View Full Version : How do you say goodbye?

09-30-2011, 10:51 PM
I'm making a decision over the weekend to term a family I'm having problems with. As many of you have read previous posts about them. The biggest thing is the stress and disrespect, communication issues with the parents and some behavior issues with the child. The child been here everyday for 6-7 months and I feel so sad about terminating!! I feel like I could puke! I interviewed a nice family tonight and a baby would be replacing the current child if I go ahead with this. I have terminated once in the past but it was during a trial period and I had only been with the child a few weeks. I have a child that loves this child leaving, I am connected with him too. How can you not be? I think (?) I'm making a right choice but my sad nervous feelings are holding me back.
What happens once I give them the notice? I think they will be angry because I don't have much to go on. Do I have a goodbye party for the child? Is it a transition or will they pull the child right away? Any advice or terminating?

Play and Learn
10-01-2011, 07:23 AM
I've never really termed anyone, they just usually leave (mat leave, other daycare spot opens, etc) or pull.

BUT, I wouldn't give a good-bye party, the kids will get over it. Yes, you and the dck will miss that child, but the family HAS to go. Just explain to the kids that they had to go to a different place - that's all they need to know.

Give the parents a termination letter in an envelope at drop-off, and at the end of the day (at pick-up) have all the kids stuff at hand (just in case).

My 2cents!

10-01-2011, 09:46 AM
If you have to terminate then you have too. You need to do what is best for your work environment. I have only terminated one child and it is never easy but this termination was a positive one and I still cared for a younger sibling after. Long story.

I have in the past as a manager had to terminate many employees and it never gets easier. I wouldn't have a party as this might send a message to the parents that your happy to see them go, if you know what I mean. I think that in light of the situation it just wouldn't be a positive move on your part.

Good luck!

Trust me you will feel the weight of the world off your shoulders when your operating as you need to be.

Best of Luck!

Sandbox Sally
10-03-2011, 08:58 AM
How did it go?

10-03-2011, 12:50 PM
FS2011 I'm so sorry you have to terminate. Hardest thing ever. When you know it's wrong, it needs to change. Lucky for you your space is already filled. Good luck

10-03-2011, 02:49 PM
I'm just waiting on the new family and some logistics to fall into place then I will be doing a short face to face with a written letter. I will update on how it went! Thanks all!

10-03-2011, 02:54 PM
I don't think I would have a "party" exactly. But maybe a special treat on the kids last day, or a little baggie of toys/treats etc, with a note saying "thanks for being here". It may not have been the perfect arrangement, hence the termination, but then you can end things on a positive note.
And I think a quick conversation, face-to-face, accompanied by a written notice is the way to go.
Good luck!! :(

10-04-2011, 08:26 PM
Well after feeling like crapping my pants or puking all day I finally did it! Whew, it's over! Such a relief. It went well, I said my peace and handed the parent a letter. Parent was snarky, cold, kept saying why. But eventually hurried out the door. I'm waiting on more of a response from the spouse or to see if they pull out early. Hard to say! Thanks everyone for the support!

10-04-2011, 10:14 PM
glad it went well for you (so far) They will most likely be there for the rest of the week, but they may not come back after the holiday. Either way, as long as you remain calm and professional they'll have no choice but to follow your lead or look like a-holes.

Sandbox Sally
10-05-2011, 11:09 AM
Congrats, FS. I could use your guts right about now....lol

10-05-2011, 01:10 PM
You can do it Alphaghetti! Even though it's difficult we do what we have to to keep our daycares a positive place to work and for the kids to play.

10-05-2011, 04:42 PM
It is really hard but what helped for me was sitting down and putting the term letter together. Once I knew all my key points, reasons I was doing this and of coarse finishing it with well wishes...it just made me feel at peace, and confident on my decision. It was just a huge weight off my shoulders. You can do it Alphagetti.

Today they came as if it was just another day, not one word about it lol. Ok if that's how they want it, fine by me. I will pretend all is normal. Maybe they are doing that for the child's sake since we have a few more weeks together. But letting me into there head on that would be nice!

10-05-2011, 07:41 PM
They are being as nice as can be until they find a new caregiver and then that is when things can deteriorate cause they know they can just leave and they just might. But at which point you won't care anyways since you are only doing the extra weeks to be nice.

10-05-2011, 10:46 PM
The mom I don't see but she used to be the main contact parent. So I know the letter went home to mom. Should I send her a message asking where she's at with it? Or just leave it be and go on pretending it never happened?

10-06-2011, 07:51 AM
I would just leave things and ride out the days. You could bring it up at drop off or pickup with a reminder like this will be your last payment or as of whatever date I will have all of child's things ready for you to take to your new caregiver. That way you will know by her reaction if for any reason she never got the letter. If you gave it to dad then come right out and ask him to make sure he made the mom aware of the situation too. That should also get you some information on how they are doing in the finding new care.

John Jackson
10-14-2011, 12:05 AM
Your point of view is so wonderful, and I feel very interesting. I have a lot of immature idea where you get the answer, I will continue to focus on your posts, I hope you can continue to update, I will put my views and ideas to share with you.
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10-17-2011, 01:55 PM
I ended up emailing her asking her what he plan will be with the month. Surprisingly she has been very mature and respectful in return.
My next question is, how do u tell the other parents in care? Do you just say little johny is leaving in a week and leave it at that? Or do you say the arrangment wasn't working etc. I don't want them to think they fired me or something so my first defense is to say I let them go. That's also crossing confidential issues tho. Hmmm?

10-17-2011, 02:52 PM
I wouldn't say that you need to tell them at all. If someone asks, just say that the needs of the family changed and that they found alternate care. Definitely don't discuss details!