Advice please!!!

[daycaremoma]

I have a little girl in my care who has been here for 3 years. Latley she is only playing with one other child. The issue I am faceing is in the morning if that other little girl is not here yet or god forbit gets picked up first she LOSES it!!! will NOT calm down until her mom gets here or other child arrives. I have a hard time convincing her that its ok because mom in front of her makes it such a big deal!! saying things like " I am so sorry i did not pick up first" "or when will other child be here" even not sending her child when other child is not here!! I am concerned that mom is making the fear/attachment this girl is feeling. This little girl is also going into school in sept and i feel this attachment will not help :{ My question is it how do i bring this up to mom without sounding completely insensitive to little girls feelings

[bright sparks]

Wow that has got to be difficult for you and the poor child. I would talk to her mom without the child around for starters. I would also tell her that in your opinion the comments her caregivers say can not reinforce how she is behaving as okay. Talk about you all doing the same things for example, ignoring her, giving her some firm reassurance she is okay and then nothing more about it, giving her a safe place to go when she is upset so she is allowed to feel sad but then she soothes herself and then comes back to play. I think you are correct that the mothers responses are part of the problem. I think she will actually improve when she is in a larger setting in school even if you don't get a handle on this behaviour while she is still with you.

[daycaremoma]

Thanks I am going to speak to mom about it and just hope she sees that I am concerned not complaining. Summer is around the corner so I am sure there will be days and weeks either child is off . So I would like to get a handle on this sooner then later! My other concern is I have 2 new Smallcchildren starting and her having these melt downs at pick up and drop off will likely scare thenew cchildren who are dealing with there own real transition

[bright sparks]

You should say that then. "I am concerned but not complaining" I know the child is a little old for this but maybe if you don't see a change in time for your new starters then you could consider just putting the child in a playpen upstairs and out of the way to calm down to prevent things from escalating. The other option is asking her mother to see if she can make some changes to her routine temporarily so she can bring her child after the others are dropped off until they have settled in as she causes a lot of disruption. Ideally you want to have dealt with this prior to them starting but if its not resolved in time then these are some ideas to prevent all out chaos and a negative experience for the other children. Always reassure the parent that you aren't complaining and that you want to work with the parent but that you have to work together by doing the same things in order to reinforce each others actions to the child. Unity and consistency are extremely important. I am very thorough and honest with all families to prevent them from taking things the wrong way and I invite them to talk to me about things versus me just telling them. Obviously there is a way of telling a parent that "this is how it is" but there is a way of making them feel like you are in their corner working with them, not against them or criticizing them, which I know you aren't doing but it is common that parents take it as such.