View Full Version : Help, need some feed back

05-01-2014, 10:13 AM
Hi all,

I currently 2 toddlers and a 4 yr old in my care. I have been having issues with the 4 year old. It's been a while since I have had to deal with a child this age and need some feedback on how to deal with this.

I am having the following issues with the 4 yr old:

very rude all the time. Talks back

won't share with other kids. rips toys out of their hands. hides toys under leg so they can't have it

has tried twice to hide a toy in pocket to take it home. both times was caught before it could leave the house. I've explained what stealing is and such. talked about consequences. The response I get is "well I don't have this at home and I want it"

teases other kids with songs like " you can't have ____ na na na" Very mean to the little ones. Tells me they aren't her friends.

makes demands....its raining so we can't go outside but demands that we do because she wants to. will follow me around telling me they want to go outside. won't listen when we are at the park. will try to argue everything. when we have to leave it's hell

when put on time out for anything I get that teenage sign of annoyance, eye rolling and "again!"Tells me when time out is over expecting that because they feel it is time that I need to obey

She is always into everyone else's business. Always trying to look over my daughters shoulder when she is on her phone. I have explained to her about privacy over and over but she doesn't care. She just says but I want to see.

I have consulted with a teacher friend and she says it sounds like she has no boundaries at home. It makes for very stressful days for me. Its more work than looking after 2 toddlers.

The child told me the other day that once school starts they won't be coming anymore. Always tells me they want to go home. I was expecting to have the child after school when they start school but I am finding that the toddlers are sleeping when the bus comes. I am going to have to let them go I think.

I am not sure how to approach this

Any thoughts?

Crayola kiddies
05-01-2014, 10:21 AM
Yes I have a thought !!!!! NEXT!!!! If you don't have to keep her financially then say bye bye .... Who needs that aggrevation ? School age kids are more work then toddlers and I don't take them once they go to school. If you can't get rid of her then have a chat with the parent regarding the poor attitude and come up with a timeline for when you need to see some improvement by

05-01-2014, 10:24 AM
I was worried that I was expecting too much from them. I tend to compare to what my child was like at that age and she was definately not like that.

05-01-2014, 11:39 AM
OH BOY LOL. Someone is ruling the roust at home! If that child was at my house they would be in timeout most of their day! LOL

It is all up to you, what are you willing to deal with. I would get tough and fast.

bright sparks
05-01-2014, 12:06 PM
You need to first off speak to parents about each issue and find out exactly how they handle this at home. If she doesn't act out at home ask the parents what her response is if they say no. You probably at this point will find out they give her everything she wants. Suggest that if there is no reason to not say yes that they perhaps make her wait for things or do something in exchange for her treats to teach her some patience and tolerance. Explain to them, without any sugar coating the things that are going on and the effect it has on the rest of the group including your family. You can make it clear that you want to work with them to deal with these issues but can only do this if you are on the same page doing the same things at home and at daycare.

At daycare I would put her on time out EVERY SINGLE TIME there is an issue. If she talks while on time out, I would use my stern voice and cut her off and remind her that she is not allowed to talk on time out. Why not come up with an activity to do with her while the toddlers are doing free play and use a big piece of paper and crayons to come up with a list of acceptable behaviours. Obviously she can't read it but it's more the action of doing it. Alternatively have her talk to you while she colours and discuss what behaviours are unacceptable and what her consequences will be. Ask her how she would feel if another child did x,y & z to her. Every morning when she comes make it your first stop with her to go over ground rules by asking her what is appropriate. Have her mirror those rules back to you and ask her what happens if she doesn't stick to the rules. Constant reinforcement and reminders will eventually have an effect. Honestly, I think this kid is probably bored. Kids this age need to be in a group with kids of a similar age generally, not always but quite frequently they thrive better that way. What this child needs at this stage though is discipline and it needs to be reinforced at home and you need to tell the parents this. She needs to be accountable for every bad behaviour and that is how she will learn. Praise her when she is good but every time she breaks a rule that she knows full well she shouldn't..... time out. Yes it will likely be an all day event for a little while but that is how she will learn. Don't be passive about it, don't scold her in the same tone of voice as you praise her and that way she will know you mean business. A passive approach is like talking to a brick wall so honestly put your business shoes on and kick her into touch, no actually kicking though lol If her parents won't work alongside with you, then terminate for the good of your group and for yourself.

05-01-2014, 12:47 PM
Is she the sibling of one of your 2yr olds? I think that at age 4, she is likely bored being with 2yr olds all day. She needs a group of kids her age that will socially stimulate her and provide more appropriate company. The above behaviors may all be just poor behaviors learned at home...but they are quite possibly due to boredom.

If you are able to lose the income and easily fill the spot I would have the family find a daycare for her that has some friends her age. If you want/need to keep her on it will take a lot of effort on your part to tackle every single behavior as well as ensuring that she is stimulated and challenged within the daycare.

05-01-2014, 01:11 PM
I'm dealing with the same thing with a dcb 3 1/2. He constantly tests me, i feel bad because he is always in time out. Parents are not on board and constantly makes excuses for his behaviour. I'm giving my 2 weeks notice tonight. I will literally tell him not to such and such and explain why and he will look at me and do it any way. It's so frustrating. I recently started a family of 3 which 2 are 5 month old twins and I'm honestly exhausted dealing within this boy then with the babies.
Honestly if you can afford it I would terminate or look for a replacement then term, it's not worth the stress and frustration, not to mention it's not fair to the others as it takes time away from them.

05-01-2014, 01:42 PM
Thanks for all the advice.

This child is on time out constantly. I remind her every morning what is expected of her. I praise her good behaviour. I don't use sing song voices when I talk to the kids. My facial expressions & my voice change so they know the difference between good behaviour & naughty behaviour. I also criticize the act and not the child. I never call anyone bad.

Talking to her about how other feel when she is mean wasn't doing anything so I sort of demonstrate. For example, she was holding a toy above their head teasing them with it. She kept doing it even after redirection and time out so I showed her what it would feel like. I asked her to bring me the toy she was playing with. I held it high and asked her how she felt. She was able to express she didn't like it. I told her that's how the babies feel. She did it again 10 mins later.

She is only part time and comes a few days a week. They don't require the care. It's more for a break for the stay at home mom.

None of my kids are related. I do know that this child has a baby sibling at home

I only make about $250 a month from this family. I have 2 full timers starting the end of June.

I was doing activities with her when I could. We were doing colouring activities to prep for school and such. The toddlers usually act up for my attention & I lose the preschoolers attention after about 2 mins. She isn't interested.

Her parents are on the same page as me as per quiet time especially when they found out that kindergarten has quiet time. So I let her lay on the couch while the toddlers sleep. One toddler sleep on a flip sofa in the living room. He hates playpens. So I put sesame street on and the toddler falls asleep while preschooler watches TV. She was goofing around on the couch and almost fell on her head so I moved her to the floor. I caught her trying to kick the toddler to wake him.

I feel so bad because the parents are really nice people. I guess I can approach the subject by mentioning that I don't think she's happy here instead of complaining about her behaviour.

05-01-2014, 01:51 PM
Tell the parents you feel she will benefit from hanging out with peers her own age before starting school in the fall. If the parents are just looking for a break from the child then they should not have trouble find a daycare home that has older children since they can be flexible on the days/hours of care needed. Present it in a way that make it seem you are looking out for the child's best interests. I wouldn't even bring up the above behaviors. Many of those behaviors may correct themselves once she is hanging out with peers her own age. If she has a new sibling at home she may also be acting out due to that change. Two year olds are older than her sibling but are "still" babies in her eyes so sending her from home with a baby to hang out with other babies doesn't benefit her!!

05-07-2014, 02:25 PM
Well lol I say girl !!! I have had this child lol ! She is bored and probably spoiled !! You could fix the behaviour with time but if parents aren't on board I say next too !! Some girls are nosy , mean and generally like to cause drama . I have raised 2 girls who were so nice !! But noticed in friends behaviour ! I watch my dd who is 5 and she is quite different from the first two ( she's def more spoiled !) so I am on her to watch she respects other children !
You will have a lot of work to do with your dcg ! And as she is part time I think I would define choose to term if it was me !!

05-08-2014, 01:33 PM
i find that the 3 kids that i have in dc (one 4 yr old is similar) are always better after they run off their energy outside...it's like they have too much energy and they're like wild animals at times... and the winter was so long...i'm finding now we can go outside more, it's better. also i find their behavior tends to be better after meal. i have a grown son who was extremely challenging at 4, and now at 18 he can still challenge, but he is also lovely in other ways... he even says to me he remembers being difficult. if you don't need to keep him, give notice as it can disrupt the harmony you are trying to create with your daycare.... good luck!

06-23-2014, 08:27 AM
This is a no brainer!