Daycare Parent's separation is affecting me

[MonkeyPrincess]

I have been caring for a child for 2 days a week almost a year an a half. About 2 months ago, the dad told me that he and his wife have separated (and it's ugly :( ) They have split the custody of the child 50/50, meaning each parent will have the child on full alternating weeks. He asked if i could care for her 4 days a week during his week because The child's grandma (mom's mom) will care for her during the mom's week. In the end it's the same amount of pay per month and days of care. I like the dad and i feel for him because i know he is getting the crappy deal, so i want to work with him, so i said yes we can try it for a little while to see how it will work out (plus she is the cousin of another family i care for so it's really nice that the cousins can all be together). I made sure to mention that if it's not working (if the child has a hard time adjusting to the alternating schedule, or if any issues arrise, etc,) then we will have to re-evaluate the agreement go from there. I made him re-sign a new contract with only his name on it and i put in a new section about separation/divorce (ie- custody agreements, their personal issues, etc)

Now the mom wants to take the child an extra day on the father's weeks, in the middle of the week. that means that i will also lose her another day, cutting the # of days i care for her, and therefore decreasing my pay. I made it very clear that i do not agree that it's the best case scenario for the child as this alternating schedule is going to be hard on her as it is, on top of how hard her parent's separation is on her. Also, it's not fair to me and my business (but mom doesn't care, because when they were separating, dad suggested that she continue to send the child to me on mom's weeks and keep the schedule as it has always been, but mom said "What do i need her for (referring to me) when i can have my mom watch her for free?". I have reminded him that i have made a lot of exceptions for them since the beginning, i care for the child 2x a week- grandfathered in (my minimum is 3- i charge them a higher part time rate) i do early starts (for an added charge) i do alternating weeks and they are taking up a full time spot and i am only technically paid for part time care---now their personal issues are affecting me and my business. He totally understands where i am coming from, but i know he is in a tough spot- he is a good parent and i don't have issues with him or the child. i want to work with him but if it doesn't work out for my business, then things have to change or they will have to find another daycare provider.

How would you proceed in this situation? What would you do? Stuck between a rock and a hard place here.

[notaunicorn]

parents issues are not your issues. He signed a contract for four days service he pays for that service. I have a set of separated parents, one week dads, one week moms. I only have the kids the dads week. He knows I charge more than normal because I am losing income for the other week. TUFF> you bottom line is what matters to you. Pay and stay or don't and go

[AmandaKDT]

If he wants the spot then he needs to pay the 4 days a week, whether he uses all the days or not.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I know easier said than done but dad needs to tell the mom no. It's his week isn't it?

I would continue to charge dad the 4 days a week and it's up to him and mom to decide who pays for the day the kids aren't with you.

[mickyc]

I say sorry you need to pay me for the 4 days a week on your weeks, no exception.

He gets to use the cost of daycare in his calculations when determining child support anyways and it will go against mom that she has free childcare. Why is mom getting the child on a day on dad's week anyways! Although this really doesn't affect your business.

Stick to your guns. Your pay should not be affected.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I know easier said than done but dad needs to tell the mom no. It's his week isn't it?

I would continue to charge dad the 4 days a week and it's up to him and mom to decide who pays for the day the kids aren't with you.

Oh yes, in this case, it's definitely 'easier said than done', . Mom makes things very difficult, especially when she doesn't get her way (ie make a scene at the park) . Dad is trying to be civil and doesn't want to fight with her but he is always at the losing end. Everyone is telling him to toughen up, stand his ground, stand up for his parental rights, etc.

Right now, we have the contract for the 4 days every other week and that will remain as is.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I say sorry you need to pay me for the 4 days a week on your weeks, no exception.

He gets to use the cost of daycare in his calculations when determining child support anyways and it will go against mom that she has free childcare. Why is mom getting the child on a day on dad's week anyways! Although this really doesn't affect your business.

Stick to your guns. Your pay should not be affected.

It shouldn't affect my business, but it does because she wants to keep the child on a day that i normally watch the her. Dad told the mom that he is paying for 4 days of daycare, and if she wants to take the kid away from daycare, then she has to pay him back for the day she takes the child out. Mom had a fit and said she should not have to pay to spend time with her own kid. Dad wants to re-do the contract for 3 days every other week now, to which i said no because we already signed it for 4 days

[2cuteboys]

I don't have anything to add except for good luck! Hopefully they can make things work and not drag you into it.

Just try to remember personal boundaries and not to let moms [crappy] attitude affect how you act toward her or dcd.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I don't have anything to add except for good luck! Hopefully they can make things work and not drag you into it.

Just try to remember personal boundaries and not to let moms [crappy] attitude affect how you act toward her or dcd.

I hope they do make it work too. A 2 yr old doesn't need crap on top of her parents separating, having 2 houses, and moving between them both every week. As it stands, I very rarely see mom but when i do, i am very civil to her. She is still the child's mother and i have to respect her. As for the little one, i love her, she is a sweetheart.

[Lou]

Just be plain..."if you'd like to maintain her space here at my daycare, then you must abide my your contract to pay 4 days/week whether you use those days or not." i'm sorry you're dealing with their fall out :(

[Daisy123]

I agree that it shouldn't affect your business. My only input if I may is, although you don't need to know details of arrangements etc, have something legal in sight about who is allowed access on what days. If mom or dad give agreement for complete access by the other that's great but you don't want to be in a situation where the child goes home with the wrong parent and you get blamed. When I worked in a school (I wasn't the adult in charge thank goodness) there was a little girl who's parents had split custody. After a year end concert the wrong parent picked up the child and ran. I never saw her again. Not saying that this would ever happen but better safe than sorry. I had a child in my care last year with split parents and they had no problem with showing me the piece of paper that stated when each had access. Then I could at least say that I had knowledge. I'm not trying to be dramatic or anything but you need to know what to do if the wrong parent tries to pick up. Can you legally send them on their way? I'm not sure.

[MonkeyPrincess]

Oh I get where you are coming from and I don't think you are being dramatic, it being cautious and prepared, right? I am one to have things in writing. I have requested that he provide me with a copy of the separation agreement where it states who has her on which days. He hasn't given me it yet. From what I understand, legally I can't keep the away from the other parent unless I have a copy of a court order saying so. If I with hold the child, from the other parent, I can be charged with unlawful confinement or something like that.

[MonkeyPrincess]

So this week i have the DCG and the DCdad told me again that the mom is still insisting on having the child on an extra day out of her father's custody weeks, and really wanting her way. It will mean reducing the DCdad's need for daycare by an extra day, therefore reducing my income. I told him that we signed a contract for set days and fees and i won't be making any changes after we just resigned a new contract. besides, The child is going thru so many changes and she needs to keep her routines.

He has asked me to e-mail him (because any requests, amendments, temp changes, etc have to be done in writing) how the changes would affect me and my business and his child so he can forward to the child's mom- He thinks she would stop asking if i presented something in writing against. I have a draft but haven't actually sent the e-mail. What would you say in the e-mail? I have touched on 1) how we have already have the contract made for set days and times, 2) How the changes could affect the child and how she could fall out of routine, 3) my income will decrease and i am not willing to take a paycut and i am not making any further concessions. Anything else?

[mickyc]

Personally I think they are involving you too much in their affairs. Bottom line is he pays you for the days you have agreed on and if the child is not there then whatever-it doesn't matter where she is. Sorry to say but the courts don't care about routine and likely mom will get her way anyways. I would take a step back and distance yourself from the drama. Tell dad your fee is your fee no matter when the child attends and that is it. No letter and don't get involved.

[Wonderwiper]

I agree with Mickyc, it's not your battle and Dad should not involve you. If they have a legal agreement stating who has the kids when, why does dad need to give in to Moms demand for an extra day?

IMO, he pays for the agreed upon days or moves on.

[Secondtimearound]

I was going to say the same thing !! I would probably having a conversation or send a text to both stating they need to get their schedules in order without your involvement ! I would also state the contract signed was for four days a week and if that is breached it is cause for termination ! So you can fill the spot with what you would like instead of waiting for them to decide what they want !!
I'm sorry but I would not be sympathetic to a man who is telling all his business and making mom out to be the bad guy ( not saying she isn't ! But this is entirely too much information )

[5 Little Monkeys]

Since all requests need to be done in writing, I would email the dad stating that this is the contract we have agreed on and these days need to be paid regardless of the child's attendance. I would touch briefly on the importance of this for the child's well being as well as for your business. I would state that if this contract is no longer working for the family, that you will need notice of their termination.

If dad decides to show mom the email, that is up to him but at least you have in writing the dialogue between you and dad and the consequence for not adhering to the contract.