How to get back to the happy me?

[mickyc]

OK ladies, how do you get back the happy you?

This is more of a rant really but would love some tips. It just always seems like it is one thing after another and I feel like I just lost the happy me. If it isn't stress over filling spots (thankfully I don't have that right now), or stress with the kids (having issues with my own daughter at the moment), or parent stress (little things seem to be bugging me right now) or money stress (my husband has been off work for a bit and doesn't get paid sick time). Our house is for sale and nothing is happening as the market seems to have dropped out. My husband's job is very stressful and I try to be there for my husband but I just feel like all the positiveness and happiness is sucked out of me. We just seem to take two steps forward and then three steps back.

Deep breath!! Naptime is almost over, sigh....

[Secondtimearound]

I know I'm vain and a little self indulged !! But I have one night out a week with gfs and one night out with my dh . I lunch with my parents and sister one day a week as well ! I spend money on myself !! I get my nails done , hair , just invest in myself !! I long ago gave up being the martyr of the family ! I put myself last and was ok with it for along time !!
I'm prob older than most of you , I like to say I found my 40s self !! Ladies you at 40 !! Wow 40s are great !! ( different topic !!! Sorry )
But now I treat myself better and everyone understands too that I have needs !
I think I faced so many horrible illnesses and deaths in my family the last 5 years I realized life is precious and make the most of it !!! No one is guaranteed to live 80+ years !! So I try to live each day special . Treat myself and others the best I can !
Take time to remember who you were before you were so and sos wife and or mom !!
I'm sorry if I'm ranting !! I just remember feeling blah ! And I can't imagine feeling that way again !!! My friends and I were laughing and joking about who would play us in a movie , one gf said she would be Rosie odonnell , as we were thinking a gf said , oh you would be Sophia somebody ( from modern family ) ( I'm high maintenance !!) and after I was thinking , I only used to buy myself one outfit and wear it till it fell apart !! Hair in pony tail , frumpy !!
But after watching others lives end , I changed !!!
I started eating right , making friends , putting myself out there ! I'm a lot more at peace with myself !!!
Well I think I hijacked your thread !! I didn't mean to , just invest and take care of yourself !!!
It's the airplane , oxygen mask instructions , help yourself first so you can help others better !!!
Ok I'm done preaching !!!!

[AcornsFalling]

I love what the above poster said.

Take care of yourself first, no one else will think of you first except YOU. There is always something you can do to change things for the better.

Also when you feel good about your appearance, you will feel better in general. It may be shallow but it's true!

I also learned how to make some wicked cocktails to help me get through evenings full of chores. That and some good music makes it all better :)

[Momof4]

Omigosh, mickyc, you have enough going on to drive the average woman crazy! Pat yourself on the back for getting through it all. Then do as the other ladies said and take care of yourself for a change. Make sure you have a little time every night to pamper yourself in your own way and destress so you get a good night's sleep. It makes all the difference in the world when you sleep regularly. Acornsfalling has interesting methods with cocktails and music, haha, too funny.

I was a single Mom with 4 little children for many, many years, financial stress, nonstop kid stress, ex husband stress, you name it! But I endured and am now stronger and wiser because of everything I lived through. I used to get up every morning and give myself a pep talk while I showered. We all have our own ways to keep our sanity in tact. You can do this!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree with both posters. Taking time to do something for YOU is needed and you should never feel guilty about it because I feel it makes you a better person overall and how can that be negative? I think it's a great habit to get into that both you and your spouse take time to do something alone or with friends without the rest of the family. It doesn't need to be weekly but I would aim for at least monthly.

I feel very fortunate that I am young and found my career passion very early on and I have also learned how to put myself first but not at the expense of others around me. I had a few adult years being single and dating before I settled down and I really feel that helped. I got to know myself and what I liked and didn't like in a lot of different aspects. I learned that if I'm not happy what is the point? I have a pretty laid back approach to life though....if I can't do anything about a problem than I'm not going to stress over it. I will find the solution and go from there and once the problem is solved it's over and done with and on to the next life lesson. My fiance is the opposite and stresses over everything!! It can sometimes get to me and than I just tell him that he needs to snap outta it because he is bringing me down. If he needs to vent and complain about something for weeks than he needs to talk to someone else because I can only listen for so long before it becomes enabling and I don't like that.

I ditched the negative people in my life, stopped being friends with dramatic people, including family and life is a lot happier and stress free. I try to see the positive in things and look for a solution rather than sit around and mope and complain. I can't stand when I see people's fb statuses that are constantly negative and complaining. I agree with acornsfalling, there is always something you can do to make things better. It may not be easy but it can be done.

Being happy is a choice....as corny as that sounds. I don't wake up thinking it's all going to be rainbows, puppies and glitter! I have things that annoy me and down right piss me off but I have to choose to see the good and be happy. I get in slumps for sure and there are days where I just mope around, feel sorry for myself, cry, lay in bed, eat crap (but oh so delicious food lol) and just be a plain miserable bitch. It is awful but I snap out of it and remember the things I have in my life that I am grateful for and appreciate and would miss if it was all gone tomorrow. When I'm like that I know I need a day or night out with friends/family and just do things that make me happy. It also helps that I have a great friend who will listen to me vent about anything and everything and she usually has the same outlook on it as me so it helps LOL

Hope you find your happy self again!!! :)

[Secondtimearound]

I need to learn how to make cocktails !!!!!! And music yes !!!! I am seeping myself in Italian culture ( my dad is Italian and my grandma tried to get us interested !!) so I crank the Italian opera , pour myself red wine and practise recipes from grandmas cookbook !!! Lol

[mickyc]

Thanks everyone! I think I am just feeling overwhelmed with everything lately.

My husband works long hours 4 days a week and then spends his one day off that I am working doing errands/taking my daughter to pre-school. He has a highly stressful workplace and has been actively looking for a different job closer to home but it just doesn't seem to be working out.

We decided to downsize to cut back on yard work etc and that is why the house is for sale but that isn't working out as planned either. We can't even get people to look at our place (plus side is I haven't had the mad rush to clean house before a showing).

My husband recently hurt his back and has been off/not being able to do much for the last 5 days. We had a family member help out with the yard work but for the most part it is going to fall on me as well. We have gotten ourselves a little bit over our head financially too (yes totally our doing!) so him being off with no pay is stressing me out (I am one of those people who stresses over everything). We did it to ourselves though. We have two payments finishing up this month so come July that will free up a bit of cash. I do have a cleaner who comes in twice a month to give me a hand.

Unfortunately at this moment I don't have the cash to spend on myself or to go out etc. I have been taking "me" time every night to watch my show. I am just feeling overwhelmed and know that it will just take time. My husband is going to work tomorrow so hoping he can make it through the day and doesn't need more time off. Doctors have ordered an MRI but that can take months.

My daughter is just pushing the boundaries lately. Everything I cook is yucky. Every time I ask her to do something it is responded to with "why" or "what?". I am just so tired of sounding like a broken record or having to get angry to get her attention.

Daycare kids are alright, some days are better than others. There too I just feel like I am constantly telling them the same things over and over.

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions. It will get better, it just will take some time.

[5 Little Monkeys]

That sounds fun secondtimearound.... I'd love the wine and music but I hate cooking lol.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Things will for sure get better! Like you said, it sometimes just takes time though.

Do you have a budget? If not, I'd suggest making one and cutting back on unnecessary expenses for the time being. When I was single I started budgeting out of a necessity and lived with no cable for many years for example. I wish netflix had been around back then! Lol. The good thing is that you realize you are in over your heads, that's the first step! Make a plan to get out of debt as money stress is one of the biggest issues people face. There are a lot of good financial blogs that give great advice.

Your daughter is hopefully just going through a phase......and if not, she's in school next year right?! ;) lol kidding.

I hope your husbands MRI happens quickly and he can start a healing process.

It's summer now and people will be out looking at homes a bit more. Has your realtor given any tips on how to sell faster? It will sell! It's a great house :)

Buy a cheap bottle of wine and enjoy your tv shows!!

[mickyc]

Thanks 5LM! It will all take time but I am impatient. There have just been too many things this month and usually ok but as soon as one of us has to take time off unpaid it throws me off and I stress.

OH I hope this is a phase. Everything I ask her to do is met with WHY or some sort of attempt at negotiation.

Realtor suggested dropping our price but we need what we need to buy another house because all the houses are way overpriced as well, we aren't selling to go backwards and end up with a house that requires a pile of money spent on it. Hopefully it picks up.

I feel like I need a big bottle of rum!! LOL

[5 Little Monkeys]

haha, drink up!

[Secondtimearound]

Yum rum !!! I wish I wasn't on prescriptions !!!! Ugh
That's a lot mickyc !!! I think we handle so many things so well for so long that when we finally get overwhelmed we are confused as to why !! But it's a lot !! Selling a house , feeling a money pinch from dhs injury ! It's big issues ! As women our hormones play a lot into it too ! We all get that way!
If you want my advice , what I do is make a list of what I can change and what I can't ! Then even working on one thing makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something ! And that makes me focus ! I say don't blame yourself and don't let others blame you , life happens !!

[superfun]

Realtor suggested dropping our price but we need what we need to buy another house because all the houses are way overpriced as well, we aren't selling to go backwards and end up with a house that requires a pile of money spent on it. Hopefully it picks up.

I feel like I need a big bottle of rum!! LOL

I owned an acreage a couple years ago, and it did take longer than any of my city houses. I wanted to mention, if you ever switch realtors you should meet mine. I would suggest dropping the price and she would talk me out of it. She felt it was reasonably priced, and it did sell for that price. I had a realtor before this one, his only strategy was dropping the price. He never did any marketing or anything.

[mickyc]

thanks superfun. she is a great realtor and we have used her before. she is letting us sell privately and through her at the same time which most realtor's wouldn't do. It is hard to say. We have looked at so many places in the city that we need what we need to move into a house that is not a dump but for some reason acreages are priced too low IMO. What will be is what will be. I guess I am just more anxious than anything and it is finally wearing me down. My husband asked me today why I looked so cranky (in a nice way lol). I didn't think I was but the more I thought about it he was right. I have just not been myself lately and it is just a mixture of everything weighing me down. I just need to get out of my slump!

[bright sparks]

When it rains it pours right?!? Sorry to hear of your current situation. Does your husband have coverage that would pay for him to see a chiropractor or osteopath? Just putting their hands on him will likely be enough to diagnose what's going on. Yes an MRI would be amazing but if the wait is too long and if it goes untreated it could get worse. I can recommend traumeel cream to minimize inflammation...Typic ally available from health food stores. It works like a dream and I've used it for sciatica.

As for doing stuff for yourself, even when in a tight financial spot there is stuff you can do, you just have to look for it. Go on your local tourism website. This time of year is all about festivals, some of which are free. I will have a whole weekend in July to myself and was planning on taking a short trip away alone and than bamm, I get hit with a written notice on Monday so now I'm back to penny pinching since the summer is such an expensive time with my kids camps. So I got a Niagara tourism book from the Lcbo of all places. Found a local lavendar festival... $5 and then free music performances in the regions provincial parks. What I'm saying is that there are things that you can do to take care of yourself without the need for money. I'll be taking a picnic and my book to Hyde Park in TO so just a tank of gas and I'm all set.

Be kind to yourself, that's where it starts. I'm sure you are doing all you can with your daughter, I always tell myself it's just a phase just so I can keep looking ahead versus focusing too much on the now and getting stressed. You seem like the type of person who takes no messing so consistency is key. I'm sure she'll get on the same page soon enough.

I find these situations make us closer to the ones we love or not if things are already difficult but what I'm saying is that it can force us to try extra hard to think outside of the box. My husband works shocking hours and it is a huge issue in our relationship right now. I've told him what I need from him and after nearly 2 years he is finally getting it and has applied for new jobs. Unfortunately the average time from application to start date for a job of worth in his industry is 5 To 6 months. We have to make an extra effort amidst everything to make time for each other on a couple basis. For example I cash in my air miles to get tickets and popcorn to the movies. Think of reward you can earn easily which will pay off in ways like this.

[mickyc]

Thanks Bright Sparks! I would like to say that a good night's sleep helped my mood but my daughter was up 3 times last night. She hasn't been up in the night for months, I am exhausted. My husband went to work today so hopefully he makes out ok. He does go to the chiropractor but there again we have to dish out money for the appointments and then wait to be reimbursed from his medical coverage plan. I think I am going to be lazy and stay inside this morning. My daughter's soccer/baseball is done in a week or so and that will give me more time to get things done and will help with the stress. I gotta get back juicing too. Been too lazy in the evenings to do it and I am not feeling very good since I quit doing it.

[mickyc]

Well life just keeps handing me lemons I tell ya. Last night we got hit with a major storm. Knocked out our power. The thing is with no power my pumps in my basement don't work and with all the rain it caused sewer and water to back up all over the floor. So I had to cancel daycare today to clean up plus had to put in an insurance claim. They guys came today and ripped out all carpets and sprayed the stuff to stop mold. Going to be a good month or two before my basement gets fixed. SOOOOO....this means daycare is now moving upstairs. I am not looking forward to this at all. We also decided that because of all this we have to take our house off the market. Not sure if we will relist or not. Also my husbands cell phone was stolen last week and it cost us a big chunk of money to get a new one. Sigh....its only going to get better right? lol I sure hope so because it really can't get much worse.

[superfun]

That really sucks. I'm sorry that happened. Now that you've had your share of bad luck, maybe some good things will come your way.

[bright sparks]

Well life just keeps handing me lemons I tell ya. Last night we got hit with a major storm. Knocked out our power. The thing is with no power my pumps in my basement don't work and with all the rain it caused sewer and water to back up all over the floor. So I had to cancel daycare today to clean up plus had to put in an insurance claim. They guys came today and ripped out all carpets and sprayed the stuff to stop mold. Going to be a good month or two before my basement gets fixed. SOOOOO....this means daycare is now moving upstairs. I am not looking forward to this at all. We also decided that because of all this we have to take our house off the market. Not sure if we will relist or not. Also my husbands cell phone was stolen last week and it cost us a big chunk of money to get a new one. Sigh....its only going to get better right? lol I sure hope so because it really can't get much worse.

OMG I am so sorry this is all happening to you. My husband talks all the time about getting a back up generator for our sump pump but the pump is already a back up to the weeping tile so even without power we should be okay. Also why would it take months for the insurance company to deal with this? I have they actually told you that time line and if so what are their reasons for the duration? We had a similar outcome due to different causes in our basement a few years back and the insurance company took 2 weeks to have the place sorted and back to normal and the damage was extensive.

[mickyc]

We were told 1 month minimum to get the work done. I am being realistic and saying 2. The clean up has started and will likely be finished this coming week but then all the repairs will need to be made and waiting for contractors to do it. I think we will likely do some of it ourselves (flooring, painting, baseboards etc) so it can be done faster. I am dreading having the kids in my upstairs as the space is much smaller and the toys will be limited and it really isn't set up daycare. I will enjoy having a bathroom on the same floor and lots of light. Will be more TV and limited art/crafts (all my craft stuff is packed away). Luckily it is summer so we can be outside more.

And as for our bad luck streak - nope still going strong. Took the car in yesterday and had to order a part that wasn't covered by warranty. Went to soak my aching body in the hot tub this morning only to find a leak in the pump. My husband is draining it and taking it apart right now. I will also have to reimburse all families for my one day closed. Sigh....trying to remain positive.

[XIAO]

hi mickyc, did you end up keeping your daycare open? i am feeling the same right now ....