Think I am about to "fire" my first family....SCARED!

[Sandbox Sally]

Ok so I won't go into ALL the reasons, but I am starting to dislike my job because of ONE set of parents. They are condescending and rude, and to be honest just expect too much of me. They are too often dropping comments that I find upsetting.They often hint that their 24 mo is bored with me too! I was thinking about starting to kick things up a notch based on their rude feedback, when I decided that I am a GOOD daycare provider and they are lucky to have me!:D

They are my first family since I started up, and I feel guilty and nervous about terminating care. To be honest, I am a bit intimidated by the mother, as she has kinda been bullying me.

My question is, how do I do this? Should I try and rectify my issues first? Should I tell them I can no longer do them the favour I agreed to when we first started, and force them to walk? Can I fire them via email? I am terrified to do it face to face. I have always been horrible with confrontation. What do you think? How can I overcome my fear and just do it already??

[Skysue]

Ok so I won't go into ALL the reasons, but I am starting to dislike my job because of ONE set of parents. They are condescending and rude, and to be honest just expect too much of me. They are too often dropping comments that I find upsetting.They often hint that their 24 mo is bored with me too! I was thinking about starting to kick things up a notch based on their rude feedback, when I decided that I am a GOOD daycare provider and they are lucky to have me!:D

They are my first family since I started up, and I feel guilty and nervous about terminating care. To be honest, I am a bit intimidated by the mother, as she has kinda been bullying me.

My question is, how do I do this? Should I try and rectify my issues first? Should I tell them I can no longer do them the favour I agreed to when we first started, and force them to walk? Can I fire them via email? I am terrified to do it face to face. I have always been horrible with confrontation. What do you think? How can I overcome my fear and just do it already??

If not face to face then you must do it over the phone! Do it for yourself you will feel better! good Luck!

[playfelt]

If you think you can work with the family as long as your conditions are better then you could try letting them know that as of whatever date you will no longer be doing such and such and the new rules will be the same as they are for everyone else in care. As you said it may make them walk. On the other hand the mom might just be the kind that comes across one way but didn't really mean to be - some have trouble treating people at the office one way and us another and they may realize they are ok with things the way they are way. That sort of takes the pressure off you to let them go which could have them spreading bad about you. But if you make it so they decide to leave then facts are facts - no special treatment so they leave.

Either way you should put it in writing and hand it to them while at the same time verbally saying I have come to a decision that I need to make a few changes at my daycare starting with.... and then mention the issue. You can go into detail if the opportunity seems right or just tell them to read the letter and reply by email with questions. After that dealing with it all by email puts the conversation in writing but allows you to type things and erase and reword etc.

[Skysue]

If you think you can work with the family as long as your conditions are better then you could try letting them know that as of whatever date you will no longer be doing such and such and the new rules will be the same as they are for everyone else in care. As you said it may make them walk. On the other hand the mom might just be the kind that comes across one way but didn't really mean to be - some have trouble treating people at the office one way and us another and they may realize they are ok with things the way they are way. That sort of takes the pressure off you to let them go which could have them spreading bad about you. But if you make it so they decide to leave then facts are facts - no special treatment so they leave.

Either way you should put it in writing and hand it to them while at the same time verbally saying I have come to a decision that I need to make a few changes at my daycare starting with.... and then mention the issue. You can go into detail if the opportunity seems right or just tell them to read the letter and reply by email with questions. After that dealing with it all by email puts the conversation in writing but allows you to type things and erase and reword etc.

E-mails can be very dangerous as perception can go either way.

[Junelouise]

Ok so I won't go into ALL the reasons, but I am starting to dislike my job because of ONE set of parents. They are condescending and rude, and to be honest just expect too much of me. They are too often dropping comments that I find upsetting.They often hint that their 24 mo is bored with me too! I was thinking about starting to kick things up a notch based on their rude feedback, when I decided that I am a GOOD daycare provider and they are lucky to have me!:D

They are my first family since I started up, and I feel guilty and nervous about terminating care. To be honest, I am a bit intimidated by the mother, as she has kinda been bullying me.

My question is, how do I do this? Should I try and rectify my issues first? Should I tell them I can no longer do them the favour I agreed to when we first started, and force them to walk? Can I fire them via email? I am terrified to do it face to face. I have always been horrible with confrontation. What do you think? How can I overcome my fear and just do it already??

How do you handle these parents when they come and pick up their child? I find if I know what time they are picking up, I have the child ready to go out the door. There are NO issues, just say "had a good day and see you tomorrow" and walk away. They will get the hint that you are not their punching bag. If they make a comment about not being happy with anything..you just say "sorry you are not happy, and you can feel free to make other arrangements for your child's care. Open the door, and show them out. I had to fire a couple of families in my 30 years experience and both times I handed them a letter which just says "sorry things are not working out and you have 2 weeks notice to make other arrangements for your child's care." Make sure you put the date of your last day of daycare. You will find they will usually leave immediately or within a couple of days. It is never easy, just try to make it as comfortable for you as possible without getting into a fight with them. Good luck!
June

[Judy Trickett]

What I like to do is type up a termination letter and put it in a sealed envelope. At home time right before they walk out the door hand them the envelope and say, "Please take a moment to read this when you get home and call me with any questions".

Now, I am not one who is afraid of confrontation.;) But, that said, I also run a business here and I don't want some irate parent freaking out at my doorstep while other kids are in care.

I find the written letter gives them a bit of time to compose themselves and check their emotions before they have the chance to speak with you face to face about it. I find this method works well because you rarely have that initial emotional charge to deal with because the parent isn't standing at your door blind-sided.

AND, the other awesome thing about the letter is that in a lot of cases once it is clear to them you have terminated they often don't come back at all. And if they don't return then you don't have to have any face time with them at all over the issue.

Trust me, I have done lots of terminations in my time and you can never really predict which parents are gonna go off the deep end. It's always a crap shoot. You think you know how they react but the ones who seem the scariest often don't give you any problems at all.

Good luck....it's always easier once you hand over that letter!

[horsegirl]

This is a hard thing to do no matter what method you decide to use. I prefer, as Judy suggested, to give them the termination in wrinting, but as I give it to them I let them know that I am suggesting they find another caregiver and that the letter will explain the reasons.
The reasons I give are that the child does not fit in emotionally, physically or mentally or that I feel the parents are unhappy with the care that I am providing. I do not feel intimidated by the parents, I have been offering this service too long to feel intimidated and I will not let a parent get away with bullying me. I am assertive in a polite way and I will let them know how I feel.
Do not send an email, as it is easy to miss understand what is written.
You don't need parents like this in your daycare. You are offering a quality service and above all this is your business. You have worked hard to start up and support the families needs.
Good Luck:yes:

[playfelt]

Where are you getting the part about danger to the daycare. Being rude can be done in many ways. The original poster never said anything about the rudeness being of an intensity that could escolate into violence or was scaring the other daycare children - just condescending etc. We deal with all sorts of people. Just as you have had enough by the end of the day so have the daycare parents. We can't just go around firing everyone that makes a comment we don't like and still expect to stay in business.

[Sandbox Sally]

I don't feel she is a danger - no. I would never, ever put my daycare children or my own children in jeopardy. I still haven't given them notice. I am giving her ONE more chance. I have decided if there is another incident, I will terminate on the spot. To be honest, it goes beyond rudeness. She is condescending and disrespectful. However, I have made a change to my own attitude, and have become more firm with her too. To be honest, the largest reason I haven't terminated is because she lives the next street over, we see them at the park all the time on weekends, and it would be very awkward.

[VictoriaChildCare]

Alphaghetti, I've only had to terminate a handful of families, and it's very difficult EVERY time. I'm glad you haven't terminated yet :) It's not the child that's a bother it's the parents. Let's face it, the parents are most often the cause of many headaches. Her living in the same neighbourhood as you makes it difficult too. You've done a great job in changing your own actions first. My next step would be the next time she steps out of line say something along the lines of "do you realize what you just said?". Don't allow her to talk to you like that anymore. Give her fair warning, then it's not a huge surprise when you hand them their termination notice. She'll have no one to blame but herself