View Full Version : What is appropriate to curb this?

05-01-2014, 11:01 AM
Help from some more experiences home providers please?!

I have a 12 month old on day 4 here. So far all is pretty much as you expect, perhaps a bit better than it could be. Decent sleep, eats, perfectly calm when held, ventures off to explore some but retreats when overwhelmed. He does scream if I am not able to hold him when he wants...but he deals with it and calms instantly when I can pick him up (which I balance with him being on the floor more than in arms).

My question is...at the table he eats happily if he likes the food but when he runs out of the part he likes he SCREAMS for more. He does not calm through talking or anything...just screams till he gets more.

I have 5 toddlers to feed, they all learn rather quickly that they wait until they are served with minimal fuss. They know they don't get repeated refills of one part of a meal. They all know that screaming does not speed up the food...in fact it greatly delays it here.

Today he was just screaming nonsense for more pork chop, making a normally enjoyable lunch time unenjoyable for my others (and me), so I cleaned him up and put him in the next room in a crib. I brought him back a short while later to try again, repeat...back he went. He is sitting between a wall and me so he is not overwhelmed by the other children being too close he just wants what he wants and he expects it NOW.

Is this acceptable practice? As far as I can tell it's just learned behavior that he needs to unlearn and I want it unlearned ASAP. Is it too much to expect on day 4? Should I wait until he is settled before being this firm?

He is only 6 weeks-2 months younger than all my others and they are able to ask and wait relatively calmly so I don't think it is too much to expect. They were not screamers to start though so just whined and that was easier to deal with when training them to wait. Should I treat the screaming like I did the whining kids and leave him at the table though? I am not worried about him going hungry as he still gets 2 bottles here that he doesn't finish because I feed table food first.

Is it ok that the crib is in the other room? I have video monitor of the crib. I could move a playpen into the main room where we eat. But if he's in the other room the other children can resume their meal a bit easier.

How many times would you bring him back to the table (I need to scrub him down and remove bib each time). I hope/expect that after a few days of this he improves.

When he is in the other room he screams, but it's the scream, scream, pause and listen, no one's coming scream, scream routine not a constant inconsolable panic.

05-01-2014, 11:33 AM
For myself I don't ever feed seconds so there is never a need to ask. I know what the kids will eat and that is the portion they get. There is no negotiating on what part they will eat or how much. They eat what is put in front of them.

I would not remove him from the table. As hard as it is to hear him scream I wouldn't go through the extra work. Squeeze his hand (just enough to get his attention) and tell him firmly NO we do not scream at the table.

05-01-2014, 11:42 AM
I can try the hand trick. I have all 12-17 month olds and they all self-feed. I find it works best to give smaller servings as the food ends up all over when they try to use their forks and less is wasted with smaller amounts. Less is also wasted this way when they do the palm grab and try and get a fistful in their mouths. We are working on neatness but it was a huge feat to get 5 to self feed fully! I have no problems with giving numerous servings but they don't get repeats of just one food exclusively...but it's day 4 for this guy and he likely has no clue what he is being fed and is likely used to eating only what he wants at home so expects more by screaming...hence my trying to end that asap :-)

bright sparks
05-01-2014, 11:50 AM
Is nap time straight after lunch? ...just trying to get an idea of your routine so I can advise on how I would deal with this.

05-01-2014, 12:42 PM
No, we have a real lunch at 11am then a small snack with milk at 12:45. My group is all doing 2 naps so I give breakfast at 7:30...they are ready for food by 11 so we have lunch as they are well rested and in a good mood. I then give the small snack because it is 3:30 before they are all awake and ready to eat again and the stretch from 11-3:30 was just too long without a small snack!

But, this behavior is at all meals breakfast, snack, lunch. If he wants his cup first he freaks out, if he is done and wants out of his chair he freaks out (they all have to wait until the floor and table is wiped otherwise they crawl through the mess or take food from their friends plates etc). The others quickly learned to sit patiently with their water cup while I do a speed clean up. He just doesn't have that concept yet. I'm sure he'll figure it out but the screaming is fierce and hard on my other kids, this is a very mellow group and they really haven't heard much screaming here, oddly enough. It seems like he is just screaming so loud he can't see or hear anything to learn what he needs to learn. Hence my removing him from the table as a clear sign of screaming doesn't get you what you want.