Possible Daycare Child with ADHD....How to approach the parents?

[Trish 2382]

Hi everyone,

I am hoping to get some advice on how to approach the topic of ADHD with one of my daycare parents. I have an almost 4 yr old boy in my daycare who is showing typical signs of possible ADHD. I am wondering if anyone has ever had to talk to a parent about this and how you approached it with them?

[playfelt]

Start by approaching it with the skills the child will need to use in school and talk about ways to encourage that. If child is already in school then just leave it up to the school to deal with as it will depend on how child is acting in their environment. Talk about things like staying on task, waiting for a turn, keeping hands to yourself, etc.

[Secondtimearound]

I agree , and by helping him with understanding which behaviours are acceptable and what's not acceptable , how to play appropriately with friend ect . I raised a son with ADHD , it's an interesting , stressful , confusing and rewarding experience !! No doubt they realize his behaviours . I would approach very positively and non judgemental , I remember wondering if anyone other than myself saw anything positive in my son !! I personally was very protective of him but very strict with him .

[Wonderwiper]

I agree with the others!! Ask them about certain behaviors and see how they want to work on them together. Please don't mention any specific diagnosis. I think any parent would be defensive of their child. If they brush it off there is really not much you can do until he is refered to someone through school.

[Lee-Bee]

The others have already said it but I'll say it again. Do NOT mention the label ADHD. Discuss the behaviors, find out what they are experiencing at home. Tell them you want to work on these behaviors to set their child up to succeed in school etc etc.

[Secondtimearound]

Yes !!! Exactly ! I had an acquaintance who helped out at my sons preschool , who "mentioned" her "suspicions" concerning my son. That still bothers me years later !!! I brought my son for diagnosis when I was ready !!

[Fun&care]

Secondtimearound may I ask why or what exactly bothered you about this acquaintance who mentioned suspicions? I think it would help some of us should we find ourselves in a similar situation some day and also the OP. It has already been mentioned that you should not label the child, but really is there anyway at all to address this issue without insulting the parents?

[Lee-Bee]

Secondtimearound can better address this as a parent but in my experience it rarely, if ever, helps to just throw a label at the parents.

As a teacher we had a grade 2 student that was so very clearly classic ADHD. The parents just could not accept this, as great of parents as they were they attributed all the classic signs to other 'typical childhood phases'. It wasn't until we asked her to volunteer in the classroom...with odd jobs and with other children not her own that she sat and saw her child. In watching his peers and how he interacted with them and how obvious the signs were within the classroom she made the appointment on her own terms and got him the help he needed. It NEEDED to be her to 'see' it, accept it and address it.

The majority of parents go through a phase of denial (grief), they see the signs but can't SEE the signs. Having someone come right out and point it out to them is very hard to accept as it confronts their denial and often backs them further into denial so they don't have to confront it. By discussing the behaviors and gently approaching the subject over time the parents work that into their own observances and come to accept it. We can help them make that picture clearer for them.

It's really hard...especially when we can see something so clearly and know that there are supports out there for the child...but without the parents being on board and coming to terms with it we really can't help them by labelling the child.

[Secondtimearound]

It bothered me for a couple of reasons !! One , she was a " helper" aka parent , no training at all , two, we both had children in the same class , who had been in the same activities since toddlers , three , because I didn't send my son , at the age of 3.5 to "school" for any academic reasons . Under the advice of my sons physician he was sent for his speech issues . He's a big guy always was so by sight no different than any of the children . Understanding that he wasn't as capable in his skill level with his peers was a constant , daily issue with her !!
She finally called him special needs , and I pulled him and demanded my tuition payment back !!
If he was special needs , so be it ! I have no problem what's so ever !! But continually explaining to a parent helper he was 3.5 years was frustrating !!
Back 22 years ago , ADHD was not accepted really , but bad parenting and bad children were ! You had to fight for your child !!
My dd , who is 5 def has some characteristics of her older brother , but I am older , wiser and calmer ! I'm also not feeling pressure to conform to "normal"!!
I will give you an example of this lady , the kids painted pics of drawn oak trees , they were put on the wall , each child had painted green leaves and brown trunks , they were lined up in a row , my son had painted his black trunk and orange leaves , his was hung by itself ! I overheard her tell another parent , " isn't that funny ? "
I mean who cares what colour the tree is ?!! So that is why I didn't want or value her opinion in the least !

[CrazyEight]

I agree with Lee-Bee, you won't do any good trying to make a parent face something they are in denial of. I had a 4-yr-old dcb who I had to term because of extreme aggression issues, essentially making daycare unsafe for himself and the other children. I had him for a total of about 10 weeks, and spent most of that gently mentioning various issues that were so obvious to me it was painful, but the parents either brushed it off, became defensive, or turned it into something I was doing wrong/not doing, for example I would say how he had a really hard time getting his shoes and coat on with everyone else to go to school, how he would have a meltdown every morning, screaming and crying and thrashing, how I would have to literally carry him to school some mornings, etc, and all mom said was "oh, well, he likes to have a job to do. If you give him a job in the mornings he'll be fine." Of course, giving him "a job" did absolutely nothing.

I finally termed, which was especially awkward since we are neighbours, but I had no choice. I found out recently that he has been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, severe enough to get a full-time occupational therapist in the classroom with him. Apparently he is doing better, although I still see meltdowns outside frequently, but mom still acted like the diagnosis was a joke. I think in her case it will take multiple professionals to finally get her to actually accept it, and her son will be a whole lot better off once that happens.

I would inform the parents of behaviours that are unacceptable/not safe, and discuss together how to deal with them, but any mention of a "label" is just going to get them on the defensive. Better it come from the school than from daycare.

[mom-in-alberta]

I currently have a little boy (4 next month) that I am absolutely positive could be "diagnosed" as having ADHD. I can guarantee you that if I attempted to broach this subject with mom, she would brush it off. She does this currently with various behaviours already. Me: So and so was not making very good choices today, he blah blah blah". Mom: "Well, he is 3 you know!" Um, ok. The other 3 year olds seem to be able to control their impulse to throw food at their friends?
Anyway- they need to be open to hearing it first, as other posters have said. And some parents may never be willing. I think you can bring up the things you have noticed, but avoid using a label at all costs!

[kellykelly1847]

Hi,I also have a child in dc,which I after alot of research online believe is adhd, i also believe there must be several levels within it. I have no intentions of using that term when i approach the mother with his behavior,however I have prepared a list of concerns i want to bring to her attention,along with stressing the fact when school starts for him, he could have issues, bulling for example Along with the negative I will also offer ideas such as involving this child in martial arts, art, dance and even chess as well as some relaxation techniques.
This child doesnt learn from previous mistakes well, and will run in circles without stopping to rest. He will bump into objects,his attention span is short, and cannot concentrate for long on quiet activites.
I have a steady and predictable routine with the kids I talk about changes we will make to him, ie, 2 mins before we leave the sandbox, I am clear and calm about expectations , and will say things like, ...its time to go inside now, rather than ..If you dont come inside right now....instead of saying....stop doing that! .I would say ..you are making it very hard for the others to play when you destroy their toys, I think it makes them sad.I then provide him options, play together nicely or a separate activity.I always encourage and nurture the child's self esteem with positive messages with warmth and praise, and hugs.
I am by no means a doctor, just a daycare provider , but I felt it my duty to investigate this behavior that he has been displaying for over 8months, he has been in my dc for approx 2yrs now. and I truly want this child to succeed and not fall behind in schoolwork and having friendships suffer,sadly if not taken seriously by his parents, he will experience more failures than success and will or is being criticized by others who dont understand his health problem.