Difficulty adjusting to change, advise please

[DaycareMiss]

Hey folks, I gave an issue that I'd like some advise on. It's been going on got a few months. I have an 1.5 year old that has a complete meltdown every time something changes during the day. The meltdown consists of throwing herself on the floor/grass/driveway/sidewalk etc. and screaming/whining/kicking feet, sometimes she even injures herself on the way down. I know this is a fairly normal thing to happen once in a while, but 10-15 times a day?? Some of the other kids are picking up on it and they too get ignored to the best of my ability ;) definatly not a habit other parents want their kids to pick up on.. The meltdowns occurs under the following instances: getting told "no no", time to eat, time to go outside, time to go inside, time to go downstairs, time to clean up, time for a clean bum, she freaks out when parents pick up other children & Even when her parents arrive she has a meltdown. *Sigh* any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[godsgirl]

I used to have a boy that did that all the time. My biggest suggestion would be to almost give a warning ahead of time that we are moving onto the next activity. It's kind of annoying at first to always be doing a play by play 'ok Johnny, in 5 minutes we are going to go wash our hands and then have snack', 'ok everybody, once we are done snack we will be getting ready to go play outside', 'kay guys 10 min until we go inside', '5 minutes before we go inside', 'kay it's time to go inside and take our coats off and wash our hands'. Eventually transitioning will get easier for them because they will know what to expect because generally we always do the same routine every day anyways.
Another thing that works well for me is I was given a clock from my agency that is a timer. So when I say 'in 5 minutes...' I turn the clock to time for 5 minutes and it turns red. As the dial counts down the red disappears and then when the time is up it beeps. Children don't really understand the concept of time but this gives them a visual so they know when that certain time is up. I use this thing for timeouts, transitioning, when the kids are hounding me for a movie or something else that it's not time for. Truthfully, if I ever leave the agency I don't they are ever going to get this thing back lol!!
Hope that helps

[DaycareMiss]

Those are certainly great ideas however I don't think she can comprehend the things I say to her. She only has a couple of words herself(hi, bye) is about it. I will try the timer but I don't think she will have a clue. I'm assuming her meltdowns work at home and that why she continues to use them.

[mickyc]

I do not allow meltdowns...period. If you are doing to act like that then you sit in the timeout chair. That is not acceptable behaviour. Maybe I am just a mean a$$, lol.

it sounds like she is getting what she wants when she wants with her behaviour so trying it with you. Nip it in the bud quick and fast or the other kids will start acting that way as well.

[DaycareMiss]

I'll try that too, clearly just ignoring her isn't working.

[Momof4]

I agree with mickyc. If I have a child who has tantrums they are put in the timeout chair over and over day after day until they realize I don't ever cave into their demands and they stop. This has worked for me for a lot of children who have tantrums.

However, I have a child in care who cried for no reason for a year and a half. I should have terminated. I regret it and now I'm sticking with it until the end but it's difficult. So only you know if you want to keep trying and trying or cut your losses and be happy on a day to day basis. Think about how it would be for you and the other children next week without this child ruining everyone's day.

Also, speak to the parents, that's what I do. Make sure you and the parents are using the same discipline and that the parents realize they MUST be on board or you will give them notice. There are a lot of great families out there. You don't have to be miserable. If the parents will not help or do not see a problem, that's when I terminate without guilt, because it won't get better.

[JennJubie]

I have one who just went through this. EVERYTHING was a power struggle. He had tantrums all day long. I discussed it with his parents, who are wonderful, and they were on board with everything. He went in the playpen for his time outs because he would bang his head against the wall. After a couple of days of being on constant time out, his behaviour has improved significantly.

[Polkaroo]

I have used the timers when my kids went through this for warnings or timeouts. I used the oven timer, microwave timer or my phone. " in 5 minutes when the timer goes beep, it's time to ____" "2 minutes of time out, timeout is over when the timer goes beep" it worked great and I eventually I didn't have to use it anymore. I'm also quite strict and I don't tolerate that kind of behavior. I find ignoring it works well when it's only 1 child, make sure they are safe and walk away. But when in a group / daycare setting I don't believe it's the best way to do it as its not that easy to just walk away. I also think it's important to show them and other kids that it is NOT an acceptable behavior.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Seems to be the meltdowns are at transition times so I think the "we are doing ____ in xxx minutes" will maybe help the best. She is still young but it's never to early to start this habit IMO. I do this all the time actually even though none of my kids have meltdowns when it's time to do these things. I just think it's nice for them to know whats coming. I know I like to know whats going on haha. I even tell my other half "I'm going to be ready to leave the house in 10 mins...be ready!" LOL

Time outs could help as well but seeing as these tantrums are happening during transition times, I know that timeouts won't always be convenient. If you go this route, be consistent even if it means that all the kids now have to wait to go in, go out, eat, etc.

Some kids are just not the greatest at transitioning(typica lly kids who don't like change) so I hope you find something that works and that is won't be an ongoing issue as I know how exhausting that gets!!

[Momof4]

I have one who just went through this. EVERYTHING was a power struggle. He had tantrums all day long. I discussed it with his parents, who are wonderful, and they were on board with everything. He went in the playpen for his time outs because he would bang his head against the wall. After a couple of days of being on constant time out, his behaviour has improved significantly.
You hit the nail on the head. Toddlers and parents have struggles over power and control. I don't know how many times I've gently told parents to BE parents, take back their lives, their homes and PARENT!!! Yes, it's good to give children control and proper choices sometimes, like which toy to play with, whether they want apples or bananas for their fruit choice, if they want to sing a song or make a puzzle. However, they should not be given a choice about whether or not to wear their coat, have chocolate for breakfast, if it is bedtime or not and important issues where they are RULES. Anyway, these are things I try to teach new parents in an effort to help them get their child on the right track in life. So far, most of the parents who have gone through my daycare have been wonderful and appreciative of my help.

[DaycareMiss]

Thank you for all your advise :) I talked to mom about it and she doesn't think it's much of a problem. I let her know that every tantrum she will be placed in a time out. Mom thinks that's a bit harsh and this "phase" will pass and I need to be more patient! My patience has lasted for 2 months. Doing nothing (ignoring) has not worked. So we need to step it up, I get the feeling that she may start to look for a different daycare over this disagreement between us. I'm sure the next daycare won't put up with it either. So far today (she's been here for 4 hours) she has been placed in time out 5 times for 2 minutes. I'm not sure if my persistence will pay off if she sill getting away with it at home :( I'd imagine mom won't be happy to find out that she has been in that many time outs but it has to stop, sigh, thankfully my other kids are an absolute pleasure to be around all day! Will keep pressing on :) thanks again for all your advice

[mickyc]

Good for you!

The child will learn what is acceptable at your home just as they will learn what they can get away with at home. The younger they can learn how to behave the better they will be as they grow.

If mom leaves your care over it then so be it. You obviously don't have the same parenting styles and it will just be harder to work together.

[JennJubie]

IMO 2 months is not a phase. It's a learned behaviour.

[DaycareMiss]

Update!! Success!! After 2 days of being sat in the timeout chair for every meltdown, decreasing every day until 2 whole days WITHOUT any meltdowns, things are harmonious again!! We haven't been able to shake the last meltdown when parents arrive but I'll take it! Thanks much for the helpful advise, until next time :)

[mickyc]

Good for you!!!

[bright sparks]

That is fantastic news, so glad you were able to work things out and obviously it's great news for the child. She is lucky to have a dcprovider who is willing to invest themselves into their best interest.

[Polkaroo]

Update!! Success!! After 2 days of being sat in the timeout chair for every meltdown, decreasing every day until 2 whole days WITHOUT any meltdowns, things are harmonious again!! We haven't been able to shake the last meltdown when parents arrive but I'll take it! Thanks much for the helpful advise, until next time :)

That's amazing news! As far as the meltdown when parents arrive, have you tried getting her ready at the door before parents arrive? My closing always runs smoothly because they are ready, parents are outside at the door and off they go, no opportunity to have any meltdown. I do the same when we are outside at the gate. Hope that helps!