to leave work and get the stuff to bring to me.

I have another family whose child only wants to wear rain boots. (dcg is 2). "her feet are too cold" at the end of the day is enough for them to force her to wear proper footwear the next day. If they hadn't, I would have called and said to bring the proper gear.

I think you need to put this back on the family. Either they have the proper stuff, or dcg doesn't stay. This family will not change until you enforce your rules.

Being that the kid is older, I would just say that she goes out in whatever she comes in. If she is complaining that she is cold, then tell the parents that she can't come back tomorrow without proper gear.

Put the problem back on them. It is their child and their responsibility to see that she is dressed properly.

[5 Little Monkeys]

It is an ongoing topic that comes up at every season change on here and it becomes evident quickly who the seasoned providers are. I have found that they are the ones who have learnt that this is a never ending battle which effects the children and never seems to be resolved fully. These particular providers posted last year that they do not stress over this anymore and have a box of 2nd hand stuff for spares. I got into an argument, even though I didn't argue she just had a bit of a rant at me, but a parent got very annoyed at me last spring because I repeatedly asked her for rainboots. She said she couldn't find any small enough but was continuously looking and asked me to get off her case as it made her feel like she was doing an inadequate job as a mother. It was never my intention to make her feel like this and I was always very nice about it. She was always picking at me whenever I made a request so obviously overly sensitive, that being said though, nobody deserves to be made to feel like they are inadequate as a mother and once I found out that she was constantly looking and felt that way, I felt pretty bad for her. It doesn't change the need for proper clothing, but there is a simple solution which is spend 10-15 bucks at the thrift store on spares or keep your kids old things and hey presto, no problems in this department and if parents bring their own set of spares, then all the better. Obviously this would work for a group of younger children but the idea of having a spare of everything for each age group Is ridiculous lol You'd need another closet and it' way beyond the role of a dcprovider too. It was the move I made after that incident and after last years posts and I am less stressed because I have done something about this situation which is proactive rather than bang my head against a brick wall with the parents who just don't get it.


Yes definitely a set of clothes for each age/size would be a large collection! I don't keep too many smaller sizes on hand because I can send a 2 year old home in size 3 or 4 clothing. Unless I've sent their child home in my spare clothes, most parents don't even know I have some on hand because I do want them to supply it as that is their job as a parent. It's just less of a headache for me to have a few articles of clothing for the odd time there needed.

Today for example, a dcb had rubber boots but they are a tad too big because they couldn't find a smaller pair. I put him in the spare pair I have because they are his size but won't even mention that to his parents.

[AmandaKDT]

I see the issue with snow boots instead of rain boots for keeping feet dry but if the child brings snow pants instead of splash pants they should be fine so pick your battles. It would appear that you have asked more than enough times. Do not take this out on the child regardless of the parents behaviour, it is not fair to the child and could just make other problems come up. This is an 8 year old not a two year old who is going to be much more severly effected by being penalized by being left out as a result of her parent's behaviour...have a heart. An eight year opld is going to hate her parents, hate you, and feel bad about themselves as a result of you isolating them from the group activity when there is nothing they can do about it, and oh yes, it won't actually produce any clothing. Never use the child as a pawn. Instead, tell the parents flat out that if they do not bring her with the proper attire, that she can not attend. You don't need to explain why she needs them as you have already done this repeatedly. Why not try a different approach and confront them about the real problem "Why is it that after repeated requests you still don't bring her in appropriate clothing?" It is an open question so no shrugging of shoulders or yes or no answers and maybe you will in fact find out that they don't have an extra $20 to splurge on their child. Also off season these items can be very hard to get hold of so maybe they have looked briefly and either not found anything or the options they have found are to pricey for their budget. Rather than assuming ask the questions and find out the facts. Maybe having a frank and honest conversation rather than just repeatedly telling them which clearly doesn't work, you will be in a better position to offer kind advice on where to look. Once again I say that you should not accept the child into care until spare clothes are sent and appropriate outdoor clothing too. This would be the biggest threat to them of not having childcare so they should be more willing to come up with a solution pronto as a result.

I was trying to have a conversation with the dad, but it wasn't happening as all I got back was the shrugging shoulders. This isn't the first time with the shrugging shoulders either, I got the same response other times as well about forgotten clothing.

[bright sparks]

I was trying to have a conversation with the dad, but it wasn't happening as all I got back was the shrugging shoulders. This isn't the first time with the shrugging shoulders either, I got the same response other times as well about forgotten clothing.

Then for sure I would just tell him that she will be turned away at the door without proper clothing and then stick to your guns and don't back down. When he pulls his face just be sure to remind him of the numerous conversations you have tried to have.

[mickyc]

I absolutely hate the excuse that parents can't find the item or the right size. I sent out a reminder a month ago while the stores were stocked and the snow was still on the ground! Not my fault you left it until the last minute. Drives me crazy!!

I have only once had to have a child sit out during playtime for lack of clothing. Mom was a scatter brain and didn't bring snow pants in the middle of winter. I wrapped the 3 year old up in a blanket and put him in my wagon. He wasn't happy but so be it. I wasn't about to punish the rest of the kids and not allow outside time because one mom can't get her act together. When she picked up and boy told her how sad he was that he didn't get to play with the other kids then she finally got it! It never happened again. I have had parents run home and get things and that is because my policy states that a child will have to sit out and they don't want it to happen.

When it comes to the splash pants vs. snow pants I wouldn't worry about it too much until the child starts complaining she is too hot. If it bothers you that much though I would tell them that they are in violation of your contract and that is grounds for termination. Lets see them shrug that off!!

[AmandaKDT]

I absolutely hate the excuse that parents can't find the item or the right size. I sent out a reminder a month ago while the stores were stocked and the snow was still on the ground! Not my fault you left it until the last minute. Drives me crazy!!

I have only once had to have a child sit out during playtime for lack of clothing. Mom was a scatter brain and didn't bring snow pants in the middle of winter. I wrapped the 3 year old up in a blanket and put him in my wagon. He wasn't happy but so be it. I wasn't about to punish the rest of the kids and not allow outside time because one mom can't get her act together. When she picked up and boy told her how sad he was that he didn't get to play with the other kids then she finally got it! It never happened again. I have had parents run home and get things and that is because my policy states that a child will have to sit out and they don't want it to happen.

When it comes to the splash pants vs. snow pants I wouldn't worry about it too much until the child starts complaining she is too hot. If it bothers you that much though I would tell them that they are in violation of your contract and that is grounds for termination. Lets see them shrug that off!!

I also sent out a reminder a month ago, stating the exact fact that seasonal clothing sells fast is often not restocked. But this family had no intention of getting the stuff at all. :-(

It is more the rubber boots than the splash pants, though I would prefer both. I have an older group and will take them to go play in big puddles and do all sorts of stuff that you can't do if not dressed appropriately.

I guess we will see what the afternoon holds. The dcg will be wearing her full snow suit and winter boots this afternoon and it is +10 outside right now.